Saturday, December 31, 2011

Ass Cracks & Assholes

Working in the public sector has it's downside. Already I've made up my mind to pursue academic librarianship rather than public librarianship. Why? Because of all the trifling, sloppy, illiterate niggas we have in Atlanta. As a library assistant I see a lof of bullshit. Because I am a jack of all trades I work the circulation desk and the reference desk whenever necessary (note: I do a whole lot more than this but these are my primary duties). I've had hoodrats come up to the reference desk and ask, "Y'all got that Diary of a Hooker"?

Me (Dumbfounded): What?
Her: Dairy of a Hooker. Y'all Got it?

Me (thinking to myself): What the hell is diary of a hooker?

Me to her: Is that a book?

Her: Yeah!

Then we have those who come into the library just because they don't have anything else to do. I mean these folks come into the library from straight off the street. These bitches usually have mental issues. Some of them come in swinging at the air, talking to themselves, walking furiously from one end of the library to the next for no particular reason, and they sit in the library ALL DAY...from open to close. 

Then we have those who come into the library, sit down at a computer, and let their ass cracks hang out. Literally...their ass cracks are usually showing. And it's not just women doing the's men too. I sit and stare at assholes because niggas don't care how the hell they look when walking out the house. The ish is sad. 

Then we have those who come into the library and want to be assholes. They just want to argue, fuss, and fight with you because they are having a bad day. These are the people who come in to check out a book only to find their library cards are blocked because they decided to keep the library's property or they haven't paid their fines. Some librarians will forgive certain fines...I won't do that ish because I feel grown folks need to be held responsible for their actions. When facing me these folks come into the library pissed and they usually leave the library pissed. I don't kiss anyone's ass. 
Black people don't read. I'm now more certain of that than ever before because it's my business to observe what people read. The few black people that read quality material are usually old (later forties and up). The others either don't read or they read the stereotypical hood fiction. I had a patron get mad at me because I said I can't read what I can't relate to in my life. Hood fiction doesn't fit the bill for me. That man had a fit. For some reason he, like a typical nigga, believes his experience (i.e., the hood life) is the only kind of life black people live. The idea that we are not monolithic goes over his head. 
Anyway those are my thoughts for the day. Peace and Happy New Years!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

I Just Need To Accept Facts: Black Women Don't Do It For me

I love black women...I really do, but I think at this point I need to accept the fact that black women don't move non-black women.

I'm not attracted to most of black women I run across in Atlanta (which is supposedly the black if I find black women here unacceptable it's safe to say I generally find black women unacceptable period). Some might say I'm brainwashed but I don't find most black women I run across physically appealing. Most here are either overweight, tattooed down, walking around with multiple color weave in their hair or they generally look a mess. Femininity is just shot to hell. Too many here don't know what it is to act like a lady. Even if I were to overlook all of the above there is still the issue of the bastard kids black women usually come to the table with.

It is heartbreaking!

I wonder if I'm the only person that feels this way. I feel guilty about it because I'm a black woman, but I can't deny what I feel.  I'm not physically or sexually attracted to the majority of black women I run across.

Today it dawned on me that my ideal woman is a tan or chocolate covered white woman. I want Clair Huxtable. I want an educated black woman that looks and carries herself like a sophisticated white woman. When I say looks like a white woman I mean slim, in shape, and not ghetto as hell.  I want Saana Lathan...not Keyshia Cole. 

Damn life is depressing right now. It hurts my soul to feel this way but I can't help it.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I Can't Stand Rude Ass Bitches!

Yo I can't stand rude ass bitches! 

Unfortnately the black race seems to be overly populated with these chicks. This blog is for the bitch in Spain, who I've chatted with on skype. The bitch can't take a joke. She takes the most innocent and simple comments at face value and instead of asking questions this bitch becomes rude. Typical.  Real talk: FUCK YOU and stay the hell off my blog.


Monday, December 12, 2011

Why The Hell Are Her Kids Calling You Daddy?

I try to avoid websites that are heavily populated by black people. It doesn’t matter if those people are gay or straight—if there is a huge population of black people on a website I avoid it like my life depends on it. 

Downelink is one of those sites. 

I’m certain some white people got together and thought it was a good idea to put together a social network dedicated to the gay community. It looks cheap and it has quite a few bugs. 

When I first learned of the site I joined it. However I became displeased when I realized the site is home to half-naked desperate boards, ugly chicks, fat chicks, single mothers, lonely chicks looking for love while proclaiming they're tired of men, walking/talking stereotypes and studs (many of which have kids themselves). Needless to say I got the hell off downelink quick. 

Though I’m not completely sure about this, it also seemed that the site was overwhelmingly black. I remember thinking, “Damn where are all the White and Asian people?”

After I left the site I didn’t think about it again until two days ago. I wanted to read some blogs by lesbians and I remember the site had a blog feature where people could blog their thoughts. Once again I created an account. I ran across a few blogs that were mostly bullshit by people who don’t even bother writing correct English (annoying as hell). After running into more than a few blogs like this I was about to delete the account. Before I could do so I ran across a blog by a stud that struck a nerve.

In the blog the stud was bitching about her ex not allowing her to see “their” kids. The stud went into a rant about how kids need their “daddy.” She mentioned that’s what the kids called her.  She said she provided for them for three years before she and their mother broke up. Someone in the comment section asked if the kids were their kids together or were the kids already in the picture when the stud entered the picture. The stud replied that they are her ex-girlfriend’s kids but that she considers them her kids. My reaction was “What the fuck is this chick smoking?”

I admit there are some things I don’t understand about gay and lesbian people. This might just be one of those things. I don’t understand how this retarded stud feels comfortable raising some other chick’s kids and having them call her daddy. That shit is sickening. I imagine this must come from lesbians who didn’t grow up with their father because I simply cannot imagine any future children of mine calling me some shit that I call my father (a man). In my mind it's disrespectful to all the men out here who are fathers to their children. I’m going to be my children's mother.  They will have two mothers. That is the proper title of women. How and why some lesbians insist that their children call them “daddy” is beyond me. It flies right over my head. Some might think it’s just a title but can you imagine how fucked up those kids might possibly grow up to be...especially the boys who need to know they are expected to grow up to be men and fathers to their own children one day? They might grow to see themselves as expendable, replaceable, and not needed by women and children.

Then there is the issue of this idiot taking on the responsibility/loving some kids that were already in the picture when she met their mother. This crazy stud was actually boo-hooing about her ex removing HER kids from her (the stud) life! How fucked up is that? How fucking crazy was she to provide for the bitch's kids. The chick was probably only using her to provide for her and the kids. Like really….did you think mom was going to allow whatever relationship you had with her kids to continue though your relationship with her (which ended badly) is over? She set herself up for heartache by even dating a woman with kids and getting close to them.

I posted a comment on the stud’s blog basically saying, “Snap the hell out of it. You dodged a bullet. Count your blessing and for now on avoid single mothers. Their kids are exactly that…their kids. You’re a fool for financially and emotionally supporting some kids that don’t belong to you. Give the bitch and her kids the deuces. Move on and don’t look back.”

Call me cold, but no one can ever say I’m not honest!

P.S. God I love my Dana!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

I'm So Happy Because I Have A New Toy!

Today I purchased something I believe will change my life. I am a writer. In my heart that's what I believe I’m destined to do. However as I age and as my worries grow I find it increasingly hard to sit and just write. My brain is scattered and I find it so hard to focus at times. There is so much on my brain. This also prevents me from getting a good night's sleep. 

I’m worried about money, my job, student loans, and my housing situation. With all that on my mind it’s very hard to sit and dream and come up with great fiction.

What did I purchase?

Today I purchased an AlphaSmart Dana and I’m loving it! I’m on it right now typing this blog. What the hell is an Alphasmart Dana? It’s a word processor that sits in your lap. See the picture up above.

Because I am so easily distracted and annoyed by little things offered by computers I decided to search for a word processor. I searched and searched and discovered they simply don’t make old school word processors like that the one my mother used to own. Netbooks, Laptops, and regular desktop computers have replaced them. It sucks because there are still people out here who like the convenience of a plain word processor that’s not a computer but not a traditional old school typewriter either.

Well anyway after doing some research I came across the AlphaSmart Dana. It was love at first sight. One thing that wasn’t love at first sight: The price. AlphaSmart offers two products: The Neo2, which is similar to the Dana but with a much smaller screen. The screen size and lack of a backlit made me decide against the Neo2. The price of the Dana, as offered by the company, made me balk. It cost $350.00 on the company’s website. 

I did some searching and found some Danas on Amazon and EBay. I purchased one for $47 and some change from a seller in the Atlanta area. I picked up from him today. As I write this I have noticed one flaw with my Dana. While the interface, screen, and keyboard are flawless (literally looks brand new) and while I have no problem using my Dana, I have noticed the battery doesn’t seem to hold a charge. The previous owner didn’t tell me about that little problem. He told me to let it charge for a few hours (which I did…it stayed on the charger for almost 5 hours). So I will be investing in some batteries. Even still…I’m very pleased with my new toy. I will send this text to my computer and forward it to my blog (one of the many cool features this gadget offers).

**Update: I bought some batteries from a drugstore so everything is now working fine.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

What A Woman! My Love For Dorothy Dandridge

I've always been prone to celebrity crushes. As a child I was in love with Whitney Houston, Pebbles, and T-Boz from the R&B group TLC. However, none of these women gripped my heart the way Dorothy Dandridge did (and still does). 

I first set eyes on Dorothy Dandridge when I was about 13 years old and right away I was smitten. It was literally love at first sight. Never before had I seen a black woman so glamorous and so beautiful. The closest thing to Dorothy Dandridge was probably Lena Horne, who despite being beautiful, didn't quite appeal to me as much as Dorothy did. Why? Because--well--Lena reminded me too much of a white woman. Dorothy with her rich light brown skin, sexy curves, voice, and charisma reminded me of a black woman. In fact, in my eyes, she was everything a black woman SHOULD be: Feminine, classy, sultry, charming, and venerable. 

I was so taken by her beauty that I found myself doing extensive research on her. I read everything I could find on Dorothy Dandridge. I discovered that she was a child performer and that she married some sorry ass nigga named Harold Nicholas, who was also a child star. Dorothy lived in that marriage alone. Harold, the little worthless bastard (punk only stood 5'2''), stayed cheating on her. He left her alone to deal with their mentally retarded daughter, Lynn. He wasn't there for her emotionally. He preferred to stay his sorry ass out on the golf course while his wife needed him. This is yet another problem I have with black men. They ruin damn near every GOOD thing they touch.  Almost every beautiful black woman who has ever found herself hit rock bottom was more than likely driven there by a black man. This is a good example of a GREAT beautiful black woman that was RUINED by a worthless, whorish, self-centered nigga. Beautiful, successful, black women need to avoid black men period because 9 times out of 10 their stories end up being tragic.

Anyway, Dorothy--at some point--got some sense and divorced Harold's ass. For a while she had a successful career but she was always hurting inside because of her daughter's condition and because she wanted so badly to be loved, taken care of, and appreciated by a man. She jumped from one  bad relationship to another (at this point usually with white men, who were more readily available to her than successful black men). Eventually she remarried but like her first marriage, she picked the wrong damn man to love. Her second husband, a white man, beat her, ran through her money, and left her feeling demoralized. She divorced him, but it was far too late. Her money was gone, her career was on the rocks, and she suffered from deep depression. She eventually had a nervous breakdown.

Towards the end of her life she was trying to make a comeback. Everything was set for her comeback, but then tragedy struck. She was found dead in her apartment by her manager. Some say it was suicide while others say it was an accidental overdose. I don't think we will ever know.

What I loved most about Dorothy was her sensitivity and venerability. By all accounts she was a recluse. She preferred to stay at home rather than party like Harold. She wanted to be a housewife with a loving husband and family. She was easily driven to tears and heartache. This on top of her beauty made her the perfect woman in my eyes. 

There are some women that make me want to hold them and love them. Dorothy Dandridge is one of those women. Every time I think about that little bastard Harold Nicholas and the white bitch ass second husband that beat her, I get upset. Some people just don't know what a good thing they have. I would give my life to be with a woman like Dorothy Dandridge. She's the type of black woman I'm searching for but I'm beginning to see she was one of a kind. Black women aren't coming like her today. She had class...a real stunner. Man I love her!

Had she lived Dorothy Dandridge would be old enough to be my grandmother. I don't care. I love her anyway. I love everything about her. I just wish she had found some happiness in her life. She was dealt a poor hand of cards in life. Sometimes that type of thing is hard to overcome...

Friday, December 2, 2011

This Week I Completed My Masters Program...What Now?

This week I completed my masters program. While I feel accomplished that same old nagging voice that was in my head after undergrad has popped up again. That voice continues to ask what now? What are you going to do now?

The job market in the U.S. sucks. It sucked when I graduated from undergrad three years ago and it sucks now. The only difference is I now have a professional degree and I actually have a job in my field. However my job ain't paying the least not completely on its own. 

I currently live with a roommate and I'm moving out this month. My roommate was charging me a  SUPER cheap flat rate for everything (utilities etc). Sadly those days are coming to an end. My job pays decent but technically I'm considered part-time because I only work 35 hours a week instead of 40 (not my choice, but appropriate given the reality that I was a full-time student). Chances are I will end up rooming with another individual until I find either a second job or a better paying full-time job. On top of this I will have student loan companies breathing down my neck in six months. Shit sucks!

I'm thinking about making a clean break and moving overseas. I know I've talked about this before but now I'm serious. I want to relocate to Europe (France to be exact). The thought of change scares me but I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I didn't move to Europe and spend some time there while I'm young and childless. So once again my life is full of uncertainty.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Black Girls In Atlanta Are Easy As Fuck

There is something seriously wrong with the black women in Atlanta. Real talk the chicks here are so damn easy that it takes no effort at all to pull one. It might not be the type you want to make a wife, but trust and believe black women here will fuck the hell out of you if you look decent and have something going for yourself.

A few months ago I relocated to Cobb County after getting my current job. At first I was lonely being that I don't know anyone on this side of town. A friend suggested I put an ad on Craigslist for lesbians in the area. My reaction was hell naw...I don't need any random bitches sending me emails, but then I started thinking how nice it would be to have a friend to hit the gym with. So I gave in and put an ad on Craigslist. 

I received about 10 emails. I deleted 9 out of 10 because the senders were butt ass ugly. I responded to one lady but discovered that she is old enough to be my mother. Needless to say the craiglist idea didn't work out. 

A few weeks later I received an email from a young lady, which caught me completely off guard because at this point I'd moved on with my life and forgotten about the Craigslist ad.

This young woman had it going for her. She had looks and brains. I was immediately intrigued. We talked over the phone and we really hit it off. She couldn't stop telling me how much she likes my voice (yeah my girlish southern accent is almost guaranteed to get those panties wet). We met up and once again we hit it off. Then something happened...

Me: So do you live alone or do you have a roommate?
Her: Um...I live with my ex-boyfriend.

(cue record screech)

Me: Say what?
Her: (blushing) He's moving out. I'm waiting for him to find a new place to live.
Me: (Almost dumbfounded) Say what?
Her: We're not together anymore. He doesn't know I'm gay. I just finally came to that conclusion myself.

My wet pussy suddenly went dry. Nothing kills an attraction like finding out that the bitch you're interested in is bisexual or confused. Up until this point I had no idea. She made it no secret that she wanted to sleep with me and being the lady that I am I turned her down flat because I don't have casual matter how fine the woman looks. Every time I turned her down she became more aggressive. I won't lie and say I wasn't tempted to let her ass eat the box, but in my heart I knew something wasn't quite right with this chick. Red flags...

She told me she doesn't like talking on the phone. Well this is a first for any black woman I've ever ran across...

She said her parents don't know she's gay and they don't know she's living with her "ex" boyfriend. I find this shit hard to believe.

She said she's never been with a woman. This is huge red flag. I don't like being anyone's experiment.

She took a spur-of-the-moment trip to Tennessee with her ROOMMATE. This was the final straw that got her ass dismissed from my life. 

In the end I told this broad to take hike. Too many question marks over her head and my pussy couldn't get wet after she told me about her situation. Right now she's probably fucking some butterface from Craiglist who couldn't resist a big butt and a smile. Damn shame...

I'm Done Playing In The Snow But GAWDAMN!!!!

This is my new crush. Kelsi Reich is a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader and she is sexy as hell!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Your Child Is Suicidal Because You Suck As A Parent

This blog is dedicated to the woman who wrote this blog HERE.

This particular blogger likes to selectively post comments on her blog (the essence of a coward, anyone that can't defend their position has no business starting a blog) so I'm posting my response to her here on my blog.

For those of you wondering, yes I'm back in action despite my so-called exit from the blog world. I will continue to post regularly for now on. This won't be the only post I dedicate to this blogger because there is so much wrong with her way of thinking it's not even funny. But on to my post...

I'm not sure how I landed on this woman's blog, but it happened sometime last night as I was browsing the internet. I ended up on a post in which the author wrote about her son considering suicide. She blames her kid's depression and suicidal thoughts on his teachers and peers...similar to what we see with white people whenever something goes wrong with their homicidal/suicidal maniacs. This woman claims to be a lesbian (this from her blog description), but given that she is a BLACK lesbian we can pretty much conclude she conceived her child the old-fashioned way with a man. I will come back to this point later.

While I don't have an issue with most of this woman's blog I did take issue with the following:
"People with opinions like this teacher contribute to our black boys growing up with little/no self-esteem, killing each other instead of loving each other, brainwashing them into believing that the only career choice is to be “entertainment monkeys” with no education, boys wanting to become men before their time, and children being suicidal, attempting it, and achieving"

My issues with this comment:
  1. She completely scapegoats teachers (though I agree this particular teacher is wrong for his comments) for the failure of black boys. This is typical of black parents looking to dodge their complete and total failure to properly raise their children which includes instilling a healthy level of self-worth.
  2. Her use of the pronoun "our" as in "our black boys." Last time I checked it takes only TWO people to make a baby...we, society, had nothing to do with that shit so it's not "our" problem as these black boys are not "ours." However, when the time comes they will make excellent slave labor for this country's booming prison industrial complex because someone, their parents, tried to pass the buck.
  3. When questioned as to the whereabouts of her son's father she didn't respond or post my comments asking this question. In fact she only allowed ONE of my comments to post: 
"No offense but what you wrote here is B.S. It's not the job of teachers to build YOUR child's self-esteem, self-esteem etc. That is YOUR job as the parent. The reasons YOUR black boys are failing (not this is no one's problem except THEIR PARENTS) is because 1). Black women keep bringing them into this world with deadbeats and expecting said deadbeats to suddenly wake up and be responsible fathers. 2). Because these young boys have no foundation or networks to look to for support. Black women are useless in this department because a woman can't raise a boy into a man. 3). Because PARENTS want to blame everything and everyone for their child's failure except themselves (similar to what you did in the comment I quoted). That sums up the plight of YOUR black boys."      
Instead of addressing the points in my comment she did what black women--whether straight or gay--do when faced with truth--attack, bring God into the picture (wonder where this God of hers was when she was spread-eagle), and deflect.

It is on parents to teach their children to love themselves. Black women need to admit to themselves what society already knows. They simply cannot raise black boys into men. It has been proven over and over again. While I understand that this woman is supposedly a lesbian, as already stated more than likely she conceived her child the old-fashioned way. Where is the man who helped her conceive her son? Was he productive when she laid her ass down with him? Why isn't he around now? These are questions that even "lesbians" need to be honest about.

If you laid your ass down with a man and somewhere down the line decided to call yourself a lesbian own up to it. If your child was conceived the old-fashioned way or if you're thinking of conceiving your child the old-fashioned way be sure to pick a quality man.....If you are a chick who laid down with the dick you have a RESPONSIBILITY to yourself and your potential child to conceive with a productive individual.

As many of you should know by now I support strong families. Two women simply cannot compensate for a father. When/if I decide to bring children into this world "he" will be in the picture along with my partner. While our family may not be traditional, FATHERS are too important not to miss.

This woman is too blind to realize the holes in both her religion (rolls eyes) and her brain.

To be continued....

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Sheryl Swoopes: The Reason Why I Can't Stand Bisexuals

If you read this blog you know I can't stand bisexuals and single mothers. I don't exactly make it a secret and for those of you who didn't understand my reason for disliking them before this blog is dedicated to you!

This week it came to light that fake ass "lesbian" Sheryl Swoopes is now engaged to man. Let me give you a little history on Sheryl Swoopes...

In 1997 a PREGNANT Sheryl Swoopes became the first woman on the cover of Sports Illustrated Women. At the time Sheryl Swoopes was MARRIED to a man (a red flag for me). Then in 2005 she came out as a "lesbian." She was in a relationship with this woman, who was the assistant coach for her team...

Now in 2011 the bitch is right back with a man. I told y'all these fucking confused bisexuals are trifling as hell.

Here is what Sherly Swoopes told ESPN Magazine in 2005...
"Discovering I'm gay just sort of happened much later in life," Swoopes says. "Being intimate with [Alisa] or any other woman never entered my mind. At the same time, I'm a firm believer that when you fall in love with somebody, you can't control that."

She didn't say anything about being BISEXUAL in that interview. She supposedly "discovered" her sexuality later in life (suspect as hell). If people had paid close attention to her interviews they would have known that Sheryl is a confused BISEXUAL...

REAL gay people do not just wake up and decide we're gay. It's motherfuckers like this that make it harder for us REAL gays and lesbians. All the homphobes are looking at her and saying, "See--I told you it's a choice. They can turn it on and off." I hate that shit! Meanwhile here I am trying to find my solemate, content with who/what I am, never even been with a man yet I'm grouped in with these fucked up confused bitches. I told y'all all it takes is women like this finding a man that's interested in them before they go right back to sucking dick.

And to think...they have the nerve to get angry with me for NOT being attracted to them! Can you believe it? I'm done...

Monday, July 4, 2011

Culture, Hertiage & Self-Hate

Black people have issues--and I don't mean just African Americans. No I think black people in general have some serious issues. A lot of us suffer from self-hate. I didn't realize how deep it is until recently. 

People following this blog should know I have battled my own inner demons and self-hate. I would like to think I have come out on top after learning more about my history, culture, genealogy and overcoming a deep, dark depression. 

Everyone isn't so lucky.

I have my issues with black women...God knows I do, but at the end of the day black women are the ONLY race of women I desire.  The bald black woman in the picture to the left is what I want. I want to share my life with a black woman. I want to produce kids with a black woman. I want to grow old with a black woman. No other race of women on the face of the planet can make me feel the way black women do. 

As much as I have tried dating outside of my race, I can honestly say the experience left me feeling empty inside--as if something was missing. I could not bring myself to love those non-black women. I wasn't moved at all by them or their presence in my life. Looking back now I think I was running from my own self-pity and hate (along with the pain I felt from a black woman that broke my heart)--trying to see if the lie about the "other side" being better is true. Needless to say I found myself miserable. This self-discovery has made me aware of a few things...

I have been talking to a young lady (she is black) who has told me she is not attracted to black women. I won't lie--this turned me off because there is nothing more repulsive to me than to hear someone black utter such bullshit. Yes, I know I've pretty much said the same thing on this blog, but as stated above I came to my senses. Am I attracted to all black women? No. However, they are who I find myself the MOST attracted to of all women. Anyway this particular chick grew up in an environment that socialized her to accept people of other races, which is a good thing. My only issue with her is the fact that I cannot overlook what I have determined is self-hate.

How is it possible for a dark-skinned black lesbian woman NOT to be attracted to black women? Not that skin tone makes any difference, but here in the USA this is the group of black women MOST vocal about the discrimination they face from everyone. So it bothers me that this woman would be discriminatory against her own kind. If you ask her about it she can see nothing wrong with her preference. She is perfectly content to breed out her genes. On the surface it seems that race doesn't matter to her, but then if this were true surely she would find black women attractive. This woman's preference is more than likely the result of socialization, self-hate, conditioning, and just plain old ignorance.

For a while I allowed myself to fantasize about this woman because I was taken by the idea of the uniqueness of our situation (no I won't go into detail). But then the light in my head came on and I found myself disgusted. My need for a black woman that shares my dream of an ideal BLACK family with kids proud of their culture and heritage woke me up. I honestly can't take a woman like this seriously. Black people need to learn that the ONLY people we really have in this world is each other. There is no substitute. There is no alternative. At the end of the day we cannot run from or abandon who and what we are so why not accept it and embrace it? I love black women. But I cannot love or respect a woman who does not know who she is and does not love herself enough to appreciate and preserve her heritage.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Calling All Big Butts With A Smile!

It's official--I am now on skype. If you want to chat with your favorite lesbian blogger hit me up at lez.intellect on skype. I don't want to hear from MEN or STUDS. Nothing personal. I would rather chat with chicks not dudes of chicks with dicks. So if you are a woman and you got a fat ass and some thighs (kidding) hit me up. I would love to hear from other lesbians in the Atlanta, Georgia area. If you're not from the Atlanta area I would still like to hear from you. So hit me up to chat!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

My Desire For True Love

I've been researching my roots. I'm really into genealogy right now. For weeks it has consumed my life. Every time I find one new fact I have a desire to learn more. So I keep searching. In learning about my family tree I have come to see how important family is and why I need to get serious about starting one.

In each branch of my family tree, from the mid-19th century to the 1960s, my ancestors were all married, all had their children within wedlock, and they all had between 7-15 kids. Can you just imagine that? My mama told me they had alot of kids because they needed them to work the land. I think it had more to do with the fact that there wasn't any form of birth control, and they had a better outlook on family than black folks do today.

I started thinking what life must have been like for my ancestors. Family was all they had. It was the only thing that was guaranteed in their lives. I envy them. I want so badly to find true love again. I had it once and I want it again. I want a family. I want kids. I am going on twenty-six years old this year and I can almost hear the clock ticking in my ears. I guess this is what happens when you find yourself growing older. In the back of my mind I keep telling myself, "First you have to find a staple woman to have children with...get that part done first." Ironically this seems to be the hardest part to achieve. My career is finally on track. I have a huge interview coming up this Monday. My finances are finally on track..I can't complain about money. It's just that personal part of me that seems empty and I don't know how to fill it.

Friday, April 22, 2011

REAL Black Lesbians Are Popping Out Kids Too...SMH

I briefly dated a chick in college. I liked her, but we were on two different wavelengths at that moment in time. She was getting ready to graduate and go to graduate school while I was just a sophomore struggling with growing pains. 

This particular black woman had everything going for her. She was smart, good-looking, and charming. This woman was the wife type and if I had been just a little bit more mature at the time I would have snatched her up and never let her go. Needless to say we ended up going our separate ways. She went off to graduate school, got her Masters degree, and moved back home. I completed college and went on about my life.

I recently ran into her and found out she now has a kid!

This woman is only twenty-six years old. She is a "real" lesbian, which is the only type I will even give the time of day. So you can imagine my surprise when I found out she'd popped out a kid. How did she conceive her daughter? She laid down with a man in order to get pregnant. She doesn't have a girlfriend so she made this decision independent of anyone else. She made the decision to become a single mother. 

When I heard this my surprise turned into disgust. Here I am actively searching for a BLACK lesbian to build a life with who has all the things I desire in a woman and this woman who has everything I'm looking for, who would be perfect for me, has a child that she decided to bring into the world alone! She doesn't even realize that her stock has dropped dramatically thanks to that life changing decision. I understand a woman's natural need to be a mother, but why must black women--both gay and straight--pop out kids without even considering the consequences? Why do this crap alone when you can just as easily find a suitable mate?

I want children one day. I want children with my partner one day. I want a real two-parent household. I cannot imagine raising children alone and I cannot imagine walking into a situation where a family already exist. 

When this woman told me about her child I lost all interest in her. Why can't I find an old fashioned black lesbian?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Finally Some Good-Looking Lesbians Of Color!

 A few weeks ago I started watching this show called Pretty Little Liars. It's one of those shows for teenagers that comes on ABC Family. I twenty-five years old I'm too old to be watching this show. But believe me, it's worth watching! The show is a little melodramatic and it could use some better writing. However that is not why I watch the show. Honestly, I could do without the other characters and plots. I watch the show for these two...


The owner of the video linked below won't allow me to embed it but this is my favorite episode so far...

What do you think? Aren't they the cutest couple?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I'm Lonely

Loneliness doesn't hit me too often. Yesterday, Valentine's Day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I need someone in my life. I spent the day thinking about all my ex-girlfriends. I thought about the things I did wrong, the things they did wrong, and the reality that I don't have any contact with any them now. It's kind of sad really. There have been some women that I have taken for granted and there have been some that I loved and appreciated. I'm in a reflective mood so I guess I will continue reflecting.

Friday, January 28, 2011

I Think I Hate My Mother...Yes I'm Serious--Part One

Growing up I had a typical happy childhood. I owe that to two individuals: My father and my grandmother. Dad supported me emotionally and financially while my grandmother raised and loved me (hence my "old soul").

I grew up in a small rural southern town in Georgia with an estimated population of about 150,000. Like most good southern black girls, I attended church faithfully, went to school regularly, did everything I was told to do without question, and excelled most of the time under the guidance of my father and grandmother. They made me into the wholesome woman I am today.

There were two odd things about my childhood world: 1). I knew I was gay from a very early age and 2). I knew I hated (or perhaps it was dislike at this early point) my mother. Unlike my grandmother and my father, my mother is a living breathing example of someone who shouldn't have considered having children. Knowing what I know now I don't believe she considered it at all...we (my siblings and I) just happened, and because she either couldn't afford an abortion or didn't believe in it, she gave birth to us. 

My mother was young (still in high school), dumb (didn't bother to use any form of birth control) and suffering from neglect by her own mother (I now see it as a cycle). My father, who is six years older than my mother entered the picture when my mother already had a son, my oldest brother, who is two years older than me. The two of them hit it off and my mother would have two kids by the time she graduated from high school (followed by my little brother two years later).

My father once told me he wasn't in love with my mother when he married her, but instead he had no desire to see another man over his kids, which makes perfectly good sense now that I think about it. When I was a child I can remember various men coming to our house and sleeping in the bed with my mother. My dad, who had an on again/off again,relationship with my mother (and who I didn't even know was my father for a long time as no one even bothered to make the connection for me), would bribe me with candy in exchange for this information. The end result would be some type of domestic dispute that would later be dismissed by a judge in court. 

My early years with my mother weren't bad. In fact they are the only time I can say she was happy and a pleasure to be around. She did things for us that regular mothers do like cook, clean, bath us, take pictures with us, and take us shopping for toys and clothes.  She met with our teachers and volunteered at school if needed. I can still remember her attending field trips with my class and volunteering to help out whenever a parent's help was necessary.

We were poor, but really at that age we didn't know it. We lived on and off with various relatives on my mother's side of the family..mainly her mother or my dad's mother. My mother was better able to keep a job than my father, who despite being in the military at an early age, didn't get his high school G.E.D. until I was six years old. This caused a lot of resentment in our household. I don't think my dad appreciated my mother making more money than him and he certainly didn't appreciate her being  financially independent of him. Jobs in our town were hard to come about for black people, but especially hard for black men. Dad did eventually find work. He went to truck driving school and learned to drive tractor trailers.

For the first nine years of my life, my mother was employed at a textile company, where she went from making small change to a decent salary as a manager. Combined with her salary and my dad's money we entered the black middle class in our community. Though we still lived in an apartment at the time we didn't struggle hard for money. My parents had three cars, we went to the most successful elementary school in the district (which was right around the corner from our apartment complex), and every Christmas I had what I wanted and needed. In fact it seemed like we had more than the average black kids that lived in our apartment complex. My bestfriend, who lived only a couple of doors down from me, didn't have a father and her Christmas gifts were nothing like mine. She would often come over to my apartment to play the Sega with me and my brothers. My parents--particularly my dad--would later become close to her mother.

This life of family and prosperity didn't last long. When I was nine year olds my mother lost her job after the company (which was over 100 years old) closed down....

To be continued....
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