Monday, January 28, 2013

A Reminder Of Why I Stopped Talking To This Bitch...

The above video contains three voicemails I received from a woman I talked to from 2009-2011. The voicemails have been stored on my phone since 2010 and I want to get rid of them. I decided to archive her voicemails to remind me why I stopped talking to her. 

I met this woman in 2009 at a club. She is one of several women that were jocking me that night. I don't know what was up in the club that night, but I was pursued by several women, many of which were YEARS older than me. Anyway, I hit it off with this particular woman, who was new to Atlanta. She moved to Atlanta with two of her cousins from New York. We became friends and before long  SHE wanted to be MORE than just friends. 

I had this woman BEGGING to eat my pussy! And honestly, I got an ego boost out of it. It's very easy to get a bighead when a chick is blowing up your head and begging to fuck you! Part of me wanted to watch her eat the box, but my integrity stood in the way of an orgasm. I knew she had it bad for me so I didn't want to fuck up her head. Once you start having sex with a woman the game almost always changes and things get reckless thanks to our emotions.

I blew her off. 

At that point in my life I was battling depression (and you can verify this because I started this blog in 2009) . I tried to let her down gentle, but no matter what I did or said this woman would not take no for an answer. She begged to be with me. She vowed to love me forever. She vowed to wait for me, though I never gave her any indication that I wanted her in that way. 

Long story short, eventually this woman moved on to another chick. I didn't have a problem with her relationship. I was happy just being her friend. However, she still wanted to be with me and she wasn't shy about saying it. I suspect her girlfriend must have sensed her second place position because she began harassing me. 

Her girlfriend would pick up her phone and text me some bullshit like, "Leave my girlfriend alone bitch!" or "Stop texting my girlfriend bitch!"

Mind you, I wasn't the least bit interested in the woman in question and if I was I COULD HAVE HAD HER! 

Her girlfriend at the time was a stud and pushing 40! I was 24/25 years old. I was looking at the situation like, "What the fuck? You're too damn old for this bullshit."

I told this chick she needs to check her girlfriend and tell her to stop texting my phone. She didn't seem the least bit concerned about the situation even though her stud lover was threatening to beat my ass. At that point I took matters into my own hands. 

I started having fun with the heifer! I started telling her lies about how I had her girlfriend calling my name while I was fucking her! I said I fed her after I fucked her. I even mentioned the Chipotle I bought  her when we spent the day together, which she took home with her. I told her she needs to check her chick because she's the one fucking me on the side! I said everything I could think of to piss this woman off. 

Well, I guess her girlfriend must have confronted her about it because the next thing I know I received the first voicemail you hear in the video. 

The situation went on for months until finally I told the woman I was going to call the police on her girlfriend because the woman was stalking me. 

It got so bad that my uncle threatened to snatch the stud off the street just to get her off my back! 

I got tired of all this bullshit and I told this woman to kick rocks. I stopped talking to her and we haven't spoken since. 

As stated, I'm archiving her voicemails to get them off my phone. The sound effect you hear in the video was used to blank out my name. 

I have one regret: I should have fucked this chick just to stick it to her girlfriend! That would have served the bitch right. 


I Swear I Will NEVER Let My Uncle Fix Me Up Again!

If I ever had any doubts that black men will fuck anything they were laid to rest today. Let me officially set the record straight. I truly believe black men will fuck ANYTHING! I don't care if it's a 300 LB white woman or a transsexual, I have seen little in my 27 years to say otherwise... 

Today my uncle called me. This particular uncle is my mother's youngest half-brother on her father's side of the family. He is exactly 10 years older than me. He is my favorite uncle because he is cool as hell! When I say cool, I mean I can go to the strip club with this man and feel completely comfortable. He doesn't judge me and he's completely understanding of my sexuality. 

My uncle is a  womanizer. He has four children by three different women. I have never met two of his children. As far as I know my uncle rarely sees his own children. He had his oldest child when he was in high school by a woman that died in her early twenties. The child they had together was raised by the woman's parents. My uncle married his second babymama and they had two children together. According to my uncle, he only married her because HER parents forced his hand. Last but not least, my uncle recently had a child with a woman he was shacking up with here in Atlanta. 

To make a long story short my uncle uses women. He makes no secret about it. He hooks up with several women and uses them for what he can get out of them (usually money, temporary housing and access to their credit). My uncle is a rolling stone. He changes women like he changes clothes. Where ever he lays his dick at that time is his home!

Most of the women my uncle deals with are BUSTED as fuck. When I say busted I mean UGLY AS HELL! I imagine they must have low self-esteem because my uncle isn't even the most handsome man in the world, and he doesn't have shit to offer a woman. Yet they let him run all over them. 

Anyway, my uncle called me today...

Me: Hello?

Uncle: Hey niece, what are you doing?

Me: Watching TV.

Uncle: Cool. You know how you're always telling me to hook you up with a bad chick?

Me: Yeah. 

Uncle: Well, I found you someone and she got a phat ass! Damn this chick's ass is phat! You'll like her. 

Me (Interested): What she look like?

Uncle: I'mma send you a picture. Her ass is phat!

Me: Where did you meet her?

Uncle: I was trying to spit game to her, but she said she like pussy. I'mma send you a pic in five minutes.

Me: Okay. 

The call ended. Thirty minutes later (this kneegrow is never on time for anything) the picture arrives....

Yes, this is the pic he sent me. I blurred her face to hide her identity. 

Me: (Face palm, and talking to myself): Man, what the fuck?!? 

A few thoughts that went through my mind while staring at this woman's picture...
  1. Why in the hell would you send someone, a complete stranger, a booty shot? First impressions are LAST impressions. Where is this broad's self-respect?
  2. Her ass really isn't that phat. If anything she needs to hit a stairmaster because she got a serious case of cellulite. 
  3. Damn her face is ugly. 
  4. Her weave is two different colors! WTF?!?
  5. This is the last time I let my uncle fix me up with a woman. Ugh!
  6. To my uncle this woman is probably a 10 (I'm going by the women he usually pulls), but to me she is just another hoodrat!
When I spoke to my uncle later I gave him a piece of my mind...

Me: That's okay...I'm not interested. 

Uncle (surprised): Why? She's tight!

Me: Maybe in your world, but she is NOT my type. 

Uncle: You're too picky.

Me: Damn right. I don't need help finding a thirsty hoodrat. I can find one of those myself! I mean damn...c'mon son!

Uncle (chuckle): Yeah...okay!

Never again will I let this man fix me up. NEVER!

For those of you wondering, this is what a nice phat toned ass looks like...

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