Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Urge To Swirl

I know love is supposed to be colorblind, but despite myself I do see color. I don’t see color in a racist or prejudice way. My way of seeing color is more or less unconscious rather than intentional. Basically, I see color despite myself. Maybe this is due in large part to society, me being conscious of my sexuality and blackness, or maybe it’s due to my upbringing in the South. In the end it doesn’t matter why I see color. The only thing that matters is that I don’t see color negatively.

At times I find myself comparing different races of women to each other. I compare their body types. I compare their physical characteristics. I compare just about everything except the negative stereotypes that are associated with each group. This only adds to my urge to swirl. For those of you lost the word “swirl” is an urban term for someone who dates outside his or her race.

There are many famous non-black women who I find attractive. Jessica Alba is sexy. Jennifer Lopez is bootylicious! Kim Kardashian (despite her reputation) is gorgeous. Julia Roberts has a charming personality. Kristian Alfonso is hot! Video model Zena Foster has a phat ass and is nothing short of a banger! When I see any of these beautiful women the Lil Wayne hook, “I wish I could fuck with every girl in the world” rings through my head.

I’ve never dated outside of my race, but I’m open to it. I’ve always loved black women. However, now I’m beginning to think maybe I should explore my options. There is nothing wrong with black women, and no I don’t desire other races of women because of the flaws of black women (hello I’m a black woman). The truth is I’ve always found myself attracted to other races of women, but because of society and my sexuality I’ve always dated within my own race.

I’m sure you’re wondering what my sexuality has to do with my dating preference (i.e., not considering interracial dating before now). Well, it’s already hard being black, female, and gay I can only imagine what being black, female, gay, and in an interracial relationship must feel like. Seems like it would be another challenge to add onto the challenges I already face. A relationship can only take so many challenges before it starts to crumble. If our love isn’t strong enough both she and I could break under the pressure. Someone who shares my race is perhaps better suited to handle the problems that we’re bound to face as a same sex couple. I guess I will never know until I try.

Life is too short to live in a box. I see that now more so than ever before. Society and sexual orientation shouldn't stop anyone from finding love where they can find it. I don’t plan to let race, sexual orientation, and society stand in my way anymore. If “Miss Right” comes into my life and she just so happens to be of a different race I will love her no matter what.
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