Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My Thoughts On Down Low Black Lesbians

I'm going to warn you...this might be one of those blogs CERTAIN PEOPLE (side eye) find offensive. However, you know me....I don't give a damn. I'm going to be completely honest about this topic. Like it or's my opinion and I'm entitled to it. 

This blog is solely about BLACK lesbians. For whatever reason non-black lesbians don't seem to have an issue with MASS unplanned/unwanted/out of wedlock children. Nor do they seem to have the issue (I'm talking about my generation...not the older generation) of being trapped in the closet until they are well over twenty-five. The last statement probably speaks more to the reality that the white community is more accepting of homosexuality than the black community. Still one is left to wonder why the hell don't so-called black lesbians, who are trapped in the closet, protect themselves from pregnancy while living a lie??? They must know their stock drops significantly once they pop out children (especially from a heterosexual relationship). It makes me wonder if these women embrace motherhood much of the same way they embrace the lie of loving men? Do they view it as something that just comes with the territory when living a lie? Or were they too ignorant to protect themselves?<---My money is on this one.

In my life I've run across a lot of black "lesbians" (I use the word loosely here) who are in the closet. These women are typically twenty plus years old. Most of them have/are in relationships with men. They have kids by men. Many of them LOVE their husbands, boyfriends etc, but according to them they are GAY. They're not confused. They're not bisexual (again according to them). They are GAY women living a lie. They live in the closet because of family, friends, society etc. Some of these women forever live on the "down low" and some of them eventually come out of the closet to live openly gay lives. So how do I feel about these women?

I pity them, but I would never fuck with one. I feel sorry for folks who live their lives because they are too afraid of what other people think. I feel sorry for folks who bring children into this world knowing full well they are living a lie. In my opinion it's not fair to their children or their significant other, who is often completely clueless about the lie they're living. Some might say these closeted women (and men...referring to men on the DL) are selfish as hell. I can see the situation from both sides. Sometimes it's hard to just live your life and sometimes it's better to be straight up honest about your sexuality rather than taking the risk of hurting the people you love.

In general I find I'm not attracted to these women. Why? Let me count the reasons....

  1. They often come to the table with an arm full of kids once they supposedly get the courage to be openly gay.
  2. I don't respect cowards. I like strong women like myself. I went through a brief denial stage, but I've always known who/what the hell I am. I was afraid of society, my family etc too, but I knew I could NEVER...EVER fuck a man and live a lie. I knew I would rather be SINGLE than do that. I reached a point (and I was still a teenager when this happened) when I said, "FUCK IT...I'm going to do me." I like women who share my attitude.
  3. Arguably the BEST years of our lives are our twenties. As a good-looking twenty-six (going on twenty-seven next month) year old woman I can say this is the best time of my life. I'm growing, learning, living, fucking, making money, surviving, romancing women, working and just being a FREE young adult. Once your prime years are over they are over. There is no getting them back. I can safely say I wouldn't want a chick that waited until she was 27, 28, 29 (or later to come out the closet). As women, the older we get, the more we lose the attractiveness of youth and beauty. It is doubled over for women who have children YOUNG. I want a woman when she's in her prime and CHILDLESS. I don't want some chick who has been run through, busted out a few kids, and whose pussy is as dry as a freaking desert. I want you when you're young, beautiful, and vibrant. I don't want you after you've been weighed down by life and the decisions you've made in life. A twenty year old living a lie is forgivable. A twenty-five plus year old living a lie is just plain old unattractive. Shit...who is paying your bills at this point: You or the people you fear judging you??? The only people I can imagine being attracted to these women are ugly women just looking for love, people in the same boat as them (i.e., those who lived a lie themselves and have a few kids to show for it), bisexuals and all these simple-minded studs just looking for companionship (and by default are accepting of bullshit). Black lesbians who have the world at their feet (i.e., those like me) aren't fishing in this sea when we can go next door to an ocean full of women who don't share this issue.
  4. Last but not least, I find myself put off by women who have been with men...especially if they were in committed "loving" relationships with said men. This presents a trust issue where I begin questioning the lesbian's sexuality. Most of the black lesbians I know HAVE been with men. However, many point to one or two men they were with while going through their denial stage. They don't have a LONG list of relationships with men. They weren't in long-term relationships with these men. It's usually a situation where they were in denial, but soon got over it and kicked the man to the curb.
Anyway, those are my thoughts for today.
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