Friday, January 31, 2014

Sweat: Odessa Jerome....

A few weeks ago I paid an art student $14 to create the illustration you see above. 

Odessa Jerome is the antagonist from my soap opera, Sweat

While it's not quite what I had in my head, I think the art student did a fair job. 

Unfortunately, I ended up hiring a professional artist to create the cover art for Sweat. I just don't have the patience to coach anyone on the physical characteristics of black women (and honestly, as a black man, he shouldn't have needed coaching). So, the poor kid didn't get the job for the cover. 

Anyway, what do you think of the artwork and the character?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Survey Results Part Three

6. Does the black lesbian scene in your area disappoint you? If so, why and how?

  • Yes, it is too focused on the club scene. I am more of a conversationalist and prefer intimate settings.
  • N/A. I have not attempted to engage any lesbian scene in Philly as of yet (recent transplant to the area).
  • I live in Utah - there is no "black lesbian scene." I am disappointed in the lesbian scene in general. Especially in UT, it tends to be very white, not inclusive; the few queer people of color that are here tend to be exoticized and marginalized, among other things.
  • Yes it does tremendously....its either too many young minded individuals or old perverted hags
  • Yes, I have been disappointed. My last black lesbian lover was abusive and had severe mental health issues. I put up with so much abuse from her I decided I would rather stay alone for the rest of my life. She scared me and she scarred me and she did so on purpose, according to one of her personalities.
  • Yes. There doesn't seem to be a sense of community. (But I've only been here for four months)
  • Very much so.
  • Yes, at 40 I feel out of touch with other lesbians. I am focused on long term and achieving my life goals.
  • Yes! There are no black lesbians whom are professional or open about their sexuality. I am originally from California, which has a very exclusive black lesbian scene.
  • No it is not bad at all. I enjoy the black lesbian bookclub and happy hours. It is a big step up from my hometown (Raleigh)
  •  Yes, the black lesbian scene doesn't exist.
  •  I'm not too certain on that. Only dated 3 since my divorce.
  •  I just moved here so I haven't really explored but from what I see it may turn out to be a disappoint
  •  Not enough diversity. Not many meet up areas so as to meet black lesbians.
  •  I'm not really on the "scene," I'm not the club type. I see women I'm interested in when I'm out but I'm too shy to approach or say anything.
  • It does sometimes just because I haven't been in a relationship recently. Too many women are trying to define a homosexual relationship by traditional heterosexual standards.
  • Yes to the one-hundredth power!!! It is non-existent especially for fems. I mean of course there are studs all over the place, but I'm not interested in dating them or joining any of their "fraternities." It pretty much sucks for fems who like fems.
  •  Yes, most are uneducated and damaged
  •  they stay in the closet, Those that are out are the fat ugly one who looks like and act like a damn man. different colors of hair. when u see a nice looking one they are always with a white woman. or they are nothing but a drunk!!
  •  Yes. The club scene is full of young (18-25) girls who are hood, lacking post high school education, overweight, dressed like sluts or thugs, etc. Or 40+ lesbians that I judge for partying with babies and would not date anyway because they are too old for me (IMO). I have yet to meet a lesbian in the club like I've described in the question above. Online dating was unsuccessful as well when I stuck to the Stl area.
  • Yes! Every time I go out, I see the same damn thing. It's saddening that I'm only 20 and I have tell 24+ how to dress appropriately. You should not be a 30 year old woman dressing like "2006 Eminem". No one is asking you to be Angela Basset's size but you can take better care of your health. Obesity is not cute, especially when you have complete control over it.
  •  Yes it does. Milwaukee is ghetto, everyone has children already and the gay scene is so small you've dated at least one of your exes exes.

7. Do you worry that you might not find the type of partner that you desire? 

  • Yes
  • Yes, but fortunately that worry doesn't create the fear in me that it once did. I hope that I do, but if I do not, I hope to have the foresight to keep from settling on a love/relationship that isn't right for me. We've only one life and a good love isn't good enough, to settle for. At least, not for me. (I hope I feel the same decades down the line).
  • It's not a worry, but I've come to the realization that there's a chance that it might not ever happen. I've learned to be okay with this.
  • Yes I'm very worried....
  • I used to worry about that but now I simply no longer worry about anything, which is a blessing that comes with age. I now feel it is a given that I won't find a partner and that I will spend the rest of my life alone and celibate.
  • Sometimes...but I have time.
  • No, with anything I want I pray about it.
    Than I speak it into the now.
  • I do, but I am prepared to live life loving ME.
  • Yes
  • Yes. I am worried I won't find a black lesbian that isn't damaged.
  • Yes
  • Sometimes
  • Definitely
  • Often. I'm feeling like I may have to step to the other said and date a white girl :(
  • I do worry. I want to get married young. At least before 30. I have time but I want to find her sooner rather than later.
  • Yes
  • I think I sometimes worry about that, but I do believe that she is out there somewhere and out paths will cross eventually.
  • Yes sometimes the qualities I look for seem to be a fleeting illusion
  •  its to late for me.. I know I want.. I find that all lesbian are about lies and deception no matter if you meet them on line or in person.
  • Yes
  •  At times, I do feel that I will never find my ideal girl. I try not stress about it too much, considering the fact that I'm still young.
  • Sometimes I think I'll never find what I need here and that I should move to California or something lol.
I decided not to post question 8 because some of you posted some really personal replies, which I assume were for my eyes only o_0

I'm taking a break from this blog to work on Sweat. When I return it will be to post chapter one of my serial.

My Latest Crush: Mishael Morgan

I have a huge crush on Mishael Morgan. She is an actress on the Young & The Restless. She plays the character Hilary.

I haven't been this excited about a black woman on soaps since Drucilla! God knows we haven't had a fully developed black woman on soaps since Drucilla. Unfortunately, Drucilla's daughter, Lily, has been whitewashed and is currently portrayed by a middle eastern (not black) chick. So, upon setting eyes on Mishael Morgan, and the realization that she has a personality, I became excited. 

From what I've read about Mishael Morgan she has it all...brains and beauty. She is originally from Trinidad. Her family moved to Canada. She studied political science in college. She is married (dammit) and has been married since 2012. 

Maybe I need to take another trip to Trinidad. I have met a lot of black women from Trinidad who were bad as hell!

Side note: Why do so many Caribbean blacks move to Canada or New York? If any of you black Canadians can answer that question please feel free to drop the answer in the comment section.

Anyway, I posted a message on twitter about Mishael and she responded....

When I asked about an autograph she sent me a personal message...

God this woman does something to me!

Anyway, if you're on twitter go follow my new boo.

Here are some videos I found on Youtube...

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Atlanta: The Laughing Stock Of The World Right Now

Can't believe these niggas are trying to blame me for this disaster. They knew I was coming!

If you haven't heard Atlanta has become the laughing stock of the world. A snow storm hit the city yesterday and all hell broke loose because the city (and the state) wasn't prepared for it. Parents sent their kids to school as normal. Parents went to work as normal. It was business as usual in Atlanta. 


According to our hillbilly redneck governor, Nathan Deal, the weather report wasn't clear. 

At one point we were told the storm wouldn't hit Atlanta. People in Atlanta were told the storm would go south of Atlanta. Then around 12 or 1pm when snow started falling folks in Atlanta were told to get home ASAP. At that point snow was falling and turning into icy.

So the million plus people who live in and around Atlanta hit the interstate to get home...

Interstate 75

That's when the chaos happened. There were accidents. People's car ran out of gas after being stuck in traffic so long. Trucks became jackknifed. School buses ran out of gas...

Some people abandoned their cars in search of food, shelter and a bathroom....

Everybody is looking for answers. How could this happen in a major city? Why wasn't Atlanta prepared? Why the hell can't Georgians drive in 1-2 inches of snow? Why didn't they close the schools for the day? 

I have the answers....

I have lived in Georgia my entire life. When I was a child it snowed ONCE in Georgia and I believe that was in 1993. The following year we had a flood. Then something happened...

In 2008 around January or February it snowed. I remember it well because I went out to the patio of my apartment and stared in shock. I was amazed. It was the first time I'd seen snow since 1993. But then it snowed again 2009, 2010 and 2011. That's when I started asking myself, what the hell is going on here?

But then in 2012 we went from summer to fall to spring. We skipped over winter. It was 72 degrees in December that year.

So, I'm not surprised this winter storm caught Atlanta by surprise. We are not used to it. This winter we reached single digit temperatures...something I've never seen here.

When it comes to tornadoes, tropical storms (courtesy of hurricanes from Florida), thunderstorms and even hail, Georgia can deal. However, snow and ice are foreign things to us. I don't believe the state is going to invest in equipment that we use once or twice every 5, 10 or 20 years. It's cheaper to just shut the state down.

People keep saying Georgia needs to throw down some salt. True, but Georgia is not NY, PA, NJ, MI etc. I'm sure the city was better prepared than in 2011, but still, we now know it wasn't sufficient. Lesson learned.

I don't know what's up with the weather here. Someone definitely needs to look into it. I think our public officials need to own the bulk of the responsibility and do better. Stop playing the blame game and just admit y'all fucked up....especially the damn board of education in various counties. If I had a child in a public school around here I would be pissed. 

On another note: Chocolate is forced to spend another night. We went and put some gas in her car. We managed to get her car to my apartment. I went to publix down the street and bought her a toothbrush. I'm going to take this opportunity to pick her brain about Valentine's Day.

Survey Results Part Two

4. Are you open to lesbians with children? If no, please explain why not. 

  •  No, I have once before. I understand you have to accept the lady plus her kids but there was a lot of accommodating involved. Second, there were constant issues surrounded by the father.
  • No, not at this time in my life. The responsibility of shaping a child's life has always terrified me. So if I were to be with a woman that has children, it isn't a relationship I would enter frivolously. If the relationship
  • No, not at this time in my life. The responsibility of shaping a child's life has always terrified me. So if I were to be with a woman that has children, it isn't a relationship I would enter frivolously. If the relationship were to end, it wouldn't be just my ex & I breaking up; leaving the life of a child I have grown to love and care for is a heartbreak I wouldn't want to bear.
  • Not at this point in my life. I'm still young and would like to accomplish more goals/aspirations before children come into the picture.
  •  No I'm not because i want to be with someone who will be experiencing mother hood the same time i do.
  •  Absolutely, yes. The more the merrier. I don't assume a woman is bi just because she has a kid. There would have to be other factors involved in deciding against children- otherwise children are good.
  • Yes
  • I love kid's so one would be ok.
  •  Yes, I have one child.
  • Yes
  •  I am open, but i prefer those without kids. Many people with kids don't know how to balance dating and their home life.
  • Yes
  • Yes. I have 3 teenagers
  • Not sure
  • I would not prefer it, however if she had one I might be able to let it slide.
  • I think this is a difficult question. I wouldn't prefer it, but I think it depends how old she is, how old her child is, when she had the baby, by who, etc
  •  No, I'm not ready for that responsibility.
  •  This is honestly a hard question to answer, but I would say no. I feel like going into a relationship with children is very difficult regardless of the sex of the people. With lesbians who have children, there are questions in my mind as to whether this person is really gay and if I am just filling the boo spot until another dude comes along. It seems like nowadays many women date men, have their babies, get tired of the men and then up and decide that she wants to be a lesbian.
  • Preferably not, children complicate things.
  • Hell no been there done that. I feel the mother feel guilty that she like another woman, she allow those little brats get away with murder. I am no one mother or father.. Sooo don't call me that..
  • No. Tried it once. Didn't think she was a good mother. Wouldn't want her raising our children if we had some together. Plus, I'd like to experience parenthood as a team. Also, as a someone who once dated men (long ago), I feel that it's easy NOT to get pregnant (birth control) and I tend to judge those who were irresponsible enough to have children when they weren't really ready and/or they were not planning on them. Also, baby daddies add another dynamic to relationships I'd rather avoid
  •  No, I want to start my own family with my partner. Having children with your partner is a beautiful and humbling experience. When I do get to that step with my partner, I want us to share that moment for the FIRST time together.
  • No. I do not have any children and do not have the patience for them. I feel too young and inexperienced for the responsibly.

5. Do you want to marry? If so, how important is the race of your spouse (i.e., do you exclusively prefer your own race)? 

  •  I prefer black or biracial (mixed with black). I am open to marriage.
  •  Yes, I would like to get married. I'm mostly attracted to black women, but I am open to dating (or marrying) a woman of another race/nationality.
  •  Yes. Not very, as explained in question 2.
  •  Yes i want to get married and i prefer my own African American race because not enough of us are together. Our culture is so mixed up.
  •  Yes, in my fantasy world I would want to marry a black woman. Race is critically important to me. It's bad enough tolerating my white FaceBook friends. I will never have a white person in my bed again. They are all racist (but they don't realize it) and they can't be taught. Although I would prefer black, I might consider Indian, Latino or Middle Eastern - but not white.
  • Eventually yes. Race doesn't matter as long as the person can identify and respect my identity as a Black lesbian.
  • Yes!! Race is important and I do prefer my own race or a race that aligns with my race.
  • Race is a very important factor, would not marry outside of my race.
  • I would love to marry my soul mate. I think self-identification, class and political views are more important than race and ethnicity.
  • I want to marry and I really want a black woman. Although black women have too many rules and one-sided standards. Maybe I will find her.
  • I would love to be married, I prefer someone of my own's no longer mandatory.
  •  No. Been there done that. I like my space and I tend to retreat a lot so I need my own bat cave
  •  I love black women, doesn't mean I'm not open to try something else but black women possess a certain something I'm attracted to
  • I do want to get married and finding a black lesbian is very much a necessity!
  • I want to marry. I would prefer a black person or someone mixed with black.
  • Yes, honestly it's not that important. If she is of another race and fits the bill then I'm cool with that.
  •  I absolutely want to marry and race is important because I only want a black woman.
  •  I prefer my own race
  •  Yes I would love to get marry. Its at the top of my list to be with a beautiful black woman.
  • Yes. I prefer black women. I'd say it's rather important. I've date 1 white woman and it ended because we weren't really compatible and one of the inconsistencies was our views on race related issues. She couldn't identify and I didn't like that.
  • Yes, I do want to marry one day. I would prefer for my partner to be black. This is something that is very important to me because there is nothing like being with a black woman. There's a sacred bond I have with women of my own race that I have yet to experience with another race.
  • Eventually I do want to marry but it's way too early to even think about that . I would love to marry another kind black woman but all a keep encountering is angry hood rat women. I thought about dating white or Asian girls but they aren't usually interested in me.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Snow Day In Georgia!

Blackjack in the snow

I know I promised to post the other survey results today but that's not happening. Why? Because it's snowing in Georgia right now. I didn't even know it was supposed to snow today. I woke up and I found Blackjack covered in snow.

I wasn't planning to go anywhere today, but Chocolate called me because she ran out of gas about a mile from my apartment while on her way home from work. She was stuck in traffic for four hours and ran out of gas on the highway. 

Chocolate doesn't have AAA or Allstate and Hero (Atlanta's highway help force) is backed out because of all the accidents on the road. So, she called me. 

Georgia completely shuts down when it snows, which is not very often. People can't drive and the state doesn't have the resources to deal with this type of weather. Apparently, this thing caught everyone by surprise. Right now we are in a state of emergency. It is a disaster. School buses are stuck on the side of the road without any gas. People are stuck on the road because the snow has turned into ice. Kids are still stuck at school, accidents are all over the road, traffic is backed out. 

When Chocolate called me I hesitated. I have never even driven in the snow...that's how often we get it here. Nonetheless, I went outside and heated up Blackjack. Twenty minutes later I made my way into traffic on 285.  I came across Chocolate freezing her ass off on the side of the road in her car. She hurried up and got in and we sat in traffic for two hours. 

I just got back home thirty minutes ago. Chocolate is sitting in front of the heat in my studio and I'm about to make her some hot chocolate. I wrapped a blanket around her. She will be spending the night. I gave her an old Spelman t-shirt to sleep in tonight. I don't suspect anything will happen, but I'm glad I was able to help her.

Here are some more pictures....

A neighbor's car

Plants near my patio

The dog park across the way

*Bonus pic...I found this on my camera....

Blackjack's front headlight

Racist You Say? No, I'm Just Honest

I've received quite a few emails from white people, who didn't appreciate my unfiltered rant about hating white people.

And guess what? I don't give a fuck. 

White people can kiss my gawdamn ass! 

I give two shits about your hurt feelings. You're so used to hearing that old tired "rainbow nation....we are all one and the same" bullshit from civil rights leaders that you're shocked when someone black actually comes at you with both barrels aiming at your head. You expect us all to sit around forgiving you and turning the other cheek...because that's been our collective response in the PAST. Because of this you've had free reign to do and say what the hell you want about black people with little to no consequences. 

Well, let me set the record straight: That "turn the other cheek" shit doesn't fly with me and it doesn't fly with a lot of young African Americans. You fuck with me be prepared to get it back in spades.

I don't give a damn what anyone says. Black people, in this world, are ENTITLED to any hatred we feel towards whites. You have earned it. 

I'm honest enough to admit that I hate you motherfuckers. 

I have tried that "rainbow nation" nonsense and it doesn't work. Why? Because you selfish, greedy, racist, pieces of shit won't leave black people the hell alone. 

We can't live day-to-day without you fucking with us in some way, shape or form. 

We can't have our own shit (example, without you feeling some type of way and setting up accounts on our shit. 

We can't have our own music and entertainment without you stealing the shit from under us and calling yourselves the innovators of said entertainment. 

We can't have our own holidays, businesses, schools, etc without you feeling some type of way...even though you don't want us to be apart of your shit and tell us to go create our own! 

We, black people, can't love and praise each other without you feeling threatened by our unity. 

We can't walk down the damn street in the middle of the night without you on our asses. 

We can't drive nice cars, live in nice homes or have nice things in life without you on our asses. 

One thing is for sure: White people don't like to see black people doing well, doing for ourselves/each other or doing anything that doesn't include them. 

I fucking hate you because you haven't given me a reason to like you. 

Some of you asked what the hell made me go into that angry rant about white people I posted weeks ago. I'll tell you....

Shortly before Christmas I took a trip to my hometown. I went home to see my family, but I also went home to do some good in the world. 

There is a neighborhood I used to pass by everyday on my way to school. The neighborhood is a slum if I've ever seen one. There are boarded up  houses everywhere. Trash litters the ground. Stores have prematurely closed down. Crime is sky high. Even the black church in the area closed shop and relocated. This neighborhood is one of those places that you see and you're surprised that people actually live in the's so dilapidated. Yet the community is full of poor black women and children. Black men in the community are either dead, in prison, on the street corner, or just unemployed/unproductive. There aren't very many jobs in my hometown. So, the people in the community will probably remain at the very bottom of the economic totem pole. 

My grandma always told me to give back if I'm ever able. Well, I am able and I always said I would do something for the people in this slum. I went to the bank and withdrew $5,000 from my bank account. My little brother and I rented a small u-haul. 

First, we went to a toy store in a mall in the next town (the one that was in my hometown closed years ago...due to the recession) and I bought $2,000 worth toys. 

Next, we went to a grocery store not too far from the run down slum. I grabbed the attention of the store manger, a white woman, and I informed her that I wanted every ham and turkey in the store. She gave me a curious look and went into her office. My brother and I didn't give the look much thought. We began loading a shopping cart with canned vegetables. 

My plan was to purchase the toys and food and give them to the people in the slum. I remember Christmas as a kid and there is nothing like a belly full of soul food while you're opening your Christmas toys and listening to A Motown Christmas. It makes a child feel good.

Anyway, ten minutes later as my brother and I are making our way through the store the manager and a police officer come up to us. Confused, my brother and I look at each other...trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It turns out the store manager called the police on me! Why? Because the racist bitch thought it suspicions that a black woman would request every ham and turkey in stock. Surely, I must be a drug dealer or criminal to have enough money to afford that much food. We all know she wouldn't have done such a thing if I were white.

You want to see someone turn angry in a should have been in that store that day! I went the fuck off once I realized the bitch had racial profiled me. I mean I snapped. It got so heated that the other store manager, a white man, came out of his office. Once he realized what had happened he seemed remorseful and shocked....probably because he knew she'd opened them up for a lawsuit. 

In the end, I walked out of that store without the food. I ended up driving across town to Wal-Mart who was more than happy to pile my u-haul with meat. Even though I was still angry as hell, I went to the slum community and gave out the toys and meat. The people were so shocked and happy that I forgot my anger for the moment. My brother handed out the toys to the kids, and I handed out the ham and turkey to the women. 

As soon as I made it home later that day you got the full force of my rage in that blog I wrote.

I don't apologize for feeling the way that I feel. 

So, get off my nuts!

Sunday, January 26, 2014


Valentine's Day is coming up and I want to use that day to show Chocolate how much I love her. Chocolate isn't my girlfriend. We're not even dating. However, when I'm around her my heart starts beating fast. I think about her all the time. I know without a doubt that I'm in love with her, and I want her to be my girlfriend. 

There is only one problem...

Chocolate doesn't trust me. She hasn't come right out and said it, but that's the feeling I get. She is very warm towards me one minute and cold and aloof the next. I think this is her way of keeping me at arm's length. I understand why she feels this way. After all, I did choose Yellow Bone over her once upon a time. She's probably afraid of letting me back into her heart, which again, I understand. 

Still I want this woman. I've wanted her since the moment I laid eyes on her. I said I would let her make the first move, but obviously that's not going to happen. So, I guess it's up to me. I'm thinking about kidnapping her. Let me explain...

Chocolate told me she is off work on February 12, 13, 14, 15. As we all know Valentine's Day falls on February 14. I figure I can kidnap her on February 13 and take her out of town somewhere. 

Right now I'm looking for a bed & breakfast somewhere in the Georgia mountains. I want to be near a fireplace. I have an image in my head in which I'm holding Chocolate in my arms in front of a fireplace and I'm telling her how much I love her. As soon as I find a resort I like I'm booking a room. 

There are a few issues with this plan....

Chocolate may not appreciate me kidnapping her. She may not appreciate me taking her out of town without her consent. She may not appreciate the reality that her clothes, toothbrush etc are at home. I figure anything she needs I can buy....if it means not telling her my plan. She may have plans for Valentine's Day and she may not appreciate me just taking matters into my own hands. 

I'm not sure if I should move forward with my plan or not. 

What do you think? If you were in Chocolate shoes how would you feel about being dragged off to a resort in the Georgia mountains?

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Survey Results Part One

Below are your survey results. Twenty-two people took the survey. Due to the number of surveys and the reality that I have to copy and paste each individual answer I have decided to break the results into three parts. I will post part two on Tuesday and part three on Friday.

1. How old are you and where do you reside (city/state/country)?

  •  I am 31 years old and reside in Houston, TX.
  • 29 Suburbs of Philadelphia
  • 28. Salt Lake City, UT, US
  • 29/bronx/ny
  •  I'm 52 in Oakland CA US
  •  24, Maryland, USA
  •  28 Gadsden/SC/USA
  •  40, Washington, DC
  •  Bloomington, IN 30's
  • 26/DC/USA
  •  52 years old,
    Baldwin NY USA
  •  44 next month (Feb). I live in Chattanooga but I'm from Rhode Island (Newport, that little island off of RI)
  •  25 newport, ri
  •  29 ATL
  •  I'm in my early twenties...well closer to mid-twenties. I live in Atlanta
  •  24 Upper Marlboro, MD
  •  27 in North Florida
  •  20 years old, Saint Petersburg Florida
  •  60, Lexington, KY. USA
  •  31; St Louis MO USA You didn't ask but I'm from GA and travel to Atl as much as I can.
  •  20 years old
  •  22, Milwaukee wi usa

Me: I'm pleasantly surprised so many older lesbians read my blog. 

2. How hard is it for you to meet the type of black lesbians you want to date? 

  • I find it extremely hard as it appears that the focus is on the club scene. They do have a monthly poetry reading.
  •  To be honest, I am not looking. BUT, of the black lesbians I have (knowingly) met, many were not women I'd want to date. So quite difficult.
  •  I'm not necessarily particular about the race, although there aren't very many queer women of color to begin with in the state where I reside. I find it rather difficult to meet women in general. I have never been in a relationship.
  •  Extremely hard.
  •  It's very, very hard. I don't date at all. I don't try any more. I have no idea if it's possible or not because I have given up completely. I am resigned to being alone the rest of my life, because I'm too afraid.
    A few years ago, I saw a woman in Whole Foods who was my type, but I was TOO SHY to approach her. I have never forgotten her, though, and I often wonder about her. I wish I had just said something to her.
  •  On a scale from 1-5 (5 being extremely hard) it's a 3. I just moved to MD and an looking educated women. I've taken initiative by joining meetups and various groups. However, older women mostly attend many of these groups.
  •  Very hard.
  •  I am passed the partying & club phase, so social meetings are limited.
  •  Very difficult
  •  Its hard unless I got to lesbian-specific meetups. Then after a while everyone knows everyone smh.
  •  Very difficult, because most women are part of a couple. Also there are few to no WOC events scheduled on Long Island.
  •  Very hard since I don't go out much. Married to my career
  •  Extremely
  •  On a scale on 1 to 10, 10 being the hardest, I'd say a 40!
  •  Since I'm not the outgoing type it is hard. But the "type" of women I like are not that hard to come by. I like "stemmy" type of women. Not too femme and not too stud, but in the middle. If I had more confidence I feel I could meet them.
  •  It is a struggle. For one most women I meet are not comfortable because they are not out yet. Then since I am a fem I usually encounter the "I only date studs" motif.
  •  The city I'm living in is a college town, but I'm too mature for college women. The lesbian scene here is pretty much non-existent. It seems as though the only other options is the internet and I'm not really down with the internet thing especially with this catfish business going on. Basically it is extremely hard to find a black lesbian who is on my level and not with all the drama.
  •  Seems nearly impossible.
  •  very hard, they look like who did it and what for. Lord I give up!!
  •  Extremely
  •  It has become very difficult to find a single black lesbian that sparks my interest.
  •  It's pretty difficult. I either have to meet them online (gay groups etc) , or in a gay club where they are more likely to be Lesbian. I typically don't get approached by women on the street like I do from men.

3.  What qualities are you looking for in a partner?

  •  I would like to meet someone professional and business savvy. Kind, generous, spiritual, open minded, intelligence with depth, great conversation, traveler, frugal, positive, ambitious.
  •  Intelligence, thoughtfulness, kindness, likes to laugh, laid-back and is a conversationalist. Even though my list of desirable partner traits is short, what I look for, I am unable to describe. It is the quality and depth of a person, that I look for.
  •  Someone who lives by a value system, intelligent, funny, accomplished, humble, caring, thoughtful, giving, honest, healthy, beautiful.
  •  Ambitious, educated, determined, loyal, dependable
  •  Mandatory: 1. No violence or abuse. At all. NONE. EVER. 2. Must have NO mental illness. At all. I have zero tolerance for crazy. 3. No substance abuse, no smoking.
    Preferences: Intelligent, Honest, Kind.
    If I found that much then I would tolerate a lot. For example: I prefer natural hair and I am vegan but if she wants to bring hamburgers into the house I would live with that if she was drama-free and smart.
  •  Adventurous, funny, intelligent, goal-minded, spiritual (belief in something), hard working, understanding.
  •  Someone who love's and have a relationship with God.
    Kind,Loyal,Down to Earth,Smart,Attentive,Someone I
    can grow with.
  •  Trust, love, self sufficient, attractiveness, intelligence, sane, not a substance abuser, or scammer
  •  Honesty, charisma, witty, intellect, outgoing, fun and funny, sweet, humble, family oriented and driven.
  • Someone down-to-earth and makes a decent living to support themselves. Don't want someone without a lot hang ups and baggage.
  •  Caring, self sufficient, interest in family, work and play, passionate about life.
  •  Down to earth, silly like me (I love to laugh) and NON-judgmental
  •  Intelligence, loving, caring, determined, mature, honesty
  •  Sense of humor, intellectual, artist, music lover, attractive, thoughtful, passionate, career driven, out going.
  • I want someone kind, respectful, able to live up to their principles, I want them to have some kind of talent, attractive, etc
  •  Educated, ambitious, adventurous, and a good sense of humor.
  •  I want a driven and ambitious woman, and someone who isn't afraid to have fun and enjoy life. I would like to find a woman who believes in God and strong in her faith. I look for honesty, integrity, loyalty and no-drama. I like feminine women; someone who dresses nicely and is sexy in heels or tennis shoes.
  •  Education, ambition, truthful
  •  someone who have respect for one self as in looking nice at all times. speak well and most of all have some damn common sense... Who have some kind of stability in there life. Is that to much to ask!!!
  •  Drive (in career and extracurriculars), smart, attractive, open, honest, great communicator, wants a family, in shape and committed to remaining in shape, fun, even tempered, confident, sex appeal, affectionate (verbally and physically)
  •  Intelligent
    Nice physique
    I want someone who knows what they want in life but, most importantly, wants to be in a committed relationship.
  •  I want someone caring, attentive, & physically attractive. Where even on my bad days, they understand what I'm going through and empathize. I also want someone emotionally stable for the most part who won't switch up on me out of nowhere.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Missing In Action For The Moment

I've haven't been blogging lately because I've been working on Sweat. The first chapter is about 20 pages. I'm planning to release it sometime next week. It will be free on Amazon kindle. I will also offer a PDF download link on this blog. 

If you want to purchase a subscription to Sweat ($1.99 a month) you will be able to do so securely. I will offer more details on this later. 

Right now I'm working with an artist to create my cover art. I'm rewriting the first chapter and sending it to my editor. 

Hopefully, it will be available for download early next week.

I'm very pleased with my work. I always find the beginning of any story the most challenging to write because I'm introducing my characters. If done right this has the ability to pull readers in right away. If done wrong this has the ability to turn readers off. 

I think Sweat will be successful.

I haven't forgot your surveys. When I get time I will post the results of your surveys on my blog.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

A Place To Call Home

Take a look at the beautiful house above. It is called a craftsman bungalow. These houses can be found all around historic downtown Atlanta neighborhoods and around parks. Most of the craftsman bungalows in Atlanta were built in the early 20th century. Back in the day you could purchase one of these homes from the Sears catalog. They typically have 2-5 bedrooms and 1-2 bathrooms. They typically have hardwood floors, brick fireplaces and very unique craftmanship inside and out...

For as long as I can remember I've wanted a craftsman bungalow. Now that I'm in a position to do so I'm definitely looking to purchase one of these beautiful homes.

I can already see myself filling my home with beautiful original African American art and sculptures. I can already imagine the art deco furniture I will purchase to fill the home. I can already imagine the grand black piano I plan to purchase for my living room. I can already imagine the tall maple wood bookshelves I will have built in my study. I can already imagine the large oak wood master bedroom set I will purchase for my bedroom. I can imagine the beautiful landscaped front yard. I can imagine my vegetable garden full of okra, green union, tomatoes, and  bell peppers in the backyard.  Everything is already mapped out in my head.

I've been doing my research...

The westside of Atlanta is filled with houses like the one pictured above. These houses are all around Spelman, Morehouse, Morris Brown and Clark in the area known as the west end. I had to tell myself to stop looking at the area as the ghetto and start looking at the diamonds sitting in the rough. I had to force myself to stop looking at the forest and focus on the trees. Once I did, I was quite startled.

The west end has potential. White folks recognize it, which is why they are moving back to the city. They are renovating the boarded up bungalows that black people either abandoned or lost to the bank. Developers are going into the west end and building apartments and upscale condos. Elderly black people, who have lived in the area for the last forty or fifty years, are either being driven out due to rising property taxes, higher cost of living (as market value increases in the community so too does the cost of living), crime or they are selling their property to developers for a good price. In short, the area is SLOWLY becoming gentrified. 

The bungalows in the west end are rundown and many are boarded up because the black people who still live in the area let their homes and community go to shit. There is no homeowner association in the area. Most of the people have lived in their homes for decades, and the only renovations they've ever done is throw some bars on the windows and doors. The thought of city ordinances hasn't even crossed their minds because everyone's house is equally as tore up and run down as their own. Trash litters their yards, area schools and even the front yard of the local public library. The crime rate in the area is probably one of the worse in Atlanta. Still white hippsters and developers are coming in and turning houses like this...

 into this...

Yes, this is the same house. Can you believe it???

White people are going in and scooping up homes like the one above for $5-30k and renovating them. They either live in them or they flip the houses for a profit. If they can do it why the hell can't I? I want to purchase this home or one similar to it...

The house is currently selling for $29k. However, the real estate agent is entertaining offers. I bet I can get him to accept 10k. I will have to renovate the house from top to bottom, which will probably cost somewhere between 25-40K. I still consider this a helluva deal because I'm getting a nice home for 50k in the heart of Atlanta. This is beneficial because if the city ever makes good on the idea to revamp the beltline this home (which sits on the beltline) will probably triple in value. So, my little 50k home will probably be worth 150k in 15 years. I can sell it for a profit.

So, what's stopping me from making this happen?

One word: Niggas!

The ghetto is still the ghetto.

Yes, the area is changing, but it's far from changed. Niggas are still robbing, killing, stealing, and raping. I am a single woman who lives alone. While I would love to buy a bungalow, and renovate it, I can honestly say I don't want to live in a community full of poor, unemployed, disillusioned, uneducated, morally bankrupted black men. That would be like me sticking my foot into a hornet's nest. If shit ever pops off and niggas start rioting and looting I will be right in the thick of it.

I don't even know how some of these white people are doing it. But then again, niggas will rob another black person before they will even think about fucking with someone white. They know the whites here in Georgia don't play that shit. They will put niggas under the jail! Maybe the influx of whites will prompt APD to make more patrols in the area. God knows they don't give a damn about the law-abiding blacks in the area.

Don't judge me for keeping it one hundred.

I would hate to renovate a beautiful home just to be robbed at gunpoint the day after moving into my new home.

So, until the niggas, who make the area dangerous are gone I don't think I'm going anywhere near the area.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Trying To Woo Chocolate...

This morning Chocolate road with me to Wal-Mart. During the ride Robert Flack & Donny Hathaway's The Closer I Get To You began to play on my mp3 player. I told Chocolate that I think about her whenever I hear the song. She gave me a smile, but she didn't comment. To emphasize my point, I began singing Donny Hathaway's lyrics while staring at her (Donny Hathaway's lyrics are my favorite part of the song)...

Over and over again
I tried to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew it was real
The way you make me feel...

 Ooooh-ooh-ooh, whoa-oooooh
Sweeter and sweeter love grows
And Heaven's there for those
Who fooled the tricks of time
With the hearts of love they find
True love in a special way...

 Over and over again
I tried to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside I knew it was real
The way you make me feel...

 The closer I get to you
The feeling comes over me
Me too
Pulling closer sweet as the gravity 

When the song ended I gently kissed Chocolate on the cheek. It takes a special woman to make me bust out in song. I swear one of these days...

Friday, January 10, 2014

I've Hit A Roadblock With My Lesbian Soap Opera

I have hit a roadblock with my lesbian soap opera...

The soap opera centers around the "Jeromes" which includes patriarch, Eddie Jerome (late forties) and identical twins Odessa and Olivia (mid-twenties). Eddie Jerome is the owner and CEO of Jerome Products, which is a major black hair car company. The company has made the family rich.

When Odessa and Olivia were children Eddie bought an old southern plantation. He remodeled it and nicknamed it Glory. When Odessa and Olivia became adults Eddie built each of them a cottage on opposite ends of the estate, while keeping the "big house" for himself.

Odessa and Olivia are identical twins. However, there is one thing that separates them: Odessa is disfigured. She lost her left eye in a car accident when she was eight years old. While still very beautiful, she wears an eye patch over her left eye. 

Odessa and Olivia are both lesbians (something that troubles Eddie, who secretly blames their mother, who abandoned the family when the twins were babies). However, their personalities are polar opposites. 

Olivia is an overachieving, hard-working, passive aggressive, studious young woman. She is loving and caring, but she can be ruthless and aggressive when needed. She is career focused. She is probably next in line to run Jerome Products. She serves as the company's CFO (chief financial officer). She graduated from Howard University with a degree in accounting. She got her MBA from Emory University. She sits on the boards of many companies and organizations. She prefers the simple life, and is quite humble about her accomplishments.

Odessa is a rebel. She does what she wants, when she wants and how she wants. She is selfish, manipulative, smart, vindictive and aggressive. She enjoys fast cars, fast money and fast women. She is flashy. She loves jewelry, motorcycles and expensive sports cars. She dropped out of college after deciding it was a waste of time (Odessa concludes she doesn't need to pay 30k a year to hear someone lecture on a subject she can teach herself just by reading a book). An extremely polarizing figure (the eye patch helps make her polarizing), Odessa is pretty much the bitch you can't help but love. I think of her as my JR Ewing. She is my Erica Kane. She is my Alexis Carrington

Olivia and Odessa are more or less the two sides of MY personality. 

The serial begins with Odessa returning home to Atlanta after spending two years in New York where she moved to pursue a career as a stage actress. She returns home to find her father, Eddie, engaged to his long-time receptionist, Sabrina. Eddie, a womanizer for most of Odessa's life, has decided to marry Sabrina without a prenup. He asked Sabrina to sign a prenup, but she refused. Despite her refusal, Eddie has decided to more forward with the wedding. Needless to say, this doesn't sit well with Odessa, who vows that a wedding will never take place. 

Odessa also discovers that her sister, Olivia, has taken up with the woman she left behind when she moved to New York. Before leaving Odessa asked the woman to marry her and move to New York with her. The woman refused to uproot her life. The two fell out. In the entire time she was living in New York, Odessa never spoke to the woman (though she did think about her a lot). Anyway, she comes home to discover her sister and this woman are together (a fact that neither Olivia nor Eddie bothered to disclose to Odessa). 

All hell breaks loose. 

While the soap revolves around the Jerome family there is a cast of other characters and storylines as well. 

I've decided to call my soap opera  Sweat.

As I've been writing I've been thinking of ways to offer the serial to an audience. I originally planned to post it chapter by chapter on bowtielez. In order to read bowtielez you have to purchase a monthly subscription. This seemed like the prefect setup because it would...
  1. Guarantee a monthly return on my hard work through subscriptions.
  2. Guarantee an audience to read my work every month.
Then reality hit home. 

Bowtielez is perfect for making money from BLOGGING. It is not so great for my creative work. The truth is I put more work into the creation of my stories than I do any blog. 

There is a way to get around not paying for content on bowtielez. Slick niggas can simply purchase a subscription and share it amongst their friends. They can copy and paste the content and email it their friends once they activate their subscription. They can allow their friends to log into their subscription. This works out great for folks who want to read my work, but don't want to pay for it. However, this sucks for me. 

Then there is the issue of copyright law. I copyright all my creative material. Since that process is completely electronic it is just a matter of upholding it to the copyright website. I don't think it would be wise for me to simply throw my copyrighted work up on the internet. What recourse would I have for others distributing the work I willingly put up myself?

The issue I'm having now is this: I have to find a way to sell Sweat to readers on a weekly basis. While I would prefer a setup where readers pay $1.99 a month for unlimited access (i.e., a subscription) I'm not sure if that setup will work because I also need a way to protect my work (i.e., make sure it cannot be distributed all over the place to folks who don't want to pay for it). 

To my knowledge there isn't a service that offers recurring payments for subscriptions delivered via PDF, which can be used to protect my work (i.e., there are features that prevent printing and copying in PDFs).  PDFs can also be password protected and you can put limits on the number of times a PDF can be opened/read.

I could offer chapters on Amazon kindle. However, there is a downside to that as well. I can't imagine selling chapters for more than .99 a chapter. With that price Amazon takes 70% and I, the creator of the work, keep 30%, which to me is a rip off.

So, I've hit a roadblock. 

If you have any ideas, or know of any services I can use to distribute Sweat, email me.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Single Black Lesbians: How Hard Is It For You To Meet Black Lesbians You Would Date?

I want to know if there are other black lesbians out there who share my grievances about the black lesbian community. This survey is best suited for SINGLE black lesbians as most of the questions do not apply to those of you in a relationship. Your age and background does not matter. If you are a BLACK SINGLE LESBIAN please take the survey.

I know other races of people read my blog, which is cool. However, this survey was made with black lesbians in mind because I want to know if there are other black lesbian who feel like me. So, I respectfully ask that all "others" opt out of this survey. 

The survey is completely anonymous. I plan to share the results of this survey on my blog. You can be honest with your answers. If you're interested in taking the survey here is the LINK.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

No Wonder My Sex Drive Is Shot To Hell....

My sex drive is shot to hell and it's not coming back anytime soon. Not even a dose of female viagra can bring it back. I'll tell you one reason why it's gone...

I am convinced that Atlanta has the sorriest selection of black lesbians in the country. The black lesbians here will have you wishing you were straight! Most of the black lesbians I run across here are physically unattractive. I mean they are fat as hell, weaved down, with tattoos and piercings all over their bodies. They look trashy as hell. I wouldn't even want to be seen in public with most of black lesbians I run across here.

If that's not bad enough they are usually pushing 2-3 kids with no man in sight (though we know one, two or hell even three were around at some point). This description fits the studs AND the fems. The only difference is the studs either look like flat-chested middle school aged Lil Wayne rejects or round, wide, sumo wrestlers.

The shit is depressing. I feel like this when I encounter these women...

This is what I want...

 Nothing but fine juicy beautiful black women up here^^^

This is what I encounter here in Atlanta....

Listen, I'm not knocking any of the women above, but when I look at these women I think UGH to myself. I don't feel any type of twink or twinkle. I don't feel any fuzzy feelings. I don't feel my heart skip a beat. All I feel and think is UGH.

It has become clear that if I ever plan to marry, procreate or even find love again I need to either leave Georgia or start dating outside my race. I hate to say it, but the black lesbians I run across here look like and carry themselves like SHIT!

I just can't deal with it.

I'm going to go date Ming Su Lee and Carmen Santos.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Moving On...

I spent the day watching Roots: The Next Generations, which I love far more than the original Roots. It's one of those things I can watch over and over again without getting tired. This might be because the time period in which it takes place is when many of my own KNOWN ancestors were living. If you haven't seen it go out and buy a copy. I think I paid about $18.00 for my copy on two years ago. 

Anyway, Roots: The Next Generations forced me to do some self-reflecting. It's hard not to self-reflect when you're watching the saga of a black family who survived slavery, jim crow, racism, classism etc. 

I realized I need to stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Compared to generations of black people before me I don't have a damn thing to complain about. 

I'm free. 

I have a top notch education that includes a Masters degree. 

I'm not wanting for money, food or shelter. 

I'm a young black gay woman, and for most of my life I've been able to reach the highest heights without my sexuality, gender or race getting in the way of my ambition. 

My mind has been sitting idle for a few months. I think that is my main problem. An analytical mind like mine NEEDS to be constantly active or else it becomes the devil's workshop. I start thinking about things like killing a chick. I start sinking into a depression.

Since I'm intent on never working for anyone white again, and making a living as a writer, I've decided to go back to school to pursue another Masters degree. I would like to learn a trade that I can turn into a business if I ever find myself scrapped for cash. I've decided to pursue a Masters degree in accounting. 

This is good for me because it will help me understand my own taxes (I'm in a new tax bracket...unfortunately). It will also help me manage my own finances in the future (I plan to make a great deal of money this year). 

I've done my research. Many of the Masters of accounting programs in Georgia are intense one year programs, which is fine. However, I have to pick up some knowledge before I can even enroll in one of these Masters programs. I have to learn the basic principles of accounting. So, I'm going to spend the summer taking some classes either at a community college or a local technical school. Either way I will be doing something with my brain.

Friday, January 3, 2014

I'm Not Gay Anymore

I've decided as of today I'm not gay anymore. I'm not straight or bisexual either. I'm officially ASEXUAL. 

I don't like men. 

I don't like women.

I have no desire for either of them. 

I've thought about it. The only thing women have brought to my life is MISERY. From the cradle to today it's been nothing but bullshit. The only woman who has been a constant source of happiness in my life is my grandmother and she's on her way to the stairway in heaven.
The bad outweighs the good. It's to the point now that my desire to be with a woman is damn near non-existent. The only thing I can think about is killing a chick and making money.

And it's partly my fault...I don't know how to pick 'em, but then again the goddamn pickings ain't shit. I have a bad taste in my mouth, and unfortunately, it has polluted everything from my sex drive to any desire I HAD to be with women.

If I ever feel a need for an orgasm again it will be one that I will give myself!

Fuck this flag....

This is my new flag...

I might change the name of my blog to Diary of A Fucking Asexual...Driven that way by an endless parade of lying skanks, skeezers and hoes.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

I'm Not Trying To Please Everybody

Today I had a conversation with a former co-worker. I told her about my plans to create a written serial (i.e., soap opera) featuring black lesbians. I described the various characters and story lines I've been working on for the last week or so. 

I'm very excited about this project. It is the only thing that makes me smile these days. 

I must say the project is coming along nicely. I'm very pleased with all the drama, twist and turns I've produced. I'm not too big on romance, but I can write some drama. Lies, lust, betrayal and verbal altercations never looked so damn good. My characters are well developed and REAL. Some of them have more than a hint of my personality as well.

I have a hit on my hands and I know it. 

Anyway, I told this former co-worker everything I've written so far. This woman is an older woman. I think she is in her forties. She seems pretty opened minded. We get along fine. When I asked for her feedback she asked, "Why do all the women have to be lesbians? You'll get more readers if some of the women are straight."

My response: I'm not trying to please everyone. I'm writing the type of fiction I want to read. I'm not trying to please straight people. The demographic I'm targeting is BLACK lesbians. We are such an invisible minority that there is a void in entertainment for us. So, I don't care what straight people think or feel. I don't care what white people think or feel. I care about my target audience. 

She continued to tell me I was selling myself short. 

I don't think so. 

Black lesbians...specifically on point sisters...are an untapped population....meaning we aren't being represented in the media. We aren't being represented in books (outside of the fetish shit produced by STRAIGHT people). There are some black lesbian athletes, but truthfully most of those women are so stereotypical it's hard for me to identify with them.  

Naturally, we want to see images of ourselves. We want to see career women with interesting personal lives. We want to see women who have started families with their partners. We want to see black lesbians getting married. Point blank....we want the same entertainment straight people have and take for granted.

Let's say of the estimated 22 million black women in this country 1 million are lesbians. 

Suppose 20,000 of that 1 million finds their way to Bowtie Lez and subscribes to my serial. By subscribing to my serial these 20,000 readers are agreeing to pay $1.99 a month for unlimited access to my content. 

20,000 x 1.99 = $39,800 A MONTH. 

$39,800 x 12 months = $477,600  A YEAR.

Tell me again, why I should include straight people in my serial. Tell me again why I should cater to a straight audience or include them in my serial. 

I'm aware that my content will not please everyone. Some people will take a look at the $1.99 monthly fee and say, "Fuck that!" which is their right. But I'm not trying to please everyone. 

People who want to purchase my content will purchase it. 

The bottom line is I'm doing what makes ME happy. 

If I write my serial and only 5 people buy it I will still be happy! Why? Because I'm not sitting behind someone's desk, punching a clock everyday while thinking how much I hate working for white people.
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