Friday, June 28, 2013

Restless Ambition

My new laptop computer just arrived in the mail. I'm going to start writing my memoir. I know I've talked about it in the past, but I'm dead serious about it. I'm not going to hold anything back. I'm hoping to have it finished by the beginning of next year (2014). I have so much to talk about, but I'm determined not to make it the typical boring memoir with a beginning, middle and an end. 

I'm only 27 years old (28 come next week). So, arguably I'm still young with a lot of living to do. My life hasn't been a fairy tale, but I'm not sure if I would change anything about it.

I need something creative to occupy my time. I'm still waiting on my slow ass web designer to finish Mahogany Mystique. I'm really starting to get pissed off because I thought my site would have been done by now. I'm going to give the heifer two more weeks to finish my site. At that point, I'm going to demand my money back, and if she refuses I'm going to kick her ass! 

I have so much I want to do and I'm quite restless right now. Pray for me!

Great Documentary About Black Funeral Homes...

This documentary about black funeral homes recently broadcasted on PBS. The timing is perfect because I'm interested in the funeral business (as I've already stated on this blog). 


Thursday, June 27, 2013

That Messy Shit I've Talked About: Bisexuals Seeking Studs To Raise/Support Their Kids...

Today I received an email from one of the readers of my blog. In this email, this woman referred me to a craigslist ad written by a knocked up bisexual who is seeking a stud to help raise/support the child she conceived with a man (who she doesn't even want to be apart of the child's life)....

Pretty FEM seeking STUD for my SPECIAL situation (age 35)
Looking for a good friend for my SPECIAL situation.... (WARNING: you may find this a bit extreme.)

After ending a 5 year relationship with a stud I really loved my broken heart led me astray and I tried to ridiculously erase her memory by having a relationship with a guy who I went to school with 20 years ago. I definitely wasn't looking for a guy. He was just lucky to find me hurt and embarrassingly vulnerable. After just a short time I quickly realized I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO MEN AT ALL!!! I left him and will never ever look back (grossed me out). I still can't believe I even considered that as an option for 2 seconds. What the hell was I thinking I'm still not sure?

Yet my vulnerability had already gotten me in over my head and 3 weeks later at 35 with 2 daughters 15 and 9, I found out the unbelievable news that I was pregnant (OMG!!!). I absolutely have no intentions of letting him know as I absolutely do not want nor need a BABY DADDY. Why? I DON'T LIKE MEN! Plus I am a professional who is very independent with nice home on 8 acres n nice car and been happily raising my two girls alone for 9 years with no help from their dad. I'm not even close to being rich but I hustle my ass off so I don't have to take shit from a man and so my girls don't have to be without nor live the typical "kid of a single mom with no child support" life. So not only am I not interested but he is not needed. He was just a donor. Everything happens for a reason.

I always wanted a son. After my 2nd child was born 2.8 lbs I didn't think I could have kids anymore so regardless of how it happened I am very excited about the GOD given last chance to have a Lil football star (or princess athlete) with a WOMAN I am devoted to 100%. (I will NEVER go back to MEN. YUCK!)

I am looking for a 100% lesbian stud to have as a friend and who might be interested in sharing this awesome experience with me. Even if for nothing but a good source of emotional support but definitely open to more.

I am a 5'2, 128 lb (only 8 weeks pregnant) attractive light skinned black fem who is very athletic. I play soccer (20 years) and am currently on a kickball team headed to playoffs this Sunday! No problem sending pics to prove what I say.

I know many people can't handle this and if you can't that's ok. But if you are open to the idea of starting a new family with me from the very beginning of this little miracles life I know I would make an AWESOME WIFE. My ex-girlfriend could tell you better than I could although I doubt she would be willing to. I broke up with her because she was too unstable in her life after 5 years and 100 chances to get it together. Just got tired of the excuses and BS although it truly broke my heart to leave her behind. No worries about her coming back though. Hurt her so bad she moved to California for good as she couldn't bare to be around to see me move on. She knows about my pregnancy but I didn't want her drama anymore so I passed on her offer to be a part of this child's life. I'd rather do it alone first before I have someone who doesn't have the responsibility level it takes to raise a family.

If this crazy situation somehow sounds interesting to you please let me know why and send me a pic and I will gladly send you mine.

If not no hurt feelings (I am aware of how crazy difficult finding the right fit is gonna be) and thanks for taking the time to read about mi vida loca (my crazy life).
Just so I'm not accused of making this nonsense up, here is the LINK to that craigslist post. 

I read this crap and I was looking like...


I don't know what's wrong with these women in Atlanta. A lot of them are FUCKED UP beyond repair. A lot of them are delusional as hell and just plain LOST. 

The woman who wrote this post dumped a stud, hooked up with a man (despite her claims of not being attracted to men...I guess her other two children were the product of immaculate conceptions?!?), got knocked up, decided to kick the man to the curb, and is now seeking some thirsty ass stud to come through and raise the child with her!

I know some lonely obese or flat chested Lil Wayne looking stud with limited options is probably standing in line ready to snatch up this woman and her bastard children. She probably knows it too, which is why doesn't think twice about her situation. I wrote about this phenomenon a while ago in a blog titled, Why The Hell Are Her Kids Calling You Daddy?

This woman is demanding a woman who is 100% lesbian to co-parent/partner with her flip-flopping ass. Then she has the nerve to diss her ex-girlfriend for not having her life together. This is a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black!

For folks like me (i.e., those with standards) this woman is UNATTRACTIVE and UNAPPEALING. She is bisexual (or confused as hell). She has 2.5 fatherless children. She is 35+ years old with the mentality of a girl half her age (which is another topic for another day).

I'm done! SMH!

I Want To Visit Africa But I'm Terrifed To Do So. Let Me Explain...

Can I be honest and admit that my terror comes from lack of knowledge? I am ashamed to admit it, but it is true.

From the time I was a child until I was eighteen/nineteen years old I thought of Africa as a dark continent where people lived in mud huts, swung from trees like Tarzan and walked around half-naked. That's the image that is forced feed to African Americans from the time we hit the cradle until the time we hit the grave. 

The only time the white media in this country shows Africa is in the context of ...
  1. Save the starving children of Africa
  2. Rampant rape, starvation and violence in the Congo and Darfur. 
  3. Look at the hellhole Africa became once we good pioneering white folks gave the continent its independence. 
It wasn't until I went to college, and sat in an African history class, that I learned this image is distorted.

For eighteen/nineteen years of my life I believed Africa was some distant dark continent where my ancestors where kidnapped and shipped off to America. I never thought about the continent beyond the Transatlantic Slave Trade and slavery in the United States.

I blame the white media in this country for my past views of Africa. They purposely distort the image of Africa to fuel white supremacy. They achieve an orgasm by showing the most barbaric aspects of Africa while portraying American history as the greatest in the history of man (bullshit!). 

Just think about the way whites portray the United States and Europeans countries compared to Africa (or any majority black nation). They either show the worst aspects of the nation or they leave out the MOST important fact (i.e., those nations are fucked up because they, whites, decided to take it upon themselves to colonize those nations in what is known as imperialism).  

I have heard White Americans say some dumb shit like, "Black Americans should be grateful that we saved them from Africa. We saved them from hell."

They completely ignore history. Whites decided to take it upon themselves to slice Africa up like a pie and divide it amongst themselves while declaring war on the inhabitants of the continent. In their minds Africa (and all black nations) are inherently fucked up and they, whites, had absolutely nothing to do with it.

^^^This is the stuff that pours fuel on the burning hatred I already feel for whites in general. 

Recently, I read a story about some white people in South Africa, who have decided to segregate their community from black people in South Africa. These people have set up some type of blockade around their community to prevent black people from moving into the community. Check the article below...

Racist motherfuckers of South Africa
Kleinfontein is a town of 1,000 residents outside of Pretoria, South Africa. All 1000 of these residents are white, and if they have it their way, it’s going to stay that way. Kleinfontein has been in existence since 1992, and is heavily guarded by their own security people and a fence surrounds its almost 2,000 acres.  The people in this community take “pride” in the fact that they are upholding their culture and refuse to assimilate, no matter how racist others seem to think it is.
“We feel that our culture is being threatened and we want to protect it and we want to nurture it,” said Marisa Haasbroek, a writer and mother who serves as voluntary spokeswoman for a gated community called Kleinfontein.

There are also residents who feel threatened by the mere existence of black people and their ability to ruin a country.

Johan Foley, a former bank manager, did not mince his words about why he moved to Kleinfontein about 20 years ago.

“We are worrying about black people,” said Foley, 76.

“Every time they get their hands on something, it is going bankrupt, there are troubles,” he said. “White people gave them clothes, an education.” (Source).
Only white people would have the audacity to pull some shit like THIS^^^ in a country where they are the MINORITY. What the hell is going on in South Africa???

This is a good time to issue a disclaimer. I don't know much about South Africa's history. I know quite a few black lesbians from South Africa read this blog so perhaps you can educate me on the history of the country. 

Growing up I could never understand how whites were able to completely take over an entire continent and country like South Africa. This was before I had a clear understanding of economics and white supremacy. The white minority of South Africa managed to railroad the black majority in the country with the help of other white superpowers around the world. For this reason, I will never understand why Nelson Mandela's answer to DECADES of oppression and racism was to form a "rainbow nation" with the white folks of South Africa! It doesn't add up for me.

Why is it that we, black folks, are content to just turn the other cheek to an enemy that has proven to be a snake? Every time we turn the other cheek that snake takes the opportunity to bite and poison us. So, why continue to play nice with the snake? Why not pull your pistol and kill the fucking snake?

If I were Nelson Mandela I would have given the white people of South Africa two choices: 
  1. Get out! 
  2. Get thrown the fuck out! 
Either way, you are getting the hell out of here!
I would have immediately seized control of the banks, resources (diamond mines, oil, everything else), and businesses. I would have redistributed the wealth to the black citizens of South Africa. The white people of South Africa would have been forced out the country penniless.

Now you know if Nelson Mandela had done any of the above countries like the United States would have labeled him a "terrorist" "dictator" "black Adolf Hitler" and all types of nonsense despite the reality that a white MINORITY was all of the above to the black MAJORITY for decades. 

I tell you...this world is a trip. 

I want to visit Africa. I don't know where I want to go in Africa because I've heard and read so many negative things about various parts of the continent. I don't know what's fact or fiction anymore. Perhaps some of my African readers can stir me in the right direction.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Dreams & Goals

I am a big dreamer. I want so much out of life. I've always been a dreamer (and honestly...aren't most writers dreamers?). Even when the odds were stacked against me I had big dreams and plans for my future. Most black people I run across are surprised by my dreams for the future. Just about every woman who has entered my life has called me a "dreamer." Some of these people believe I need to be more practical while others are impressed by my ambition. 

Sometimes I get discouraged. It is really hard to stay motivated sometimes when you're constantly surrounded by negativity. This negativity can appear on television, radio, print and even your own damn family. It takes a strong person to overcome all the bullshit life throws at them to achieve their dreams. 

Next, week I will be 28 years old and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. 

The one area of my life that I would like to achieve some success is my personal life. I would like to commit myself to ONE woman and hopefully marry her. Out of all the dreams I have this is probably the most challenging. Not because I'm afraid of commitment (the opposite is true). Instead, I find myself put off by the flock of black lesbians I encounter here in Atlanta (the word "stereotypical" is truly too kind!). 

I don't feel like going into a rant about the hoodrats of Atlanta. That is not the purpose of this blog. Instead, I want to know more about YOUR dreams and goals. Are you where you thought you would be at this point in your life? Have your dreams come true? Are your dreams and goals a work in progress? Take time out of your day to complete this short ANONYMOUS survey....CLICK HERE

**Note: I might share the results of this survey on my blog. Remember, this survey is anonymous so you can be honest. 

My First Real Date With Chocolate

Today I spent the entire day with Chocolate. It was our first real date.

My day started early. I woke up and cooked. I cooked collard greens, baked chicken, cornbread and peach cobbler (homemade!). This is part of my "game" or seduction skills. I like to sweep my woman off her feet on a full stomach! 

Most twenty-something year olds are shocked when they encounter someone in their age group who can throw down in the kitchen like grandma and 'em. So, I use this skill (cooking...thanks grandma) to please the ladies when the mood takes me. 

I fired up a few scented candles and I put on Tony Toni Tone's greatest hits, which features one my favorite songs, Slow Wine...

When Chocolate walked into my apartment and caught sight of this little scenario she smiled.

Chocolate: Look at you!

I was smiling from cheek to cheek....pleased with myself.

We enjoyed our meal and we went to the movies. After the movie, we went to Piedmont park where we sat on a blanket under a large tree and talked until the sun went down.

When we parted ways, Chocolate gave me a soft kiss on the lips. I didn't want to let her go. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Me To Her: "I'm Not Feeling You Like That Anymore"

A week ago a face from my past popped up again. Two years ago, I wrote about her on this blog after we had an encounter. The title of that blog is Real Black Lesbians Are Popping Out Kids Too...SMH. In that blog I went on a rant about my disgust with this woman, who intentionally laid down with a man to conceive a child as a single woman rather than having a child in a stable committed relationship with a lesbian partner. In my mind at the time, I believed this woman was everything I was looking for in woman...right up until I found out about her child.

Background info on me and this woman...

I met this woman my sophomore year of college. She was a senior in college and on her way to graduate school. We dated briefly and I liked her a lot.  I was crushing extra hard on this woman. She was everything I wanted in a woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, hard-working and at that time she was childless. There was only one problem...

She wasn't feeling me damn near as much as I was feeling her.

In my original post about her I blamed the demise of our short-lived courtship on my immaturity and the different paths we were pursing in life. Looking at the situation now (or without all the emotions and my bruised ego) I can say this woman played my ass to the left. In the original post my pride wouldn't let me admit it, but that's exactly what happened. 

It wasn't about my level of mature or her going off to graduate school. It was about me not being what she wanted or in a position to give her what she wanted financially (or otherwise). 

This woman was looking for someone with a phat wallet, a place of their own, a nice car etc. She was looking for someone who was already established in life. I wasn't about that life at that point. So, she told my ass to kick rocks. That was in 2005-2006.

Fast forward to the post I wrote about her in 2011...

The chick has a kid and she has put on a little weight. She is doing well in life, but she's single and apparently lonely/unhappy. I don't give her much thought because I'm turned off by her situation. 

Fast forward to 2013...

We have another encounter, but this time I'm on my grown woman steez. 

Anybody that tells you money doesn't make people look better is lying. Believe me, I came from a piss poor background to where I am today. 

Arguably my stock has grown from the day I first met this woman in 2005. When she met me I was walking around in jeans, air force ones and aeropostale t-shirts. My closet consisted of shirts and jeans from The Gap and Old Navy because that's all I could afford (don't get it twisted...I still rock these things from time to time).

Today I'm walking around dressed to the nines in red and black satin Victoria Secret blouses (which I intentionally leave unbutton to my breast line), creased casual suspender pants, double-breasted pinstripe pantsuits, black vests, a fresh hair cut, a gold watch, diamond loop earrings and the finest fragrance money can buy.

Shit, I have come up!

So, when this woman set eyes on me in 2013 her eyes damn near popped out her head! 

I'm going to be honest, I didn't recognize her at first because she has gained quite a bit of weight. When she came up to me on the street (I was leaving Chipotle) I was looking her like, "Who the hell is you?" 

When she finally said her name I was like...

I was shocked! I couldn't help but think, "Damn, what the hell happened to you???"

We chatted for a minute and exchanged numbers. I only gave her my number because I wanted to be polite. Ten minutes after I gave her my number the text messages started. They started off casual and friendly. Slowly but surely they turned personal with her informing me that I've crossed her mind often over the years (I bet!). She begins telling me how great I look. Then she begins telling me about her life and her inability to meet a quality partner. 

I'm reading all this shit and thinking to myself, "I shouldn't have given her my number." 

Yesterday, she sends me a text message asking if we can go out to dinner and a movie. I responded with, "I'm quite busy. I have a lot going on." 

She responded, "Okay."

Five minutes later I get another text message from her. It reads, "How about next week?"

Me: "I don't think so."

Her: "Why not?"

Me (thinking it's probably best just to be honest with her): "I'm not feeling you like that anymore." 

Her: "Oh." 

I feel bad for the woman. Obviously, she made some fucked up decisions in life and now she's dealing with the consequences of those decisions. However, it's trifling to try and come back into someone's life after you've disregarded them and rejected them. This woman hurt me something serious, but I got over it. 

This whole situation reminds me of Kendrick Lamar's lyrics from Memories Back Then... 

Wait, hold up, is that you?
With them big ol' thighs after school?
Jay 305 had gave me high five

When I said I’m in hot pursuit
You said I won’t ride until Kendrick drive

A new Monte Carlo that cruise

And that shot my pride, I tried to improve

But no freestyle I never do
You looking for the nigga with the tallest 'fetti

You overlooking every nigga that ain’t quite ready

To make it rain on you like about to break a levee

Hold up, that pussy petty

Yeah, your nails did, your hair did

Your cell phone is selfish

It only got numbers that come with a Hummer
Her new prima donna I smelt it

Tried to make you mine, ho!

Tried to make some time, ho!
But I ain’t got the time or the patience
To stop and wait in line, ho!
Her dreams holds Versace

She fall for Armani
Only deal with rich niggas

Fuck you and Mitt Romney
I’m grown now I’m on my own now

I’m po-o-o-oppin'

Change my phone now
When I get home now
I got o-o-o-options
Fast forward, wait is that you?

With them big old thighs after school?
And your 3 kids and 3 baby daddies
And car note that’s overdue?
I know

I don't hold any ill will towards her, but she definitely is not on my radar anymore!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

White Lesbians Who Are Interested In Black Lesbians

I get a lot of emails from white lesbians who are interested in black lesbians. I get emails from white women in Brazil, America, South Africa and the United Kingdom. Most of these emails read something like, "I'm a white woman from so and so and I'm interested in black women. Do black women like white women? How can I meet black women?" 

Others read something like, "I'm a white woman interested in black women, but black women don't appear to be interested in me. How can I make it clear to them that I'm not racist?" 

Then there are others that read, "I'm interested in black ladies. I have a thirst for black women. Can you please call me INSERT PHONE NUMBER?"

^^The latter makes me go, "What the fuck?" 

I have no desire to be some white woman's fetish. I'm pretty sure other black women feel the same way. If you're a white woman, who is genuinely interested in black women, great. However, if you're a white woman, who is interested in black women because you're curious, and consider black women exotic, forbidden or taboo, we have a serious problem. 

Black women are HUMAN BEINGS with feelings. Nobody wants to feel like they are a thing of amusement...especially to a race of people, who have fucked black people over for centuries. 

I personally don't have an issue with white women who are interested in black women. To each their own. I have played in the snow myself, but at the end of the day I'm not the least bit interested in a relationship or marriage to a white woman. I have too many issues with white people collectively to ever seriously consider a white woman as a spouse. I can do another woman of color, but I definitely cannot do a white woman.

It is not just about race. Physically white women...the average American white woman...doesn't do anything for me. I like some lips, breast, thighs, ass and curves. The white women I see here in the south are either flat and thin or round and fat. I can't get pass the physical differences between black women and white women. But again...that's just each their own.

There is a bond between black women. I feel it with black women I'm interested in dating,  black women in my family, friends etc. I feel like I can vibe with black women easily. There are things I can talk about with black women and feel like they completely understand me. I don't feel this way with white women. 

If you are a white woman, who is interested in black women, understand that black women have feelings. Despite what you might think, I believe black women are some of the easiest people to talk to and get to know. All you have to do is come correct. When you approach black women with the proper amount of respect most of us return the favor.

There isn't a magic formula for getting a black woman. There are some black women who are receptive to finding love regardless of race. There are some black women, who like me, have a preference for other black women. You won't meet any of the above unless you put yourself out there to meet black women.

Anyway, if you're a black lesbian, are you open to dating white lesbians? 

Hit the poll...

Monday, June 17, 2013

My Money & My Future

Right now my money is sitting in a free premium money market savings account in the bank (my employer). While I do appreciate the opportunity to earn interest on my six figures, I know I can make more money by investing my money. 

I like the stock market, but I don't trust the stock market. I'm not ready to throw my loot in the fire. I'm afraid I will lose my money. So, I'm looking at other business opportunities.

I'm interested in starting a funeral home. I wrote about this a while ago on this blog

I believe funeral homes are good business. They are old business. They are one of the few stable businesses in the black community. Like the black church, funeral homes probably aren't going anywhere. People die. That is part of life. As the saying goes, "You have to leave this world one day." 

Well, I want to be the individual that leads you to glory at your "home going" ceremony.

I went home Thursday and discussed this idea with my family. They were all looking at me like...

My family (paraphrased): You want to start a funeral home? And want us to work in it? Oh hell naw!!! Can't do it!

My mama: Well, I'll think about driving the hearse, but I'm not touching a dead body! 

Me: Funeral homes are good business and they are usually run by families. Why the hell should I hire someone to run my funeral home when I have you country pumpkins sitting around, growing old and getting fat in this small ass town? 

Me: All you have to do is dress the dead, put them in the box, drive the hearse, make sure the chapel looks nice, say a couple of "Amens" and "Praise the lord" at the funeral, drop the dead in the ground and move on to the next funeral. Damn! Y'all can't do that?

My family: (Blank stare).

I spent the remainder of the day trying to convince my two brothers to attend mortuary school. There are only two mortuary schools in Georgia. One is a private school in the Atlanta area and the other is a state school in southeast Georgia. The state school cost $5,000 for the entire program. My brothers can get a Pell grant, and it will cover the entire cost of their education.

My youngest brother is opened to the idea, but my older brother is not. 

Me (to my older brother): Look, it's not like you're doing jack shit with your life! You can go to school for FREE, and work for me, which is probably better than begging some redneck white man for a job. You have two kids. Think about them and think about their future. 

My words went in one ear and out the other. My older brother treats education like a STD. I wasted my time even talking to him about the opportunity.

I'm moving forward with my funeral home. I'm going to start small in my hometown and grow my business. 

I want to have funeral homes all over the state of Georgia one day. 

People die everyday. Funeral directors are some of the most prosperous people in the black community, especially in small towns. When it comes to funerals, black folks don't spare any expense. I'm going to stick my funeral home in the heart of the ghetto and hope for the best.

Friday, June 14, 2013

My New Love Interest

I have a new love interest, and this one was unexpected. I met her at work. While I normally shy away from office romances, I couldn't resist this woman. I fell hard at first sight. 

The first time we met I was sitting at my desk working on an account. She came over and handed me a gift card courtesy of the bank. At first I didn't pay her any attention, but when I finally looked up I saw a short beautiful dark-skinned black woman with one of the phattest asses I've ever seen on a woman! 

My mouth literally dropped upon setting eyes on her. This woman is five feet tall. Her skin is flawless, smooth and the color of milk chocolate. On the day I met her, she was wearing some form fitting casual pants and a white satin blouse. She wore just enough makeup to highlight her gorgeous face and lips. She wore her hair curly and shoulder length. It took my brain an additional 15 seconds to send words to my mouth...

Me: Hi.

Her (smiling): Hello!

Me (thinking she has a great smile): Uh...thank you for the gift card. 

Her: You're welcome.

She turned to move on to the next desk. I don't know what the hell came over me, but I did something I wouldn't normally have the courage to do. I stood up and followed her.

Me: Excuse, what's your name? 

She told me her name. For the purpose of this blog, and all future blogs, her name will be Chocolate! 

Chocolate and I chatted for about two minutes. That was enough time for me to get her phone number. Throughout the day we texted each other. Later that night we chatted on the phone. Each night after that first night, we kept each other company over the phone. Our conversation soon took on a personal nature, and we both confessed a mutual attraction to each other. 

Chocolate is originally from Ohio. Like a lot of black people, she moved to Atlanta because she heard this was the place to be (*rolls eyes*). She also heard it was a great place to meet other lesbians. To my relief, she is comfortable in her sexuality and she doesn't have any children (Thank God!). 

Anyway, today I spent most of the day with Chocolate. We chilled at her apartment. Chocolate likes to dance. Her favorite song right now is Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines...

When this song came on the radio she jumped up and started dancing. My eyes followed her ass, which was bouncing all over the place! She asked me to get up and dance with her. At first I resisted. I'm not the best dancer in the world, but then I said, "Fuck it!" 

I got up and started doing my little two step. While we were dancing, I was thinking how much I wanted to do this to her...

Once we grew tired of dancing we sat down on her sofa to watch a movie. She has one of those reclining sofas. So, we were sitting with our feet up. In the middle of watching the movie, she cuddled up next to me, completely wrapping her small body around me in the process. I took full advantage of the opportunity. I placed the hand that was wrapped around her on her ass! She chuckled and looked up at me. 

Chocolate (smiling): You are so cute, you know that?

Me (smiling): I'm glad you think so. 

I leaned forward and began kissing her. We shared a long passionate french kiss. 

Me: I like you. 

Chocolate (smiling): I like you too. 

We spent the rest of the evening kissing, cuddling and getting to know each other. It was a good day!

Whites Are Becoming A Minority: Why It Doesn't Matter...

Today the census bureau announced that white people are going the way of the dinosaur in this country, and I'm so sad to see them go (sarcasm). According to Census, white deaths outnumbered white births last year. The population drop for whites would have been greater if not for non-American whites emigrating to this country. 

From my observations this is how various races are taking this news...
  • Black people (particularly black men) are jumping for joy. Black women appear to be a little bit more practical about this news. 
  • White people are shaking in their boots. They are saying dumb shit like, "Well, we had a good run, white people, but now we're on our way to becoming the middle east and Africa."
  • Asians: *Crickets*
  • Non-white Hispanics: *Crickets*
  • White Hispanics: "Aren't we included in the white population? If so, white people aren't going anywhere!" 
This is how I took the news...

You can count me in with the practical group of black folks and here is why...

Whites are still the dominate racial group in this country. Whites tend to group all minorities together and then say whites are becoming the minority. This way of thinking never made any sense to me because minority groups don't like each other, don't accept each other, compete with each other, and we RARELY (if ever) do anything productive together. It doesn't make sense to groups blacks, non-white Hispanics and Asians together when truth be told, we are NOT in this shit together! 

Whites, as an individual racial group, still make up 63% of the United States. As individual racial groups minorities are still small in population compared to whites. Now of course things won't stay this way. If things keep going the way they are whites will eventually become a minority.

Then there is this reality...

Even if whites are becoming the minority in this country they still control the vast majority of the wealth in this country, which is the ONLY thing that REALLY matters in this world! This is the MAIN reason why it makes no sense for black people to be so gleeful about this news. 

White people control the GOLD. They control employment. They control banks. They control businesses. They control the stock market. They control the media. They control the economy. Even as a minority, they will continue to control these things unless something drastic happens (i.e., another Great Depression...or the poor revolt and kill the rich, which won't happen because racism keeps poor whites from looking out for their economic interest. They would rather side with rich whites than see blacks or other minorities achieve any type of economic success). 

As longs as whites have economic control and wealth they can still run the world. This can be done regardless of their numbers. So, cheering about the demise of their race doesn't make much sense when we consider the wealth in this country is almost solely controlled by whites!

Surprisingly, most the comments I have read from whites don't even acknowledge this^^^ reality. They are either completely oblivious to it or too stuck on the fear of becoming a minority to think with the other side of their brain.

Topics like this highlight how unbelievably misguided black people are in this country. As with most things, we are too stuck on RACE to see MONEY and how it affects RACE. If we could see and understand MONEY at the same rate that we see and understand RACE we would be the richest group in the world! Think about it...

The Civil Rights Movement amounted to African Americans receiving government forced racial equality (I use the word loosely). It didn't result in economic equality, which is the other half of the equation. That aspect of the struggle fell to the wayside when our so-called black "leaders" decide to accept welfare, public housing and affirmative action as compensation for centuries of hardship, racism and oppression. 

In exchange for helping to "buy off" (perhaps "sellout" is a better word) the black community, black "leaders" (those that lived) were able to advance lucrative careers as race mongers, politicians, preachers and lawyers. African Americans, being the sheep that we are, went along with these folks for the next four plus decades. What do we have to show for it? A congressional black cacuas that isn't worth a damn, hopelessness, frustration, rampant violence and crime, fatherless homes, broken nuclear families, a self-destructive counterculture, poverty and a shit load of other issues.

While we were integrating into our racially "equal" society, and accepting the government cheese, we completely dropped our own community. We dropped our businesses. We dropped our schools. We dropped our black professional class. We dropped all things black, and as a result, we lost our businesses to non-blacks (think about all the Asians who run businesses in the black community). We lost our schools (think about all the HBCUs that have closed their doors due to financial hardship and mismanagement). We lost our black professional class (This group is almost completely dependent upon whites for everything from employment to housing in clean crime free communities. On top of that, they often don't want anything to do with blacks outside of their circle of professionals).

The main people who have benefited from integration are whites (ironically) and non-blacks! Yes, we got our racial equality (again I use the word loosely) but we lost everything else that matters! So, even if whites are loosing their racial dominance they will NEVER be in the same boat as us economically unless something drastic happens. As a race, we need to STOP focusing so much on RACIAL equality and starting focusing more on ECONOMIC equality. 

Monday, June 10, 2013

My Plans For Mahogany Mystique!

Mahogany Mystique is my baby. Well, right now she is a baby who hasn't been born. She is still resting in the womb. I planted my seed and a life was created! Now I'm anxiously awaiting the birth of my child!

I'm so excited about the birth of my child!

I swear, I am going to be a good, loving and devoted parent to my child! I already have big plans for her. 

My baby's name, Mahogany Mystique, came to me in a dream. I liked the name so much that I woke up and immediately wrote it down. The name has flare, style and to me it symbolizes the very idea behind the creation of Mahogany Mystique.

For those of you who don't know, Mahogany Mystique is my soon to be launched website devoted to literature for lesbians of color by lesbians of color. With this venture, I'm hoping to attract lesbians of color who don't mind sharing their fiction, non-fiction, erotica, novellas, and poetry to the world and other lesbians of color.

I am looking forward to finally putting all my freaky sexual fantasies on blast. I am going to enjoy writing erotica starring the women in my life, and the big booty chick I saw walking to the gym at my apartment complex. There is going to be a lot of fucking going on in my imagination!

I also plan to show a little bit more of my tender side. I'm going to publish the Black Lesbian Love Story I want to read on Mahogany Mystique. I plan to publish romance and fairy tales as well. 

I want readers to read Mahogany Mystique and fall head over heels in love with the concept and the website. When people think of the written word, and lesbians of color, I want them to think of Mahogany Mystique

There is something else I'm hoping to accomplish with Mahogany Mystique...

I'm hoping to make Friday's Strawberry Letter day on Mahogany Mystique!

This idea first came to me over a year ago. I was listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Steve Harvey and his co-host were discussing a Strawberry Letter that a listener emailed the show. They offered the listener some advice.

From my understanding, most Strawberry Letters are about relationships, love, romance and family. I started thinking someone should create a "Strawberry Letter" platform for lesbians (particularly black lesbians).

Wouldn't it be great if you could anonymously email your issues and get feedback from others? I think it would be awesome!

Some of you already email me for feedback and advice concerning your issues.

I'm not going to lie. Some of the shit I read have me looking like...

And then I sit and struggle to come up with the right words to say!

It would be nice if I could forward some of these emails to a wider audience and allow them to comment on the situation.

So, Mahogany Mystique's Strawberry Letter Fridays is coming!

Every Friday (hopefully) I will post a new Strawberry Letter on Mahogany Mystique, and it will be FREE (no charge) to read and comment. This will be a good way to bond with other lesbians and form a community around the website.

For those of you who are interested in the opportunity to get advice on your issues, you can start emailing your Strawberry Letters right now!

Even though the website is not up and running yet, I have created an email account for Strawberry Letters. You can start emailing your letters to:

***Be as detailed as possible about your situation. Avoid providing personal information. Please protect the privacy and identity of yourself and those involved in the situation.***

Tell your friends about it! Share this post with everyone you know!'s going down!


Right now I'm feeling lonely as hell. 

It is really hard being single. 

I don't enjoy it. I wish I had someone in my life, who I could love. I miss doing nice things for a woman. I miss sending text messages that read, "I love you. Have a good day." I miss cuddling up to someone at night and waking up in her arms the next morning. 

I miss being in a relationship. 

Sometimes when I think about this subject I feel like crying...and sometimes I do cry. 

Friday, June 7, 2013

Coming Soon: Mahogany Mystique

I am finally moving forward with the next phase of my life (and not a moment too soon!). I am full-filling three dreams in one swift move: I am becoming a publisher. I am becoming a businesswoman. I am continuing my mission to write good quality fiction.  

Sometime in the near future I am going to be launching Mahogany Mystique. Mahogany Mystique will be home to premium erotica, fiction, fantasy and romance for lesbians of color! It will be a PAID subscription based site. Readers of the site will have the following options to pay for content on the site: 
  • Pay per post: Users will be charged .99 cent for each post they want to read.
  • Pay per month: Users will be charged a monthly subscription fee.
  • Pay annually: Users will be charged a yearly subscription fee. 
  • A Day Pass (I'm still thinking about this one because it might undermine the other options): Users will have the opportunity to pay for a day pass, which will allow unlimited access to the site for twenty-four hours.
Mahogany Mystique will use a plugin called "Tinypass," which is a secure merchant processing widget for websites and blogs. Each post on the site will feature a snippet of the post. Under that snippet will be a "Read More" icon. When users click on that "Read More" icon the "Tinypass" box will pop up and prompt the reader to either sign in (under their current subscription) or purchase one of the options above. Readers will NOT be able to read the content on the site, or the comments, without purchasing one of the options above.

When I originally came up with this idea it was going to be a website for MY premium content, but then I had an epiphany...

I can use this platform and the "Tinypass" to publish the work of other lesbians of color! So, that's what I plan to do! This is how it will work...

For those of you who are interested in writing for lesbians of color, Mahogany Mystique is the place for you! I am looking for SERIOUS STRONG writers. I am looking for people who are passionate about writing good, solid stories about lesbians of color.  These stories can range from erotica to fairy tales! They can range from romance to non-fiction/autobiography.

I plan to turn Mahogany Mystique into a BRAND. It will be known for supreme quality and class. It will be a symbol of black and brown excellence!

I won't be publishing lackluster work on my site. So, your work needs to be of quality. I mean it needs to be grammatically correct and on-point. 

If you suck at editing, I suggest you pay a starving English major at your local community college! If you send me lackluster work, I am going to send it back to you with the words, "Please revise."

Pick up a copy of The Elements of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White. Please work on perfecting your craft before submitting it to me. 

Writers for Mahogany Mystique will be paid under the "pay per post" option. Every time a reader pays .99 cent for one of your posts 70% of that goes into your pocket (the other 30% goes to Tinypass). I don't receive anything from individual sells of your post. Instead, I get paid if readers decide to purchase a monthly or annual subscription to my site (Tinypass takes a cut of my money too).

I know some of you might be thinking, "Damn, 70% of .99 cent is not a lot of money."

You're not looking at the bigger picture.

I am creating an opportunity for lesbians of color that NEVER existed before (to my knowledge there are only a few sites that currently charge readers to read content. So, in that regard, I am a pioneer...especially with this business model).

I am creating an opportunity for lesbians of color, who wish to be heard AND get paid for it.

I am offering lesbians of color the opportunity to make MORE money publishing through my site with my .99 cent pricing model than they would make using Amazon Kindle's .99 pricing model. With that model readers purchase ebooks for .99 cent. Amazon keeps 65% and pays the author 35% of THEIR royalties. With my site, authors keep 70% and Tinypass takes 30%.

Let's do the math: Let's say you publish a chapter (notice I didn't say the whole would be expected if you sell on Amazon Kindle) of that wonderful lesbian love story you've been typing out on Mahogany Mystique. Readers pay .99 for that ONE chapter. Seventy percent of .99 cent is .693 cent. Let's say 250 readers purchase that ONE chapter for .99 cent in the course of two or three weeks. That means you've made $173.25 (250 X .693) for this one chapter. 

Let's say you publish another chapter and another chapter and another chapter until you've published the whole book (maybe 40 chapters altogether). Let's say those same 250 readers purchase all 40 of your chapters. That will be 40 X $173.25= $6930 you've made from posting your novel chapter by chapter on my site.

With Amazon Kindle's pricing model you would have only made 250 X.3465 (35% of .99)= $86.63

So, you compare $6930.00 to $86.63. Now of course you can have the best of both worlds as well. You can introduce your novel on my site (perhaps publish a chapter) and publish it on the Kindle. The possibilities are endless.

Then there is this: You have the opportunity to make money from your stories as long they are posted on Mahogany Mystique. As long as Mahogany Mystique is up and running readers will have the opportunity to buy your stories. There is no deadline on posts. 

This pricing model will apply to short stories, chapters from novels, etc as well.

The bottom line is this: The more you write, the more opportunity you have to make money writing for my site. 

I know some of you are thinking, "This sounds good, but what do you get from this, LezIntellect?"

I get a working business model, a publishing platform for my work and the work of other lesbians of color (I want to write my own fiction and I want to read good fiction by other lesbians of color) and I get promotion for Mahogany Mystique.

Many of you will share Mahogany Mystique with your friends and family (especially if you're writing for the site). Those people will probably buy a monthly subscription or an annual subscription. They will tell more people about the site. It will continue to grow. This will lead to more opportunities for me to expand my brand.

Bottom line: We ALL gain from this arrangement. 

Now for those of you wondering how you'll get paid for your work...

I am currently working with my web designer to get the website off the ground. The Tinypass requires writers to have an email address and a Tinypass account. Every time someone purchases your work that money goes into your Tinypass account. From my understanding, you receive notification of the transaction via email. Your email is tied to both Tinypass and Mahogany Mystique.

Tinypass allows you to transfer your earrings to your bank account or they send you a check. You can transfer money and/or ask for a check every 30 days. Tinypass also gives you a report of your sales, which is great for tax purposes. I like this arrangement because it takes the responsibility of handing the money out of my hands.

My web designer (and I) need your email address in order to set up your Tinypass on Mahogany Mystique. You will be responsible for creating your own Tinypass account through the company, but we need your email to set it up on Mahogany Mystique.

If you are interested in writing for Mahogany Mystique I need the following immediately
  1. Your email address
  2. Samples of your work (I want see your work before I agree to publish you).
If you're interested in the opportunity, email me the above information:

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Guest Post: Songbirds Fly Away

Songbirds fly away.
She reminded me of my piano-this girl.
Making her body all the easier to navigate,
Because I was familiar with her sounds
I knew how to touch her keys,we made-harmony .

I would slowly shift her chords-
Pushing down on her sustain petal, I listened as her body sang to me.
Her song was that of neurotic passions and soon- she changed keys
I followed,picking up my pace, sliding my notes  to keep up, I worried I would miss my timing, so I let the stain petal go,I focused,I read her sheet music, until I realized-- I played this piano before, I did not need the sheets, I listened to her body again,we continued in our - harmony.

Sweet songbird- this girl.

This is the first poem I wrote her. It is shitty, I know, but I was smitten by her. Her gaze, her voice, the sounds she made as she slept; I loved her. Anyways, before I get to mushy, and tell you my inevitable tragic end, I should introduce you to my song bird...

Her name is Sam, she is an Italian national, she was in my home town studying abroad. Now that you have been formally introduced, lets go back to the exposition of this song bird and I meeting. It was a very windy November day, I went with my mother to the grocery store (Thanksgiving was right around the corner) to make our final preparations. I was looking for peach marmalade. I stormed around the store in agitation looking for at least one competent worker, who could lead me to my destination. That's when I saw her.

The sun illuminated her golden skin, her jet black hair swung to the beat of the wind (probably the air conditioner but you get my point), and her blue eyes pulled me to her. I was literally in awe. I quickly shifted my glance as she walked passed me (although I am not sure if I remembered to close my mouth) and pretended to read some random labels.

I am not out in my hometown (at least not to my family, but a select few know). So, I was afraid to approach her. I nearly walked out of the store without saying a word when something took over me (my hormones). I found myself in mid sentence, "Hi, you are gorgeous and I was wondering, what is your favorite songbird?"

I couldn't believe myself. I was sure I'd messed up any chance I might have had with her, but then she said, "Cigno reale" (mute swan). I must have looked confused because then she said, "OK, so it is not a songbird, but I have always found that the rarity of one thing edifies its beauty."

I was caught hook, line, and sinker. You should know I forgot my real intent for visiting the store. I returned to my mother dazed and empty handed. Lets fast forward a bit...

After spending nearly everyday together for six months, Sam received a call one night while we were watching a silent film. Before she could get off the phone, I could feel the horror run through her body as she listened. I said a silent prayer. When she got off the phone I knew it was bad. She cried all night.

The next morning I discovered her mother was diagnosed with bronchioloalveolar carcinoma (lung cancer). I was stunned and saddened. Sam explained that her mother was not expected to live long so she must go back to Italy right away. My stomach hit the floor. In a weeks time, I dropped her off at the airport, and I watched as my songbird flew away.

Just to hit you quickly with all the tragic details at once: Sam's mother died two months later, and Sam told me she would not be returning to the states. She said she felt responsible for her mothers death, and if she were home they would have caught the cancer sooner. I didn't argue with her, but my world was shattered with her words. Fast toward through all the break-ups and hopelessness, and we are here today.

I learned that my songbird was wise beyond her years. When we first met she said, "The rarity of one thing edifies its beauty." I learned that the beautiful love we shared was rare, and just like the songbirds it comes and goes. So, I will continue playing her neurotic songs of passion in my nostalgia until the next songbird comes along.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Guest Post: Javon Monet Part One

Here is another guest post. Enjoy! -LezIntellect

It was my freshman year at University. After all of my classes were over I rushed to my dorm room and quickly opened up my laptop. The hit show, The L Word¸ waited for me; I wasn’t new to this I’ve watched it at least five times already. Each time I noticed something different about the characters or the story composition. Each time I dove deeper into the drama. Each time a part of me fantasized about running away to California and being one of those characters.  I sat in my dorm and watched a full season in one sitting. I felt my arousal; again this was nothing new for me but with that arousal came an epiphany. Javon, you like women. This is not the first time this thought has come to mind. But as I put my hands in my pants and thought about touching myself while thinking of Bette, Papi, or Tasha this time the thought was different, I was almost catching myself in the act. I was stunned, almost scared to even admit it to myself. I closed my laptop and quickly ran down the hall to my best friend’s dorm room. As I sat in her dorm I contemplated my next words, I felt like I had to tread lightly before I lose my nerve. I told her I had something I wanted to tell her. She sat on her bed with wondering eyes. “I like women.” I could not believe those words left my mouth. I looked at my best friend fighting back tears.

“Son, I do too,” was her response as she laughed at my nervousness. She gave me the biggest hug and asked me what I planned on doing about it. Things were starting to progress way too quick for my liking. I knew I couldn’t do anything about it. I was scared shitless. My family isn’t as liberal as they claim to be. They are southern, old school, and highly religious. My sexuality would make them question everything they believed in. I knew early on that coming out would not be a good idea for me. So I dismissed the thought. I tricked myself into believing that I was just watching too much of the show, and left it at that. Putting my real feelings in a box and locking it away. Only to let it come out with secret talks with my best friend about both of us running away to London, attending graduate school, and living our lives as lesbians no one would ever know our secret.

The next semester came and I found myself in my biology class, I was sitting on the fifth row of the lecture hall and in walks a woman. She jarred me, she stopped me in my tracks; I didn’t know her but I knew I wanted to be next to her. She looked up at me, smiled and nodded her head. I smiled right back. Is it me or did we just have a moment? I thought to myself. I knew with that exchange that she was going to sit next to me, I was wrong she sat in the row right in front of me, I was crushed. Over that semester I found myself in a daze. I did whatever I could to sit next to her. If she moved up a row I moved up a row. It’s quite pathetic actually, but I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to know her, she was beautiful. She was a stud, with long golden locks that touched her plump backside and a beautiful shade of caramel skin desperately I wanted to run my fingers through her hair and make her cum.

I knew these thoughts were unusual, so I took my feelings to the internet. I found myself on Yahoo answers. I asked: I’m straight and I have a crush, infatuation rather for this girl in my class. I find myself sitting in her area, and I fantasize about feeling her up. How do I go about talking to her or maybe asking her out? I only received two responses, one of them infuriated me. She told me I wasn’t straight and that I was in denial of my sexuality. She told me to just ask her out for coffee. I was heated, who was she to tell me I wasn’t straight? I remember looking at my sister, yelling that bitch doesn’t know me I could be straight, right? I knew that this woman was right, I wasn’t straight but I wasn’t ready to think of the latter. That coming week I was back in class, I recently found out the guy I was “dating” (I use that word loosely, I never really had a connection with any man he was only the second guy I’ve ever dated.) cheated on me. I knew I should’ve cared more but I really didn’t, however, I was in class with a plan. I sat next to my crush and pretended to cry. I figured she would ask me if I was okay and that would open the door to conversations and us getting to know each other better. Again, I was wrong she just looked at me like I was crazy. I left class defeated, I didn’t have much time to talk to this girl I knew I had to act quickly the end of the semester was approaching. As finals time came we were preparing for our exam, after class we shared a laugh and talked about the test. I was ecstatic; I knew this was my chance. She stated that she wish she didn’t have to take the bus home. I quickly offered her a ride. She asked me if I lived near her and I said I did. I lied I lived nowhere near her and I was driving a hoopty that stalled on me, but I was willing to go there just so I can talk to her. As we were walking to my car, she received a phone call, it was her girlfriend and she was outside to take her home. Again, I was crushed. That was then end of that, after that day I never saw her again.

I did take something from that interaction, I was truly gay. It made me back track and think about my life. My crushes in high school, how I found myself running in the opposite direction when an attractive woman approached me, a brief moment I found myself attracted to this beautiful stud that went to my church and worked with me in our dance ministry, my “sleep overs” I had with girls back in my freshman year of high school. I knew I had been gay for a long time. I had only one question left to ask, did I really want to be happy?

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Guest Post: The Tale of The Confused Princess

The following is a guest post that was emailed to me by a reader of this blog. Enjoy! -LezIntellect

As a child I idolized princesses. I loved their fashion, beauty, and mannerisms. When a princess walked into the room everyone stopped to admire her beauty and they were in awe of her presence. Disney's Princesses came from different backgrounds and each story contained its own niche, but there was one common thread: Prince Charming. 

A princess was not validated until a prince came to save her from her distressful situation, and once he did everyone was happy. They got married, and lived happily ever after. I carried this fairytale long into high school until it was pleasantly interrupted.

I was sitting in Chemistry class talking to a close friend when the teacher announced that we weren't paying attention. The teacher decided to switch my lab partner. My new lab partner's name was Makayla. She was a stud. She was very popular in school and very easy on the eyes (not that I acknowledged that part at the time). She had this cool demeanor and a confidence that pulled people to her like a moth to a flame. 

Being the uber shy girl that I am, initially I didn't say anything to her. However, Makayla introduced herself, and asked me how I was doing. By the end of class I felt IT. It being that electricity in my body like my nerve endings were on fire. 

Makayla made me feel desired with just wanting to know more about me, and I cherished our friendship. As the end of the school year was approaching, my time with Makayla was over as well, and we went our separate ways for summer break. 

The first day back in my senior year started with a bang when Makayla walked into the lunchroom with a dress, makeup, and a boyfriend. I was stunned. I called her everything, but a child of god to my friends. They looked at me like, "why do you care?" I realized that I did care...more than I should have at that point.

At the time it was so easy to ignore what I was feeling for Makayla because she did not fit the mold of what I desired. Therefore, I dismissed our time together as nothing more than a couple of good conversations. 

As I made my way to college, I realized that I never had a serious boyfriend and I was still a virgin. Feeling left out, I decided to open my mind to a boyfriend. He was handsome, ambitious, popular, and privileged. Best of all he was awkward like me. I felt as if my Prince had finally arrived. 

Three years passed. We still hadn't had sex. There was alot of on and off time between us due to the lack of intimacy. I thought to myself if you really love him you would open your body to him. So, we had sex. Sex with him was like taking Robitussin, it taste terrible, but you take it to heal something. 

Nothing was healed. We had a huge falling out, and we never spoke again.

As I began to retract from dating, I started noticing patterns in my past relationships. I was never attracted to the guy first, and I never wanted physical intimacy. I dated safe men, who I could control, and I kept them at a distance so I never had to get emotionally involved. 

My dating habits were so unclear to me until last year when I was sitting at home, and came across The Real L Word. As I watched Whitney and Sarah exchange vows, the rainbow light bulb went off in my head and I panicked. 


A lesbian? 


But it is true, and I don't have a fairytale story to reference. I feel lost without it too, how do you identify feminine lesbians? Where do they go to meet each other? How do you prepare to tell your family? I did not prepare for this. So, as I begin to understand my sexuality everyday I'll leave the fairy tales to children because Sleeping Beauty and all those other broads could never handle this shit.
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