Friday, April 26, 2013

The Barbershop & The Shampoo Girl

First off, I want to thank all the folks who emailed me after my last mental breakdown. I really do appreciate your support. It took almost two days of "woosahing" and a whole lot of self-reflecting, but I'm over it.  Seriously, this was me yesterday and most of today...

but again, I'm over it. The situation was handled peacefully and hopefully that's the end of it.  

On to my next blog...

Today I went to the barbershop to get my hair trimmed. I typically go to the barbershop on Fridays after work. I've been going to the same guy off and on for the last two and half years. He is good people. He is originally from Chicago. From my understanding, he used to be a drug dealer before he turned his life around and started cutting hair. For the purpose of this blog we will call him Chi-Town.

Chi-Town and I are friends. He is almost like a brother to me. He is one of the few black men I can hang around and not feel like the nigga is trying to get my booty!

Anyway, I'm sitting in his chair staring at my reflection in his mirror as he trims my hair to highlight the waves that are prominent. Chi-town tells me he knows some lesbians I might want to "holler at" who are cool people. 

My first reaction was, "Naw, that's alright." Believe me, after that situation with my uncle I learned to NEVER let a black man fix me up! Black men (and probably men in general) have a different set of standards for women than I do. I am thoroughly convinced that black men will fuck just about anything.

While surprised by my reaction, Chi-Town shrugged it off and said, "Yo, you got to see the shampoo girl. She fine as hell. She's a lesbian too and yo I wouldn't mind fucking her." He went on and on about the shampoo girl. He hyped this woman up so much that I started thinking, "Well, damn...she must be bad as hell." 

Chi-Town: "She ain't here right now, but you gotta see this girl. She look good as hell." 

Me (smiling): "Okay...point her out when she gets here." 

About twenty minutes later the shampoo girl walks in carrying a plate of wings. Chi-Town bends over and whispers in my ear, "Yo, that's her right there." 

Me (looking around): Right where?

Chi-Town: Right there with the plate in her hand. 

I turn and look at this woman. I tell you no lie. This was my reaction...

I'm thinking to myself this nigga must be blind in one eye and can't see jack shit out the other!!!!

This broad walked in wearing some black spandex pants, some black and white wedges, and a Bob Marley t-shirt that was knotted on the side. She had the shirt pulled up enough to show her flappy stomach and her very noticeable stretch marks. She had tattoos going up and down both arms and her back! On her head she wore an ugly honey blond wig that touched her shoulders. On top of all that, this woman had rings around BOTH eyes! She looked like she'd been punched in BOTH eyes! 

I looked at this woman and I turned and looked at him to see if he was joking. He was dead ass serious! I'm thinking to myself, "Thank God I didn't let this nigga fix me up! If he thinks this busted ass shampoo girl looks good God only knows what he thinks about his lesbian friends....UGH!"
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