Friday, October 31, 2014

I Love Her

I love Sapphire. I don't think there are words that can express how much I love her. She stays on my mind all day everyday...

Right now she is asleep in my bed. We didn't sleep together. She came over and we talked for a while. She was feeling tired. I offered her my bed. For a while I laid beside her and watched her sleep while thinking how beautiful she is both inside and out. 

The other day I ran across a picture of Priscilla Presley (from back in the day) that looks almost like Sapphire. In fact, she and Sapphire could be sisters. To give you some idea of what Sapphire looks like take a look at this picture and imagine Priscilla with sapphire blue eyes (her eyes are blue...but not quite like Sapphire's eyes)...

Damn shame she doesn't still look like this...

Anyway, as I write this post Marvin Gaye's I Want You is blasting in my ears via my headphones. I keep looking up from my computer at Sapphire laying across my bed and thinking to myself there couldn't be a more fitting song to describe how I'm currently feeling...

Like I said...I love this woman. 

While I'm on the subject of Sapphire, I would like to know why my relationship with her has caused such a commotion on this blog. The reaction to her, me, and us has been completely different from any other woman I have talked about on this blog and I want to know why? 

I have put together an anonymous two question survey about Sapphire and me. I want to know your thoughts. You can complete the survey and remain completely anonymous. You can also speak your mind freely.  If you are interested in taking the survey click HERE.

Monday, October 27, 2014

My Way Of Apologizing...

The above bouquet of roses will be delivered to Sapphire tomorrow. It's my indirect way of apologizing for letting Caramel eat the box...though Sapphire doesn't know about it. I'm still not planning to tell her about it, but I have decided not to let it happen again. 

I won't be having sexual relations with Caramel or any other woman...unless I'm not exclusively dating anyone or I'm single altogether. 

I'm human. 

That's really all I have to say.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

I Feel Guilty As Hell But It Felt So Good

I had sex this morning...and it wasn't with Sapphire. 

On one hand, I feel guilty about it because I am exclusively dating Sapphire. On the other hand, I agreed to exclusively date Sapphire...I didn't agree to be celibate in the process of dating/getting to know her. I promise once we enter a relationship I will be faithful, but in the meantime...well let's just say my vagina won't suffer from neglect. 

I know some of you think I'm a damn dog for this shit, but just remember Sapphire and I are still in that "getting to know you stage." We are not officially in a relationship. Yes, I would hate it if she was fucking someone else while we are dating. And no, I wouldn't appreciate her doing this to me. I definitely can see how wrong it is on my part to do onto her what I wouldn't want her doing onto me. With that said, I'm not planning to tell Sapphire about my rendezvous with another chick! What she doesn't know can't hurt her.

I am horny as hell. I just want to fuck! If you've never been intimate with a woman you can't possibly understand the need that arises when you haven't been intimate with one in a while. Sex with a woman is like a drug. It is addictive and you start feigning for it after a while. For me watching a chick go to work in between my legs and feeling the burst of an orgasm is too powerful a feeling to go without for so long.

Who did I let eat the box? 


For those of you who don't know, Caramel is an old fuck buddy. She is probably notorious on this blog for fucking me while her girlfriend was overseas serving in the military. I hate to police another chick's sexuality (especially given my own sexual appetite) but Caramel is...what's a good word...a smut. She was fucking, sucking, drinking my cum for months while her girlfriend was overseas in Afghanistan. The ONLY reason we stopped screwing is because I broke it off because I felt guilty about the whole thing (Caramel didn't feel shit about sucking me off in the house she shared with her girlfriend...SMH). 

Anyway, the two of them are not together anymore. I don't know why. I didn't ask why. Maybe her girlfriend finally got a clue. Who knows? Hopefully, the chick won't come looking for me. I always feared she would find out I was screwing her girlfriend while she was away. I feared she would do some combat moves on my ass!

The only thing I wanted from Caramel when I called her up this morning was sex. And let me tell you...she didn't need much convincing at all.

Caramel is a very pretty woman. She has some nice full lips and a nice set of titties. It felt good watching those titties and lips between my legs. 

I'm thoroughly convinced Caramel will lick the crack of my ass if I ask her to do it. She has no filter or reservations. Upon arriving at my apartment she slipped her hand down my pajama pants and began fingering my already moist pussy. I sat back, relaxed, closed my eyes and let her do her thing. I let her feast on me for an hour and twenty minutes. I swear to God when I came I felt like crying it felt so damn good!

I guess this is the way it will be for now on until something changes with me and Sapphire....

I'm dating one woman and getting licked down by another.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

My Voice & Me Being A Troll

Check Out Entertainment Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Carlotta Chatwood on BlogTalkRadio

Today I called into the above BlogTalkRadio show to see how the platform works. I ended trolling the host because I think my comments completely caught her off guard. 

I was AMC in her chat room. My voice starts at 108:00 - 124:00 so just skip ahead!

I will give you (anyone) $20 if you can tell me what the hell white men have to do with black men referring to black women as "bitches" and "hoes." This chick was reaching for straws...You can tell I kinda threw her off her rant. 

Anyway, I called another show and I think I completely stunned those folks as well because they didn't know what to say to my comment. I introduced myself as "Lisa" but that is not my name. I begin talking at 24:15 -26:40...

Check Out Self Help Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Survival Radio Network on BlogTalkRadio

What do you think about my voice? Would you like to hear that squeaky thing every week on my own show?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Sweat Chapter Four

This weekend I will be working on Sweat chapter four. I took a break from working on Sweat because I needed one. Sometimes I have to put whatever I'm writing aside and come back to it later. 

This  interest in Sweat comes in part because of the upsurge of "likes" I have received on my Sweat Facebook page. I don't know what has happened but the page has gained fifty plus new followers...many of which are middle aged white women. So, I'm pleasantly surprised. 

Given the demographics of my unexpected audience, and MY current love interest, I have decide to create a Caucasian character loosely based on Sapphire. I'm not sure what role she will play in the story. I probably won't introduce her until later in the series. I suspect she will be a popular character in the series.

I figure I better give the people what they want. I'm going to turn out chapter four and immediately begin work on chapter five. When I'm done with that I'm going to turn my attention to Climaxxx and then The Booty Chronicles.

Stay tuned...

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Diary of A Black Lesbian Radio

So I think I'm ready to get Diary of A Black Lesbian Radio off the ground. I originally put the idea on hold because the shrink I was seeing didn't think it was the right time for me to jump into something like this...(keep in mind this was shortly after my grandma's death). Now that I'm in a better state of mind I would like to revisit the idea. 

I have a very southern squeaky girlish/childish voice. I am not sure how this will go over on radio. It is very distinct and unique in my opinion, but again I'm not sure how this will go over on radio. It will likely make me more comical because people tell me my voice is funny.

Anyway, if I decide to run with this idea the shows will air on Sundays at 7:00 PM EST. 

Let me know what you think. Any suggestions?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

A Question I Am Constantly Asking Myself: What The Fuck Is Wrong With Black Women?

Disclaimer: This blog is not about all black women and it certainly isn't about those like me (i.e., lesbians). This post is a general observation I have made for several years. Because I am not heterosexual I generally don't see it as MY problem. Even still I do find it troubling and problematic. I hate even having these thoughts but they are there and I'm sure I'm not the only person who has them. Here we go...

I often ask myself what the fuck is wrong with black women? Why? Because too damn many just seem to be suckers for abuse, drama, bullshit, mistreatment, oppression, and nonsense. What am I talking about?

You would have to be deaf, blind, and dumb NOT to see the civil war black men have declared on black women in this country. Domestic violence is high. Murder suicides are high. Rape statistics are high. Black men are all over social media promoting violence and abuse against black women. They are going out of their way to defame and degrade black women's hair, skin color, beauty, culture, etc. It's gotten so bad that you would think these niggas were white supremacist and members of gawdamn Klu Klux Klan. The shit is both disgusting and mind blowing.

And before someone (there is always some dumbass broad who does this) says, "Well they aren't all like that. There are some good black men out there...." Tell me where the fuck these "good" black men are when niggas are going on social media and throwing black women under the bus. 

Where the fuck are they when niggas are putting down black women in rap/hip hop lyrics? 

Where the fuck are they when niggas are talking shit about black women on twitter with various degrading hashtags? 

Where are they? No where to be found!

I can't understand for the life of me why today's black women (let's just say 15-40) even fuck with black men at all! If I were straight I wouldn't give them the time of day. You couldn't pay me. Between the misogyny and the lack of substance, I would find myself put off by them collectively.  

The truth of the matter is black women got cheated with the group of men they ended up stuck with due to race. In the lottery of men black women got the short end of the stick.

Even though this civil war is plain and obvious you still have black women out here who actually stand by black men, fight for black men, and even some who will spit on other black women to please black men. Every time there is a Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown, or an Oscar Grant it's black women out here marching for these folks. Yet it is a RARE thing that I actually see the same support being returned. Black men are more prone to throwing black women (and children) under the bus than actually providing any type of support or protection. 

At some point these motherfuckers bought into their own worthlessness and accepted it as their permanent unchanging position in this world. And as result black women are burden with a self-hating group of assholes.

I wish to God that black women, collectively, would come together and rally against the sexism and misogyny spewed by black men. Sisters need to throw that damn, "We're all in this together bullshit" out the window and start aiming aggressively at black men's heads. Drop all this bullshit about racial unity (everybody black is not your friend, brother, or sister) and start putting yourselves first.

My Gift To Sapphire

When I asked Sapphire about something she always wanted to do but never had a chance to do she said she wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. Next week I am making it happen. I ordered a private hot air balloon ride for the two of us. 

Can I be honest and admit I'm scared as hell? I hate heights. I hate flying. It will take everything in me to make it through this ride.

Pray for me.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

I Feel Like Crying

I really feel like crying right now...

Today I attended a housing seminar as required by HUD for their first time home buyer study. Throughout the day we met just about everyone involved in the purchase of a home (i.e., banker, inspector, lawyer, etc). In the midst of this I was called on to read a paragraph from an information sheet that was passed out. 

As is usually the case when I'm called on to read anything out loud, I had a brain fart. I stuttered, mispronounced, and paused several times while reading the paragraph. I paused at words like evaluator (a word I have no problem reading silently). When I was finally done with the paragraph I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I could almost feel my cheeks burning with anxiety, embarrassment, and pain. Honestly, you would have thought I was illiterate listening to me read.

I don't know what's wrong with me or why I have this problem. I am an avid reader. I read everyday. I've always been an avid reader. Shit, I have a master's degree in Library & Information Science. So, reading is very much apart of my life. 

Yet when it comes to reading out loud my brain shuts down and I embarrass the hell out of myself. This has been a life long problem. I think I am insecure about it because of my childhood experiences. I think it is some type of phobia. 

For those of you who don't know, I repeated the 2nd grade because I struggled to learn how to read. I was one of those kids who would pray that the teacher didn't call on me to read out loud. Why? Because at this point in my life I couldn't read and I was insecure about it. 

Now as a full grown adult with a high IQ, A+ reading skills, and no type of known physical or learning disabilities I feel so ashamed and embarrassed by this issue. Tears have started to roll down my face as I write this sentence because this is something that really bothers me. I just don't know what to do about it...

For now I'll just cry about it. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I Want To Have Sex

I'm horny as hell. I seriously want to have sex. I've been masturbating the last few days, but there is only so much my hand can do! I actually think I'm developing arthritis or something from masturbating so often. Damn fingers don't move the way they used to when I was younger.

I want someone to feast on the box gawdammit!

Sapphire and I haven't had sex. We are probably a long way from having sex. We agreed to exclusively date each other. I'm fine with this arrangement. HOWEVER, I wonder if it would be considered "cheating" if I called up Chocolate or Caramel and convinced one of them to eat the box? 

Seriously, if I'm exclusively DATING (not in a relationship) Sapphire would I be wrong to allow some other chick to suck me off??

I just want to cum...three or four times!

Edit: When I said I want to have sex I did not mean with any of you....just to clarify and stop the thirst taking over my email inbox....smh.

Monday, October 6, 2014

So Raven Finally Came Out The Closet...I Think...


In case you missed it, Raven finally confirmed that the chick from America's Next Top Model is eating the box (sigh...Raven can do better). I'm about 90% certain Raven is BIsexual...not a lesbian and that's based on the things she said in this video.

"I'm not into labels..." translation, "I'm confused as hell" or "I'm bisexual."

The thing I find funny is people (well black people) aren't talking about her relationship with a woman. Instead, they are talking about her saying, "I'm not African American." According to African Americans that's a sin. 

I could care less if she says African American or not. African American is a modern term. She didn't say she wasn't black. She said she doesn't identify herself as an African American.

Side note: All that money...and no stylist...SMH. Baby girl has no business walking around with some green and purple hair...what the fuck?!

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Good Lesbian Movie

Here is a good movie for those of you struggling with your sexual orientation. I think I first saw this movie back when I was in high school. It is called The Truth About Jane

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Sapphire & Me

I don't think there are any words that can describe how hard I have fallen for Sapphire. There is so much that I like about her. I haven't spoke much about her on this blog, but I guess this is as good a time as any to give you the 411...

Sapphire is 5'3" and if I had to guess her weight I would say 115 pounds. She has brown hair and piercing sapphire blue eyes. Her hair goes just passed her shoulders. She wears it in a variety of styles. She has slim features. She is a nice casual dresser (extremely ladylike). Her makeup is always modest, but on-point (she does a good job highlighting her features with her makeup). She is truly a beautiful woman. 

Her voice is really soft. She is very soft spoken.

You would think she is shy because she comes across as an introvert, but she is not. 

Sapphire is a real estate agent. She is also an expert at interior design. Like me, she dreams of owning her own business one day. 

She was born and raised in Canada to an upper middle class family. She moved to Montana (apparently she has family there) when she was 21 and then Atlanta when she was 26 just because she wanted a change. Shortly thereafter she convinced her best-friend to move from Canada to Atlanta.

Sapphire is 28 years old. 

I am not the first black woman she has dated. In fact, I am number three. She is an equal opportunity dater (meaning she just goes with the flow with whoever). She is probably the most liberal white person I've ever met when it comes to race (I'll write a separate blog about our conversation about race...I'll just say that she thinks we Americans are stupid for focusing on it).

When I go to Sapphire's apartment she has this thing where she calls out my name before she reaches the door. I always say, "Yes, 'insert her name' it's me."

She always greets me warmly with a hug and a kiss. She loves to be held...whether it be me wrapping my arm around her on the couch or pulling her onto my lap...Sapphire just likes to be held close.

She is really big on romance movies (I can't count the number of times we've watched The Notebook together). She is the first person I've ever met who has Danielle Steel's made-for-tv movies on DVD!

She has a way of looking at me that warms my heart. There have been times when we've been staring at each other and I've thought to myself, "Jesus this woman is beautiful..."

I've been very forthcoming with my feelings for her. I send her flowers, cards, and candy. She has returned my feelings and today we decided that we are exclusively dating each other.

Periodically, throughout my day, I send her some really lovey dovey text messages....and she returns the favor. 

We haven't had sex yet and I'm fine with that. We both agreed to take our time and get to know each other. 

Tomorrow I'm taking Sapphire to the Sun Dial, which is the restaurant that sits on top of the Westin. For those of you who don't know, this restaurant spins to give visitors a 360 degree view of Atlanta. It is breathtaking no matter the time of day. We're going tomorrow night...

Other than the weird dreams haunting me...this is my life :-)
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