Sunday, May 4, 2014

I'm Afraid...

I'm afraid of getting old.

My grandmother is slowly slipping away. In the three days I've been by her side she hasn't once opened her eyes or her mouth. She doesn't even know I'm in her room. The staff at hospice told me she will likely just stop breathing in her sleep.

This whole thing has me thinking about life. We go from babies to adolescents to teenagers to adults to senior citizens, which is almost like being a child again. 

Getting old really sucks when you think about it. 

Unless you're lucky, chances are you'll have problems with your health as you age. Your bones will become weak and fragile. Your mind might go to shit. You'll have problems remembering things that you did a few hours ago. You'll find it hard to get around and wash your own ass.You're basically in the same helpless position you were in back when you were an infant. The only difference is mom and dad aren't there to help you. If you're lucky, you might have kids who actually give a damn about you in your old age.

When I really think about it I can honestly say I'm afraid of getting old.

Physically getting old scares me, but being an infant again without any hope of having children to take care of me scares me more. I look at my grandmother who is surrounded by family every day and I think to myself, "Jesus Christ....who is going to take care of me when I get old?"

The fear of growing old alone and childless scares me more than actually getting old. I would hate to be old and at the mercy of strangers in a nursing home.

The older I get the more I think about having children and a wife. I don't want to grow old alone. I want this...


The way many of us live is not right... 

I don't think we're meant to jump from bed to bed. I don't think we're meant to have kids out of wedlock by several different people. We're living in the moment and not thinking about the future or how our actions today affect our future. 

Just think how assed out this 20-30 something year old generation is going to be when they are old. They're not marrying like their parents generation and they are having kids by any and everybody. That shit is going to come back on them when they are old. Those who swore off marriage way back when are going to live to regret it when they are 40-50 something years old and find themselves alone.

I don't want to be one of those people.
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