Monday, November 3, 2014



Yesterday I received a text message from my aunt who lives in Alabama. It read, "Why weren't you at Ma's memorial?"

I stared at the text message while thinking, "The fuck? What memorial?"

Upset, I immediately called my dad to ask why he didn't tell me about grandma's memorial. He told me the memorial was held by the folks' at hospice to honor those that died this year. Then he told me he didn't go and he didn't think I would come home to go. 

Disgusted, I told him I had to go and I hung up the phone. I glanced over at grandma's picture on my TV stand and I started to cry. 

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my grandma. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Her death has left a void in my life that I don't think it will ever be filled. I just feel a deep sense of loss and pain.

I think her death has also left a void in my family. I remember sitting in the church at grandma's funeral thinking, "Damn the one thing that tied me to this family is about to be lowered into the ground." 

And it's true. 

When grandma (the matriarch of our family) died....the heart and soul of the family died with her. You would think one of my aunts would step up to fill this role, but I just don't see it happening. 

My oldest aunt isn't personable. Spent years getting spanked around by her ex-husband.

My second aunt isn't likeable. She is the one that lives in Alabama.

My third aunt is an opportunist....heifer don't want anything to do with you unless you can do something for her. 

My dad (the only boy) is a man. 

My fourth aunt is batshit crazy. To say she is bipolar is being generous.

It's enough to make me cry all over again....especially considering Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. This will be the first Thanksgiving and Christmas of my life without my grandma. Sadly, it will also be the first time in my life I don't go home for either holiday.
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