Saturday, December 31, 2011

Ass Cracks & Assholes

Working in the public sector has it's downside. Already I've made up my mind to pursue academic librarianship rather than public librarianship. Why? Because of all the trifling, sloppy, illiterate niggas we have in Atlanta. As a library assistant I see a lof of bullshit. Because I am a jack of all trades I work the circulation desk and the reference desk whenever necessary (note: I do a whole lot more than this but these are my primary duties). I've had hoodrats come up to the reference desk and ask, "Y'all got that Diary of a Hooker"?

Me (Dumbfounded): What?
Her: Dairy of a Hooker. Y'all Got it?

Me (thinking to myself): What the hell is diary of a hooker?

Me to her: Is that a book?

Her: Yeah!

Then we have those who come into the library just because they don't have anything else to do. I mean these folks come into the library from straight off the street. These bitches usually have mental issues. Some of them come in swinging at the air, talking to themselves, walking furiously from one end of the library to the next for no particular reason, and they sit in the library ALL DAY...from open to close. 

Then we have those who come into the library, sit down at a computer, and let their ass cracks hang out. Literally...their ass cracks are usually showing. And it's not just women doing the's men too. I sit and stare at assholes because niggas don't care how the hell they look when walking out the house. The ish is sad. 

Then we have those who come into the library and want to be assholes. They just want to argue, fuss, and fight with you because they are having a bad day. These are the people who come in to check out a book only to find their library cards are blocked because they decided to keep the library's property or they haven't paid their fines. Some librarians will forgive certain fines...I won't do that ish because I feel grown folks need to be held responsible for their actions. When facing me these folks come into the library pissed and they usually leave the library pissed. I don't kiss anyone's ass. 
Black people don't read. I'm now more certain of that than ever before because it's my business to observe what people read. The few black people that read quality material are usually old (later forties and up). The others either don't read or they read the stereotypical hood fiction. I had a patron get mad at me because I said I can't read what I can't relate to in my life. Hood fiction doesn't fit the bill for me. That man had a fit. For some reason he, like a typical nigga, believes his experience (i.e., the hood life) is the only kind of life black people live. The idea that we are not monolithic goes over his head. 
Anyway those are my thoughts for the day. Peace and Happy New Years!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

I Just Need To Accept Facts: Black Women Don't Do It For me

I love black women...I really do, but I think at this point I need to accept the fact that black women don't move non-black women.

I'm not attracted to most of black women I run across in Atlanta (which is supposedly the black if I find black women here unacceptable it's safe to say I generally find black women unacceptable period). Some might say I'm brainwashed but I don't find most black women I run across physically appealing. Most here are either overweight, tattooed down, walking around with multiple color weave in their hair or they generally look a mess. Femininity is just shot to hell. Too many here don't know what it is to act like a lady. Even if I were to overlook all of the above there is still the issue of the bastard kids black women usually come to the table with.

It is heartbreaking!

I wonder if I'm the only person that feels this way. I feel guilty about it because I'm a black woman, but I can't deny what I feel.  I'm not physically or sexually attracted to the majority of black women I run across.

Today it dawned on me that my ideal woman is a tan or chocolate covered white woman. I want Clair Huxtable. I want an educated black woman that looks and carries herself like a sophisticated white woman. When I say looks like a white woman I mean slim, in shape, and not ghetto as hell.  I want Saana Lathan...not Keyshia Cole. 

Damn life is depressing right now. It hurts my soul to feel this way but I can't help it.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I Can't Stand Rude Ass Bitches!

Yo I can't stand rude ass bitches! 

Unfortnately the black race seems to be overly populated with these chicks. This blog is for the bitch in Spain, who I've chatted with on skype. The bitch can't take a joke. She takes the most innocent and simple comments at face value and instead of asking questions this bitch becomes rude. Typical.  Real talk: FUCK YOU and stay the hell off my blog.


Monday, December 12, 2011

Why The Hell Are Her Kids Calling You Daddy?

I try to avoid websites that are heavily populated by black people. It doesn’t matter if those people are gay or straight—if there is a huge population of black people on a website I avoid it like my life depends on it. 

Downelink is one of those sites. 

I’m certain some white people got together and thought it was a good idea to put together a social network dedicated to the gay community. It looks cheap and it has quite a few bugs. 

When I first learned of the site I joined it. However I became displeased when I realized the site is home to half-naked desperate boards, ugly chicks, fat chicks, single mothers, lonely chicks looking for love while proclaiming they're tired of men, walking/talking stereotypes and studs (many of which have kids themselves). Needless to say I got the hell off downelink quick. 

Though I’m not completely sure about this, it also seemed that the site was overwhelmingly black. I remember thinking, “Damn where are all the White and Asian people?”

After I left the site I didn’t think about it again until two days ago. I wanted to read some blogs by lesbians and I remember the site had a blog feature where people could blog their thoughts. Once again I created an account. I ran across a few blogs that were mostly bullshit by people who don’t even bother writing correct English (annoying as hell). After running into more than a few blogs like this I was about to delete the account. Before I could do so I ran across a blog by a stud that struck a nerve.

In the blog the stud was bitching about her ex not allowing her to see “their” kids. The stud went into a rant about how kids need their “daddy.” She mentioned that’s what the kids called her.  She said she provided for them for three years before she and their mother broke up. Someone in the comment section asked if the kids were their kids together or were the kids already in the picture when the stud entered the picture. The stud replied that they are her ex-girlfriend’s kids but that she considers them her kids. My reaction was “What the fuck is this chick smoking?”

I admit there are some things I don’t understand about gay and lesbian people. This might just be one of those things. I don’t understand how this retarded stud feels comfortable raising some other chick’s kids and having them call her daddy. That shit is sickening. I imagine this must come from lesbians who didn’t grow up with their father because I simply cannot imagine any future children of mine calling me some shit that I call my father (a man). In my mind it's disrespectful to all the men out here who are fathers to their children. I’m going to be my children's mother.  They will have two mothers. That is the proper title of women. How and why some lesbians insist that their children call them “daddy” is beyond me. It flies right over my head. Some might think it’s just a title but can you imagine how fucked up those kids might possibly grow up to be...especially the boys who need to know they are expected to grow up to be men and fathers to their own children one day? They might grow to see themselves as expendable, replaceable, and not needed by women and children.

Then there is the issue of this idiot taking on the responsibility/loving some kids that were already in the picture when she met their mother. This crazy stud was actually boo-hooing about her ex removing HER kids from her (the stud) life! How fucked up is that? How fucking crazy was she to provide for the bitch's kids. The chick was probably only using her to provide for her and the kids. Like really….did you think mom was going to allow whatever relationship you had with her kids to continue though your relationship with her (which ended badly) is over? She set herself up for heartache by even dating a woman with kids and getting close to them.

I posted a comment on the stud’s blog basically saying, “Snap the hell out of it. You dodged a bullet. Count your blessing and for now on avoid single mothers. Their kids are exactly that…their kids. You’re a fool for financially and emotionally supporting some kids that don’t belong to you. Give the bitch and her kids the deuces. Move on and don’t look back.”

Call me cold, but no one can ever say I’m not honest!

P.S. God I love my Dana!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I'm So Happy Because I Have A New Toy!

Today I purchased something I believe will change my life. I am a writer. In my heart that's what I believe I’m destined to do. However as I age and as my worries grow I find it increasingly hard to sit and just write. My brain is scattered and I find it so hard to focus at times. There is so much on my brain. This also prevents me from getting a good night's sleep. 

I’m worried about money, my job, student loans, and my housing situation. With all that on my mind it’s very hard to sit and dream and come up with great fiction.

What did I purchase?

Today I purchased an AlphaSmart Dana and I’m loving it! I’m on it right now typing this blog. What the hell is an Alphasmart Dana? It’s a word processor that sits in your lap. See the picture up above.

Because I am so easily distracted and annoyed by little things offered by computers I decided to search for a word processor. I searched and searched and discovered they simply don’t make old school word processors like that the one my mother used to own. Netbooks, Laptops, and regular desktop computers have replaced them. It sucks because there are still people out here who like the convenience of a plain word processor that’s not a computer but not a traditional old school typewriter either.

Well anyway after doing some research I came across the AlphaSmart Dana. It was love at first sight. One thing that wasn’t love at first sight: The price. AlphaSmart offers two products: The Neo2, which is similar to the Dana but with a much smaller screen. The screen size and lack of a backlit made me decide against the Neo2. The price of the Dana, as offered by the company, made me balk. It cost $350.00 on the company’s website. 

I did some searching and found some Danas on Amazon and EBay. I purchased one for $47 and some change from a seller in the Atlanta area. I picked up from him today. As I write this I have noticed one flaw with my Dana. While the interface, screen, and keyboard are flawless (literally looks brand new) and while I have no problem using my Dana, I have noticed the battery doesn’t seem to hold a charge. The previous owner didn’t tell me about that little problem. He told me to let it charge for a few hours (which I did…it stayed on the charger for almost 5 hours). So I will be investing in some batteries. Even still…I’m very pleased with my new toy. I will send this text to my computer and forward it to my blog (one of the many cool features this gadget offers).

**Update: I bought some batteries from a drugstore so everything is now working fine.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

What A Woman! My Love For Dorothy Dandridge

I've always been prone to celebrity crushes. As a child I was in love with Whitney Houston, Pebbles, and T-Boz from the R&B group TLC. However, none of these women gripped my heart the way Dorothy Dandridge did (and still does). 

I first set eyes on Dorothy Dandridge when I was about 13 years old and right away I was smitten. It was literally love at first sight. Never before had I seen a black woman so glamorous and so beautiful. The closest thing to Dorothy Dandridge was probably Lena Horne, who despite being beautiful, didn't quite appeal to me as much as Dorothy did. Why? Because--well--Lena reminded me too much of a white woman. Dorothy with her rich light brown skin, sexy curves, voice, and charisma reminded me of a black woman. In fact, in my eyes, she was everything a black woman SHOULD be: Feminine, classy, sultry, charming, and venerable. 

I was so taken by her beauty that I found myself doing extensive research on her. I read everything I could find on Dorothy Dandridge. I discovered that she was a child performer and that she married some sorry ass nigga named Harold Nicholas, who was also a child star. Dorothy lived in that marriage alone. Harold, the little worthless bastard (punk only stood 5'2''), stayed cheating on her. He left her alone to deal with their mentally retarded daughter, Lynn. He wasn't there for her emotionally. He preferred to stay his sorry ass out on the golf course while his wife needed him. This is yet another problem I have with black men. They ruin damn near every GOOD thing they touch.  Almost every beautiful black woman who has ever found herself hit rock bottom was more than likely driven there by a black man. This is a good example of a GREAT beautiful black woman that was RUINED by a worthless, whorish, self-centered nigga. Beautiful, successful, black women need to avoid black men period because 9 times out of 10 their stories end up being tragic.

Anyway, Dorothy--at some point--got some sense and divorced Harold's ass. For a while she had a successful career but she was always hurting inside because of her daughter's condition and because she wanted so badly to be loved, taken care of, and appreciated by a man. She jumped from one  bad relationship to another (at this point usually with white men, who were more readily available to her than successful black men). Eventually she remarried but like her first marriage, she picked the wrong damn man to love. Her second husband, a white man, beat her, ran through her money, and left her feeling demoralized. She divorced him, but it was far too late. Her money was gone, her career was on the rocks, and she suffered from deep depression. She eventually had a nervous breakdown.

Towards the end of her life she was trying to make a comeback. Everything was set for her comeback, but then tragedy struck. She was found dead in her apartment by her manager. Some say it was suicide while others say it was an accidental overdose. I don't think we will ever know.

What I loved most about Dorothy was her sensitivity and venerability. By all accounts she was a recluse. She preferred to stay at home rather than party like Harold. She wanted to be a housewife with a loving husband and family. She was easily driven to tears and heartache. This on top of her beauty made her the perfect woman in my eyes. 

There are some women that make me want to hold them and love them. Dorothy Dandridge is one of those women. Every time I think about that little bastard Harold Nicholas and the white bitch ass second husband that beat her, I get upset. Some people just don't know what a good thing they have. I would give my life to be with a woman like Dorothy Dandridge. She's the type of black woman I'm searching for but I'm beginning to see she was one of a kind. Black women aren't coming like her today. She had class...a real stunner. Man I love her!

Had she lived Dorothy Dandridge would be old enough to be my grandmother. I don't care. I love her anyway. I love everything about her. I just wish she had found some happiness in her life. She was dealt a poor hand of cards in life. Sometimes that type of thing is hard to overcome...

Friday, December 2, 2011

This Week I Completed My Masters Program...What Now?

This week I completed my masters program. While I feel accomplished that same old nagging voice that was in my head after undergrad has popped up again. That voice continues to ask what now? What are you going to do now?

The job market in the U.S. sucks. It sucked when I graduated from undergrad three years ago and it sucks now. The only difference is I now have a professional degree and I actually have a job in my field. However my job ain't paying the least not completely on its own. 

I currently live with a roommate and I'm moving out this month. My roommate was charging me a  SUPER cheap flat rate for everything (utilities etc). Sadly those days are coming to an end. My job pays decent but technically I'm considered part-time because I only work 35 hours a week instead of 40 (not my choice, but appropriate given the reality that I was a full-time student). Chances are I will end up rooming with another individual until I find either a second job or a better paying full-time job. On top of this I will have student loan companies breathing down my neck in six months. Shit sucks!

I'm thinking about making a clean break and moving overseas. I know I've talked about this before but now I'm serious. I want to relocate to Europe (France to be exact). The thought of change scares me but I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I didn't move to Europe and spend some time there while I'm young and childless. So once again my life is full of uncertainty.
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