Sunday, March 31, 2013

Love Letters: Do People Still Write Them?

Do people still write love letters? Have we completely given up handwritten letters in exchange for emails, text messages and other less personal means of communication? Did love letters go out the window with courting?

I might be one of the few people in the world who still writes handwritten love letters. I've declared my love on paper to every woman I've ever loved. I've written love letters to women I've loved from a distance. I've written love letters to women who made it clear that my love was unrequited. I've written love letters to teachers I crushed on in elementary school. Love letters are a big part of my life. 

I have a desire to write a love letter to a woman who has stolen my heart. She's already made it clear that my love is unrequited so it's probably pointless to write the letter. I doubt my declaration of love on paper will change her feelings toward me. There is so much I want to say to her. I express myself better on paper than I do verbally. A big part of me hopes she will be receptive to my feelings if I express them respectfully.

Friday, March 29, 2013

My Future...

I am going to buy a craftsman bungalow like the one in the picture sometime in the near future. I love bungalows. I think they are beautiful. The bungalow in the picture is currently on sale for one million dollars. Maybe, if everything goes according to plan, I will be able to afford a home just like the one in the picture.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Damn This Song Hits Close To Home...

This song came on the radio as I was driving home from work. It hit very close to home. I couldn't help but think, "This song is the story of my love life" as I cruised 285 on the way home.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I Am Going To Create The GOAT Digital Magazine For Gays & Lesbians Of Color

I am moving forward! 

I have decided to push forward with my idea to publish my own digital magazine. My original idea was to create a magazine that caters to lesbians of color, but I've changed my mind. I want my magazine to appeal to both lesbians and gays of color! This will give me the opportunity to reach a broader audience. It will also challenge me to confront my own internalized homophobia (read my archives). 

Digital magazines are the future. My magazine will be available on smartphones, tablets and computers. Digital distribution is a gift from GOD! Digital distribution makes it possible to distribute my magazine internationally with little to no cost. It will also limit my dependency on advertising revenue. Print magazines often depend on advertising to help cover the cost of production. Digital magazines don't need as much advertising (if any).

Each issue will cost between $2.99-$3.99. My goal is to keep my magazine affordable to all. It will enable me to sell more copies!

I have done my research. Digital magazines can be "pure" and straight forward like those you find on newsstands or they can be interactive and include videos! I think a true interactive magazine will set me apart from my competition. 

I've been sizing up the competition. Saj Golde from The Real L Word has created her own magazine called BlackOUT. I won't go into another rant about Saj and her portrayal on the show (I've already stated I'm not fan). I took one look at her magazine and I decided I can do it better. I can do it better and I can make it far more appealing and sexy. So, that's my new goal. I'm going to create a digital magazine that will be the GOAT of ALL magazines targeting gays and lesbians of color. 

I'm looking for writers, copy-editors and graphic designers. It's okay if you don't live in Atlanta. We can still do business. If you're interested email me.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

This Gives Me Some Hope...

They are beautiful.

Monday, March 25, 2013

I Miss Being In A Relationship

I really miss being in a relationship. Living the single life is not for me. I need someone in my life who gets me (and vice versa). I hate coming home to an empty house. I'm ready for marriage. In a few months I will be 28 years old! I thought I would be in a loving committed relationship or a marriage at this point. I'm finally getting somewhere with my writing career but I don't have anyone to share it with. In my mind, success doesn't mean shit if I don't have someone to share it with. Sigh...

Saturday, March 23, 2013

My Memoir: Would You Read It?

My ex-property manager turned boo (her new nickname will be Cougar) recently suggested I write my memoir. The thought has crossed my mind. To my knowledge, there has ONLY been one well-written memoir/auto-biography by a black lesbian and that was Zami: A New Spelling Of My Name by Audre Lorde. 

Right now I'm reading E. Lynn Harris' What Becomes of The Brokenhearted for the second time. I'm enjoying the book. I can honestly see many similarities between Mr. Harris (R.I.P) and me.

I have been through a lot in my twenty-seven years. I suffer from depression. I know what it feels like to be dirt poor and hungry as hell. I grew up in the rural country town. I was raised by my grandmother. I grew up hating my mother and resenting my father. I was born out of wedlock to a teenage mother and a military crazed father. I come from a broken (and at times abusive) home. I've dealt with racism, sexism, prejudice, classism, elitism and every other ism. I freely admit my own prejudice, racism, sexism and classism. I've overcome some issues (ex. poverty) only to succumb to others (prejudice). Long story short, I've lived a helluva life. 

Would my life make a great memoir? 

Am I capable of writing a great uncensored memoir (perhaps the hardest thing about writing a memoir is revealing things I would NEVER reveal on this blog)? 

Would you buy my memoir? Vote in the poll below...

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I'm Finally Putting Pen To Paper

After months of writer's block I finally have the first chapter of my Great American Black Lesbian Novel (LOL!). This is the first time in months that I truly feel motivated to finish a story. I spend every free moment with the Blue Lagoon. I spend almost every night in front of the Blue Lagoon typing my story as it plays out in my head (I never do any prewriting). I must say I'm very pleased with the outcome.

The story that I'm currently working on will be my first attempt to corner the black lesbian book market. The story is VERY original and VERY me! In my head the story is suspense. It is loosely inspired by one of my recent blogs. In that particular blog I detailed my attraction to a friend/associate's "friend." Well, that attraction turns into a love triangle in my story.

I don't want to give too much of the story away, but I'm hoping to complete it by the end of August (if I'm lucky). The only thing slowing my progress is my job. When I get home from work the only thing I want to do is shower, eat, watch TV and sleep. So, it's very hard to sit in front of my typewriter and focus on writing when I'm fatigue. However, I'm committed to moving forward with this story. 

Next thing...

I debated whether or not to mention this, but I recently published my FIRST book on Amazon Kindle. It is titled Souls of Men...

The reason I hesitated to post Souls of Men on this blog is because this is my FIRST attempt at publishing a LITERARY FICTION story/novel on Amazon Kindle. I'm quite certain there are SOME minor formatting issues with the copy featured on the Kindle. However, I don't mind these small issues because I want to learn from my mistakes. It is important that I learn what NOT to do next time I decide to publish a LITERARY FICTION story. For example, I think my cover is too plain. I might change it.

I wrote Souls of Men over a year ago. I posted a rough draft of the prologue on this blog (it has since been deleted) and you, the readers of this blog, gave me some feedback about the story/plot.  

Souls of Men is a fictional story. However, almost all of the main characters are based on people we celebrate in the black community (both dead and alive). The story begins with the character Warren Jackson (a black man) who is a professional athlete. Warren has just been acquitted of sexual abuse charges that were brought against by a black waitress at a restaurant Warren visited with his white wife. After his acquittal, Warren, his wife and his attorney hold a press conference in which he says something along the lines of (and this is paraphrased), "Black women ain't shit! If they disappear today nobody will miss them."

Anyway, the whole situation (and the firestorm that followed) inspired me creatively. I created a story in which black women (and I do define BLACK in my story) all over the world disappear off the face of the planet.

If you are interested in getting the book (only $1.99 on the Kindle) click this link

Oh and for those of you wondering...I do not bash anyone in my story. This is not a "black man bashing book" or anything like that. This is my attempt at writing literary fiction mixed with fantasy and truth. The book explores sexism, internalized racism, classism, white supremacy, self-hate, colorism and elitism within the black community.

In this first book, I introduce my main characters and their backgrounds. I know your interest is piqued so here is the prologue of Souls of Men...


Some say football star Warren Jackson caused it to happen. While others like Georgia senator, Jessie Lee Garrett, blamed black men collectively.
“No other race of men has shown such contempt for their women like black men. Their hatred of black women is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves, and they have no one but themselves to blame for this situation. It’s their fault for failing to fully appreciate their women. Instead of embracing and loving their women, they opened the door for this…it…to happen,” said Jessie on the floor of the Senate.
It is impossible to say with certainty what really caused it to happen, but most people agree, Warren Jackson’s statements at a press conference held two days before it happened set the bizarre event into motion. Warren, a two time Super Bowl champion and a paid spokesman for several high profile companies, was cleared of all sexual abuse charges filed against him by a black waitress. The waitress accused Warren of fondling her while she served him and his wife at a diner in Charlotte, North Carolina.
“I said I was innocent of these charges and today a jury of my peers agreed with me. God bless America! Justice has truly prevailed in this case,” said Warren, raising his arms victoriously before members of the press who gathered outside the courthouse.
“Mr. Jackson, do you have any comments about the case?” asked a reporter.
“I have never in my life been attracted to black women. I’ve have never so much as looked at a black woman with any type of romantic interest, and I sure as hell have never dated one. Why would I try to sexually abuse a black woman? They mean nothing to me. They are nothing to me. I don’t even have black women in my social circle. For this woman to accuse me of sexual abuse…well it came completely out of left field.”
“But you have black women in your family, correct?” asked another reporter. “You have a black daughter.”
“Correction…my daughter is only half black and I’m raising her to be the antithesis of today’s black women. As for the black women in my family…they might as well be dead to me. They never gave a damn about me when I was growing up…never so much as came to any of my football games when I was kid. It was only after I made it big that they began paying any attention to my talent or me. By then it was too little too late. I already had a bad taste in my mouth thanks to black women in my family. The only woman that has had my back through the good times and the bad is my wife,” said Warren, reaching for his wife Paula’s hand.
Paula didn’t hesitate to step forward. She loved the spotlight. She relished moments like this, which would no doubt lead to several magazine covers and interviews. Dutifully she smiled on cue and nodded in agreement.
“These hurtful accusations have been stressful, but thanks to the support of my wife and kids I have been able to get through this nonsense. My accuser’s real issue with me is my interracial marriage. It’s obvious my real crime, in her eyes, was marrying a white woman.”
Surprised by his candor the press pounced. “So you’re saying these accusations are racially motivated?” asked the same reporter.
“Yes, I believe this whole thing is racially motivated. A bitter, unattractive black woman spots a successful black man with a white woman. She decides to pay the brother back for having the nerve to follow his heart and marry the antithesis of her. She gets the white man, who also hates seeing a black man with an attractive white woman, to lock the black man up on false accusations. Next thing the brother knows he’s fighting for his life against both enemies in a system almost completely controlled by one of them. Black women have been playing this game forever and they are getting desperate. Why? It’s because brothers are now abandoning them in droves. It’s just my luck that the nine people on the jury saw the holes in the prosecution’s case.”
“Let the record show that I have never been in trouble with the law. Never even been pulled over for speeding. The only thing I’m guilty of is having a romantic night out on the town with my white wife.”
“So you think the accuser was jealous of your white wife?” asked another reporter.
At that point Matthew Rolstin, Warren’s attorney stepped forward to intervene, but Warren stopped him. “It’s okay…I will answer the question.”
“Yes, I think she was jealous. Listen folks, you have to understand this is the kind of thing black women do. They hate to see black men—especially successful black men—happy with non-black women. Nothing makes black women more angry than seeing a black man with his act together with a woman from the opposite end of the beauty spectrum. They cry, scream, bitch and moan about brothers marrying outside the race, yet they don’t do any type of self-reflecting to determine why black men are increasingly not attracted to them. I don’t think anyone can understand what black men go through just to find a quality black woman. The vast majority of black women are fat as hell. The typical black woman has kids out of wedlock by several different men. Too many black women have bad nasty attitudes and belligerent personalities. The bad outweighs the good when it comes to black women.
“Black men are tired of black women’s nonsense and to make matters worse no other race of men wants black women. So we can’t even get rid of black women by pawning them off on other races of men. The only way for a black man to get away from black women is to avoid marrying and procreating with black women. We also need to cut off all communication with black women. Brothers need to build a wall of silence around themselves where black women are concerned. That is the only way we will have any peace and happiness.”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?” asked another reporter. “No race of women has a monopoly on quality and morality. Arguably there are trashy white and Asian women. Again, no race of women has a monopoly on quality and morality.”
“NO! IT’S NOT HARSH! It’s the cold hard TRUTH! Ask any black man out here and he will tell you the same exact thing. Black women are the hardest women to get along with and the ugliest to look at—both inside and out. While there may be some quality black women in the world, those women are outnumbered by hoodrats, single mothers, babymamas, gold diggers, bitches and hoes.
“It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Why break your back trying to locate catfish in a pond full of nasty rotten trout when you can find delicious bass, whitening and tilapia in the pond next door? Seems like a no brainer to me and you can quote me on that!”
That was almost a week ago. Warren Jackson hasn’t been seen or heard from since. A week after it happened his attorney held another press conference to report that Warren was in hiding with his wife and children because he’d received numerous death threats. As an added consequence, Warren also found himself a free agent after his team canceled his contact and all his endorsement deals were dropped. Everyone hoped Warren was off somewhere eating his words and if he wasn’t everyone was hopeful that some heartbroken father, husband uncle or brother would make him eat them.
In the United States it was declared a national emergency. Several nations across the globe followed the United States’ lead and declared it a national emergency though it’d taken three days before anyone—including the United States government—bothered to really care. In fact, the only reason it was declared a national emergency is because President Barack Obama, the white house staff, secret service and the rest of the nation awoke to find three-fourths of the first family—Michelle, Sasha and Malia—gone. To make matters worse, it happened two months before the 2012 presidential election and right in the middle of President Obama’s bid for re-election.
Not surprisingly, after Warren made his comments the only people that stood up for black women were black women. The National Council For Black Women and Girls held a press conference the day after Warren’s public outburst demanding that he publicly apologize for his comments. Shelia Walker, president of the organization, called Warren’s comments “Shameful and degrading.”
“All of humanity came from the womb of the world’s first woman: The Black Woman. Today’s black woman has three enemies: Racism, sexism, and black men like Warren Jackson. It’s a shame that the very men who come from our wombs, who so many of us sacrifice for everyday, are now our worst enemy! I never thought I would see the day when a black man would openly and proudly bash his mother, daughters, cousins, aunts and ancestors. It is disgraceful and it’s a painful reminder that black women and girls can no longer trust and rely on the men we birth,” said Sheila Walker, standing before the press with members of the National Council For Black Women and Girls, who stood silently in unity next to her.
The apology never came because Warren Jackson wasn’t sorry for his remarks. Even if he did feel sorry an apology would have come too late. It happened the day after Sheila Walker demanded an apology. That day the world awoke to discover black women and black girls, the world over, gone! They literally disappeared off the face of the planet.

Monday, March 18, 2013

NuDred: Is It Worth It?

I haven't cut my hair yet. However, I do plan to have it cut sometime in the near future. So, right now I'm still rocking an Afro.

A few days ago I ran cross a product called, NuDred (pictured above). NuDred is supposed be a tool that can be used to twist the hair into coils, twist and I guess starter locs (they look like coil twist). Judging from the pictures, NuDred is more or less a sponge, which is kinda cool. 

I really dig this new wave of black entrepreneurship that the natural hair movement has produced. Black entrepreneurs are popping up all over the place with new hair products for natural black hair! 

Maybe...just maybe, the black race will reclaim the black hair care industry! *Fingers crossed*

NuDread looks too good to be true! Check it out...

My hair is curly/wavy. I wonder how my hair will react to this product? I really want to try it, but I would hate to spend $25.00 on this product only to find myself disappointed in the results. 

My goal is to get my hair cut and shaped up. I want about 1-2 inches of hair.

I want a taper fade with the sides similar to this....

or this minus the sideburns...

I want the back to look something like this...

and I want to be able to use NuDread to get my hair to look something like this...

If I can get my hair to look something like the pictures above I will be a very happy woman (at least for a while). 

Have you tried NuDread? Does it work? What are your thoughts? Is it worth it?

I Am NOT About That Life!

I want to clarify a misconception that some of you have about me. I am NOT a player. I am NOT a female Casanova. I am not trying to be a whore, user or manipulator of women. I am not about that all period!

I hate being single and I have ALWAYS hated the dating game. Juggling multiple women and dealing with multiple women at the same time is NOT my thing. Women are emotional creatures and frankly I can barely deal with the emotions that come with ONE woman let alone 3, 4, 5 women.  

I know it seems like I've become a whore over the last couple of weeks with all the women who are currently in my life, but truth be told I would PREFER to be in a loving committed relationship with just ONE woman.

Right now I'm going through the motions and I'm trying to decide where to go next now that Yellow Bone and I are over. 

I would never intentionally try to hurt a woman, and believe it or not, ALL the women in my life know about each other. So, it's not like I'm purposely deceiving these women. I'm not exclusively dating any of them. If and when I decide to exclusively date anyone I will gracefully STOP dealing with all others.

I'm a die hard romantic. I would like nothing better than to meet ONE woman who I can sweep off her feet. Until I meet her I will continue to enjoy my life, but just know...I'm not about that life. 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Jealousy & Love Gone Wrong

Chick on the left is fine as hell....Chick on the right...ummm what the hell happened to her hairline???
I've been meaning to write a blog about this topic for some time now. Today my new boo (my ex-property I should give her a new nickname) asked me if I heard about the domestic violence dispute between WNBA players Jennifer Lacy (pictured on the left) and Chamique Holdsclaw (pictured on the right). I heard about their situation a while ago, but I didn't feel like commenting on it at the time.

For those of you who don't know, Chamique Holdsclaw allegedly tried to either scare the hell out of Jennifer Lacy or kill the chick. Chamique shot up Jennifer's whip and supposedly tried to blow the car up (depending on which blog site you read). What set off the attack? According to Jennifer, Chamique was mad as hell because they broke up. You can read more about their situation here.

I don't condone domestic violence, but if I was Jennifer Lacy I think I would beat Chamique's ass for fucking up my car! That alone would prompt me to stab the chick! I wouldn't care if she did have a gun. The two of us would be struggling over the gun and my foot would ultimately end up in her ass!

I know how it feels to be driven by jealous rage. I have been there. One of my ex-girlfriends used to make me so jealous that I could kill. Jealousy is a SERIOUS emotion. Next to anger, I believe jealousy is the most dangerous emotion of them all. 

Jealousy has the ability to keep you up at night. It has the ability to cloud your judgement. It has the ability to make you ill. It has the ability to drive you crazy. It has the ability to destroy your life. It can drive you to do things you regret later. It has the ability to cripple your body (jealousy is stressful and stress is NOT good for the body). If not managed or unchecked, jealousy can end in violence. 

I don't know what was going through Chamique's head when she was trying to pop a cap in Jennifer's ass. If I were in her shoes, and on the verge of losing a woman that looks like this...

I probably would have lost my mind too! 

Jennifer Lacy is one of the best looking black female basketball players I have ever seen (and honestly I haven't seen too many attractive female basketball players). I read she is from California. Something must be in the water in California because just about ever black lesbian I have ever encountered from California has been FINE as hell!

Poor Chamique probably saw the writing on the wall and knew it was just a matter of time before another lesbian began tapping that vagina. She probably had daydreams of some other butch 6 foot 5 WNBA player eating Jennifer's box in the locker room, and that thought probably messed her up in the head. Instead of seeking therapy, she decided manhandle a chick. Again, I don't condone domestic violence. 

Anyway, Jennifer Lacy has moved on...

Damn Damn Damn Damn!!!!

 And so has Chamique Holdsclaw....

Her girlfriend is cute!

Why You Mad Son???

This is going to be one of the realest blogs I have ever written. It stems largely from a conversation I had with someone that reads this blog and some of the comments I've seen on other blogs I read. There is a group of black men on the internet who LOVE to lament about ALL black women supposedly overlooking them for black men who are thugs, convicted felonies, street niggas etc. Let them tell it from middle school on up, black women have been dissing them for boys/men who are ex-cons, drug dealers, convicted criminals and stains on society. I call bullshit all the way around and let me tell you why...

In general, I believe black men are the most fucked up group of people on the face of the planet. I don't care if they are convicted felonies, preachers, lawyers, or drug dealers. In general, I don't have a favorable opinion of black men. I have seen too much bullshit in my life to have a favorable opinion of black men. Yet my sexuality (I like and love women) and my gender (I'm a woman) put me in a very unique position when it comes to the black community and the brewing gender war between black men and black women. 

I'm able to look at black women and judge them based on my own desires and sexual preferences and I'm able to look at black men and judge them based on THEIR desires, sexual preferences and actions.

Based on the things I see and hear from this vocal group of black men I can honestly say this is an issue central to lame ass niggas. No other group of men on the face of the planet whines about the women of their race finding them unattractive like this group of men. I have never heard a white man blame ALL white women for finding him unattractive. I have never seen a white man bitch and moan about white women supposedly picking low class white men over him. I have never seen a white man base his desirability on the short-comings of other white men (example, compare himself to trailer park trash or a white ex-con...I mean what the fuck). This shit only seems to happen with this group of modern day lame ass niggas. Let's look at the premise of their argument...

Lame corny niggas that look something like this....

are pissed off supposedly because ALL black women are overlooking them and all their awesomeness (sarcasm) for men who look something like this...

who are irresponsible, convicted felonies and dick slinging deadbeats.

Characteristics of lame ass niggas...
  1. They typically have some post secondary education.
  2. They tend to believe their education and academic accomplishments make them "good" black men.
  3. They tend to believe their education and academic accomplishments make them the ONLY "good" black men. 
  4. They tend to measure their desirability against downtrodden black men...rather than men of their class, background and educational level.
  5. They tend to be bitter about women/girls rejecting them all the way back to high school. They say things like, "Black women reject me because I lack swag and a criminal record."
  6. They tend to believe black women OWE them a pat on the back for doing shit they are SUPPOSED to do like avoid prison, seek education and avoid having children out of wedlock. 
  7. They tend to believe there are ONLY two types of black men: lame ass niggas like them, who are "good" and thugs who are "bad." All others don't exist. 
  8. They tend to believe ALL educated black men are "good" black men. 
  9. They tend to be very revengeful and bitter towards black women for rejections they received while in high school and college.
  10. They tend to suffer from penis envy. They pretend to despise black thugs and hoodlums for tearing down the black community. However, the reality is these lame ass niggas don't give a damn about the black community. They despise black thugs and hoodlums because they envy their ability to fuck hoochies with good coochies (more on this later).
  11. They tend to hold non-black women in high regard, though these women don't typically give them the time of day either... unless they have money. 
  12. They tend to be extremely self-centered and narcissistic.
Now if you're like me you're probably thinking to yourself, "This shit doesn't quite add up. Something is missing." What's missing? The WHOLE truth is missing.

These lame ass niggas aren't being honest when they make allegations about being overlooked by black women (all black women) in favor of irresponsible thugs. Here is the truth...

Lame ass niggas are mad as hell because this chick...

won't give them the time of day. Her face is pretty. Her ass is phat. Her waist is slim. Her breast are perky and her pussy is tight and wet. They see her and their dick gets hard as a rock. It doesn't matter that she IS a hoodrat. The only thing they see is a pretty face, phat ass and a pussy. 

Lame ass niggas approach her with their tongues hanging out. She looks them up and down, sucks her teeth and rolls her eyes before ultimately ignoring them. The butt hurt lame ass nigga watches as Tyrone from her hood approaches. He approaches and she suddenly becomes gleeful because again, this is her MALE counterpart from HER environment. He looks like this...

The fine hoodrat would rather be with her thug lover than the corny lame ass nigga that lives in the suburbs and illustrates comic books with his friends (all corny ass niggas).

In an effort to save face and avoid admitting they are checking for the WRONG TYPE of black chicks, corny niggas lie and say ALL black women rejected them. ALL black women didn't reject them. The type they love, like and pursued rejected them. 

I also think they actually believe they can shame fine HOODRATS into liking them instead of thugs. They ignore the reality that SHE is a product of her environment and try to influence her preferences by creating a fake moral compass that points to them (lame ass niggas) as "good" and thugs as "bad." If she wants to do the "right" thing she would stop fucking thugs and start fucking them! It's the right thing to do for the black race and the black community (sarcasm)!

These lame ass niggas go all over the internet bitching about ALL black women and those other black men (i.e., thugs) destroying the black community. They bitch about these men and women denying them (the "good" black men) their proper place as "leaders" of the black community. The truth is these men don't give a damn about the black community. They care about the "perks" they feel entitled to as the "good" black men of the community. They care about the dick slinging thug getting the red carpet treatment from fine hoodrats. They feel they are the true alpha men of the black community and should be afforded the perks that come with the distinction.

From where I'm sitting lame ass niggas aren't simply mad because thugs are taking all the hoochie coochie. They aren't mad because thugs are dropping babies with these women and leaving their children fatherless. They aren't outrage at the behavior of thugs. They aren't mad because the black community has become a cesspool. They are mad as hell because they aren't allowed a place at the table to exploit, use and abuse a village of fine hoodrats themselves!

They envy the thug's ability to fuck all the hoodrats he wants. That's the real reason they go around touting the lie that ALL black women like thugs and overlooked them. The type of chick they wanted (i.e., the beautiful hoodrat with the video vixen face and body) didn't want them. Being that they are supposed to be the "good" black men of the community they can't go around admitting they are checking for black women who are the counterparts of the downtrodden black men they envy. How "good" and progressive can a man claim to be if he desires women from the wrong side of the tracks? Such a declaration would open the door for others to question his creditability.

I'm so sick and tired of these whiny bastards. IF you as a man cannot attract the type of chick that you want you need to do some self-reflecting. Stop blaming the women because they don't want your ass. You may not be her type and she has a right to her preferences. Suck it up and keep it moving. Black women don't owe you their love and affection.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Walking On Cloud Nine

I asked her out and she said, "Let me think."  Well, she's been thinking for almost a week.

I'm not even sure what "Let me think" means, but I concluded that it means I really ain't feeling you in that way so I'mma tell you this shit and I hope you get the picture. 

I got the picture! 

I'm not even dwelling on it. *Kanye shrug* I gotta keep it moving, right? So, that's what I did. 

Last Friday, I discovered that my apartment complex has a NEW property manager. I discovered this when I went to the rent office to pick up The Blue Lagoon, which was dropped off by Fedex. A bald white man introduced himself as the new property manager and he volunteered to carry The Blue Lagoon to my car.

I was shocked. 

I literally stood there with my face twisted in an annoyed frown because I expected to find MY property manager, who has been the target of my affection on and off for well over a year. For those of you who don't know, my ex-property manager and I have a very unique relationship. At one point she was the object of my desire (or maybe obsession is the right word). I once sent this woman chocolate covered strawberries (which she gave to her staff) only to have her turn around and avoid me. I once flaunted my sexuality in her face when I passionately tongued kissed Yellow Bone right in front of her. I gave her the same run around she gave me once I became desirable to her. Long story short, we've been going through this thing since way back. So, when I found out she is no longer MY property manager my heart dropped. 

My ex-property manager was PROMOTED and though I was happy for her I was also very sad to see her go. I spent the rest of that day thinking about her. I thought about her well into the beginning of this week. Finally, I broke down and called the rent office to see if I could get some information about her whereabouts. The assistant leasing manager picked up the phone. 

Assistant Manager: Oh...she left her card with me. She told me to give you her card. I'm glad you called because I almost forgot.

To say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement. I knew there was a reason I fell for this woman! Obviously she was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about her. I went by the rent office and collected the business card. 

I called her yesterday. She didn't pick up so I left a message. She called me back while I was at work so I missed her call. She left a message with her cell phone number. Once I made it home I called her cell phone. 

My ex-property manager: I want to see you.

Me: Okay. 

My ex-property manager: Can you come over to my house?

Me(surprised): Umm...yes. 

She gave me her address. Two hours later I was sitting on her couch cuddled up with her! We talked well into the early morning hours. When it was finally time go home I leaned in for the kill! We kissed passionately and I left. Sometime in the near future I will write a detailed blog about our night together.

On the way home I blasted New Edition's Count Me Out...

When I tell you this song was in my head ALL day today I'm not lying. Every time I thought about my ex-property manager this song played in my head and I began doing a two step! People at work probably thought I was high or something. Well, I guess I was high. High on life and walking on cloud nine for once!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A Woman's Touch & The Emotional Connection

There is nothing more sensual to me than a woman's touch. If I feel an emotional connection to her there is nothing more pleasing to me than feeling her touch. That's why I put so much emphasis on the emotional connection in my relationships. Without the emotional connection my relationships would feel empty as hell. The emotional connection makes sex, love and everything else all the more enjoyable. In my opinion, the emotional connection is the thing that makes same sex relationships tick. If the emotional connection is there then the sensuality of your partner's touch is there too.

Every woman who has meant something to me has had a distinctive touch. Yellow Bone liked stroke the back of my neck, which is my spot! The chick before her loved to crest the side of my face as we kissed and lay beside each other in bed. The chick before her liked to hold/rub my hand and kiss it (she often did this while I was driving). Several women I have dated loved to rub my back, arms and face (for some reason rubbing my face is very popular with women).

I have my own distinctive touch! I love to slide my arms around a woman's waist from behind and kiss the back of her neck or shoulder while rocking her body from side-to-side suggestively. Most women typically fall in line with my rhythm and they begin to sway their hips and body with me while enjoying my lips on their neck or shoulder. 

Depending on the woman and our relationship I'll usually whisper something I know she wants to hear while we're rocking from side-to-side. For example, if I'm trying this move on Yellow Bone I usually whisper, "I love you, baby." Our rocking usually ends in the bedroom.

As far as I'm concerned there is nothing better than looking into a woman's eyes while she touching me and thinking, "Damn, she gets me." Both the touch and the emotional connection run deep.

Monday, March 11, 2013

OMG! I Have Found My New LOOK!

I've been struggling my hair for a few weeks. I'm sick of my Afro and I think it's time for a change. Well, today while browsing the internet I found my new look. The chick in the picture is FRESH! I am in love with her hair. I don't want a high top fade, but I plan to tell my favorite barber to hook me up with something similar. I love her tape! This is going to be my new look.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Look But Don't Touch

I am spending the day with Caramel, but I wanted to write a quick blog before she comes over. Yesterday, I met the most fascinating woman. She and I met through a mutual friend (or maybe associate is the appropriate word because I'm not really close to this person), who sent her my way because I'm halfway serious about starting my own magazine. This friend supports my idea so she's been sending me writers whenever she runs across them. That's how I came in contact with this particular woman.

Anyway, yesterday evening she came over to my apartment and we talked for about three hours (I wasn't keeping track of the time). We talked about a lot of things and I found myself intrigued by this woman. We share some things in common. Apparently we both have a love for books and writing. That turns me on! Normally this would be a good thing right? Not in this case. This particular woman is being chopped down by our mutual friend. I picked up on that early on and I even got her to admit it.

As I sat there listening to her talk about her life and her experiences I kept telling myself, "Look but don't touch. She's getting it in with your friend, which puts her in the off limits category." Still, I can't help but be intrigued by the woman. She seems like an awesome person...the type I LOVE to meet. I'm even jealous of our mutual friend, who I guess is going through the motions with this woman (I'm going by the information I was told). 

Is it ever okay to pursue a girl that's been with a friend? What if the friend is cool with you pursuing the woman (highly unlikely)...would it be okay then?

Friday, March 8, 2013

Jada Pinkett Smith: "Why Are My Old Ass Manless Girlfriends Going Gay?"

I wasn't planning to blog today but this nonsense needs to be addressed. On Wednesday, Jada Pinkett-Smith posted the following on her Facebook page...

Before I begin...I want to make one thing clear. It's important that you know that I believe love comes in ALL forms. I believe a person should love WHOMEVER...HOWEVER they choose. But...I do have a question.

In the last month, three women, in their 40s, coming out of long term relationships with men have confided in me that they now feel that their last resort for companionship is that with a woman. These are women who have never engaged in or even desired to be in intimate relationships with other women. Now these women feel as though they have no other option. It seems as if there is a spike in same sex love all around. What is changing in which how men and women are relating to one another, that is creating same sex love as a LAST RESORT for heterosexual women?
Here is my response...

Dear Jada (and confused chicks around the world):

Your trifling ass friends (or whoever they are to you) make me sick! I truly resent people like them who suddenly make a CHOICE to date members of the same sex as some sort of "last resort." Unlike your friends, LESBIANS (and TRUE HOMOSEXUALS) cannot move the goal post with our sexuality. We don't get to decide when, if, and why we are GAY. Those of us who ARE truly gay didn't decide to be this way. Being in a heterosexual relationship is not an option for us. So, the thought of possibly being someone's "last resort" or "experiment" or "companion until the right man comes along" is off-putting, offensive and repulsive.

This type of bullshit almost makes me HATE that homosexuality is becoming more and more accepted by society. I know that seems like a strange thing for a lesbian to say, but try looking at it from my perspective. 

"Going gay" has become a trend for far too many people, who in all honesty are either bisexual, bicurious, confused as hell or lonely like your friends. These people often misrepresent themselves to TRUE homosexuals and society in general. They pass themselves off as something they are NOT. 

From the outside looking in, you say to yourself, "They can turn their gayness on and it must be a choice." When in reality these folks are FAKING the funk. They do not represent us TRUE homosexuals.

Twenty or thirty years ago your friends, despite their issues with men, would have NEVER thought about "going gay" when faced with the possibility of being manless and alone. Instead, they would have stayed single while patiently waiting for Prince Charming. Many of them would have gone to church and PRAYED for a "good" man to come their way. While this was taking place, true homosexuals were either downlow and stuck in the closet or out and proud, but shunned by society.

Even though you did not mention the race of your friends, I can already conclude they are black based on the crap I see with my own two eyes. Black women, young and old, are single, depressed and lonely as hell. I get it and I sympathize with black women. It's hard to be a black woman period. It's probably ten times harder when you are dealing with a race of men who collectively ain't shit! Personally, I don't believe black men are worth the energy. This world is FULL of men and black women (American black women) are ONLY 6% of the U.S. population. Get out there and meet some of those men!

It might be difficult to meet a man if you're middle age. The older you get the harder it is to find a mate regardless of your sexuality (believe me I know). Your friends probably believe it's easier to get along with a woman than a man. They probably think women are more agreeable, likable and sensitive to their needs than a man can ever be. They probably think being with a woman will prevent stress, abuse and heartbreak. Nothing is further from the truth. 

Women fight, cheat, steal, hurt, manipulate and betray just as good as men (if not better). Women tend to be catty. We can be moody. We tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves. Relationships with women tend to be more emotional than sexual. Giving your girlfriend some coochie won't make her forget her anger and pain as easily as it would a man.

To make a long letter short, turning to members of the same sex is NOT the answer. Unless you're planning to hook up with another manless lonely woman, a bisexual or a confused chick I'm pretty sure most lesbians will give you the *side eye* if you approach them with this mess. Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to or start fishing in rivers and lakes with multiple RACES of fish.



Thursday, March 7, 2013

My Love For The Rabbit!

The picture that you see above is a picture of the G.O.A.T (greatest of all time) of all dildos! It is the undisputed KING of all dildos! The Rabbit or Rabbit Dildo, as it is called, will have your girl and/or you in a COMA once you're done screwing!

I have been a fan of The Rabbit since I was 21 years old! This sex toy is a BEAST when used correctly! 

The Rabbit is different from all other dildos. Why? Because the little rabbit you see at the top of the dildo moves up and down. This moment stimulates the clitoris while the head of the dildo is vibrating and spinning inside the vagina. This action is GUARANTEED to make you and/or your girlfriend cum at full blast.

The bunny ears hit the clitoris while the head of the dildo is vibrating and spinning inside the pussy, which makes the pussy wet.

Some Rabbits are just plain dildos while others are strap-ons. I've used both versions of The Rabbit in the bedroom.

For those of you I don't use The Rabbit on myself. I have NEVER used The Rabbit on myself. I NEVER plan to use The Rabbit on myself. The thought of being penetrated by a man, dildo, strap-on or whatever does not arouse all period.

I keep a brand new Rabbit around for the women who make it to my bed. I don't share sex toys (the thought of doing so repulse me). So, if I'm dating a new woman I buy a new Rabbit just for her.  

Whether or not I buy a Rabbit or any sex toy really depends on the woman. I usually ask if this is something she likes before I go out and buy a Rabbit (which by the way is not cheap). Some women like it. Some women don't like it. It all depends on the woman. Just like me, some lesbians have no desire to be penetrated or touched with a dick...whether it is real or fake. 

Two days ago, I went out and bought The Rabbit for Caramel, and yes, I'm still screwing her. Her sole purpose in my life is to keep my bed warm and keep me sexually satisfied. We have great sex! Our sexual relationship is one of the highlights of my week. And will never be more than sexual. I plan to wash my hands of her before her girlfriend comes back from Afghanistan nine months from now!

From time to time Caramel and I tease each other to see which one of us can make the other cum the hardest. So far, she's winning! However, I plan to change the game with my BFF, The Rabbit

This weekend it is on and popping!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A Rant About Atlanta Police Department

Atlanta Police Department (APD) ain't shit! If you live in or around Atlanta you already know it's true. However, for those of you looking in from the outside, Atlanta's police department looks and behaves like MOST police departments in cities heavily controlled and populated by black people. Atlanta Police Department is corrupt as hell. Atlanta Police Department is sorry as hell. Atlanta Police Department is incompetent as hell. And UNFORTUNATELY, Atlanta Police Department is over 70% black (unfortunate, because their mediocre performance is BAD for the race in general). 

Atlanta's chief of police is BLACK. Most of the people in charge are BLACK. Most of the people running city government are BLACK. Most of the citizens of the city are BLACK. Yet, things here are FUCKED UP and backwards as hell. 

I'm a librarian. Most of you should know that by now. When most people think about librarians they think about old, fat, stern-looking white women. They assume librarians sit behind a desk all day and shelve books. Nothing is further from the truth. 

Librarians are teachers, community activist (or community outreach), researchers, curators, archivist, information experts, historians, writers, artist, catalogers, scholars (many of us hold multiple degrees), medical and law professional (again many of us hold multiple degrees) genealogist etc. This is the stuff we get PAID to do. 

Then there is the shit we public librarians are FORCED to do: 
  • Daycare providers (parents either neglect their children while they are on computers or they simply drop them off at the library for hours on end).
  • G.E.D. experts (apparently we're not only responsible for showing people the G.E.D. section of the library, but we're also responsible for spoon feeding them the material).
  • Keepers of the toilet paper in the bathrooms (Niggas will steal anything that's not nailed down. I actually chased down the "toilet paper bandits" who were stealing our hard ass industrial rolls of toilet paper). 
  • Guardians of the library's building. We have to keep motherfuckers from pissing on the side of the library in broad daylight.
  • Re-direct the blind, deaf, homeless and stupid to the bus stop. 
  • Protect abandoned kids in our daycare for neglected kids from homeless, weird and crazy perverts who wander into the library. 
  • Social Workers for full grown adults (believe it or not, adults are just as needy as the kids they drop off, ignore and neglect)
In an ideal world, a major public service like the public library would receive quick and speedy service from law enforcement (another major public service) when needed. Well, apparently that's not least not in Atlanta. 

I once had a patron tell me he was going to kill everyone in the library. This man scared the hell out of me because he was clearly mentally unstable. This crazy nigga was in the library violently kicking a damn pencil around the floor. When someone tells me they're going to kill my ass I take that shit seriously! I called APD. Two hours later they showed up! 

Today, a blind woman came into the library screaming. I walked out of my office to figure out what the hell was going on and there she was screaming, "Somebody help me!" I walked up to her. I didn't immediately know she was blind because she didn't have a dog or a blind cane.

Me: What's wrong ma'am?

Her (still screaming): Somebody help me!

Me: Ma'am what's wrong?

Her (still screaming): Somebody help me!

Me: Ma'am, I'm here to help. What's wrong?

Her (still screaming): Somebody help me!

When I decided to become a librarian I didn't sign on to be a social worker. This type of nonsense is why I'm now looking into becoming an academic or medical librarian. I just can't do it. I don't have the patience to deal with this bullshit.

I went into my office and I called APD. When I was done I hurried back to the blind woman. She was calm and sitting in a chair. Turns out the bus put her off at the library instead of taking her home, which was two miles away. I have no idea why she was on the bus alone or why the bus driver put her off at the library. Anything could have happened to the woman. She could have been hit by a car crossing the road!

It took APD a whole hour and half to make it to the library! Frustrated and angry as hell, I went off on the police officer who finally showed up. His reaction was, "We don't deal with this type of situation."

Me: Are you serious?

Him: Yes.

Me: Well, look here, somebody needs to see this woman home. Dammit, if you can't do it call somebody that can! 

I stood outside with the officer for another hour waiting for him to get permission to take the woman home. 

I fucking hate APD. I hate dealing with them and I hate calling them. They don't give a good gawdamn about the citizens of Atlanta. Someone needs to drop an atomic bomb on Atlanta Police Department.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Yellow Bone's Birthday Gift Part Two

Yellow Bone came over to my place late last night. I gave her the diamond earrings I bought for her birthday. Surprised, she happily accepted the earrings. She pulled me into a hug and she tried to kiss me. I turned away. Baffled, Yellow Bone stared at me for a moment. 

Yellow Bone: What's wrong?

Me: Nothing. I just think we should be clear where we stand with each other. We're friends right?

Yellow Bone: Yes.

Me: We'll let's just be friends for now on. No more kissing, cuddling, gifts, late night phones etc. You have your life and I have mine. 

Yellow Bone: Are you angry because I'm seeing someone?

Me (lying): No, that's your business. You have a right to live your life. 

Yellow Bone was about to say something, but she stopped short. After she left, I cried. 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Anxiously Awaiting The Arrival Of My New Baby!

I know most of you probably think I'm a nerdy bookworm, which for the most part is true. I'm a proud blerd (black nerd) of the few left in the world. This bookworm purchased an IBM Selectric II typewriter last week from a company in Illinois. It looks exactly like the one pictured above (I've already nicknamed it The Blue Lagoon because we'll be spending a great deal of time together on my imaginary island).

I'm so excited because the IBM Selectric is supposed to be the Cadillac of electric typewriters. Even though I love the manual typewriter Yellow Bone gave me, I cannot get down with manual typewriters. I've been spoiled by technology. Typing on a manual typewriter is like washing clothes by hand. It's time consuming and nerve racking. 

I'm in love with manual typewriters, but I cannot create my bestselling novel on a manual typewriter. So, I set off to find an electric typewriter with modern capabilities. My research lead me to the IBM Selectric II and III.

IBM Selectrics are older than me. I think they stopped making IBM Selectrics in 1985 (the year I was born). Prior to doing my research, I didn't know anything about IBM Selectrics. I've only seen one Selectric in my life and that was in elementary school. The school secretary used to type on a Selectric. I remember it was a huge green machine that sat on her desk.

Finding an inexpensive like-new IBM Selectric was damn near impossible. Most of the IBM Selectrics I found were old and in need of repair. I looked all over for one of these machines before I ran across a company that specializes in reconditioning IBM Selectrics. This company takes old IBM Selectrics and transforms them into like-new machines. They chemically bathed them. They oil them. They make sure every feature is in working condition. Then they safely ship the machines to customers.

How much did I pay for this typewriter? $230.00!

Hopefully, it will help me get the ball rolling with my defunct writing career. 

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Yellow Bone Is Dating Someone Else

Today is Yellow Bone's birthday. I woke up happy and excited because I'm supposed to give her those nice diamond earrings I bought. The first thing I did upon waking up was call her...

Me: Happy Birthday, pretty woman!

Yellow Bone (clearly still asleep): Thank you!

Me: I have your gift in front of me. What time should I swing by to give it to you?

Yellow Bone: Ummm...I'm probably going to be out most of the day.

Me: Cool. What are you going to do today?

Yellow Bone: Uh...I have a date.

The phone line grows silent.

I feel a sharp stab of jealousy. 

Me (trying to save face): Oh...well I hope you enjoy your day.

Yellow Bone: Thank you. I will catch you later. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow.

Me: Yeah...that would be great.

I know I don't have a right to be upset or jealous (an emotion that makes me uncomfortable) because I moved on before Yellow Bone. Still, I feel some kind of way about her dating someone else. I can't help it. When I think about Yellow Bone I still consider her my MAIN girl. 

My first instinct is to take these damn earrings back to the store and get my money back, but I won't do that. I'm going to try to control my emotions. There is no point in being upset. Yellow Bone has a right to happiness...just like I do.

Friday, March 1, 2013

My Hair

I am going through some things with my hair. As many of you already know I have a large Afro. I love my natural black hair. Even though I catch hell trying to get my Afro even each and every morning I still love it. Well now I have a new issue with my hair. 

My hair is beginning to gray. I don't mean one or two strings here and there. I mean I'm turning into a salt and pepper head EARLY courtesy of my genes. I'm 27 years old, and I have more gray hair on my head than my 47 year old co-worker! 

The edges of my hair are beginning to massively gray. Pretty soon I'm going to look like the Bride of Frankenstein or a black female version of Mitt Romney!

I'm not complaining. I actually like my gray hair. I can see myself in my mid-thirties with a head full of gray hair! Solid gray hair and a young face...yeah I kind of like it. Here is my issue...

I think I want to lock my hair. I'm tired of my Afro. Should I wait until my hair is completely gray or should I go ahead and do it now?
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