Thursday, April 26, 2012

Set Up To Fail

This world is a trip. Whenever it seems like I'm taking a step forward I end up taking ten steps back. 

This week I put in my two weeks notice at my job. Why? Because I couldn't stand the BLACK people I was working around at my job. The job itself wasn't was the people at the job causing me the most issues. 

So what happens now?

I'm back to living off my savings until I find another job. 

Some of you might think I'm dumb as hell for quitting a job before having another job, but believe wouldn't want the job I just quit.

I had high hopes for the job, but I really...really...really...hated the people on the job.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Not How I Imagined It

In a few short months I will be turning 27 years old (Cancers stand up!). I feel like I'm getting old. In three years I will be 30 years old. No wife. No kids. Nothing truly of meaning yet. At what point does that type of thing happen? I honestly thought it would happen early on for me. I've always been the romantic committed type. Yet my relationships with women have left much to be desired. 

Professionally, like personally, it's been a situation of hit and miss. Some career moves have been great. Others, like my current career move, have been a matter of "Shit I got bills to pay so I gotta swallow my pride and do what I gotta do." I am not where I want to be professionally. I think this is one of the hardest things to admit too because I see my friends from college graduating from law school, graduate school, medical school and jumping right into their dream jobs.

So what happens now?  I honestly don't know.

Life would be so much easier if I were partnered up and had that emotional support that comes from a committed partner. At least we could be building together and trying to make waves in this world together. Sigh...I got some things to think about.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Black Lesbians: Can We Just Admit That This Shit Is Beyond Fucked Up????

This is going to be some of the realest shit I ever wrote on this blog. Black lesbians are fucked up. It's so bad now that I cannot honestly see myself ending up with one. I cannot see myself starting a family with a black lesbian. Why? Because most of these bitches already coming to the table with kids...multiple bastards.... from previous relationships with MEN.

Black or Latino gay couples are twice as likely as whites to be raising children, according to Mr. Gates, who used data from a Census Bureau sampling known as the American Community Survey.

Experts offer theories for the pattern. A large number of gay couples, possibly a majority, entered into their current relationship after first having children with partners in heterosexual relationships, Mr. Gates said.

Now here comes the bullshit that got my blood running hot....

“People grew up in church, so a lot of us lived in shame,” said Darlene Maffett, 43, a Jacksonville resident, who had two children in eight years of marriage before coming out in 2002. “What did we do? We wandered around lost. We married men, and then couldn’t understand why every night we had a headache.....”

So last summer, Ms. Williams became pastor of St. Luke’s Community Church, one of the oldest gay-friendly churches in the city, and immediately set up a youth program. Attendance by the mixed-race congregation swelled to more than 90 from 25 in just a few months. “All of a sudden you started seeing all of these women coming out,” Ms. Maffett said. “All of them had children.”

What's my beef with the above?

72% of black children are born out of wedlock in this country. Most black women don't have their children within a marriage. All this bullshit about having grown up in the church and being frightened to come out is crazy when you consider these are the same bitches popping out 2, 3, 4, out of wedlock children by multiple men! It blows that whole "I'm afraid of God and what my folks will think" argument out of the water. When you look at how fucked up their living situations are while they are supposedly pretending to be just know they are lying about being afraid of God and family!

No one wants to say it, but black women whether straight or gay have really and truly done their part to fuck up the black community. Their breeding habits are out of control. All this motherfucking birth control on the market and these chicks cannot seem to bring themselves to use the shit! It is RARE that I run across a black woman over the age of 25 who doesn't have any children AND who has never been pregnant. I know some over the age of 25 who don't have any children but it's only because they had an abortion at some point. An estimated 50% of black women have had abortions in this country.

None of the above bullshit managed to strike the fear of God in them like they say homosexuality did/does. So taking a life doesn't make you lose sleep, but sleeping with another woman sends terror through your veins? I don't buy it!

I grew up in the church too. My parents are some of the most religious black people you will ever meet. While I did go through my denial stage I NEVER ever felt compelled to fuck a man and LET HIM plant his seed inside me. I never felt compelled to live a lie! I always knew who and what the fuck I am and I got to a point where I said "Fuck it...I'mma do me." My parents don't like it. They still don't accept it. But they know their isn't a gawdamn thing they can do about it.

This is what kills me about black women using the church argument as to why they are walking around with kids though they supposedly have known for years they were gay....

These same bitches making that argument (most of them are in the older crowd...or those who want to say it wasn't "acceptable" to be gay in their day) will swear you down they were out here fighting for gay rights way back when and thus deserve my (a youngin) respect. However, when you ask the most logical question: How the fuck were you out here fighting for gay rights back in the day when you were supposedly locked in the closet, married, and clutching your fucking bible they don't have a thing to say. The shit doesn't make any sense.

Where was the shame when you were fucking outside of marriage? Where was the shame when you were popping out kids from several different men outside of marriage? Where was the shame when you were having an abortion? Where the hell was this God of yours when you were doing all of the above?

I've come to the conclusion these women are lying through their teeth. Some might have been afraid to come out of the closet, but most were not.

When you ask these women why they stayed with a particular man for so long or why they jumped from one man to the next if they knew they were gay these women will flat out tell you they loved him. As a homosexual I can honestly say I have NEVER loved a least not in the romantic type of way. These women are using the church to cover for the fact that many of them are in fact BISEXUAL...not gay...and not straight. They feel something for both groups. However, because they know most gay people aren't down for fucking with a bisexual they try to use the church as a cover for why they fucked men. It's far easy to say, "I was scared to come out because I grew up in the church" than it is to say "I enjoy fucking both men and women." Why? Because they know a truly gay person is going to tell them to kick rocks. Bisexuals carry a stigma. Men might accept a bisexual woman, but lesbians (real lesbians) ain't going for that shit.

Then there is this...

Because black men and women have hit a road block in their relations with each other these chicks now feel comfortable turning to women (many of whom are thirsty and will accept this bullshit...See this chick) because no black man wants them and their endless flock of bastard kids. That is the bottom line. There are far too many black studs with piss poor low standards. They sit around and take care of black single mothers like their kids belong to them. Black men ain't going for that shit and rightly so.

Memo to black studs: Stop tricking off these hoes. Her kids are just that....her kids. Raise your standards and find yourself a childless woman with her head on straight.

Where does all this leave black lesbians like myself? It leaves us looking for love amongst non-black women.

I'm being honest when I say this: I'm not out here working to get ahead just to raise/support a bitch and her bastard children. I didn't go to college and graduate school just to end up supporting someone's family. I'm not saving and investing my money just to buy a house for a chick and her bastard children. I didn't overcome all the fucked up statistics that most black women fall for just to get out here and support some bitch and her kids. This from previous not going to fly with my type.

I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I now understand why so many black men are abandoning black women. Niggas don't want to deal with this type of shit.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Chocolate Covered Strawberries For Her

You see the picture up above? Well I sent this edible arrangement to my property manager today along with a balloon and a note. The jury is still out as far as her reaction, but if you were her and one of your tenets sent you chocolate covered strawberries with this note:

You were right....some things are personal. My shyness got the best of me. It has been deleted. My apologies....

"Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work."

-Booker T. Washington

What would your reaction be? Would you be flattered? Would you be like what the hell???

I asked a few female friends about this and most said they would be flattered even if they weren't interested. Your thoughts?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Shot Down....I Think???

So I decided to be a little bit more proactive about the situation with my property manager. How? Well a little over a month ago I went on, which is a website where tenants can express their opinion about apartments and staff. I read through the comments about my apartment complex. It was just my luck that a lady posted a comment the day before in which she mentioned my property manager by name and expressed dissatisfaction about her "rudeness." I replied to the woman, using the opportunity to express my love for my property manager and defend her. In my mind my review was glowing and flattering. My property manager didn't quite feel that way (keep reading). 

About three weeks after I wrote the review I called the rent office to ask if they actually read the reviews. I only did this because my property manger never mentioned the review to me so I assumed she hadn't read it. 

The lady I spoke with is the assistant property manager. She informed me that they only read them when they receive a new review. They don't read replies to reviews. Long story short they hadn't read my comment/review because it was a reply to someone's review. I informed her that I wrote a reply to someone's review defending the property manager and suggested they tell the property manager about my review. I even joked that she might give me a discount on my rent for it. I think this was my first mistake because I probably should have personally told the property manager about my review.

Anyway, a week later I go to the office to pay my rent and see the property manager. I walk into her office and notice she is staring at me. I mean it was an intense stare that made me so nervous I dropped my keys. She looked at me and said, "You're in trouble." 

Me: (thinking to myself oh Jesus)

Me: So you read my review huh?

Her: Yes.

Me: (Nervously not staring her in face and shuffling around the papers I was carrying). Any thoughts?

Her: It was too personal.

Me: (Trying to figure out what she means by that...and if anyone reading my blog can tell me I would really appreciate it). 

Her: You wrote too much..."insert my name" wrote a book.

Me: (Still no comment).

Her: They called me at home to tell me.

Me: (Surprised). Your staff called you to read my review. I bet they had a good laugh at my expense.

Her: Yeah they called me. 

At that point it became clear that I had...well...possibly embarrassed her. 

Me: (Heart beating fast): Well it came straight from my heart. I wanted you to read it. I called up here and told them about it because I wanted you to read you think about my review?

Her: It was too personal.

Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what she means by "Too Personal." Would it have been better if I came straight out and said, "Hey, I'm digging you baby!" I know my approach was so second grade (I'm sure we all remember those do you like maybe letters), but keep in mind I have NEVER...EVER been the one to approach and pursue. This was a HUGE step for me and now I'm trying to figure out if I was shot down or not!

Is this a situation where if I were not one of her tenets she would have been more forthcoming? Is this her way of saying, "I'm not interested?" Somebody tell me something....

What are your thoughts? If you were her how would you feel?

Monday, April 2, 2012

Phat Asses & Pretty Faces: Yet Another Issue I Have With Black Males

I honestly feel sorry for REALLY beautiful on-point "got their ish together" black women. I mean I truly feel sorry for these women. Why? Because almost from day one of their lives they find themselves the preys of thirsty ass disrespectful "don't know how to talk to a lady" niggas. 

A few days ago I walked into the Publix up the street from my apartment complex. Just as I was walking into the door a BEAUTIFUL black woman with the most amazing ass walked by. Her ass literally caught my attention upon entering the grocery store. This chick had the slimmest waist, the prettiest face and the phattiest ass I've seen on a black woman (who is not obese) in a long time. Naturally I did a doubletake. Unfortunately I wasn't the only one. 

The poor woman found herself in bird's eye view of several thirsty ass disrespectful black men. I watched (helplessly) as she was approached by one black male after another. She politely told each one of them "No" only to be met with either a noticeable frown or a mumbled "bitch." All I could do was shake my damn head. I wondered if I approached her respectfully would she respond to me.

When I was with my ex-girlfriend this type of thing always gave me anxiety because I used to see the way black men looked at her. Even though it was clear that we were together these niggas would walk up and approach her anyway. At that point I would either intervene or she would reach for my hand just so these motherfuckers would get the point. Still they pursued her like a snake would pursue a rat and each time it was my job, as her girlfriend, to intervene. Well, I'm quite sure other lesbians, who have been in this position can relate when I say this was frustrating, annoying and at times threatening (facing homophobia is always threatening but there is something sinister about it when two women find themselves threatened by a male). 

As a result I think my hatred for black males grew (yes, folks the shit didn't just fall out of thin air). I mean I have never seen a group of men so proudly disrespect women like these men. Instead of approaching a woman like a gentleman these niggas approach women (read: black women) like they are their women for the taking. It is disgusting and I truly feel sorry for black women who find themselves on the receiving end of this mess.  I believe this is why some black women simply let themselves go. When they are fat as hell niggas aren't disrespecting them on the street. Having a phat ass and pretty face can be a curse and a burden. 
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