Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Yellow Bone's Birthday Gift

Yellow Bone's birthday is Saturday. Even though we are no longer together she still holds a special place in my heart. Therefore, I didn't mind dropping almost a grand on the 1 carat princess cut diamond earrings you see pictured above. Yellow Bone is worth every dime. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I give her the earrings!

Bisexuals & Double Standards

I received a lot of feedback from my last post in which I expressed my opinion on the phrase Sexuality Is Fluid. In this post I will clarify my feelings on bisexuals. Hopefully, this post will answer all of your questions. 

I don't date bisexual. I have NEVER knowingly dated a bisexual. I have been in relationships with two women, who deceived me and lied about their sexual orientation. They led me to believe they were LESBIANS when in fact they were BISEXUAL. 

In general, I don't have a problem with bisexuals. I have an issue with dishonesty and liars. I have an issue with people deceiving me and misrepresenting themselves. If you are bisexual and you are openly bisexual (meaning you don't claim to be a lesbian) I don't have a problem with you. If you're upfront with me about your sexual orientation I still won't date you, BUT I will respect you.

If you are bisexual, but you portray yourself as a LESBIAN, I have a HUGE problem with you! These women are fucking up people's lives and emotions. In my opinion, they aren't any better than downlow black men. Like downlow black men, they misrepresent themselves, and they lie about their sexual orientation. Unlike downlow black men, they aren't held accountable for their actions. Unlike downlow black men, there hasn't been any type of media outrage to shame these women. They fuck people over (men and women alike) and they go on about their lives.

For some strange reason people expect me and other lesbians to be accepting of bisexuals. Because homosexuals are a marginalized group we're supposed to be ACCEPTING of other marginalized groups. If we cannot accept them we are "closed-minded." 

I call bullshit! 

When straight black women REJECT the idea of dating BISEXUAL BLACK MEN nobody calls them "closed-minded." People don't trip because black women cannot wrap their minds around loving men who love other men! In fact, nobody blames black women for not wanting a man that fucks other men! We all think to ourselves, "I wouldn't want them either."

Black lesbians (and homosexuals in general) are not given the same consideration when it comes to dating BISEXUALS. We're told we are CLOSED-MINDED if we aren't down with dating bisexuals. We're told we are closed-minded if we can't wrap our minds around fucking women who fuck men. It is a double standard and frankly it pisses me off!

Nobody questions why heterosexual women are ONLY open to heterosexual men. 

Nobody questions why heterosexual men are ONLY open to heterosexual women. 

When a HOMOSEXUAL is ONLY open to other HOMOSEXUALS, and NOT bisexuals, we are hit with all kinds of allegations. It is NOT fair and it is NOT right. 

I don't accept this idea that I am supposed to be accepting of bisexuals. It is not going to happen. Anyone that doesn't like it can kiss my ass!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

"Sexuality Is Fluid" Translation: "I'm Bisexual Or Bicurious"

It's always interesting when I hear someone say, "Sexuality is fluid." From experience, people who believe this nonsense and say it are typically bisexual, bicurious or confused as hell. Because bisexuality is stigmatized these folks go around saying, "Sexuality is fluid" as if people cannot read between the lines. 

Sexual orientation is a black and white issue. You're either gay, straight or bisexual. I don't believe true heterosexuals and true homosexuals believe sexuality is fluid. We don't feel a desire to go against our sexual orientation. We don't suddenly switch teams. You won't catch us saying sexuality is fluid.  I avoid dating people who believe sexuality is fluid. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "Your sexuality might be fluid...but mine sure as hell is not."

The idea behind "sexuality is fluid" is this: You can be attracted to people...rather than gender and sexual orientation can change over the course of one's life. 

I call bullshit all the way around because I am not attracted to dick! As a lesbian, I don't desire nor think about a man because he has a dick. His gender impacts my ability to find him attractive. I'm sure it's the same for true heterosexuals. I highly doubt straight men sit around thinking other men are attractive in a sexual way.

What do you think? Is sexuality fluid?

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Other Black Lesbian Blogs

I read a lot of blogs. I read news blogs, entertainment blogs, gossip blogs, fitness blogs etc. Blogs are my go to source for almost all my information needs. Next to books, blogs are my favorite things to read. I would rather browse the internet for blogs than watch television. That's how invested I am in blogs. With that said, I'm very disappointed in the quality of black lesbians blogs currently on the Internet. 

While updating my blog today, I did a Google search for "black lesbian blogs" with the hope of adding some of these blogs to my blog list. I discovered that my blog is number one in that search (hand clap for me) and it's pretty much in a league of its own in terms of quality and content. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but that's honestly what I discovered. 

There aren't that many black lesbian blogs on the Internet. The few that are out there give the following impressions: 
  • The author chose to be gay.
  • The author is weird as hell (not to be confused with bohemian).
  • The author is experimenting.
  • The author would like to be with a man if only she were more attractive. 
  • The author lacks self-esteem, social skills and a whole list of other traits that are imperative for a grown woman wishing to find a mate. 
  • In some cases, the author tends to be a walking stereotype of black lesbianism.
As I read through some of these blogs I kept asking myself how do you 'go gay'? At what point does one decide to be gay? If you were sleeping with men doesn't that make you bisexual? These were the questions that popped into my head after reading the titles of their blogs and their blog post.

It is very disappointing to be on an island by myself. I've become the GOAT of black lesbian blogs. I've become a token representation of educated, progressive, thought-provoking, black lesbians. While I'm flattered to hold such a distinction, I don't want to be alone on the island. I would like to add some black lesbian blogs to my blogroll, but apparently like black lesbian books and entertainment, quality black lesbian blogs are damn near non-existent.

Sigh...I guess I will keep searching. 

Survey Results: The Mating Habits Of Black Lesbians

A little over a week ago I asked you, the readers of this blog, to take a survey about black lesbian mating habits. This blog includes your responses to that survey. *Note: I didn't list all your answers. I went through and pulled answers from each survey.

A few observations...

Most of you said you are in a relationship, but when you are single you find it hard to meet quality women. 

Black lesbians, those who read this blog, are far more liberal about interracial relationships than their heterosexual counterparts. Only one black lesbian said she is against interracial relationships...though almost all of you said you prefer to date other black women.

Most of you don't have children and most of you said you are not willing to date someone with children.

To my surprise, some of you stated a preference for a skin tone (i.e., dark-skinned, light-skinned etc). 

Most of you identify as fems.

Most of you said you believe in gender roles (i.e., one partner needs to dominate or take the lead while the other is submissive).

Last but not least, quite a few older black women read this blog. By older I mean middle age, which is surprising considering I'm only 27 years old. 

Survey results....

1).  Are you currently single? If yes, how long have you been single? If no, how long have you been in a relationship? How do you typically meet women? Do you find it difficult to meet women?
  • Yes. I've been single for a month. I usually meet them online. Yes, I find it very difficult. I'm femme and I live in St Louis. The gay scene here is full of young ratchets. And being femme, I don't often get approached by women in non-gay establishments. Even online, its hard to find non ratchets in St Louis.
  • Been in a relationship for two years. I randomly meet women mostly night clubs tho. I find it hard to meet women my age, I always seem to attract younger females. Can't help it.
  • I am single, however, my ex still lives with me, how's that for something different. I have been singe for two and a half years. Presently I'm using Zoosk, and I find it interesting, since I find it very difficult to meet women of substance.
  • Yes, 5 months, typically through friends or approaching women directly, Yes it is difficult meeting other feminine lesbians like myself.
  • I have been in a relationship for six year and were recently engaged last month. We met at work. Prior to her I did not date women;however we took a break and found it nearly impossible to meet a woman meeting my standards.
2). How old were you when knew you were gay? When and how did you come out of the closet? Has being out or in the closet impacted your personal life?
  • I knew I was different, probably when I was 11- I brushed it of as being bi-curious. When I was 15 I accepted that I, indeed loved women as much as I loved boys. I accepted that I only wanted to be with women when I was 19 (December 2012)

    I've come out to most of my friends and a few cousins know and my older sister knows. Everytime I came out to those people it was because I'd be "in love" with some girl and I'd either forget not to use definate pronouns or I'd use "she" by accident.

    Being out to most of my friends has made talking about my relationships easier and I'm able to interact with women I'm interested in more easier. My relationships have been much easier, not having to hide my partners or introduce them as my "friends".

    Being a black lesbian in South Africa, in itself is difficult. Despite having the right to marry whomever I love, I still have to contend with the fact that most of my family are traditionalists and believe that homosexuality is either a "white thing" or the devil's work and I've heard them pass homophobic remarks, which makes it difficult for me to come out.I never talk about my relationships with my mother because I have no clue how she'll react to my being intimate with a woman and this has put strain on our relationship.
  • 8. There was no coming out, just lived my life No impact at all
  • Looking back I was since first grade but didn't know what it was at the time.
  • I was 12 yrs old. I came out at 13 closer to 14. I didn't willingly expose my sexuality, it was a text message gone wrong that informed my family of my way of life. Yes, being in the closet impacted my life with my partner, my classmates, and really anyone who knew my secret that had to lie and watch what they do and say just to protect me.
  • In high school I knew I liked women but didn't interpret those feelings into being gay. I've been out the closet for about 5 yrs. I just gradually began telling those close to me. My Mom took it hard but she has adjusted.
3). Is race a significant factor when choosing a partner? Do you have a preference? Do interracial relationships amongst black lesbians bother you?
  • Yes, race is a significant factor when choosing a partner. I am an African-American female who prefers African-American women. Interracial relationships amongst black lesbians do bother me.
  • Race isn't a factor to me, but I'm more attracted to my own race. Some females of other races turn me on but I just can't see long term. Yes i have a preference. No interracial relationships don't bother me at all. Love is love.
  • Race: Yes for me it is. I have a preference. Interracial relationships do not bother me, but it's not for me. I tried it twice, and they were the shortest relationships I've had, if I can called them relationships.
  • I'm black and I don't have a preference but I tend to always date non-black women. It's not just flows like that I guess. Also, I encourage interracial dating.
  • Myself and my girlfriend are black. I've never dated outside of my race but I've considered it but could never bring myself to do that. It doesn't bother me seeing an interracial couple together. I am in no place to judge who others fall in love with.

4). What are you looking for in a mate? Or what is your ideal mate? What do you look for physically in mate? Are you able to find what you desire? If not, why?
  •  I look for a masculine women overall. Physically I am attracted to a medium to dark brown skinned woman with long dreds. I was able to find the perfect mate.
  •  Ideal mate: someone who's either studying in college or has a stable job. She must be intelligent and have a sense of humour and be aware of current affairs. She must be confident and jonest but not mean-spirited and mature. She doesn't have to have a large vocabulary, but she should speak well and she shouldn't text like she doesn't have a decent education Phyically: well proportioned. Have a great smile, and be clean. Hairstyle isn't a biggie for me but hair must be clean NO dirty old weave.
  • 30+, BA/BS degree minimally, Employed, Kid free, Feminine, Cultured, Sophisticated, Sense of humor, Values loyalty, honesty, and respect
  • I'm looking for someone who's honest, trustworthy, sweet, committed once in a relationship, no children, no studs and communication is important. Physically someone who is not obese, feminine like me, keeps their appearance up and has goals that they are working towards.
  • Someone educated, with a goal or at least an idea of what they want out of life. someone to give me 100 % back of what I give them. I'm what you would call the old school house wife. I cook, I clean, I run bath water, I fix plates, I wash clothes ect. so a little appreciation is really all I ask, from someone who deserves the treatment...I love girls brighter than me, I'm a coco tone (but not dark dark) I've always found myself with girls that are yellow or right up under it... taller than me (5'3 1/3) a great smile. and an attractive face. Yes, I run into my type a lot, but they always have the physical and not the mental or both, but end up being hoes.

5). Are you attracted to fems, studs or both? What attracts you to your preference? Are you willing to date outside your preference or is it stuck in stone?
  • I'm attracted to both. I prefer fems. I'm not attracted to 'hard' studs or women that are extremely masculine. If a woman met all of my other desires, 'orientation' would not matter.
  •  I am attracted to fems and stems but not studs. As a lesbian I want a woman if I wanted a man I'd be with a man not a stud.
  • Feminine women only and it's concrete.
  • I'm a soft stud, but I'm attracted to the person, whether they are femme or stud, but not hardcore studs or bois. I'm attracted by facial appearance first like most folk, but after the 10 second look, I check how the person dresses. I can't answer, if I will date outside my preference; yes I can: No.
  • Fems. In attracted to fems because of how they carry themselves and how seductive they can be. No set in stone

6).  Do you believe in gender roles (ex. one partner is dominate while the other is submissive)? Explain why you answered yes or no.
  • Yes. Our society has aided in the belief that someone needs to be dominant in a relationship in order for decisions to be made. My girlfriend and I have purposefully not identified a "man" and "woman" in our relationship but generally we alternate being the dominant and submissive person in the relationship. So far this has been working however it is key to communicate and make sure the other is comfortable with how decisions are being made.
  • No. All relationships have one who is aggressive and one who is more subtle. The point of a relationship is balance and that's not gender specific. Even friendships can have the same dynamic.
  • To a degree. I believe we are all women and someone is always going to be more assertive than the other. Assertive is a better word for me, because I don't or won't be dominated nor will I dominate someone.
  • I do not believe in gender roles because I feel as if they should be fluid. Permanent gender roles are dangerous in any given relationship because they then perpetuate power structures between two people. It is unhealthy for one partner to carry out a submissive role, meanwhile the other partner carries out a dominant role due to the fact that the relationship becomes unhealthy and unbalanced, which ultimately leads to betrayal, hurt, pain, dishonesty, and etc.
  • No. I can be either or a blend and I think that I would work best in a relationship where they are the same way.

7). Do you have children? If so, has it hurt your ability to get a date? Would you date someone with children? Why or why not?
  •  No, I don't have children. I prefer not to date women with children. The one time I did, I did not agree with her parenting style and it was clear that I could not be with that woman longterm because I would not want to raise children with her. I don't do well with baggage. Children are great, but they are often accompanied with significant baggage.
  • Yes, but he is grown now, and it never hurt my ability to date; in fact it attracted my first love of 9 years. Now I would not date anyone with children at home. Too much drama.
  • Yes. It has hurt it because many attractive lesbians have kids and since I don't, it's hard for me to accept a woman w/ a young child. Now for an older woman with an older child (10+ yrs) I am open minded to that.
  • No I don't have children. No I wouldn't date a woman with children because there is too much drama that comes with that situation.
  •  I do not have children. I would not date someone with children because I am 24 and feel that having to deal with children in addition to my partner would be too much to handle and quite honestly too serious.

8). Do you enjoy lesbian sex? How often do you have sex? Do you find that lesbianism is more emotional than sexual? Do you date bisexuals/bi-curious women?
  • I love lesbian sex and when I was in a relationship we had sex frequently in the beginning of our relationship. However, toward the end it started to be once per week. I do find that lesbianism is more emotional than sexual, but I do think that the sexual aspect both compliments and enhances the emotional aspect. The sexual aspect validates, strengthens and confirms the emotional realm. I have only dated one girl, and she identified as a lesbian. Therefore I do not have extensive experience with bisexual/bicurious women.
  • Hell yes. Who else knows a woman's body better than a woman? Who else knows what a woman wants better than a woman. I find to have a balance you need equal: emotions (closeness) and the physical (sex). I would never, ever date a bisexual/bi-curious women. Too many DL brothers out there, too many.
  • Yes, I enjoy lesbian sex. I don't have it often because I'm single. Yes, so far for me, it has been more emotional. Yes, I have dated bisexuals. I haven't dated bicurious but at this point I'm open to casually dating one if there was trust. I'm SO afraid of stds that I really haven't done the lesbian casual sex thing.
  • Of course. When I'm in a relationship we make love every chance we get but if I'm single then it's "Vibrating Vicki" Lol I have a highs sex drive but I'm not a fan of casual sex. I think lesbian sex is both emotional & sexual. And no I only date lesbians.
  • Yes I enjoy sex. My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship thus we only have sex whenever we are together which is probably 8 times a year. Yes lesbianism is definetly more emotional than sexual. In general woman by nature are more emotional beings when compared to men. I considered my self to be bi sexual and my girlfriend is a lesbian. I have no problem dating a bisexual woman but not a bi curios woman.

9). Do you want to get married and have children? If so, do you fear it might not happen? How do you plan to have children?
  • I do want to get married and eventually have children. I do have worries, particularly as a Black lesbian that I will not get married or have children. I am unsure as to how I will have children yet.
  • Yes, marriage and children are in my future. I fear marriage might not happen. I'm 30 and I thought I'd be settled by now. Children WILL happen. Adoption is my 1st choice. Considering the expenses associated with adoption, artificial insemination will likely be an option too.
  • I do want to get married and eventually have children. I do have worries, particularly as a Black lesbian that I will not get married or have children. I am unsure as to how I will have children yet.
  • Yes I want to get married and have four kids. I fear that I might not have four but I know that ill have kids. My girlfriend and I each will each carry one child to term through in vitro and we will adopt two children.
  • No, not again. I was married to my girl for 15 yrs. No children. I have grands.

10). What worries you the most about dating, marriage and relationships?
  • Being 64 and never knowing my soulmate or possibly overlooked her in my younger years. Basically I don't want to grow old alone. I've seen it happen and it's sad as shit.
  • Wasting my time on a liar. I'm not getting any younger lol
  • That I will not find one that was as rewarding and significant as my first relationship with a black lesbian.
  • Dating: Stds. Marriage and relationships: finding someone trustworthy and worth the time and effort I'm more than willing to give.
  • I'm worried that my homosexual lifestyle will negatively affect my career and my relationship with my family. I'm worried that the pressure that I feel from my families will cause me to settle with a man. But I try not to think of those things; I try to enjoy my girlfriend and love her more each day...Nice survey it really made me think about some things. Also I love your blog keep it up.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Black Female & Lesbian: A Triple Minority

When I first started this blog my sole purpose was to chronicle my life, frustrations, goals, short-comings, trials, tribulations, anger and fears. I didn't intend for it to become a hub for black lesbians who share my experiences, fears, dreams etc. So, it's always surprising when I receive an email from a black lesbian whose life has been changed after reading my blog. Honestly, I'm always blown away when I read these emails because I never intended to be a role model. In fact, I rejected the title when a young woman who reads this blog called me a role model. No matter how I feel about the label I am a role model...whether I want to be one or not. 

By starting this blog, I unknowingly began writing a diary of my life and apparently the lives of other black lesbians. For example, I knew I was gay from an early age (age 5 to be exact). Many of you said the exact same thing on the survey I conducted about the mating habits of black lesbians (I will post those surveys sometime this weekend). Most of you said you find it hard to meet other black lesbians. Most of you said you want to start a family with a woman. These are things that I have thought about, dreamed about and shared on this blog. These are things that we share as black women who happen to be lesbians.

Today, I received a touching email from a woman. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing part of it. This particular portion of her email gave me pause and blew me away...
Since I have come to the realization that I am a lesbian, I have been struggling to find my place somewhere. In an attempt to do so I haven't really seen much positivity when it comes to homosexuality in regards to women of color. By this I mean, it seems that when a women of color identifies herself as a lesbian, it seems like she is adding to the list of strikes against her. Things that make her more of an open target for abuse and dehumanization. In fact the things I have learned and seen really have made me question whether my happiness was as important or more important than my safety. However, seeing your blog has really made me really want to try to find some sort of happiness whether it cost me my life or not. Because you have shown me that it's possible to thrive and do things as a black woman and a lesbian despite the challenges that come with that identification. Thanks
A friend once told me that I am the perfect black lesbian. She said, "You almost have it all. You're pretty, smart, educated, successful and driven, which is something we don't see too often with straight black women...least of all black lesbians." 

At the time I didn't put too much thought into her statement, but after reading the lady's email, I couldn't help but think about my privileged position. As much as I bitch and moan on this blog my issues are trivial compared to others in this world. I need to do a better job of counting my blessings.

I have never felt or seen my sexuality as a burden, handicap or "strike" against me. It's just part of who I am...just like my race. It hasn't stopped me from loving myself. It hasn't stopped me from pursuing a career. It hasn't stopped me from establishing and achieving my goals. It hasn't stopped me from doing the things that I love. It hasn't stopped me from finding love. It's one of the few things in my life that has been constant. 

Just like my race, my sexuality, is something I cannot change nor is it something I want to change. I'm black and I'm proud to be black. I'm a lesbian and I'm proud to be a lesbian. I'm a woman and I'm proud to be a woman. I'm a black woman, who happens to be a lesbian, and I'm proud to hold such a unique position in this world (and honestly, we black lesbian women are in a very unique position. We experience racism, sexism, and homphobia like no others. Our story is unique). 

I embrace my triple minority status. I don't run from it. I don't shy away from it. I don't treat it like a disease or an impingement to my personal happiness. I don't see it as a strike against me. I see it as something that makes me different from all others and I like it! I'm unique. I'm not common. I like it! While I cannot control what others think about me, I can control how I think about myself and my position in this world.

Part of my attitude about my sexuality comes from the reality that I truly don't give a damn what people think about me. It hasn't always been this way. When I was younger, I looked for my parents approval, but their approval didn't mean as much to me as my grandmother's approval. My family was so broken and dysfunctional that I reached a point where I stopped giving a damn whether my mother and father approved of me or my lifestyle. 

I've never cared what strangers thought about me. So, their issues with my homosexuality never mattered to me. The way I see it people are going to talk about you regardless. There is no point living your life worried about them and what they think.

I have lived in the south my entire life. My race has impacted me more than my gender. My race and my gender have impacted me more than my sexuality. This might be because I don't exactly wear my sexuality. I'm openly gay. If you ask me, I will tell you I am gay. If you are a man and you hit on me, I will tell you I am gay. However, because I'm not physically a stereotypical black lesbian, people don't automatically assume I'm gay. Whereas they can look at me and see I'm a black woman. So, it's easy to see why my race and my gender have had a greater impact on my life than my sexuality.

Black women have it hard in this world. We're constantly battling the odds and carrying the burden of being black and female. If you're a black lesbian chances are you're also carrying the stigma of being gay. While this may be a burden in a society that is not welcoming of black people period (gay or straight), in your own community, the black community, it's a kiss of death. I understand...believe me I do. However, the black community is the VERY last community you should look to for approval. 

Let's keep it all the way real. Heterosexual black men and black women are FUCKED up BEYOND repair. Their condemnation of black homosexuals is the pot condemning the kettle. When they get their shit together (which probably won't happen) then maybe they can talk that talk. Otherwise, black lesbians and gays need to let their criticism fall on deaf ears. 

Bigotry should never be a reason to avoid personal happiness. 

We cannot change people's attitudes and minds about us. This is why I feel black people should STOP fighting for a place at white people's table. Even if we gain a seat at their table that doesn't mean their racist views of us will change or disappear. We cannot change people's ideologies, attitudes, feelings and thoughts about us. If someone hates you they are going to find a reason to dehumanize/abuse you. Again, there is nothing we can do to change people's attitudes. You cannot force someone to like you. The only thing you can do is live your life and be happy.

As a black lesbian I can tell you this: There is no feeling greater than love. When you find that woman who makes your heart skip a beat nothing else will matter. Bigots will be forgotten. Being a triple minority will be forgotten. Hatred of homosexuals will be forgotten. Fear of dehumanization and abuse will be forgotten. The only thing that will matter is holding on to the feeling that will take over your mind, body and soul whenever you think about HER. Nothing is stronger than that feeling.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Stop Sending Me Bullshit!

I receive a lot of emails from people who read this blog. Most of those emails are GOOD, entertaining and interesting. However, I also receive some aggravating nonsense from people. 

I have nothing but love for people who write me to say how much they love my blog (or something along those lines). If you are one of those people this blog is NOT about you.

If you are a man who is interested in watching lesbians have sex, a producer for a reality television show or someone looking to advertise some bullshit on my blog this post IS for you. 

 Let me make myself clear...

I am not interested in being on anyone's television program, talk show, radio show, reality television show etc. Stop writing me with this trash.  And no...I am NOT interested in advertising your stuff. 

To the people in Great Britain, who keep writing me about a reality TV show: I am NOT interested in being on your program. I live in the United States of America. I am not coming to Great Britain to film a show I have never heard of or watch. Unless you are prepared to show me some $$$$ STOP writing me. 

To the men and perverts who desire to see two women have sex: Stop fucking writing me. I don't give a damn about your perverted fetishes. If you want to watch two women have sex BUY SOME  PORN. 

To the chick who keeps sending me emails about womanism exhibits in California: I live in GEORGIA. I am not interested in supporting something I have NEVER seen. 

To all others: Do not write me unless it is something concerning this blog (ex. your thoughts on this blog, questions about this blog, comments about this blog, personal questions about blog). 

Once again, I am NOT offering advertisement on this blog.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

My Class Reunion

Two days ago I received a call from my high school senior class president (how the hell he got my number...I don't know). He called to inform me of our upcoming class reunion. I listened patiently as he went on and on about various events. Then he asked, "Are you planning to attend our class reunion?"

Me: Probably not.

Him: Why not? It will be fun.

Me: Umm...yeah. I wasn't really feeling our classmates when I was forced to see them everyday at school. I doubt that has changed in the span of ten years. Plus, if I wanted a class reunion I would visit Wal-Mart. That's where a lot of them work.

The phone grew silent before he finally cleared his throat and said, "Well, I hope you change your mind."

I come from a small rural town. The last time I visited the Wal-Mart on the side of town where my high school is located I encountered at least 15 members of my class. I wasn't the least bit shocked. We're talking about a group of dumbasses who began popping out kids when we were still in middle school. By the time we graduated from high school some of them had 2-3 kids.

After I walked across the stage and picked up my diploma I left my classmates behind (including my childhood best-friend). I didn't even bother to attend any graduation parties. Nor did I buy a yearbook. So, the last thing on my mind is attending a class reunion surrounded by these folks. No thanks!

Still, the phone call did bring back some memories of high school. I pulled out my memory book and flipped through some of my pictures. That's when I encountered my prom picture! I haven't looked at the picture in years. I smiled to myself as I stared at it. Damn time flies!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Emotional Connection: The Woman That Rocked My World

I don't know who these two are, but for the first time in my life I dig a black woman with blond hair! This chick is hot!
Last night as I lay in bed listening to Tamar Braxton's Love & War I started thinking about my second girlfriend. She hasn't crossed my mind in a while. There was a time when I couldn't stop thinking about her. For over two years I thought about her almost everyday, 24/7 a day. When I first started this blog my pain was still evident. You can read about this particular woman HERE

With my eyes closed, I listened to the lyrics of Tamar Braxton's song...
Somebody said everyday was gon' be sunny skies
Only Marvin Gaye and lingerie, I guess somebody lied
Started discussing it to fighting then don't touch me please
Then it's let's stop the madness, just come lay with me
Truth be told, I'm waving my flag before it goes bad

Cause we made it this far on for better or worse

I want to feel it even if it hurts
If I gotta cry to get to the other side
Let's go cause we gon' survive

We stay on the frontlines, yeah but we're still here after the bomb drops

We go so hard, we lose control
The fire starts, then we explode
When the smoke clears, we dry our tears
Only in love and war
Before I can stop it SHE begins dancing in my mind, and the next thing I know I'm fighting back tears.

I'm supposed to be over this woman. She's supposed to be completely out of my system. It's been 6 years! Dammit she's supposed to be out of my head and out of my heart. Why the fuck is she still there? That's the question I ask myself as I toss and turn throughout the night (I didn't sleep at all).

Out of all the women, who have passed through my life, she is the one that fucked me up the most. She taught me how to love. She taught me how to make love. She taught me how sweet talk a woman. She taught me what it means to love deep and unconditionally. I loved this woman so much, so hard, and so deep I would have given my life for her. Unfortunately, she also taught me how to betray, manipulate and ultimately she taught me how to hate.

I shared an emotional connection with her that has yet to be duplicated with another woman. She really rocked my world...and turned it upside down. After her, I became guarded with my feelings and emotions. I think that's one of the main issues concerning Yellow Bone and me. I won't allow myself to fall this hard for a woman again.

I can't go through this shit again. I want to be in a position where I can walk away from a woman and not feel heartbroken for two plus years. I know it's not fair to Yellow Bone, but I can't help it. This woman burned, crushed my entire world and I learned from my mistake. I now avoid fire. I avoid getting hit with fire. But at one point the fire was so good...

I still remember making love to her. Our lovemaking was intense and passionate. It always ended with her naked body cuddled up next to my body. In the afterglow of our lovemaking we would talk about our love for each other, our future and our dreams. I remember holding her and thinking, "God, I love this woman."

I thought my days of shedding tears over her were over. The pain still feels fresh.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

A First For Me

Today I went to my local Goodwill store to do some bargain hunting. Goodwill here is like Wal-Mart. Depending on the location of the Goodwill (affluent areas tend to have better products) you might luck up on some good deals! I usually buy a ton of books from Goodwill. I've already purchased some Dr. Sesus books for my children (yes, I know I don't have any yet). I restocked some of my favorite old school classics like Flyy Girl by Omar Tyree, and every now and then, I buy some art for my home.

Anyway, I'm standing in the checkout line at Goodwill when I lock eyes with a Blasian (black+asian) chick in the next line. She smiled at me. I smiled back. We both stood there staring each other down. This is not unusual for me. I've had several unspoken flirtations with women. What was usual about this situation is the Blasian chick was a soft stud! 

Now y'all know any sign of masculinity turns me the hell off! I don't care if it's a masculine woman or a masculine man. Masculinity turns me off period. However, for some odd reason I found myself attracted to this woman. 

The Blasian woman was slim with a very pretty face (and truthful I've never seen an unattractive black/asian mix). Her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She was wearing a plain white t-shirt, some black dickie pants and some black flats. Perhaps the thing that drew me to this woman was her stunning resemblance to Kima Greggs from the Wire (the woman pictured above)! 

For those of you who don't know, Kima was a LESBIAN on the Wire, and she had some fire ass sex scenes on that show! Every time I see those sex scenes I get horny as hell...

I wanted to walk over and say something to the Blasian woman, but she wasn't alone. There was a big tall black woman with her. From the looks of it, that woman was her girlfriend. So, I defiantly wasn't about to step to her. However, I can still fantasize about her!

Old School R&B Ballads

I have a HUGE soft spot in my heart for old school R&B ballads. I love R&B music period, but I love, love, love R&B ballads and duets. In my opinion, there is nothing sexier than a real soulful R&B ballad. R&B is panty dropping baby-making music. Whenever I'm trying to seduce a woman's mind and heart I also put on some soft R&B music. It works every time. I'm telling you my seduction game is TIGHT. Women eat it up. 

It's too damn bad niggas today can't sing worth a shit. Black men use to have R&B on lock. Nowadays they sound horrible. White men, like Justin Timberlake, sound BETTER than them. I don't even want to listen to today's black men sing. Whenever I hear a black man trying to sing now (and usually it's on a fast hip-hop beat) they sound like they have a COLD, sinus infection or something stuck up their ass! 

Just think about the black male "R&B" singers we have today and compare them to those we HAD in the 70s, 80s and 90s. There is a huge difference between them. One group had style, soul, sex appeal, class, and talent. The other group just ain't shit! They lack talent. They lack style, individuality, sex appeal, class and soul. I don't know what the hell happened but those old school black men are a dying breed.

Anyway, on Valentine's Day Yellow Bone came over to thank me for that nice edible arrangement I sent her. Nothing happened between us. We didn't have sex. She laid in my arms all night and we listened to some soft R&B music. There is one song in particular that brings tears to my eyes whenever Yellow Bone's body is cuddled up next to mine...

Here are some other R&B songs that touch me when I'm with a woman that I love...

Saturday, February 16, 2013

How To Subscribe To My Blog

I should have written this blog a long time ago, but it's better late than never. Some of you don't know how to subscribe to a blog. That's okay I will teach you. It is very easy to subscribe to my blog and many others like it. I actually subscribe to my own blog (more on this later) and I find it very convenient. 

I use something called Feedburner to delivery my blog to you. Feedburner (though not really reliable at times) is a service that's offered through Google and allows people like me to syndicate our blogs in an easy painless manner. Every blogger blog already comes with a feed however, that feed does not offer readers various ways to subscribe such as email, yahoo, google reader etc. That's why people like me turn to Feedburner. Feedburner gives users multiple options to subscribe to a blog. Now let's talk about ways to subscribe to this blog...

1). Email: the easiest way to subscribe. If you wish to receive an email everyday between 9AM-11AM this is the best option for you. It is quick and easy. However, email has a HUGE downside. Blogs are ONLY delivered between 9AM-11AM. If I write a blog at 12PM you won't get it via email until the next day between 9AM-11AM. If I write a blog at 8PM you won't get it via email until the next day between 9AM-11AM.

Think of an email subscription this way: You get your morning paper every morning around the same time. The paperboy comes once a day, but the news keeps happening all day. You won't read about that news until the next day when the paperboy drops off your morning paper. That's how email subscription works.

If you wish to subscribe via email just put your email address in the box in the right sidebar. It should look like this...

Once you put your email address in that box a verification code will pop up. Verify that code and check your email and your SPAM folder. You're not subscribed until you verify the email that feedburner sends you. 

2). Google Reader and all other readers: This is the fastest way to get my blog. Once I post a blog my blog feed updates immediately. People who subscribe via Google reader, yahoo, etc get my latest blog post within 20 seconds. There are several ways to subscribe via Google reader etc. 

You can click the subscribe button at the top of my blog in the navigation bar...

Clicking the subscribe button in the navigation bar will take you to my Feedburner page where you can pick from a variety of blog readers or subscribe via email...

You can use this button which appears below each one of my post on this blog to subscribe using Google reader...

Clicking the above button will take you to another page. You will then click Google Reader on the right...

Side note: I think you need an email account to use Google Reader, Yahoo, etc. It is FREE to create one. You will then be able to read my blog through that reader.

You can also subscribe to my blog via email and various readers using this button, which appears in the right sidebar under the email subscription box...

3). Last, but not least, you can subscribe to this blog the way I subscribe to my blog using Firefox (you can follow these same steps if you're using Safari, Opera, etc...I think...don't quote on it). 

Step one: Go to the homepage of my blog using Firefox. 

Step two: Go to bookmarks and click "Subscribe to this page." Scroll down to "Subscribe to Diary of a black lesbian-Rss" and click on it. 

Step Three: In the top left corner you should see a box. The box will read "Subscribe to this feed using live bookmarks." Live bookmarks will be in a scroll menu...don't move it. Useless you plan to use Firefox to subscribe to other blogs you might want to leave the "Always use live bookmarks to subscribe to feeds" unchecked.  Hit the "Subscribe Now" button...

Step Four: A box will pop up that looks likes this...

Hit subscribe if you want your subscription to Diary of A Black Lesbian to appear on your toolbar. If you want it to appear somewhere else change the "Bookmarks Toolbar" scroll to your desired location. I personally recommend that you leave it as "Booksmarks Toolbar."

Step Five: You should now be subscribed to my blog using Firefox etc. You should see Diary of A Black Lesbian in your toolbar with a scroll down menu that navigates to my last 10 blog post. It should look something like this...

And that's it! If you have any questions send me an email or drop your question in the comment section of this post. 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

It Came To Me In A Dream!

It came to me in a dream last night! In my dream I wrote a book titled Pussy: Sexual Fantasies of A Black Lesbian. Yes, I'm serious! That book became a bestseller! When I woke up this morning I immediately got up and wrote down the title of the book along with the basic idea behind it. The more I think about it the more I like it!

I have written about several women on this blog. I have given them all nicknames. There is Yellow Bone (my best girl), Caramel (my current fuck buddy), Baby Doll (my so-called soulmate), Sweet Tooth (my favorite pastry chef) and my property manager (the older woman I've been dying to give it to). I have had sexual fantasies about ALL of these women and many others. I can easily sit down and write about my sexual fantasies in great detail as they play out in my head.

I'm a freak! I like sex. Correction...I LOVE SEX. I want to be careful not to fetishize black lesbianism. I want my book to appeal to lesbians...not men or straight people for that matter. So, I plan to write my stories as sensual seductive escapades starring me and all my favorite women!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Valentine's Day: The Day I Still Dread!

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, which is still a day that I dread! Recall this time last year I expressed my reason for disliking Valentine's Day. This year is slightly different because I do have someone to love...I think! 

Tomorrow the edible arrangement pictured above will be delivered to Yellow Bone along with a card that reads: 

Happy Valentine's Day. I still love you very much. 

-"Insert my government name"

She will be surprise because I know she isn't expecting anything from me. Even though we're not together anymore, I think a gift on Valentine's Day is the least I can do for her. She has given me so much. It's time for me to give her something for a change. She really enjoys edible arrangements so I think she will enjoy this gift.

***Side note: My beloved grandmother turned 85 years old yesterday! When I called her she was in good spirits, which is a blessing given her condition. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My Demons

This is going to be a very serious and personal blog. I sometimes wonder whether or not I'm mentally ill. I wonder whether or not I have some screws loose. I don't think I'm crazy. I would never physically harm anyone unless they attempted to harm me first. I think I have a chemical imbalance, and I have a good reason to feel this way. 

Mental illness runs in my family. Several members of my mother's maternal side of the family are/were mentally ill. They weren't mentally ill in the sense that they would do themselves or anyone else any harm. No, instead these people suffered some type of traumatic event that forever changed their personalities. 

My great uncle (my maternal grandmother's brother) was hit upside the head by his father with a steel rod when he was a teenager. By all accounts, he was never the same after that event. The man I knew was a very loving and friendly man, but his mind wasn't right. He wander around his sister's neighborhood (who was his caretaker) and spoke incoherently. He never married or had children. He died of a brain tumor.

My great aunt (my maternal grandmother's sister, and sister to the uncle mentioned above) was also mentally ill. Her 5 year old son was hit by a car, right before her eyes, while he was walking home from school in the 1950's. She lost her mind. According to various family members, she had a nervous breakdown after that event and her mind was never quite the same. The woman that I knew was very friendly, polite and almost child-like. Just like her brother, she spoke incoherently, and wander around a lot. 

Both of these individuals are dead. 

My mother once told me and my brothers that she suffered a nervous breakdown after she left my father. I will never forget it because she told us on Thanksgiving day in 1999.  We were all holding hands and saying grace. We were also stating what we were thankful for in our lives. When it was my mother's turn she broke down crying and confessed that she sought help for a mental breakdown we knew nothing about. At the time I was shocked and too young to really understand.

Now as a twenty-seven year old woman, I worry that I may have my own mental demons. I worry that I'm not quite right in the head. My moods change frequently. I sometimes suffer from deep dark depressions. At one point in my life, I thought about suicide, though I don't think I can ever bring myself to kill myself. I cry sometimes for no apparent reason. I'm easily bothered by things happening in the world that I don't have any control the state of the black community.

I don't have a reason to be depressed right now, but I am depressed. I'm quite unhappy yet I don't have a reason to be unhappy. I'm financially stable. I'm not wanting for women (I have a few in my life). Physically, I'm healthy, though I'm still dealing with that acid reflux problem. I don't have a reason to be sad, unhappy, angry or depressed so why the hell am I ALL of the above???

When I was ten years old I had a sever migraine headache that put me in the hospital. I sometimes wonder if I suffered some type of brain damage as a result of that event. I've had several CAT scans done since then and they all came back GOOD. 

After I graduated from college I consciously thought about checking myself into a mental health clinic. I was so depressed and angry all the time that I thought I was going crazy. I told my father that I wanted to seek psychological help. I told him my fear of inheriting a mental illness from my mother's side of the family. 

My dad grew silent. He expressed his agreement about my mother's half of the family and their mental issues.  Then he said, "You're not crazy. I'm think you're just having a hard time right now. Things will get better." 

Things did get better. So why am I still depressed, angry, sad and unhappy?

I told Yellow Bone about this issue and she said, "It makes sense. Alot of good writers had some mental issues...that's what made them great. They see the world from a point-of-view that is either unrecognizable to the rest of us or too taboo to confront with all honesty. Anybody that can see the world through that type of lens, without someone helping them, is bound to have some mental issues." 

Her words were comforting, but still I worry about my personal demons.

Monday, February 11, 2013

My Deepest Fear

A few weeks ago I said I am going to write the black lesbian love story I want to read. I made it all the way to page 25 when I stopped. Why? Because I lost interest. When I lose interest in my own material that's a bad sign! It means YOU, the general public, will also lose interest in my story.

I don't know what happened. I was on a roll. However, slowly but surely I stopped working on the story until I finally lost interest and gave up. This isn't the first time this has happened. I rarely finish a story. I start them, make it half-way through, and I simply stop writing. 

My love story is probably more interesting than I think. I'm extra critical when it comes to my own material. I can't help it. I want to be the BEST that ever did it! 

So, what's stopping me?


I'm stopping myself from being the best. I'm afraid I will fail. That's my deepest fear. I'm afraid I will put my heart and soul into a story, publish it and it flops. If that happens I will cease believing in my dreams. If I publish it, and the book is successful, I will have all the confidence I need to keep writing. How do I get to this point? That's the question I keep asking myself.

***Unrelated side note: R.I.P. Whitney Houston. One year ago today you died, and it still hurts my heart. You were my dream woman as a little girl, and you remain one of my favorite women. I love you...

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Why Don't We Ever Fight Back???

I don't feel like going into a long rant about white racism. So, I'm going to make this short. The picture above was uploaded to Facebook supposedly as a joke. As you can see the picture features a white child and a baby orangutan with the caption, "Stop children and white children are the same." Facebook refuses to remove the picture which has over 2500 likes. 

I don't understand why black people don't take a more aggressive approach when it comes to whites. By "more aggressive" I mean fighting fire with fire, hate with hate. That "turn the other cheek" shit does not work in this day and age. White people (especially white Americans) are arrogant, pompous, obnoxious and they feel entitled to the world.

They've been shitting on us with NO REMORSE since our ancestors were brought to these shores and it's not slowing down or stopping. In fact, I think it is worse now with a black president than it's been in probably the last 4-5 decades. White people in this country are scared because they feel like they are losing control.

I'm sick of turning the other cheek and thinking, "Hate doesn't conqueror hate." Hate cannot be conquered. It's about damn time black people accept that fact. Instead of taking a passive aggressive approach to this bullshit we need to start fighting back. 

I can understand why our grandparents didn't fight back when they saw images like this...

They were outnumbered and oppressed by the law. They could be lynch without any regards to their civil rights. They couldn't fight back without fear of being lynch. I completely understand why they took a passive aggressive approach. However, our generation of black people don't have to sit back and take this nonsense. 

I guarantee if white people started seeing pictures of healthy black babies next to white albino spider monkeys with the caption, "Fuck you motherfuckers! Black children and white children are not the same," the ball game would most definitely change. 

I'm not delusional. White people FEAR black people, and that has always been the case. It would behoove black people to use that fear to our advantage.

I don't want to hear about all the "good" white people in this world. Where the hell are the "good" whites when the "bad" whites are getting away with this shit? Off somewhere relishing in their white privilege.

Start fighting back!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Survey: The Mating Habits Of Black Lesbians (& Other Races of Lesbians)

I am conducting an UNscientific study on the mating habits of black lesbians (and all others...yes, I know other races of women read this blog too...I see you). I want to know if other black lesbians share my frustration when it comes to mating and dating. Non-black lesbians feel free to take the survey too.

To satisfy my curiosity I put together a survey. The survey is completely anonymous (I'm not asking for any of your personal information). However, the results of the survey WILL BE SHARED ON THIS BLOG! 

It would be nice if EVERYONE that reads this blog takes the survey. However, it's completely up to you whether or not you want to participate. 

For those of you interested, here is a LINK THE SURVEY. The survey will close a week from today (Feb 13, 2013). 

Enjoy...and feel free to be completely honest. Like I said, the survey is completely anonymous.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A Surprise Gift From Yellow Bone

Yesterday night Yellow Bone called me (to my surprise). Other than a few text messages here and there she and I haven't really spoken since she walked in on me having sex with Caramel. So, I was quite surprise to hear from her.

Yellow Bone: Can I come over?

Me (surprised): Sure.

Thirty-five minutes later Yellow Bone arrived at my door carrying a typewriter. Not just any type of typewriter. She was carrying one of those old school manual typewriters that our grandmothers used back in the day. I'm talking about the type of typewriter that requires you to manually move the platen back to the right once it reaches the left and makes a "ding" noise. It's the type of typewriter that requires you to manually feed it paper by turning the platen knob. It's the type of typewriter that has keys that sometimes stick. It's one of these....

 Yellow Bone: This is for you!

Me (baffled): Um...a typewriter?

Yellow Bone handed me the typewriter, which was heavy as hell! I sat it on the kitchen counter and stared at it for a moment...still a little baffled.

This wasn't the first time I've seen or held a typewriter. My grandmother owned a typewriter, and as a kid I used to play with it. The thought of actually owning an old school typewriter never crossed my mind, though at one point, I was looking for an old school word processor. 

I don't think they make manual typewriters anymore. Brother still makes electronic typewriters, but I can't think of a company that still makes old school manual typewriters. 

Physically, the typewriter Yellow Bone bought me, looks exactly like the one in the picture except it's black. The most striking thing about the typewriter is its condition. The typewriter is flawless. There isn't a scratch in sight. None its keys stick and it operates like new.

Me: Where did you find it?

Yellow Bone: One my co-worker's had a yard sale. It belonged to her mother. 

Me: Why are you giving it to me?

Yellow Bone: Because you should be doing what you love to do: writing. I think part of your unhappiness comes from not being able to make a living doing what you really want to do. I understand. Maybe if you focused more on writing something might happen for you. This old typewriter might do the trick. You can't browse the internet, blogs or check your email on a typewriter.

She is right.

I love being a librarian because I love being around books. However, my first, last and main goal in life is to become a successful writer. I have long said there is nothing standing in the way of my dream except me.

I cannot focus enough to write the novel in my head. I'm easily distracted. It's very hard to focus when you're forever thinking about bills, money, work and other responsibilities. This is why writers frequently seek out grants. Grants help free us from financial obligations, which in turn allows us to write in peace (something every writer needs). Getting a grant is easier said than done...especially if you're black.

After doing some research, I think Yellow Bone might be onto something concerning writers and typewriters....

Apparently writers are finding their way back to typewriters! Maybe it's the sound of the keys and the ding of the platen that's driving folks to typewriters...I don't know. I always found the sound of desktop keyboards comforting (yes, I know that sounds weird).

I was overcome with emotions standing there looking at the typewriter. Sometimes I under estimate Yellow Bone. Sometimes it's the simple things that make me ask, "Why the hell did I give up this woman?"

Me (to Yellow Bone): Thank you so much.

I leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned her head to greet me with a full kiss on the lips. We shared a tender moment.

I've made up my mind. I'm going to have my cable and internet turned off. I'm going to put my desktop computer back into its box (I have a laptop too). I'm going to invest in some ribbon (and paper) for my new typewriter, and I'm going to write the novel that's stuck in my head.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Out of Wedlock Births: I Just Don't Understand

I don't care for single mothers (specifically black single mothers). At this point, that shouldn't be a secret. I purposely shun these women and I REFUSE to give them the time of day. However, this is not another rant about black single mothers per se. Instead it's a rant about the ridiculous number of black children born out of wedlock and what it means for black men and black women of all sexual orientations.  

It's been reported that 72% of black children are born out wedlock in this country. That means the vast majority of black children are being born into situations where mom and dad are NOT married. While dumbass black single mothers continue to defend this destructive practice those of us not apart of the problem recognize that many of these kids will grow up to be dysfunctional unproductive adults. 

Study after study has shown that children born out of wedlock tend to fill this nation's criminal justice system. They perform poorly in school. They suffer from neglect and many of them have behavioral problems. They tend to grow up in poverty and they witness all the pathologies that come with the territory. 

One side of this issue that is NEVER examined is how the out of wedlock birthrate has affected black marriage and black relationships. Let me explain...

Let's say you have a small population of people like that of the black community, which has an estimated population of 40 million. According to the 2010 census, most of that 40 million, over the age of 15, is NOT married. However, a large number of those unmarried people over the age of 15 DO have children. Not only do they have children, but a large number of them have children by multiple individuals. Let that digest. If you need a visual here are two examples...

The rapper, T.I. has 5 children by 3 different women. He eventually married 1 of those 3 women. His wife also came to the table with a child born out of wedlock. 

Erykah Badu has 3 children by 3 different men. I don't know very much about the fathers of her children, but I know at least one of them had a child out of wedlock before impregnating Erykah. 

In 1998, Sport Illustrated did a cover story about the large number of black athletes, who fathered several out of wedlock kids by several different women...

All hell broke loose because Sports Illustrated had the nerve to put together a list of ain't shit niggas like Carl Malone and Isiah Thomas, who dropped their seed into several different women and neglected their roles as fathers.   

When you look at this mess of everybody screwing everybody and having children by everybody you're left to wonder how there will EVER again be a functional black community? 

This is the bullshit going on all over this country and it's not slowing down or stopping. 

The issue for me isn't one solely based on the high number of out of wedlock births taking place in the black community. No, another HUGE issue I have with this situation is multiple black men and black women are having children out of wedlock by several different people thereby creating a situation in which the already SMALL pool of people is FILLED with UNDESIRABLES.

CHILDLESS members of the population of 40 million are either 1). Forced to date outside the race where they have a larger pool of potential mates or 2). Forced to marry/procreate with someone that ALREADY has kids by 1-several people. 

Because we are a SMALL population of people this type of bullshit has completely destroyed any hope of ever getting back to the basic black nuclear family. Now we are forced to either settle for a so-called "blended" family where both mom and dad have children by different people, or we can date/marry outside the race.

I'll be honest. I probably wouldn't give two shits about this issue if it didn't have a direct impact on me. Yes, you read that right. You would think those of us who are black and homosexual wouldn't have to deal with this nonsense. However, that is NOT the case. It is a RARE thing that I run across a black "lesbian" who doesn't have kids. And shamefully, many of these women have children by black men who are no longer in the picture. Many of them have children by multiple men. So, what the hell are CHILDLESS FAMILY ORIENTATED black lesbians like me supposed to do? 

Although I want to keep it black, I will date outside myself before I date a black single mother! That shit just ain't happening. 

I don't understand WHY more black people are NOT cautious about the way they bring their children into this world, I don't understand WHY more black people are NOT cautious about who they have children with. This nonsense is mind-blowing to me. 

Not only is it selfish to bring a life into this world under these fucked up conditions, but it's also dumb as hell. At the very least people should think about the following before having children:
  1. Is having a child out of wedlock smart? Shouldn't I wait until I'm married to have children?
  2. Is this the best man or woman to have children with?
  3. Can I afford to have children?
  4. If I decide to have children out of wedlock what will happen to my pool of potential suitors?
  5. Is it right to subject my child to a single parent household?
  6. Will my child resent me later on in life for bringing him or her into this world under such fucked up conditions?
  7. How am I going to support my child if the individual I had him or her with decides to get the hell out of dodge?
  8. Am I helping or hurting the black community by having a child out of wedlock?
  9. Am I helping or hurting my child by having him or her out of wedlock?
  10. Am I setting my child, myself and my community up for failure by having a child out wedlock?
I'm GAY yet I can see the significant impact out of wedlock births have on the black community! I don't understand why MORE heterosexuals don't see it. You selfish assholes need to stop fucking and use some damn birth control.
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