Saturday, August 23, 2014

It Still Hurts Like Hell


Today I woke up with tears in my eyes from thinking about my grandma. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my grandma. It's been almost 4 months since she died and it still hurts like hell.

Every time I think about my grandma the above song begins playing in my head. I don't know if that's because I listened to it at least five times on the radio when I was driving home to attend grandma's funeral (grandma died the week of mother's day...so this song was in heavy rotation) or if the song just hits home because it's an accurate description of my grandma and her life. The lyrics fit her life so well....

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world

Sometimes I feel so bad
When I think of all the things I used to do
How mama used to clean somebody elses house
Just to buy me a new pair of shoes

I never understood how mama made it through the week
When she never ever got a good night's sleep

Talking 'bout mama
She's one of a kind
Talking 'bout mama
You've got your yours, and I've got mine
Talking 'bout mama
Oh, hey mama, hey mama, my heart belongs to you

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
You only get one, you only get one, yeah
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world

A mother's love is so special
It's something that can't you can't describe
It's the kind of love that stays with you
Until the day you die

She taught me little things like "Say Hello and Thank you, please"
While scrubbing those floors on her bended knees

Talking 'bout mama
She's one of a kind
Talking 'bout mama
You've got your yours and I've got mine
Talking 'bout mama
Oh, hey mama, hey mama, my heart belongs to you

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world

I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama

I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama 

My grandma spent most of her life cleaning up white folks' houses so that she could take care of her five kids. She was never on public assistance and she never got any help from my ain't shit grandfather. Yet she managed to raise her kids and buy a home of her own. Every time I think about her life and how she got up everyday to go clean someone else's house I start crying. 

The pain is still fresh and it still hurts like hell.

My Frustration


I'm frustrated. Let me explain...

For the last week or so I've been thinking about creating a Huffington Post for black people. The idea has crossed my mind before but I always found something more pressing to do. That's not happening this time. The urge to be a publisher and entrepreneur is too great to ignore. In fact, Sweat Chapter Four has taken a backseat because I'm focused on making my "Black Huffington Post" happen. 

So what's stopping me from making it happen?

The reality that there isn't a surplus of driven, articulate, on-point, educated black writers/bloggers in the world. I am not interested in recruiting people who have already established a name for themselves. There are several reasons why I'm not interested in these people, but the main reason is I have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to the stuff I read from black bloggers. Chances are if they are already established and I have heard of them their content didn't move me or impress me enough to extend an invitation to write for me. 

I know this^^ might sound arrogant, but you have to admit there is a huge void in quality, well-written, content by black bloggers. It is a rare thing that I run across any type of journalism on black blogs let alone thought-provoking commentary. It seems like everyone is talking about the same shit (ex. how to meet men/women, what not to wear on the first date,  etc). 

I need MORE than this crap!

I want to read blogs and feel like I'm reading the pages of a book that could be turned into a Lifetime movie.  I want to read about personal experiences and desires. I want to read about pain and loss. I want to read about black people creating businesses and becoming self-made millionaires. That's the type of content I want to offer on my site.

Trying to find well written on-point black people who can bring my vision to life is proving challenging. The black people I know who would be great for the job have flat out told me they don't read or write. These are college educated black people who are no more interested in reading or writing than hood niggas. 

So, what the hell am I supposed to do? Author the entire site myself? 

Sigh...
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