Saturday, November 30, 2013

My Daddy...SMH!!!

My daddy is living the past...

When I went home for Thanksgiving I stayed with my daddy. On Thanksgiving day he woke up wearing a shower cap.

Me (confused): Dad you sleep in a shower cap?

Dad: Yep. 

I didn't give it too much thought until I arrived at my mother's house and sat down to eat with my mom and my brother. 

Me: Dad is sleeping in a shower cap and he looks like he has a perm or something. 

My brother: Dad is trying to get his Jheri curl back!

Me: What?!?

My brother: He told me the Jheri curl is coming back. 

I look at my mom and we both burst into laughter.

My daddy is a fool! In what world is the damn Jheri curl coming back?!? The last time I saw my daddy he had a blown out Afro. Now he walking around wearing shower caps and shit looking like the black dudes from the group Ready For The World...

My daddy is a dark-skinned black man. In the 1980's, which is the decade I think he is stick in, he had a long juicy jheri curl with a curl in the front like El Debarge up above. He cared about that damn Jheri curl. I don't think you will find another black man who spent so much time in the mirror caring about his Jheri curl. On top of that, my daddy had two gold teeth in the front of his mouth and they both had a star engraved in them. 

I remember he used to walk around with a shinny double breasted suit like the man in this video...

That suit was so shinny it could blind the hell out of you in the sun. 

Nowadays my daddy walks around in full leather outfits! No, I'm not joking. He walks around wearing leather from head to toe. I'm talking about leather shirts, leather pants and leather cowboy boots (with gold trims)....he rocks it all! He stay looking like Eddie Murphy from those old school comedy videos when he used to rock an all leather outfit with some tight ass leather pants that make my crotch hurt just looking at them...

His dick and balls probably screaming, "Damn let us breath!"

My daddy seems to be completely oblivious of how ridiculous he looks. He doesn't care that it doesn't get cold enough in south Georgia for an all leather outfit. He rocks the shit anyway.

I keep quiet about it because I figure he should be able to do him in peace, but damn if I don't wish my fifty-something year old daddy would dress something like this...

Thief Proofing Blackjack (My Truck)

Old dirty bastard!

Yesterday I returned home from my hometown where I spent Thanksgiving with my family (I'll write about that sometime this week). While there, some of my men folk adjusted my front bumper to the point where I'm satisfied...not happy, but satisfied. Tuesday I'm taking it to the dealership down the street from my apartment to get them to correct the issue.

While not noticeable right away, the right side of the bumper clearly sticks out more than the left side.

I ordered a brand new ashtray for the truck which I'm planning to install today. In addition to this, I plan to remove the BLUE turn signal lights my uncle installed. I don't know what the hell would possess him to install some POLICE BLUE turn signals on my truck, but they have to go! The lights look very nice. However, I'm 90% sure the lights are illegal and I don't want any tickets...

The light at the very bottom is the one my uncle made Police Blue.
Today I plan to spend my day making Blackjack thief proof.

Yesterday my dad and my brother added some rim locks to the truck...

You can't see the locks clearly in the picture, but they are small locks that replace the lug nuts in the rim. The locks can only be removed with the key that came with them, which I carry on me at all times (in case I get a flat).

Today I'm planning to add the following to the truck...

  1. A GPS tracking device: Once the thief realizes the rims cannot be removed he is going to try to steal the whole truck. First, he will have to get through the car alarm, which is loud as hell. The alarm is supposed to prevent the truck from cranking. Next, he will need to get through the steering column lock, which I'm installing today as well. He won't be able to hotwire the truck with the unbreakable steering column lock I purchased for $275.00. Next, he will probably notice the break pedal doesn't move because it's locked down as well. If by chance he is able to make it through all of this security, the GPS tracking device is supposed to stop him. The device comes with a "Kill Button." If the truck starts moving I receive a text message to my phone. At that point I have the ability to press a button and kill the gas supply and battery supply to the truck. I can then use the GPS tracking to locate my truck.
  2. Steering column lock: It is premenantly on the truck at all times. Prevents thief from removing the steering column and hotwiring the truck.
  3. Brake pedal lock: Prevents he brake pedal from moving, which you need to move the truck from Park to Drive. 
  4. Tire Claw: Supposed to prevent the truck from moving period. 
Now it's a damn shame I have to go through all this to protect my personal property. I don't live anywhere near the ghetto, but you can never be too cautious. If niggas will steal an astray they most definitely will steal the whole truck. I see the way black men eye my truck...ain't nobody about to take what's mine. As soon as I hear the alarm go off on the truck the first thing I'm reaching for is my pistol. 
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