Friday, June 21, 2013

Me To Her: "I'm Not Feeling You Like That Anymore"

A week ago a face from my past popped up again. Two years ago, I wrote about her on this blog after we had an encounter. The title of that blog is Real Black Lesbians Are Popping Out Kids Too...SMH. In that blog I went on a rant about my disgust with this woman, who intentionally laid down with a man to conceive a child as a single woman rather than having a child in a stable committed relationship with a lesbian partner. In my mind at the time, I believed this woman was everything I was looking for in woman...right up until I found out about her child.

Background info on me and this woman...

I met this woman my sophomore year of college. She was a senior in college and on her way to graduate school. We dated briefly and I liked her a lot.  I was crushing extra hard on this woman. She was everything I wanted in a woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, hard-working and at that time she was childless. There was only one problem...

She wasn't feeling me damn near as much as I was feeling her.

In my original post about her I blamed the demise of our short-lived courtship on my immaturity and the different paths we were pursing in life. Looking at the situation now (or without all the emotions and my bruised ego) I can say this woman played my ass to the left. In the original post my pride wouldn't let me admit it, but that's exactly what happened. 

It wasn't about my level of mature or her going off to graduate school. It was about me not being what she wanted or in a position to give her what she wanted financially (or otherwise). 

This woman was looking for someone with a phat wallet, a place of their own, a nice car etc. She was looking for someone who was already established in life. I wasn't about that life at that point. So, she told my ass to kick rocks. That was in 2005-2006.

Fast forward to the post I wrote about her in 2011...

The chick has a kid and she has put on a little weight. She is doing well in life, but she's single and apparently lonely/unhappy. I don't give her much thought because I'm turned off by her situation. 

Fast forward to 2013...

We have another encounter, but this time I'm on my grown woman steez. 

Anybody that tells you money doesn't make people look better is lying. Believe me, I came from a piss poor background to where I am today. 

Arguably my stock has grown from the day I first met this woman in 2005. When she met me I was walking around in jeans, air force ones and aeropostale t-shirts. My closet consisted of shirts and jeans from The Gap and Old Navy because that's all I could afford (don't get it twisted...I still rock these things from time to time).

Today I'm walking around dressed to the nines in red and black satin Victoria Secret blouses (which I intentionally leave unbutton to my breast line), creased casual suspender pants, double-breasted pinstripe pantsuits, black vests, a fresh hair cut, a gold watch, diamond loop earrings and the finest fragrance money can buy.

Shit, I have come up!

So, when this woman set eyes on me in 2013 her eyes damn near popped out her head! 

I'm going to be honest, I didn't recognize her at first because she has gained quite a bit of weight. When she came up to me on the street (I was leaving Chipotle) I was looking her like, "Who the hell is you?" 

When she finally said her name I was like...

I was shocked! I couldn't help but think, "Damn, what the hell happened to you???"

We chatted for a minute and exchanged numbers. I only gave her my number because I wanted to be polite. Ten minutes after I gave her my number the text messages started. They started off casual and friendly. Slowly but surely they turned personal with her informing me that I've crossed her mind often over the years (I bet!). She begins telling me how great I look. Then she begins telling me about her life and her inability to meet a quality partner. 

I'm reading all this shit and thinking to myself, "I shouldn't have given her my number." 

Yesterday, she sends me a text message asking if we can go out to dinner and a movie. I responded with, "I'm quite busy. I have a lot going on." 

She responded, "Okay."

Five minutes later I get another text message from her. It reads, "How about next week?"

Me: "I don't think so."

Her: "Why not?"

Me (thinking it's probably best just to be honest with her): "I'm not feeling you like that anymore." 

Her: "Oh." 

I feel bad for the woman. Obviously, she made some fucked up decisions in life and now she's dealing with the consequences of those decisions. However, it's trifling to try and come back into someone's life after you've disregarded them and rejected them. This woman hurt me something serious, but I got over it. 

This whole situation reminds me of Kendrick Lamar's lyrics from Memories Back Then... 

Wait, hold up, is that you?
With them big ol' thighs after school?
Jay 305 had gave me high five

When I said I’m in hot pursuit
You said I won’t ride until Kendrick drive

A new Monte Carlo that cruise

And that shot my pride, I tried to improve

But no freestyle I never do
You looking for the nigga with the tallest 'fetti

You overlooking every nigga that ain’t quite ready

To make it rain on you like about to break a levee

Hold up, that pussy petty

Yeah, your nails did, your hair did

Your cell phone is selfish

It only got numbers that come with a Hummer
Her new prima donna I smelt it

Tried to make you mine, ho!

Tried to make some time, ho!
But I ain’t got the time or the patience
To stop and wait in line, ho!
Her dreams holds Versace

She fall for Armani
Only deal with rich niggas

Fuck you and Mitt Romney
I’m grown now I’m on my own now

I’m po-o-o-oppin'

Change my phone now
When I get home now
I got o-o-o-options
Fast forward, wait is that you?

With them big old thighs after school?
And your 3 kids and 3 baby daddies
And car note that’s overdue?
I know

I don't hold any ill will towards her, but she definitely is not on my radar anymore!
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