Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I Really Miss Being In A Relationship

Being single really sucks.

At the moment I'm feeling lonely.

I miss being in a relationship.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

It Still Hurts Like Hell

Today I woke up with tears in my eyes from thinking about my grandma. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my grandma. It's been almost 4 months since she died and it still hurts like hell.

Every time I think about my grandma the above song begins playing in my head. I don't know if that's because I listened to it at least five times on the radio when I was driving home to attend grandma's funeral (grandma died the week of mother's day...so this song was in heavy rotation) or if the song just hits home because it's an accurate description of my grandma and her life. The lyrics fit her life so well....

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world

Sometimes I feel so bad
When I think of all the things I used to do
How mama used to clean somebody elses house
Just to buy me a new pair of shoes

I never understood how mama made it through the week
When she never ever got a good night's sleep

Talking 'bout mama
She's one of a kind
Talking 'bout mama
You've got your yours, and I've got mine
Talking 'bout mama
Oh, hey mama, hey mama, my heart belongs to you

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
You only get one, you only get one, yeah
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world

A mother's love is so special
It's something that can't you can't describe
It's the kind of love that stays with you
Until the day you die

She taught me little things like "Say Hello and Thank you, please"
While scrubbing those floors on her bended knees

Talking 'bout mama
She's one of a kind
Talking 'bout mama
You've got your yours and I've got mine
Talking 'bout mama
Oh, hey mama, hey mama, my heart belongs to you

I'll always love my mama
She's my favorite girl
I'll always love my mama
She brought me in this world

I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama

I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama
I'll always love my mama 

My grandma spent most of her life cleaning up white folks' houses so that she could take care of her five kids. She was never on public assistance and she never got any help from my ain't shit grandfather. Yet she managed to raise her kids and buy a home of her own. Every time I think about her life and how she got up everyday to go clean someone else's house I start crying. 

The pain is still fresh and it still hurts like hell.

My Frustration

I'm frustrated. Let me explain...

For the last week or so I've been thinking about creating a Huffington Post for black people. The idea has crossed my mind before but I always found something more pressing to do. That's not happening this time. The urge to be a publisher and entrepreneur is too great to ignore. In fact, Sweat Chapter Four has taken a backseat because I'm focused on making my "Black Huffington Post" happen. 

So what's stopping me from making it happen?

The reality that there isn't a surplus of driven, articulate, on-point, educated black writers/bloggers in the world. I am not interested in recruiting people who have already established a name for themselves. There are several reasons why I'm not interested in these people, but the main reason is I have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to the stuff I read from black bloggers. Chances are if they are already established and I have heard of them their content didn't move me or impress me enough to extend an invitation to write for me. 

I know this^^ might sound arrogant, but you have to admit there is a huge void in quality, well-written, content by black bloggers. It is a rare thing that I run across any type of journalism on black blogs let alone thought-provoking commentary. It seems like everyone is talking about the same shit (ex. how to meet men/women, what not to wear on the first date,  etc). 

I need MORE than this crap!

I want to read blogs and feel like I'm reading the pages of a book that could be turned into a Lifetime movie.  I want to read about personal experiences and desires. I want to read about pain and loss. I want to read about black people creating businesses and becoming self-made millionaires. That's the type of content I want to offer on my site.

Trying to find well written on-point black people who can bring my vision to life is proving challenging. The black people I know who would be great for the job have flat out told me they don't read or write. These are college educated black people who are no more interested in reading or writing than hood niggas. 

So, what the hell am I supposed to do? Author the entire site myself? 


Friday, August 22, 2014

What A Sellout Looks Like...

I just finished reading The Man From Essence by Edward Lewis. For those of you who don't know he was 1 of 4 black men who started Essence Magazine. After reading his book I have a few thoughts...

Once upon a time Essence Magazine was actually a good magazine. Under Susan Taylor's leadership it was a great magazine that made black women all over this country proud. She took that magazine and put it on the map. Under her careful eye it became something of a legend. For decades it was the only magazine devoted solely to black women (though the magazine always went a little heavy with editorials about/featuring black men). 

Like all things associated with Black Americans....what goes up tends to come crashing down.... 

Ed Lewis managed to outsmart all his business partners out of the company one-by-one. Most went unwillingly. Legal battles were fought. Friendships were broken. People were fired. Eventually, Ed Lewis was the last man standing. What did he do with his new found power? He and the other stockholders decided to sell Essence Magazine to Time Inc. And with the sell Essence, like other black businesses that have been sold to whites, began a downward spiral. 

Essence today is a shadow of its former self. Instead of interesting stories about black women's lives the magazine is filled with fluff and celebrity news. Because we've run out of interesting black celebrities that people actually want to read about we get 2-4 cover stories a year featuring The Obamas. When we're not reading about The Obamas we get to read about 70% of black women being single (or not married). The decline of black marriage. The decline of black men. The decline of the black family. The decline of black education. The decline of black employment. The decline of black America period. 

Readers, like myself, have tuned out. It doesn't help that Essence has made some very questionable hiring decisions (i.e., a white fashion editor) and the reality that white women from Time Inc. now stand over all the black women working at Essence.

I can honestly say I detest Ed Lewis. 

I didn't know a damn thing about him or any of his business partners prior to reading this book. However, what I know now makes we sick! 

This man loves to toot his own horn while badmouthing everyone else. He throws all of his business partners under the bus. Reading the book I guess we, the readers, are supposed to like him and not them. Well, things don't work out like that. His business partners come across as more likeable than him. This brings me to my next point...

Essence was probably doomed for failure from the get go. It's clear that Essence was just a BUSINESS for the men who started the company. I'm fairly certain that the black women in the editorial department saw it as more than just a business. It was a BLACK business employing black women from all walks of life. It was a BLACK business that provided opportunity for black women who in the late 1960s and early 1970s had NO opportunity. It was an escape from corporate WHITE America. Mostly importantly of all, it was a business that focused on their needs, feelings, and desires. 

I imagine working at Essence must have been comparable to my experience at Spelman College (the historic black women's college). Being in an environment where everyone looks like you and has their shit together is both inspiring, encouraging, and nurturing. It's an environment like no other. 

Do you think Ed Lewis and his partners gave a damn about any of the above? Hell no!

History has shown us that black men (collectively) are seemingly incapable of thinking about anyone but themselves. Whether it be business or the black community, they are always going to look out for themselves first and foremost. If it means going from being a millionaire to a billionaire and selling their employees, companies, and community down the drain (ex. BET) they will do it in a heartbeat. Essence was doomed for failure because black men (those who started it) had no emotional connection to the business. They saw $$$....that's about it. 

I have no doubt that Essence would still be black had it been started by BLACK WOMEN. It would still be good if black women owned it. It would still be a source of information and pride for black women if black women owned.

The takeaway lesson from Essence (and most other successful black companies that have been sold to whites) Black women don't need to get invested in ANY business started by black men because 9.5 times out of 10 it will eventually change hands. Don't believe me? Do your research!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Sigh...We Need A Different Approach

This country is headed for social and economic civil war and black people are not ready for it!

For the last week or so I have been following the black community's reaction/response to the Mike Brown situation and I don't like what I see. Our reaction to this situation is proof that we are a lost race of people. It has been both frustrating and disappointing to watch. If you don't know the details of the situation you can read about it here.

This has been the black community's reaction to the situation...
  • Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, The NAACP, The New Black Panther Party etc have all descended on Ferguson, Missouri to "get answers." Keep in mind we don't hear jack shit from these folks when black people are killing each other in places like Detroit, Chicago, Omaha etc. I am convinced these people have their own agendas when they show up. It's not about the black community. It's about money, opportunity, inciting the masses to promote themselves, and getting their names in headlines.
  • Rioting and looting: While I believe a small minority of people are looting businesses it is NOT a good look for us collectively. Niggas are going to be niggas. When something like this happens it is almost guaranteed that opportunist will steal anything that is not nailed down.
  • Marching in the streets. This shit is not working. Black folks are out here marching while the Ferguson police department are lined up in front of them with guns blazing. Peaceful protest and marching had its time in the black community. That day is OVER. 
I have several problems with the situation in Ferguson and I'm going to keep it 100...

I'm not sure protesting the death of Mike Brown is sensible. I say that because Mike Brown was NOT the gentle giant his mother tried to make him out to be. This MAN (not boy) went into a store, took what he wanted, and manhandled the store clerk before walking out the door and getting killed....


Where I am from someone like Mike Brown would be called a straight up nigga...someone you avoid. Someone you don't want to live around or be around if you can help it. This is someone who realistically was probably well on his way to prison.

With that said, anyone with an ounce of sense would ask themselves why the hell are we marching for this individual? This is one of the undesirables in our community. He was no damn Rosa Parks! He was no Trayvon Martin. This man was a thug, who used his physique to muscle his way around a store!

People want to make the case, "Well, the robbery had nothing to do with the shooting by the police officer..." which may be true, however, this video does give some clue into the character and mindset of the so-called victim of the shooting.

I honestly believe we, the black community, should have waited for the facts. Right now it just looks like a whole lot of us jumped the gun in an effort to defend an "innocent" black "boy" who was NOT the angel his mother tried to portray. If it is determined that Mike Brown used force against this police officer we are going to look like fools! Our future cries of racism will surely be met with silent contempt and distrust (not that anyone gave a damn anyway).

I understand his mother may not want to admit that her son was less than the ideal black man, but let's be real. Most parents know their children. They know when their children have turned out to be weeds instead of roses. They know when their children aren't shit. She's not going to come out and admit that she failed as a parent and she raised a thug. She might even be in denial about it. Still, I have to believe that somewhere in the back of her mind she thinks or at least feels that the police officer (while guilty of using excessive force) might have had just cause to shoot or wound her son.

Don't get me wrong. If the police officer was in the wrong and he shot Mike Brown when he had his hands in the air I expect the law to take the appropriate steps to punish him. If it is proven that he did in fact shoot Mike Brown while his hands were in the air he deserves to have the book thrown at him. Police are supposed to serve and protect...not murder.

If the issue of police brutality has now transcended Mike Brown (and I believe it has...I think a lot of us have thrown Mike Brown under the bus after the video of the robbery was released, and are focusing on the bigger issue) and the outrage is about all the shit black people suffer under the hands of law enforcements (it seems to be an epidemic lately) I support protest efforts. I just think we need to take a different approach.

Whites have proven they don't give a damn about us marching in the streets. That cures nothing. I favor a more militant and aggressive approach to whites. I'm not talking about rioting and looting. We need to be smarter than that. Even with rioting and looting we shouldn't be burning down our own communities. We need to go to THEIR communities.

In order to be more aggressive with whites we first need to get in a position where they are not signing our paychecks. We need to first become independent of them economically. We need to create more black businesses. We need to patron/support our businesses. There needs to be more charter schools run by black people so that we can better educate our children about their history.

There needs to be an emphasis on unity, community, and family. The black family needs to be rebuilt. Black men and black women need to stop having children out of wedlock. Black men and black women need to get married and stay together!

We need to start valuing each other. We need to take pride in our race. Honestly, you cannot expect "others" to value black life when we don't value it ourselves. Black men kill each other every day. I don't see our so-called leaders doing anything about it. We need to stop the madness.

We need to throw the undesirables under the bus (and you know exactly who I'm talking about). 

The best way to fight white supremacy and white people is build up our community...socially, economically, and otherwise. Once we have a strong race (similar to the Jews and the Asians) we can aggressively start aiming for white people's heads. But first we have to get our house in order. There is no way around this reality.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Gawdamn This Man Gets It...

Side note: I don't agree with the Planet of the Apes/Curious George Comments...those were very poor examples and a poor choice of words given the historical usage of monkeys when whites refer to blacks. The rest of this video is exactly what I've been saying on this blog...that million man march shit is not working.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Computer Programming

I recently became interested in computer programming. Why? Because I have an AMAZING idea that can full-fill a need that is not currently being addressed. I'm convinced this idea is going to make me a great deal of money. In fact, I think it will make me a multimillionaire.

I have the money and I have the time. 

What I don't have is the skills to do the damn thing!

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had studied something more practical in college rather than Political Science (something I have yet to use in my life). I always thought I should have studied computer science (or English). However, the thought of taking any advanced math classes scared me. I barely passed the ONE math class I was required to take. Even still, computers have always fascinated me. 

Well now I need some major skills to create the online website/business/social network I have in my head. I thought about hiring someone to create my vision, but I quickly changed my mind. I've heard stories of web designers stealing ideas and making them their own. By all accounts Mark Zuckerberg stole the idea for Facebook. I won't let this bullshit happen to me. Even if I offered said web designer 5% of my company there is no guarantee they won't try to steal it or claim it as their own.

The only way to ensure that my idea STAYS my idea is learning to build my own website. It may take me a while, but I have time. I planning to post an ad for a tutor/instructor on all the local college campuses. I know a broke computer science major will jump at the opportunity to teach me for the money I'm offering. In the meantime, I'm going to hire a lawyer to patent my idea. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Motivation To Kill The Rich


Someone needs to tell this man that poor/middle class whites collectively will NEVER vote for any politician that supports a more "even" distribution of wealth for fear they will find themselves "equal" economically to blacks and other people of color. This has been their biggest fear since day ONE.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

I'm Done Being Used!

Today I told Chocolate to kick rocks! Before you judge me hear me out...

Chocolate and I have been sleeping together for a while now. Even though I had my doubts about us I decided to be a better woman and I tried to do right by Chocolate. I decided to focus on her and not another woman (i.e., Hollywood).

A few weeks ago I asked Chocolate if she wanted to be in a relationship with me, which made all the sense in the world because we were fucking like rabbits anyway. She told me she didn't desire a relationship at the moment. I accepted her response and I kept it moving.

Today I began thinking about the reality that Chocolate is getting the benefits of a girlfriend without actually being my girlfriend. I mean she was REALLY getting the milk without buying the cow. Here is a list of examples...

Despite our friends with benefits arrangement, I never treated Chocolate like a booty call. Whenever we screwed I always created some type of romantic scenario with scented candles and music like this...

The morning after she always got a 5 star breakfast out of me. I'm talking about french toast, turkey sausage, eggs, pancakes etc.

If we happened to spend the day together she even got a 5 star soul food dinner out of me. I'm talking candy yams, oxtails, cornbread, collard greens, pecan pie etc. I would slave over a stove for hours just to impress Chocolate.

I even cooked my grandma's secret applesauce cake for this woman (something I don't share with anyone). 

When we went out she never had to come out of her pocket for anything. Restaurants, movies, etc I paid for it all.

That all came to an end today once it finally dawned on me that I'm being used. 

Some of you might be thinking, "Umm hmm that's karma for your ass...." but I never used Chocolate. I was serious about starting a life with her. However, I'm not going to continue treating a woman like a queen when she's nothing more than a clit licker. 

I played myself in this situation.

It won't happen again.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Do You Think Anything Has Changed?

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