Sunday, July 29, 2012

I Broke Up With Yellow Bone

Friday night I broke up with Yellow Bone. While I do feel sad and depressed about it, I knew it had to be done. Why? Because Yellow Bone and I weren't on the same page. I'm 27 years old and I'm thinking about love, marriage, family and kids. I want these things to happen sometime in the near future. Yellow Bone is the same exact age and she's thinking about love, marriage, family and kids YEARS from now. However, right now her mind is on one thing: Partying. 

For a long time I thought maybe she would grow out of it. I tried to take into consideration that she's from Detroit and the party scene here is new to her. I thought maybe it would start getting old in a few weeks and she would desire to stay home more. Well this hasn't happened.

Yellow Bone is a very attractive woman and LOVES LOVES LOVES being the center of attention. Settling down is the furthest thing from her mind. She was happy to be in a relationship with me, but all the other things (kids, marriage etc) were YEARS away as far as she was concerned. She told me recently that she didn't want to jump the broom until she was 30 plus years old. Meanwhile I'm thinking to myself in 2-3 years I'm popping the question. Clearly she and I were NOT on the same page. 

Then there is this: At some point I began feeling somewhat neglected by Yellow Bone. I started feeling like the emotional support I expect from my woman was missing. For me this is one of the most important parts of a lesbian relationship. This is one of the main reasons I LOVE women. 

Yellow Bone main focus in life right now is partying....that's about it. And I can half-way understand. She is young. She is educated. She has money to blow. She is beautiful. She wants to live it up while she's still young. Again I get it. 

I'm the complete opposite. My attitude is more like been there done that....time for the next phase. This is ultimately why I decided to let her go. I can't keep her caged in and I can't make her desire the same things I want.

I stopped going to the club once I realized the crowd was getting YOUNGER which meant I was getting OLDER. Every now and then I might pop up at a club (preferably a strip club because watching booty fly through the sky never gets old), but the club scene is not for me anymore. 

Yellow Bone (angry and crying): You son of a bitch! How long have you been thinking about this?

Me: For a while...though I wasn't sure about it until recently.

And with that Yellow Bone slapped the shit out me. She slapped me so hard I stumbled back. Stunned because I didn't see it coming, I struggled the hold back the tears stinging my own eyes. My face was burning like fire. I also had to tell myself not to hit her back because that's always my first instinct when someone puts their hands on me. 

When she tried to slap me a second time I caught her hand in mid-air and held it, while staring her in the eyes. Still crying, she backed down and slumped to the floor where she cried and cried for at least an hour. I sat down beside her. I tried to put my arm around her but she pushed me away. 

Me: Listen Yellow Bone....I never meant to hurt you and I hope we can still be friends. I want you in my life. 

Yellow Bone: Just not in your bed...

Me: It doesn't have to be that way. We can still be friends. We can still do things that we normally do together...just not within a relationship...

Yellow Bone: I don't want to be your friend. I don't want anything to do with you. 

And we that she stood up, gathered her things and left. I haven't heard from her since. She won't return my phone calls, text messages or emails. I tried sending all three yesterday. I'm going to give her some space. I think once the pain subsides she will come around....I hope. 

I'm taking a break from blogging for a while. I'm not really up for it this week.
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