Sunday, February 1, 2015

Whitney Houston

Right about now the world is talking about Bobbi Kristina and her near drowning in the bathtub like her mother, Whitney Houston. The news is quite tragic. By all accounts, Bobbi Kristina is brain dead and being kept alive by a machine. There is nothing surprising about this news. After all, that poor child never quite looked right when her picture was taken BEFORE and AFTER Whitney's death. 

I can't begin to imagine what life was like for Bobbi Kristina growing up. Her parents were dysfunctional. There is no doubt about that. Both Bobby and Whitney abused drugs (Whitney apparently more so than Bobby). On top of that they were rich. 

If we are to believe the media reports, Bobbi Kristina inherited 25 million dollars after Whitney Houston died (she was named her ONLY heir). I don't know if Whitney had the foresight to set up any type of trust for her daughter, or if she willed Bobbi Kristina all the money all at once, but clearly it was not enough to ease the pain. I can only imagine that shitty Lifetime movie about Whitney pushed Bobbi Kristina over the edge and the poor girl decided to end it all. 

This whole situation got me thinking about Whitney Houston. If you've been following this blog you should know I LOVE Whitney Houston. She was my first crush. She's the only celebrity I can honestly say I grieved after she died. I even based one of my characters on Whitney. Mollica from Sweat is based on her. In my mind, Whitney Houston circa 1992 was everything a black woman should be: talented, beautiful, charming, and classy (yes, I know this was a crafted imagine, but I'm just saying). Her death and decline will ALWAYS be one of the most painful things for me to think about

Last night as I sat browsing the internet I did a Google search for Whitney Houston. I kept running across a shit load of articles about Whitney's sexual orientation and rumors about her being a lesbian. Most of the articles speculated that Whitney turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain she felt about having to hide her "true" sexuality. According to the folks writing these articles, Whitney spent her entire career living a lie. She supposedly loved women, but due to her fame, success, and homophobia she denied her "true" self and turned to drugs. She married Bobby Brown to keep the lie alive.

I'm not sure I believe these theories. On one hand, if Whitney really was gay it would explain my strong love and attraction for her. On the other hand, Whitney herself has denied being gay (though this too could be another lie from her). 

Still, I've always wondered WHY Whitney chose to do drugs. People don't just wake up and decide to become drug addicts. Usually there is something internal going on fueling the drug usage. From the outside looking in Whitney appeared to have it all. Why would she do drugs? In this regard, I'm willing to accept the theory that she was living a lie with her sexuality. 

Imagine being a young beautiful, talented, black woman. She was considered the best and a credit to her race. Her image was one of grace and style. She was molded to personify the "girl next door." She was one of the few black women to achieve crossover success that appealed to people outside of the black community. She has all the money she can spend, all the power she can flex, and all the fame she could ever want. However, there is a side of herself that she keeps buried because she knows her family, her mother, her church, her community and the rest of the world will never accept that side of her. She's lonely, but true love, the love she actually wants, alludes her because of who/what she is to the rest of the world. 

That's a lot to cope with....and assuming it really was Whitney's life...I can't blame her for wanting to numb the pain. 

Anyway, I've been thinking about this for two days now. I think I've finally found the inspiration I needed to sit down and write my first full length "lesbian" novel. I'm going to write a story about a R&B superstar who is living a lie due to homophobia in the black community etc. 

Any thoughts?

Rest in peace Whitney Houston (and Bobbi Kristina?)...

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