Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Case Of The Horny Squirrel!!!

Some of you might think I'm crazy for this post, but before you judge me just know I have solid proof to back up my claim...

This morning I was awakened by a LOUD quacking sound (think of a duck quacking) outside my bedroom window. The sound was VERY loud and persistent. It sounded like a duck was standing outside my bedroom window quacking. I tried to ignore it, but after more than forty-five minutes of hearing the piercing quacking I rolled out of bed to investigate. I walked out to my patio. Imagine my surprise and horror when I discovered that the quacking noise wasn't coming from some wayward duck! Instead the quacking was coming from a squirrel near my bedroom window. 

What was my reaction? I hauled ass back into my apartment!!!

In my twenty-seven years on this planet I have NEVER heard any type of noise from a squirrel. The last thing I expected to see/hear was a squirrel quacking! Thinking the squirrel might have rabies or some shit like that I jumped on the phone and called the rent office.

Me: Hey, there is a squirrel in front of my apartment quacking!

Female leasing agent: What?

Me: I woke up because I heard a quacking noise outside my apartment. The quacking noise is coming from a squirrel!

Female leasing agent: (laughing in disbelief)

Me: I'm serious! I'm looking right it. What if it has rabies or something?

Female leasing agent: Well, there is nothing we can do about nature. Maybe it's a mating call. You can call animal control if you like.

As soon as I get off the phone with the leasing agent I call animal control. I was informed that I'm not crazy! The squirrel was indeed quacking and SHE doesn't have rabies. The quacking is a mating call put out by a FEMALE squirrel to attract MALES. I imagine she must have been an ugly ass squirrel because she was quacking outside my window for well over an hour. I'm guess she finally stopped when a male squirrel finally came along and gave her some squirrel dick!

This whole thing made me laugh when I thought about it later. 

Imagine if we human females could just quack for an hour and attract a mate or just quack when we're horny as hell! The world would probably be a better place. 

The video below is for those of you who think I'm crazy. This is what I heard and witnessed this morning...

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