Monday, October 5, 2009

My Perception Of Dark-Skinned Black Women

I’ve been dating a woman on and off for about three months now. So far we’re as close as two people can be without sex entering the equation. She’s funny, smart, patient, and understanding. She knows I’m broke as hell at the moment, and she’s fine with it. Almost every night we have the most delightful conversations over the phone. She’s winning my heart though she probably doesn’t know it. I can’t say whether or not this will grow into a relationship, but we’re on the fast track to a beautiful friendship.

One day in the middle of one of our late night conversations she said, “I didn’t think you dated dark-skinned black women.” I was stunned by the comment for two reasons: 1) I’ve never mentioned a preference for skin tone or race and 2) She’s a dark-skinned sister herself. I can’t imagine how she came to the conclusion that I’m not into dark-skinned black women nor did I bother to ask. Instead I became somewhat defensive. I told her she was completely wrong with her assumption. I explained my crush on two dark-skinned strippers at Atlanta’s famous strip club, Magic City. Before we ended our conversation she asked, “How many dark-skinned black women have you dated?” I paused for a minute as if to think about the question, “Three including you.” Then there was complete silence on the other end of the phone. We said our good-byes and vowed to talk again the next day.

The next day I woke up early in the morning with the conversation still fresh in my head. I couldn’t deny the truth. Just about every girl I’ve been interested in dating has been either light-skinned or of a different race. Does this mean I have a preference for women whose features lean more towards European? I don’t think so.

For the sake of being honest I admit I’ve only been in a relationship with one dark-skinned black woman and I think she’s the reason I don’t typically pursue dark-skinned black women. This particular ex-girlfriend managed to scare me away from the idea of ever pursuing another dark-skinned black woman. Throughout the course of our relationship she was super conscious of her dark skin. I don’t know if this was due to me being light-skinned and her being dark-skinned, but it got on my freaking nerves. I never brought up the subject because she always harped on it. Her dark skin was never an issue for me, but for her it was a burden and a handicap to her whole being. She would say things like, “I hate light-skinned bitches.” Other dark-skinned black women I tried to court expressed this same sentiment. I think this mentality turned me off and subconsciously I vowed to stir clear of dark-skinned black women unless they approach me.

Maybe one day I'll get over this "fear."

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