Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Pretty Hoochie With The Good Coochie!


I have a confession to make. From age 18-26 I was checking for the pretty hoochie with the good coochie! Those early rants I made on this blog about not being happy with black women and not being able to find a black woman of quality were true...but only half the truth. 

The other half of the truth is I was almost solely checking for women based on their physical appearance. I was looking solely at the chicks with nice faces, perky breast and phat asses and getting pissed off because 1). They aren't gay. 2). They are gay or bisexual and MOST have been ran through by men and women alike 3). Because they have kids. 4). Because they are confused as hell or in the closet and 5). Because truthfully they didn't want me for a variety of reasons (and these reasons range from not being a "stud" to not being a party girl). 

Yes, I'm guilty of judging a book by its cover. For eight years I was constantly picking up an encyclopedia based on it's pretty cover and features when I should have picked up a dictionary to look up the word SUPERFICIAL. 

And yes, I'm guilty of wanting to fuck, fuck, fuck the hell out of these women! I'm a human being. I own up to my superficial past. I'm not perfect. The physically is still very important to me, but it is no longer the sole reason why I desire a woman.

And no, I'm still not satisfied with the crop of black lesbians I run across. Whether they are hoochies or regular chicks, I do believe there is a lack of non-stereotypical, educated, physically attractive BLACK LESBIANS (key words).

We sometimes go after what we want instead of what we need. I wanted the pretty hoochie with the good coochie for eight long years. And no, I didn't ignore the pretty bookworm with the ivy league education (referring to Yellow Bone), she simply wasn't available to me at that point in my life. Pretty black lesbian bookworms are a RARE commodity. I would have gladly jumped on this chick too. However, the hoochie with the good coochie is a dime a dozen here in Atlanta. Convincing them to put out is not hard. So, naturally...that's who I found myself pursuing all too often.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Itching For Something Better


I'm at a point in my life where I desire something better. I hate the routine of my life. Like most people I eat, work, shit, sleep and do it all over again the next day. I need something more. I hate working for someone else. I don't take authority well and I think part of my overall misery comes from being under the foot of someone else. I don't want my money to be dependent on another person. I want to be my own boss.

Someone recently told me I should start my own magazine. The thought has crossed my mind, but I tossed the idea to the side because of the cost associated with such a venture. Recently the idea crossed my mind again. The game has changed. Print magazines are quickly becoming a thing of the past. Digital magazines are the way of the future. 

The invention of tablets and e-readers are a BLESSING for people like me. They have reduced the cost associated with starting a publishing business and self-publishing. I'm seriously thinking about creating a digital magazine. The idea doesn't seem as far fetched to me anymore. 

So what kind of magazine should I create? I don't know. Part of me wants to create a "black" version of The Advocate. Another part of me wants to create a general "black" women's magazine centered around natural hair, books, genealogy, news and media. Both ideas scare the hell out of me. Why? Because I'm not sure either idea will be a hit with readers.

For the most part I don't even understand black lesbians and gays. I feel like an oddity amongst the crowd of black gays and lesbians. The same is true amongst black people in general. I scratch my head so often about things I read, see and hear from black folks that it's damn near impossible for me to find camaraderie amongst the masses. Therefore, I'm not sure if my interest will be a hit with this target audience.

What do you think?

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I Need Your Opinon About Something...


I am 20 pages into writing the black lesbian love story I want to read. Part of me wants to introduce the story and publish it as a series (each section being 20 pages long) while another part of me wants to publish it as a novel. I'm leaving it up to you...

Would you rather I publish the story piece by piece as a series or would you rather I publish it as a novel? 

Hit the poll...


Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Politics Of Black Women's Hair


Sometimes I think I underestimate my intelligence. I say that because whenever I visit blogs written by SOME black people I feel like a genius in a room full of idiots. Seriously...I honestly feel that way. I don't know if I'm more enlightened than the average African American or what, but critical thinking seems to elude the black masses on the internet. I find this to be especially true amongst black men. Answers that should be obvious go right over their heads in most cases. 

You would think black men would understand black women better than other races of men understand the women of their racial group. Why? Because black men are almost solely raised by black women. However, this doesn't appear to be true. Either they are purposely stuck on stupid or they lack the intelligence to understand black women overall. 

All over the internet I keep reading comments from black men who cannot understand why black women relax their hair. Many don't understand why black women rock weaves and wigs. Almost all of them point to self-hatred as the ONE AND ONLY reason black women do any of the above. It hasn't dawned on these men that maybe...just maybe...there is more to the politics of black women's hair than self-hatred (and honestly I find it hilarious that black men would even criticize another group from supposedly hating themselves). 

Let me break it all the way down...

I'm not a fan of weaves and relaxers myself. Anyone that reads my blog should know I LOVE natural black hair. I currently rock an Afro. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a lovely black woman with a head full of natural black hair. While I obviously have a preference for black women with natural black hair I wouldn't turn away a black woman simply because she rocks a weave and relaxed hair. A fine woman is a fine woman to me. As long as she meets most of the things on my list I'm down for dating her.

Would I prefer black women to rock their natural hair? Yes. 

Do I feel it's my right to bash black women for rocking their hair the way they want to rock it? No. 

Do I sympathize with black women for the shit they go through involving their hair? Yes.

Now let's talk about the politics of black women's hair...

Here is the thing black men don't seem to get: Black men DO NOT provide for black women. They do not produce LEGITIMATE economic opportunity for themselves OR black women. When it comes to black women's hair the white man's opinion often holds more weight. Why? Because black women are dependent upon white men and white corporate America for jobs! Therefore, black women are going to conform to a European standard of beauty if it means putting food on the table...black men, their opinion, claims of self-hatred be damned!

When black women are rocking our natural hair many of us hit a brick wall in our professional careers. Don't believe me? Just take a look at Rhonda Lee (the woman pictured above). Rhonda Lee was fired from her job as a meteorologist in Shreveport, Louisiana because she responded to an ignorant racist who criticized her natural hair on the station's facebook page. 

The racist wrote the following: 
“the black lady that does the news is a very nice lady.the only thing is she needs to wear a wig or grow some more hair. im not sure if she is a cancer patient. but still its not something myself that i think looks good on tv. what about letting someone a male have waist long hair do the news.what about that.”

Ms. Lee responded with the following:
“Hello Emmitt–I am the ‘black lady’ to which you are referring. I’m sorry you don’t like my ethnic hair. And no I don’t have cancer. I’m a non-smoking, 5’3, 121 lbs, 25 mile a week running, 37.5 year old woman, and I’m in perfectly healthy physical condition.

“I am very proud of my African-American ancestry which includes my hair. For your edification: traditionally our hair doesn’t grow downward. It grows upward. Many Black women use strong straightening agents in order to achieve a more European grade of hair and that is their choice. However in my case I don’t find it necessary. I’m very proud of who I am and the standard of beauty I display. Women come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities, and levels of beauty. Showing little girls that being comfortable in the skin and HAIR God gave me is my contribution to society. Little girls (and boys for that matter) need to see that what you look like isn’t a reason to not achieve their goals.

“Conforming to one standard isn’t what being American is about and I hope you can embrace that.

“Thank you for your comment and have a great weekend and thank for watching.”
Ms. Lee is now unemployed. Black women are damned by black men for rocking a relaxer and a weave and they are damned by white people for rocking their natural hair!

Black women are pressured to conform to an European standard of beauty largely because they are dependent on whites for survival in this country...whether black men want to admit it or not. Admitting this little fact probably brings shame upon black men, which is why they would rather scapegoat "self-hate" as the MAIN/SOLE reason why black women rock weaves and relaxers. It's probably hard to admit your race of women is dependent upon another race of men for economic opportunities because you, as men, haven't created those opportunities for them! So, they ignore this FACT and point to self-hate. 

Now don't get me wrong. I do believe self-hate plays a part in SOME black women's love for relaxers and weaves. However, I don't for one second believe this holds true for the MAJORITY of black women. Self-hate to me looks like Michael Jackson who, last time I checked, was a black man. Self-hate doesn't look like black women who press/relax their hair and rock weaves. The majority of black women rock relaxers for the following reasons:
  1. Pressure to conform to the European standard of beauty.
  2. Because that's what they want (duh!).
  3. Because that's the current style (and yes, I will admit sometimes the shit does look ridiculous and turn me off...ex. the multiple colored weave)
  4. For some...that's all they know (meaning they've had relaxed/straightened hair since they were children) and therefore they may not be comfortable rocking anything else. 
I don't honestly care what anyone thinks about my hair. I rock the natural and I'm proud to rock it! If I had to pick between a job and my hair I would pick my hair each and every time. However, I understand the same may not be true for other black women.  It would be nice if black women could be ourselves without everything and everyone judging us. It would be nice if black men made a half-way decent effort to understand the struggles black women face with their hair, the European standard of beauty and the politics behind their hair.

Kudos To White Women: Y'all Know How To Recognize Dumbass Niggas When You See Them!


Don't know how I missed this story, but in 2006 legendary singer Lou Rawls died of cancer. I'm not a Lou Rawls fan, but he did make some good songs. When he died I was still in college and because I'm not a fan I didn't follow the family drama that erupted after his death. 

A few years before he died, Lou Rawls met and married Nina, the lady in the above picture. The two of them met on an airplane where she was a flight attendant. They married shortly AFTER Lou Rawls found out he had cancer. Somehow or the other this woman managed to convince Lou Rawls old ass to adopt a child (see the picture above). Needless to say this didn't sit well with SOME of Lou Rawls' children. His daughter, Louanna Rawls, who is clearly the product of the swirl, became the most vocal of the group....

By all accounts Louanna tried to convince her father not to marry Nina or adopt the child. I'm guessing shit must have hit the fan shortly before Lou Rawls died because Nina left this voicemail on Louanna's phone...

Click this LINK.


If you're like me chances are your mouth was hanging wide open as you listened to Nina's voicemail. The woman admitted she was on some gold digging nonsense. She told Louanna that she was taking it all and everything was in her name. She called Lou Rawls a dumbass and said he shouldn't have married her. If I were Lou Rawls' daughter I would be mad at my father and the gold digging trick!

Black men think with their dicks. It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor. In general they lack common sense when it comes to sex and non-black women. And no I'm not against interracial relationships of any kind. I don't have a dog in this fight. Black men don't mean a damn thing to me because they are not in my dating pool. I'm simply calling a spade a spade. When it comes to non-black pussy black men are the stupidest people on the face of the planet. 

Successful black men will ask a black woman for a prenup with lighting speed, but they have a completely different standard for non-black women. They will call black women who expect a black MAN to provide and protect a gold digger quick. These same men will excuse a non-black woman for having the SAME standards because that's part of their culture (i.e., the men protect and provide). 

Black men know they cannot half step with non-black women because those women come from a culture that promotes men having their shit together. He has to be on top of his game and bringing in enough money to support her and their family. The same doesn't appear to be true for black American culture. In black American culture if a black man simply has a job and doesn't hold a criminal record he is regarded as a "good" black man...by black men. Mind you this man can have a G.E.D., a fucked up anti-social personality and be physically unattractive, but because he achieved what other races of men just do (i.e., get/keep a job and no criminal record) he considers himself a "good" catch.

Most black women know this double standard is a way for black men to save their egos/pride/manhood because most of them are NOT successful beyond the bare minimum. Black men know they aren't in a position to attract gold diggers. The average black man in this country makes 35k a year or less. Instead of admitting this fact they try to shame black women for expecting them to BE successful beyond the bare minimum. They try to shame black women for expecting them to have a college education and a job that can support an entire family (in this world that's about 50k a year or more). For this expectation black women get the gold digger label.

I'm sure you're heard comments from broke niggas accusing black women of being gold diggers. I mean really...what kind of gold are black women hoping to discover from the poorest group of men on the face of the planet???

Like I said, black men call black women gold diggers in an effort to save face.

Because of their double standards REAL successful black men are easy prey for WHITE women. If I were a pretty young white woman looking for a come up I would target rich black men. All you have to do is give them some pussy and pop out 2.5 kids. At that point you're set for life! After the last child comes along divorce his ass and take the kids, the house, the dog and the loot with you back to your community! Marry yourself a white man and live happily ever after on your black ex-husband's dime.

I honestly believe the black community would be in better shape if BLACK WOMEN were the millionaire rappers, athletes and entertainers. Why? Because the money would stay in the black community if black women controlled it. Black women are the primary caregivers of black children. Our resources are likely to go to those children. Our resources will trickle down to our children, and not a completely different community if divorce occurs. If we divorce we still keep our resources and possibly some of his. Divorce doesn't financially damage women the same way it does men. In short, black female millionaires are far more likely to keep their resources "black" than black men. 

Just think about it. Look at O.J. Simpson. Here is a black man that married a black woman and had three children with her (one drowned in the family swimming pool). For years this woman criss-crossed the country with him while he was a professional athlete. She supported his ventures and his career....


Here is a picture of their family....


OJ Simpson threw Marguerite and their family straight under the bus for Nicole, who was a teenager when they met. From what I've read, OJ Simpson and Marguerite had a bitter divorce. She had to practically beg for alimony and child support. Meanwhile, OJ bought Nicole's family a fucking car dealership! He sent Nicole's sister to community college. He helped get Nicole's piss poor family out of poverty. Now just think of the mental damage this shit probably had on his kids with Marguerite! Their father had no issue at all ditching them and their mother while financially supporting Nicole and her family.

When things hit the fan and OJ was accused of killing Nicole her family threw OJ's ass straight under the bus. Nicole's sister, the one he sent to community college, wasted no time calling OJ's stupid ass evil, a cheater, a wife beater etc.

While he was on trial, Marguerite DEFENDED OJ. She said he never raised a hand to her. In every interview she did Marguerite defended OJ. 

After the trial was over OJ moved to Florida and became a pariah. His old white friends ceased being his friends. They turned their backs on him. Everyone except OJ knew he was the most hated black man on the face of the planet.

Shortly before he was set up and sent to prison OJ and his oldest daughter, Arnelle (pictured above) got into a physically altercation. Arnelle was pissed off with OJ and his coke head white girlfriend, who was blowing money like there was no tomorrow while her mother, Marguerite, was working at Wal-Mart. 

Arnelle snapped and rightly so! 

This is a young woman that watched helplessly as her father abandoned her mother for a white woman. She watched as he treated her trashy family like gold. She watched as those same people turned their back on him and walked away with the resources OJ GAVE THEM. She watched as her mother struggled financially while OJ jumped from one gold digging white hoe to the next. She watched as said gold digging white hoes threw OJ under the bus when he hit rock bottom (the last of which I saw on Good Morning America trying to sell a book in which she details the abuse she supposedly suffered from OJ). 

This story has a happy ending. Supposedly Arnelle has been collecting OJ's $20,000 a month pension check. There was a report some time ago that his house in Florida was under foreclosure because Arnelle stopped paying the mortgage. Arnelle probably said the hell with OJ and his house. She's probably using OJ's money to take care of her mother! There is no way in hell my mama would be working at Wal-Mart if I were getting $20,000 a month. This is compensation for that family's pain and suffering. OJ's inability to control his dick caused them enough grief to last a lifetime. This whole ordeal never would have happened if Marguerite was the individual holding the loot.

Anyway, I just thought this Lou Rawls' situation was incredibly sad, but I don't personally feel sorry for Lou Rawls or his descendants. He got caught up with the pussy and they, his children, paid the price.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Ten Interesting Facts About Me


I know it's been a minute since my last blog, but I have been sick. I had a stomach virus straight from hell! I'm okay now (thank God), but my stomach was tore up this week. So, I apologize for not making time to blog.

My blog has become a small community of women of various races. I receive quite a few emails that read "I want to know more about you" or "I would love to get to know you." I believe most of these messages are coming from people who are truly curious about me, my life and my attitude towards life while others are coming from women who are interested in dating me (or in some cases fucking me...just being honest). 

In the past I have written about my family on this blog. I've written about my life, which I don't find as interesting as many of you. Still people want to know more about me. Okay...I came up with a list of interesting things about myself. However, I also want to know more about you. Please post ten interesting things about yourself in the comment section. If you don't want to post on my blog send me an email containing the information (lezintellect@gmail.com).

Ten interesting facts about myself....

1). I was born with 12 fingers. Yes, your favorite blogger was born with a genetic disorder (thank you daddy!). It is called polydactyly. When I came bursting out of my mama's coochie I had an extra pinky finger on each hand. However, these fingers didn't have bones (thank God). The doctor tied a string around my extra joints and they fell off. Today I have 10 fingers with two tiny nots on the side of my pinky fingers.  One day, when I have children, I expect to be greeted with 12 fingers on their little hands!



2). My first time having sex was a quickie I didn't want. She was begging for it. I said no. She kept begging for it and I eventually said fuck it! She got a mouth full of me!

3). In high school I was student body president, junior class president and president of several clubs. I was on principle honor roll. I played saxophone. In short, I was a popular and pretty geek. 

4). I'm a fan of 80's rock. Phil Collins and Journey are two of my favorite artist.

5). I sometimes rock in the bed at night. It is something I've done since I was a baby. According to my mother I used to rock myself to sleep in my crib. As a child I had asthma. The only thing that used to stop me from coughing and weezing was rocking side to side in the bed. Now, as an adult, I do it out of habit. It helps me sleep at night. 

6). I over think things. I don't know if this is a benefit of higher education or what, but I anaylze and break things down all the time even when it is not necessary. Sometimes the answer is staring me in the face, but I dig deeper anyway.

7). I'm very emotional and I battle depression. Things that shouldn't bother me have the ability to make me angry (ex. the plight of black Americans). In short, I care too damn much.

8). I've been driving the same car since I was 17 years old and I plan to drive it until the wheels fall off!

9). My jet black hair is beginning to gray. I strongly suspect I will be completely gray by the time I'm 35. 

10). People tell me I have a great voice. Apparently my thick southern accent is a hit with black women who are not originally from the south. I used to be self-conscious about my accent, but now I use it to sweet talk the panties off women (well one woman, Yellow Bone). 

11). ***Bonus fact*** I have a natural flair for comedy. People tell me I'm funny. Maybe one day I will get up the nerve to step inside a comedy club. 

***I will be on skype all weekend. If you want to chat hit me on skype. My username is lez.intellect.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

A Real Black Lesbian Love Story


Today I began writing the black lesbian love story I long to read. Writing the first few pages of a new story is always the hardest thing in the world for me because the first pages determine whether or not a reader will READ my work or throw it in the trash. If a story doesn't capture my attention in the first ten pages I'm liable to put it down and never come back to it. So, I know how important it is to capture the reader's attention within the first 10-15 pages. 

I won't go into much detail about the story I'm writing, but I've hinted at it in a few recent post. It will be an old-fashioned love story that actually portrays black lesbians as more than sexual beings. My characters will be emotional, intelligent, feminine and above all else they will reflect what I believe is a real/accurate representation of black lesbianism. 

I set my story in the 1970s, 1980s, 1990s and the early 2000s because one of my characters is a R&B superstar and as we all know R&B lost its soul sometime in the late 1990s. So I imagined this character hitting it big when R&B music was at its peak, which in my opinion was in the late 1970s-1980s.

In my head this character has a jazzy/soulful voice like Anita Baker...




Physically she looks something like Shari Headley from Coming To America....


Her love interest is a woman she fell in love with in high school. Though she is not a public figure like the character mentioned above, the love interest is the CEO of a major black hair care company started by her father in the 1950s.  She is also successful in her own right.

The story will take place over the course of 3 and 1/2 decades. I will explore homophobia, sexism, racism, classism and self-loathing on the part of both characters. Some of their experiences will match my own.

That's all I'm willing to give away for now. Please leave your feedback in the comment section.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Gay Marriage & What It Means For Me


Yesterday the media reported that the supreme court will hear two cases involving gay marriage. From my understanding one case deals with federal benefits for same sex couples and the other deals with the constitutionality of same sex marriage. Hopefully members of the supreme court will uphold the constitution by acknowledging our unalienable rights and equal protection under the law.

We all know this case will be a slam dunk because the people standing in the way of gay marriage have no right to do so. We cannot tell another individual who they should or should not marry.

We also know the issue of gay marriage made it to the supreme court with lighting speed because gay WHITE people want to get married. If this were an issue solely involving people of color it would take about 10-15 years before the case made it to the supreme court...but that's neither here nor there...

I haven't mentioned it on this blog, but I was planning on proposing to Yellow Bone on New Years's Eve. Hopefully she will say yes and your favorite blogger will be getting married in 2013! Maybe...just maybe...we might be able to get married right here in Georgia! Let's keep our fingers crossed. 

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Temptation


At what point does the urge to fuck other women cease? That's the question I keep asking myself.

I'm with Yellow Bone and I'm truly happy with her. We are closer than close. We are closer now than we've ever been. However, the urge to fuck other women is still strong! 

There is a girl at work that openly flirts with me. As crazy as it sounds she is from Detroit just like Yellow Bone. The chick is stacked! She has a pretty face, some nice breast, a phat ass and a nice personality. She keeps inviting me out and I keep turning her down while thinking to myself, "If only I were single. It would be on and popping!" 

I know it's bad, but I actually find myself fantasizing about screwing this chick. I'm around her five days a week. It's hard not to think about sex around her. 

Then there is my property manager. I'm renewing my lease. When I went into the rent office this morning to pay my rent I told her I planned to renew my lease. 

Property Manager: (smiling) Good...I would hate to see you go. 

Me: (thinking to myself) I bet!

I'm not a player and I'm not a whore....but damn if I'm not tempted to be all of the above. I

'm a human being with a great sex drive. However, I keep asking myself when does the desire to screw other women cease? When do we cease being tempted to screw other people?

The current soundtrack of my life...

Sunday, November 25, 2012

This Brought Tears To My Eyes...




Two weeks ago I came upon a documentary about Benji Wilson on ESPN. Prior to watching the documentary I had never heard of Benji Wilson. This documentary and his story brought tears to my eyes. His story tore at my heart. The only other black biographies that have cut as deep are Whitney Houston, Florence Ballard and Dorothy Dandridge. If I could, I would bring all of the above back from the dead.

I'm not a sports fanatic. I'm not sure how I ended up watching ESPN the night I caught this documentary, but I'm glad I did.

Benji Wilson was a star high school basketball player in Chicago. During the early 1980's he was considered the best high school basketball player in the country. By all accounts he was going to do big things in the NBA. Unfortunately that dream was never full-filled because Benji's life was cut short by some misguided punk.

According to the documentary, Benji was walking his girlfriend, Jetun Rush, to the bus stop. The two of them were in the middle of a heated argument because she wouldn't let Benji see his son. They had a two month old son together and Jetun was supposedly keeping the child away from Benji. While walking her to the bus stop Benji bumped into the misguided punk and all hell broke loose. Long story short, egos flared and the misguided punk shot Benji. What followed was gross negligence thanks to Chicago's fucked up emergency response policy.

Benji died of his wounds.

I know Jetun Rush must be hunted by his death. If she was keeping Benji away from his son she has to live with the following:
  1. When her son had a father she kept them apart. 
  2. Benji died arguing with her about seeing his son and due to his tragic death he will never see or hold his son again.
  3. Her last conversation with Benji was an argument. Granted she was a teenage girl at the time, but I'm sick of hearing stories about black mothers using their children as tools against the father(s) of their children. If you have a black man that is TRYING to be a father to his child LET HIM! Don't use the children as a weapon in your civil war with the father.
As for the misguided punk...I hope that motherfucker burns in hell. I'm sick and tired of black thugs and hoodrats. Their reign of terror over the black community has come at a serious price. Fortunately I'm not the only one feeling this way....

 

The civil war between law abiding black people and uncivilized savage niggas is on and popping...at least in Detroit. 

Black people in Detroit are finally standing up and saying ENOUGH! Good for them! Maybe Atlanta, Philly, Oakland, Newark and all other crime ridden black meccas will follow suit. Black people not living in Detroit need to donate money and services to their cause. I'm more than willing to donate funds that will go towards purchasing grenade launchers, AK-47s, pistols, uzis etc...if it means ridding the black community of the ghetto masses. 

If you read the comments under the above Detroit 300 video there are black people who actually DISAGREE with the approach of these brave men. There are people saying, "We shouldn't declare war on our self-hating black youth," "When are we going to fight the white man and corporate America? We shouldn't be fighting each other" and my personal favorite, "These brothers ain't nothing but Uncle Toms. They are working with law enforcement and turning our black youth over to the white man. They are traders to the race!"

What fucking world are some of these people living in? 

I must have missed where Bill Gates and Donald Trump are out raping old black women and killing little black children. I must have missed where our beloved black youth are innocent of tearing down whole communities and turning them into war zones. White men aren't doing that shit! Instead it's young fucked up black men doing it. It's about time someone did something about it. 

These bastards don't give a damn about other black people so why the hell should law abiding citizens give a crap about them?

Anyone tired of all this senseless violence needs to stand up and support the folks doing something about it.

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Best Damn Feeling In The World: An Orgasm


I have the best girlfriend in the world. Yesterday, after our day on the town, Yellow Bone and I had sex...in the bathroom, on the bathroom countertop, in front of the bathroom mirror. I don't know if it was the thrill of watching my reflection in the mirror as I screwed my girlfriend or the sex itself, but my orgasm was one of the deepest I have ever felt.

The whole event started out innocent enough... 

Yellow Bone was standing in front of her bathroom mirror brushing her hair and she was playing  Surrender by Kut Klose on her stereo...  


She was almost completely naked except for a sapphire blue thong. Her pretty titties looked as delicious as ripe fruit. As noticed them immediately as I walked into the bathroom and stood behind her in the mirror. I watched as she brushed her hair. She caught me staring. 

Yellow Bone: (Smiling) What are you looking at?

Me: I'm looking at you and this body!

At that point I slapped her ass. 

Yellow Bone: (Turned towards me and pointed the brush) Hey! Don't start nothing you can't finish!

Me: (Smiling and biting down on my lower lip) Who said I can't finish it?

And finish it I did! Right there on the bathroom countertop! 

I started off slowly sucking on her breast and made my way down. I feasted on Yellow Bone's box for about forty-five minutes while periodically checking out my reflection in the mirror. I watched in the mirror as her spine pulsated to the rhythm of her moans, which gradually grew louder. This continued until eventually she let out a long slow moan and her body began to convulse in pleasure.

And then it was my turn...

Yellow Bone can suck the paint off a car! This chick will have your eyes rolling straight to the back of your head. She seems to know just the right spot to hit. It doesn't take much to get me horny. My sex drive is high. I like to fuck! It's just my luck that I have a girl that likes to fuck as much as me! 

Anyway, Yellow Bone sucked and fucked me so good right there on the bathroom countertop and I swear I was squirting for at least 45 seconds. 

That was some good head!

After it was over all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. You know the shit is good when you end up in a coma afterwards.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Date With My Girlfriend


Today Yellow Bone and I went to see Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 and I must say I REALLY enjoyed the movie! It was good. I loved everything about it. I only recently got into the Twilight Saga and it's very addictive. I wish we had this kind of entertainment when I was a teenager. Watching this film series and reading the books got me thinking...where are the BLACK teen love stories? 

I know black folks aren't into vampire romance novels. I can understand. We're used to vampires that want to suck our blood...not the type that want to fuck! So yeah I get it. However, it would have been nice if there was a series like this when I was growing up instead of Flyy Girl or The Coldest Winter Ever

As a young teenage girl, I wished I could read about HEALTHY black relationships. I wished there were black love stories like those written by Danielle Steel. I believe teenage girls need that type of reading material. Maybe if more young black girls had that type of reading material they would think about love...true love...and not just sex. Maybe they would even raise their standards and force these wayward black boys to step their game up.

I wonder if a black lesbian vampire romance novel would sell?

Anyway, Yellow Bone and I really enjoyed the film. She keeps telling me I should write the black lesbian love story I desire to read. It's definitely on my list of things to do.

The Intersection Of Race & Class: The Interesting Position Of The Black Bourgeoisie


As I age I find myself dealing with a number of issues related to class and race. I never faced these issues before becoming a member of the black middle class. Moving up in the world is great and I am enjoying the fruits of my labor and education. However, moving up has forced me to examine class and race from my new middle class perspective. I have been thinking about my future, my plight, the plight of other African Americans and what it means for me.

Sometime in the near future I plan to buy a house. There was a point when I wanted to buy a house in the Atlanta area. That is no longer the case. Why? Because I'm convinced this city is going straight to hell like Detroit, Chicago, D.C., Gary, Philly, Harlem, Cleveland, Newark and every other so-called black mecca. I've lived in Georgia my entire life. This is the land of my ancestors on both sides of my family. I've lived in Atlanta since 2004. In that time I have watched the following:

  1. Black people from all over the country are migrating here because they have heard it is the place to be...for whatever reason. 
  2. The poor have become poorer.
  3. Someone figured out concentrated poverty is a bad idea so the poor are now spread out thanks to section 8 vouchers. Gone are the projects. Now these folks can find private housing in "good" apartment communities and the suburbs. This is great for them. However, it sucks for the people already living in those communities. Why? Because our stupid BLACK Democratic leadership has yet to recognize that poverty is not just financial for a large number of black folks...it's also a mentality. Folks living in these previously NICE neighborhoods now find themselves living amongst folks who don't have any type of home training, discipline or morals. Not to mention they don't have any interest in keeping up the neighborhood because the cost of living there isn't coming out of their pocket. It's just a matter of time before the people in the community move out and the poverty is concentrated again. I wrote a post about this on Facebook. Go HERE to check it out.
  4. The school system here is one of the most fucked up school systems in the country. I'm sure you've heard about the cheating scandal that made national news. 
  5. The government and the school board is mediocre and corrupt as hell. The mayor of Atlanta suffers from a speech impediment and I struggle to understand why/how he was elected. Leadership in this city sucks big time and it has for a long time.
In short, Atlanta is not a place I want to buy a home or raise a family. This brings me to my next issue...

The black middle class is in a very unique position in this country. Like most Americans, we want good quality housing for our families, good performing schools for our children and crime free neighborhoods with clean accessible stores within a short mile radius. These things are not often found in communities that are dominated by blacks. Instead they are almost always found in areas dominated by whites (at least here in the south). Therefore, members of the black middle class often take up residence in majority white neighborhoods. 

For the first two or so years all is well for them. Then suddenly they look up and find there are a number of FOR SALE signs going up in the neighborhood. They realize that all the people selling are WHITE and all the people buying are BLACK. Hell, even they bought their house from a white family.

The white neighbor who previously had no problem with you and the other black family living around the corner now finds himself alarmed by the changing demographics of the neighborhood and the surrounding school system. He decides to pack up and move. He sells his house (which has depreciated in value given the change in demographics) for a BARGAIN price to a black family and leaves. 

Now about five years in their home, the black middle class family, suddenly find themselves living amongst a black majority in a community that five years earlier was almost completely white. Like their previously white neighbors, they have watched as the value of their home depreciated with the rampant "blacking" of the neighborhood. Homes that previously cost $160,000 are now going for $120,000. 

At first this new black majority seems no different than the previous white majority. The neighbors are polite and friendly. Everyone is black and middle class. Everyone gets along fine. Everyone is maintaining their yards and their homes. The neighborhood is the face of black success. They all agree they got a good deal from the whites who previously lived in the neighborhood, though none of them are in denial as to why they got such a good deal. 

The neighborhood gains a reputation as the place to be if you are BLACK and MIDDLE CLASS. The original black middle class family looks around and is pleased to see so many black families like their own living amongst them. For a while it's a great place to live.  

But then something begins to happen.  

Black people, who could only dream about living in the neighborhood before, now find they can afford to live in said neighborhood due to it's declining value and prices...and so it begins. 

Bad elements begin to invade the neighborhood. Black middle class families watch helplessly as young black men walk around their neighborhood with their shirts off and pants half-way down their ass. Loud music blast from homes and cars in the middle of the night when folks should be sleeping. There have been reports of home invasions and car break-ins. The high end stores that surrounded the neighborhood previously begin to close shop. They are replaced by liquor stores, Family Dollar, Taco Bell and pawn shops.

The school system has gone completely to hell. The children from black middle class families come home and report they aren't able to learn because the teacher has to stop teaching every five minutes to discipline Lil Ray Ray, the class clown. 

At this point black middle class families have a choice: They can either cut their losses and sell their homes to other black families looking to move into the community or they can continue living in the neighborhood, install bars on their windows and watch as their once middle class neighborhood becomes a full-fledged ghetto...and at that point it would be damn near impossible to get rid of the property or get a moderately good return on their original purchase price.

This is the kind of stuff I think about and fear. I'm sure I am not alone. I have seen it happen time and time again. It happened to the black middle class community I lived in shortly before my parents separated. It has happened to my mother's neighborhood and it's slowly happening to my father's neighborhood.

I don't believe in forcing myself into a situation where I'm clearly not wanted due to the color of my skin (referring to white communities), but at the same time I don't want to live in a majority black community either because they go to hell at some point and they lack the structure and resources to sustain over the long-run. 

This is the position members of the black middle class find ourselves in at some point when considering buying a home. We can either buy a home in a white neighborhood and move when we see the white folks starting to move or we can buy a home in a black neighborhood and watch as the values of our homes depreciate faster than they would in a majority white neighborhood...not to mention the situation with the school system, stores etc. 

The only other alternative (and this only applies to the SUPER well-to-do black folks) is to buy a home in a neighborhood that very few people can afford to live regardless of race. This is probably not a realistic option for most members of the black middle class.

I honestly would not mind living in a majority black community if said community didn't go to hell at some point. Enclaves of middle class black families are almost ALWAYS invaded by bad elements. We can never have nice, quiet, peaceful, well-maintained, crime free communities because a lot of black folks are fucked up beyond repair. Let me explain...

White people, for better or worse, value their communities. They know the value of their property. They know their homes are their biggest investments. They take great pride in their homes and communities. You won't catch them littering their communities, pissing on the sides of buildings, loitering on street corners, walking around looking like thugs in their neighborhood or selling drugs in their neighborhood because they KNOW what that shit will do to their property value.

Certain black people are the complete opposite. 

I have seen black folks throw thrash on the sidewalk, in the neighbor's yard, in front of the neighborhood public library etc. I have seen black folks pissing on the side of the public library. At some point black folks stop giving a damn about their property values (and maybe this comes from financial ignorance). They let their homes become dilapidated and their yards look a mess. The only thing they add to their homes are BARS on the windows and doors. In a community where this is the norm (meaning every house on the block looks like this) said community is labeled the GHETTO.

Why the hell can't black people have nice things without everything going to hell? Why don't we value our communities the way that whites value their communities? Why can't our neighborhoods look and function like those of whites? Why can't we sustain polished upstanding black middle class enclaves?

Think about that for a second. 

How many black middle class enclaves have you seen sustained for decades? I can't think of any. But I can think of several white middle/upper class communities from my hometown that have been around since the town was founded!

This shit is sad, but it's the reality that black middle class people have to face in this country. I'm convinced that class and race hurts the black middle class more than any other group. We cannot fully assimilate into white communities and we cannot fully escape the trappings of the black community. 

It sucks to be us sometimes.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Man That Changed My Life



When I was a junior at Spelman College my favorite professor introduced me to Derrick Bell. I was taking Race Racism and American Law. The required textbook for the class was written by Derrick Bell. I was so intrigued by the book and the author that I began searching more information about him. 

Derrick Bell was one of the few black men I respected (R.I.P) in this world. Mr. Bell put his career on the line to protest Harvard University's shameful hiring practices. It seems Harvard didn't believe in making black women tenured professors and as a result Mr. Bell gave Harvard his ass to kiss!

Derrick Bell changed my life.


His books introduced me to socially conscious science fiction...as I call it. As an aspiring writer searching for my voice, his profound storytelling opened my eyes to all the social ills that can be explored through science fiction. I began writing stories about race, racism, sexism, colorism and classism. After YEARS of toil and pain, I'm finally releasing my first socially conscious science fiction novel. I plan to release the novel, which is the first in a series, sometime in January.

I wanted to share Mr. Bell's work on my blog. His most famous science fiction story is The Space Traders. This story made me fall in love with science fiction. I started imagining worlds where black people reign supreme, where gender roles are switched and women dominate, where a whole population of women (in the case of my novel, black women) can disappear off the face of the planet without a trace. 

Like I said, Mr. Bell changed my life. 

The Space Traders was turned into a short film in the 1990s. It aired on a short-lived HBO series called Cosmic Slop (think of it as a Black Twilight Zone or Outer Limits). The video up above is that short film. Here is a link to the actual story written by Derrick Bell

Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Am I A Bitch Or Am I Too Damn Honest?!?


Sometimes I can be cold-blooded and tactless on this blog. I speak my mind to the fullest on this blog. If you've been following this blog long enough you know I don't hold a damn thing back. I write what I'm thinking. I think that's why some of you read my blog. It's not politically correct. It's probably something you sat around thinking yourself, but never had the nerve to say yourself. 

Yesterday night/early this morning I was involved in a confrontation with a chick who landed on my blog bitching and complaining because I was supposedly using her picture on a blog post (here is the link). The woman came at me completely out of nowhere on some disrespectful shit. Mind you, I have never had a conversation with this chick, never even heard of her before yesterday. I found her picture the same way I find all my pictures on this blog: Google Image Search. I remember I typed "Obese black lesbian studs" or something like that in the search.  Her picture came up!

This woman said I was using her picture on my blog and after calling me a "dumb ass" she demanded I remove it. 

Bad move BITCH! 

I don't take kindly to threats. I refused to remove the picture. The woman continued to come at me sideways and her facebook followers decided to jump in on the action. Again, I refused to remove it. Finally, I received an email from one of my readers on this blog who asked me to remove it. I removed the picture out of respect for this particular reader. 

Even after I removed the picture this woman and her facebook followers CONTINUED to fuck with me. That got me thinking...there is more to this story than some fat sloppy heifer who is angry because I jacked her picture from Google search. 

All day I have been receiving emails from folks who are offended by the blog post in question. In that post I described my observations of ATLANTA STUDS. Why were folks so angry about that blog? My answer: It was too damn honest.

These folks are angry because I had the nerve to say the studs I run across in Atlanta are either short and obese or skinny and flat-chested Lil Wayne looking motherfuckers. They are angry because I had the nerve to ask where are the good-looking studs with CURVES and some sense of femininity. They are angry because I had the nerve to point out the reality that most of the studs I run across here are working dead-end bullshit jobs at Wal-Mart, McDonalds, Burger King and don't have shit going for themselves.

If these fools don't think their plight in life is largely limited by their inability to conform to society's standards of femininity I feel sorry for them. I'm not saying it's right, but it's the world we live in at the moment. 

Be honest, how many successful hardcore black stud attorneys, engineers, doctors have you seen??? I haven't seen any (the only exception I know is a chick who is a doctor, but even she conforms to femininity while on the job).

The particular chick who got mad about me posting her picture on said blog doesn't even look like a woman to me. When I first ran across her picture I had to stare extra hard to conclude she is a woman. I'm not saying that to be funny. I'm not saying that to be sexist or whatever. I'm being honest. I originally thought she was a man! That may not be the politically correct thing to say. It may be tactless and harsh. And yes, I know femininity and masculinity is defined by society and social norms. I know I'm conditioned. But real talk, this woman physically fits what I often run across here in ATLANTA....masculine, overweight, short, manish and in my eyes overall physically unattractive.

Now I don't know her personally. I don't know a thing about her. I cannot tell you jack shit about her character (expect what I've seen in the last two days...and honestly she comes across as bitch). All I can comment on is what I've seen of her physically, which in my opinion is unattractive. 

People can say, "LezIntellect, you're shallow." or "LezIntellect, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover." That's all well and good...that's the politically correct thing to say...but that is NOT the world we live in right now. If you don't first appeal to me PHYSICALLY I'm not sticking around to get to know your character. 

Masculine women don't appeal to me. Flat-chested masculine women who look like middle school aged boys don't appeal to me. Obese masculine women don't appeal to me. In Atlanta that's about 99.9% of the black lesbians studs I run across on a daily basis. I asked why? Folks got their feelings hurt.

Even though Yellow Bone is forbidden from reading my blog, I asked her to read the particular blog in question. After having a long hard laugh she said, "You're speaking the truth, but you could be more tactful. Everyone isn't blessed with a cute face and body like you. Just be mindful of that." 

Sunday, November 11, 2012

I've Been Busy


I haven't had time to blog because I have a lot on my plate. I'm applying to graduate school (I've decided to pursue my PH.D). When I'm not spending time with Yellow Bone I'm usually at work. So, I don't have time to blog right now. Hopefully I will have more time to myself this weekend. I'll make an effort to blog either Friday night or Saturday morning.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Toni Braxton...Wow!

 

It's Saturday morning and I'm sitting in my recliner watching The Soul Story on VH1 Soul. The Soul Story is a program on VH1 Soul that devotes a whole hour to playing videos by a R&B artist. Today they are playing Toni Braxton's videos. I'm sitting here watching her early 1990's videos with drool running down the corner of my mouth!

Toni Braxton in the 1990's was bad as hell! The video up above is my personal favorite. Toni Braxton and Halle Berry put the short cut on the map and made it look so damn good! I remember after Toni Braxton hit the scene black women (including my mother) began rocking a short cut. 

Looking at Toni Braxton in this video I can honestly say when black women have themselves together we are the baddest women in the world!

I don't know if Toni Braxton has had any plastic surgery or not, but she doesn't look the same to me. She doesn't look quite as attractive to me as she did in the early 1990's. I think it's the ridiculous weave she wears now. She is still a pretty woman, but Toni Braxton in the 1990's was the SHIT! She needs to go back to the short cut.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

My Woman...What A Woman!



The lease on my apartment is almost up and I'm trying to decide whether or not I will renew it. As much as I love my studio apartment and as much as I love living alone I think I want a roommate. The benefits of having a roommate cannot be ignored. A roommate will allow me to keep more money in my pocket because we will split rent and utilities. I won't have to worry about being alone in the place when Yellow Bone is not around to keep me company (yes, I worry about my personal safety even though I live in a fairly quiet community...I mean this is Atlanta). So, I'm seriously considering giving up my studio and seeking a larger apartment with a roommate. 

Naturally when I thought about getting a roommate Yellow Bone came to mind. When I moved into my studio I said my next roommate would be my permanent life partner. I have never lived with a girlfriend before, but I've always been open to the idea.  I approached Yellow Bone with the idea...

Me: Baby, how do you feel about getting a place together?

Yellow Bone: Hmm...you mean living together?

Me: Yes.

Yellow Bone: Hell no! If I give you the milk for free you would have absolutely no reason to purchase the cow!

Me: (Shocked because I honestly expected her to jump for joy at the suggestion): No? Seriously, you won't even consider the idea?

Yellow Bone: Yeah, I'll consider the idea....when you put a ring on my finger and we're married!

All I could do is shake my head. The more I learn about Yellow Bone the more I love her. Nothing but respect for a woman who knows her worth and demands better. I have something special...my woman...what a woman!


Wednesday, October 31, 2012

An Old-Fashioned Love Story


It's 4:27 in the morning and I can't sleep. So, I decided to get up and blog about something eating at me.

I wish there were more black lesbian love stories in print. I really wish I could walk into Barnes & Nobles or go on Amazon and purchase a well-written, quality love story about two black lesbians. When I say "love story" I don't mean SEX, SEX and MORE SEX. Instead I mean a well-thought out girl meets girl story. Here is an example:

Jada, a teenage girl, is popular at her high school. Renee is the new girl at school. The first interaction between these two is less than pleasant. In fact, they take a strong disliking to each other. However, over time they both find themselves drawn to the other. They first become best-friends...then lovers. Their parents find out about the relationship and tear them apart. Jada is shipped away to boarding school. Jada and Renee lose touch. Decades later when Jada is a famous writer and Renee a well-known community activist in Atlanta, the two of them cross paths again and the sparks fly...

WHERE ARE THE STORIES LIKE THIS FOR BLACK LESBIANS???? As far as I know they don't exist. What does exist is books that fetish black lesbians and emphasize SEX! And to top it all off these books are being written by BLACK LESBIANS!

I guess I should stop bitching and take a more proactive approach. Maybe I should write the story I want to read...or a series of stories. Yellow Bone has challenged me to do so. I'm seriously thinking about it...maybe that's why I can't sleep.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

One of My Fears


Parenting in the black community...can we just admit it is damn near non-existent?!? I sometimes wonder if I was born on Mars or something because when I read black blogs, magazines or watch "black" entertainment television I feel REPULSION. I ask myself who the hell are these people and who the hell raised them? It's not an easy thing to say, but black Americans, especially POOR economically challenged black Americans, are FUCKED UP! 

I know that's a generalization, after all...I grew up poor as hell, but real talk POOR black Americans are NOT carrying their weight in society.

What do I mean?

I made a decision to BETTER myself through education. Though I am not where I want to be in life, I do have something to show for it...more so than my parents and ancestors (i.e., education, a comfortable middle class lifestyle and a sense of pride).

Yellow Bone wants children.

Yellow Bone wants to have children with me AFTER we marry. Whenever she brings up kids I silently feel a sense of dread. Why? Because I don't think I want to parent a black MALE. Parenting a black male would force me to deal with my overall aversion to black males and their plight in this world.

Right now I don't have any type of invested interest in black males. Yes, I have a father and two brothers, but emotionally I remain aloof from all three (by choice and circumstances beyond my control). However, I don't have any solid ties to black males. As a result it's easy for me to recognize their numerous collective flaws. Recognizing these flaws has brought me to the point where my repulsion of black males boarders on HATE. I fear this attitude might trickle down to my feelings toward my kid.

In my heart I know I will be a good parent. I will never abuse a child. However, I strongly suspect it will take time, patience and a great deal of self-reflection on my part to overcome the disgust I feel for black males in general.

Why exactly do I feel this way about black males?

I've asked myself that question again and again. I have never been physically or sexually abused by any man (not including the fierce ass whopping my daddy handed down when I was child). I am capable of being friends with individual black males. If I had to put my finger on it, I would say the following are the MAIN reasons I find black males repulsive: 
  1. Their collective treatment of black women and children.
  2. Their pitiful condition in this world...which trickles down to the condition of black women and children.
  3. Their self-destructive counter-productive mindset. 
In general, I think my dislike of black males stems from witnessing their treatment of black women and children. It comes from watching this type of shit...



And reading comments from black men like the following:
Beat the shit outta her, LOL
Reese ass Jumped Kicked this bitch bout 20 times LMAO Reese ass crazy

It comes from hearing songs like this one by a black woman:



All of the above just makes me think, "FUCK BLACK MEN!"

I don't believe I am alone in feeling this way. I think a number of black women, whether gay or straight, feel the exact same way I do. One cannot help but compare black men's inadequacies to those of other races of men. Perceptions of black male inferiority begin to enter the brain...though we try to stop them...if only out of a sense of racial loyalty. And then slowly but surely one begins to realize that she cannot defend today's black men against the words of harden white supremacist (disguised simply as conservatives) because somewhere in the back of her mind she's had the exact same thoughts about black men, their actions and their overall hopeless disposition.

I don't want a son, but if I end up with one I am going to do my best to make sure he is the antithesis of today's black males.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Something Sweet For My Sweetie


Today I sent Yellow Bone the above edible arrangement. It feels so good to do nice things for a woman again. I really missed wooing a woman.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Coming To Terms With My REAL Issues With Yellow Bone


I've had a run of REALLY bad luck lately. I don't feel like going into detail about it, but I'm temporarily crippled physically. I'm on painkillers and I'm on leave from work. Yes, it's that damn serious.

Through it all Yellow Bone has been by my side.

Last night, as I lay in bed with her asleep beside me, I couldn't stop myself from staring at her. I've never been the type to get emotional while watching someone I love sleep, but tears began to run down my face as I stared at Yellow Bone.

I haven't been very good to Yellow Bone. In the midst of our relationship I feel in love with another woman, which turned out to be a dead end street. I broke up with Yellow Bone and I broke her heart twice. We went weeks without speaking until finally we rekindled a purely sexual relationship. 

If I call Yellow Bone comes running. She is never too busy for me. Yellow Bone is as close to my ideal woman as I have come across. She is physically beautiful. She doesn't have any kids. She is educated. She has her own money etc.  The only truly legitimate beef I had with Yellow Bone is her love for socializing (i.e., partying). However, once we talked about it she began opting out of the club scene. 

So, why the hell couldn't I do right by her? What was my REAL beef with Yellow Bone?

In this case, the issue was ME...not HER. 

For the first time in my life, I had a woman that matched and sometimes exceeded my expectations and that shit scared the hell out of me! 

As much as I bitch and complain about finding the right woman, I wasn't prepared when she actually walked through the door. I realized I don't know how to be happy. I've been sad, depressed, angry and lonely so long that I don't know how to just be happy. So, I began LOOKING for things wrong...all in an effort to push her away.

Some of you might think I'm immature or whatever, but I was honestly scared as hell after realizing how perfect Yellow Bone is compared to all other black women that have entered my life. 

Then there is the reality that Yellow Bone makes more money than me. I know it shouldn't matter, but I am bothered by it. Yellow Bone is 27 years old and she makes 65k a year. Anything she wants and needs she can buy it herself. Yellow Bone loves to shop and fortunately she can buy whatever she wants completely on her own.

I have always imagined that I would be the breadwinner in the household. However, Yellow Bone clearly trumps me in that regarded. Her income and lifestyle is intimidating. I sometimes wonder if I can truly make her happy financially or if she even needs me in that regard at all??

I do love Yellow Bone and I want to do right by her. I'm going to ask Yellow Bone to be my girlfriend again.


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