Monday, October 26, 2009

Something That Annoys Me

Do you ever wonder why some people achieve success while others always fall on their butts? For some people it seems no matter what they touch it turns into gold. What did they do to get so lucky? Even the people who are doing illegal things seem to be better off than the working class sucker. Why? Why am I, the honest college graduate, struggling so hard to make ends meet while some individual who has been doing wrong all his or her life is able to make a comfortable living?

It makes me angry knowing that I might have gone to college in vain. It annoys me that I might be reduced to being a working class citizen while some wise guy or girl is able to hustle up some money illegally and still come out on top. Whoever said, "Good guys finish last" wasn't lying. No matter how much I try it seems everything I touch fails.

If I actually listened to my parents lectures all my problems would come down to my sexuality. In their eyes I'm being "punished by God" for sleeping with women or disrupting the natural order of things. "Until you turn your life around hell is going to rain down on you," is what I've been told over and over again by my parents. If I wasn't comfortable in my own skin I might actually believe some of the things said by my folks.

My brother who has a technical school education is doing better than me. He works  and attends school. He also collects a VA education benefits check due to my disabled military father--damn I miss that check. It annoys me watching him do better than me because I've always felt a need to compete with him. He's always been my father's favorite child while my older brother has always been my mother's favorite child. I have always been stuck in middle trying to get love from who ever was willing to give it. Anything and everything I did was virtually ignored--including graduating from college--My mother didn't even attend the ceremony (a long story).

The only person who ever made me feel like she gave a damn was my grandmother. Whenever I needed something for school or just wanted to talk my grandmother has always been there. Till this day she's more willing than anyone to give me money when needed--though I feel guilty for taking it (she lives off social security).

I guess at this point I have no one to blame but myself. Maybe I should have tried a different approach to life. Instead of doing what I was told to do all my life--"go to college"--I should have looked for something more.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I Can't Do Black "Lesbians" With Children

One of the problems I have with black lesbians is the large number of them with children. Being that I am a goldstar lesbian--one who has never been with a man--I immediately question the authenticity of any lesbian's sexuality upon learning she has children. Anyone in my position would raise the same questions if confronted with that situation. While most black lesbians with children make it a point to say, "Everyone's story is not the same." They have not noticed that almost every black lesbian with children is telling the same story.

The common excuses I get from black "lesbians" with children are--1). "Society is the reason I slept with or married a man. I didn't plan to get pregnant. It just happened." 2). "I wanted a child so that's why I slept with X number of men and had X number of children.” 3). "I didn't know I was gay until I was in my twenties." 4). "I've always been attracted to women, but I was afraid to act on it. " 5). "I'm sick of men. All men are dogs."

As you can see I have good reason not to mess around with black "lesbians" with children. They are some of the most CONFUSED--I said it--people walking the planet. The thought of some chick desiring to be a lesbian AFTER being dogged by several men or after she's opened her legs wide open to a variety of men, busted out a few babies, and DECIDED she was gay repulse me.

Many single mothers don't consider themselves bisexual. They consider themselves lesbians. Yet, I 'm almost certain if a man showed the least bit of interest in them and their children they would go back to screwing men. For all their talk about how society scared them straight it’s obvious society hasn’t scared them from bed hopping---neither has the threat of an STD.

What really makes me angry about black "lesbians" with children is the idea that these are the individuals society sees when judging whether or not homosexuality is a CHOICE. They have kids so at some point they made a choice to lie down with a man.  How can they be gay? The gay people like myself are ignored and disregarded. Any and every negative stereotype straight people--especially straight black people—hold is confirmed by black "lesbians" with children.

Some might be wondering, "Well what about the lesbians who plan their children with their partners or who lie down with a man with the intent of getting pregnant?" In the black community and the black LGBT community the idea of "planning" children is foreign. Chances are if someone has a child they had consensual sex with a member of the opposite sex with the intent of achieving an orgasm, and got knocked up. There was no planning involved. However according to most of these individuals I--the virginal black lesbian--am suppose to believe from black "lesbians" with children that they "planned" their 2-3 kids by 2-3 different men just for the sake of being a single mother. No, I don't believe that. What I believe is black “lesbians” with children were riding dick at some point, enjoyed it, and ended up with children as a result of it. Because of the stigma of being bisexual they basically lie about their sexuality. Lying about something so obvious doesn’t make a lot of difference. I am not willing to give them the time of day.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Why Can't Black People Sustain Healthy Relationships?

First, I want to apologize to all the people who visit my blog. I haven’t been neglecting it on purpose. Right now I’m in the process of job hunting. Given this recession that’s a full-time job in itself. I promise to blog at least twice a week for now on. I hope you will continue to follow my blog. On to the topic...

Recently, a heterosexual white male expressed his opinion on relationships to me. He believes homosexuals are better able to sustain healthy relationships than heterosexuals.  The reason he believes this is due to the idea that individuals of the same sex have more in common than those of a different sex. I remember thinking, “He obviously doesn't know very many homosexuals.” Maybe white homosexuals are better able to sustain healthy relationships compared to their white heterosexual counterparts, but that defiantly isn’t the case with black homosexuals. From what I can tell black gays and lesbians can no more sustain good healthy relationships than their black heterosexual counterparts.

You would think two people of the same sex and perhaps the same race would be better able to cohabitate than their heterosexual friends. Nothing could be further from the truth. The black gays and lesbians I’ve come across and associate with are always putting each other through the ringer. True love and commitment are the last things on their minds. Those who aren’t confused about their sexuality—and there are many who are confused—are basically whores.

In Atlanta the black LGBT community is large compared to most other cities, but at times it seems very small. This is because everyone knows someone who dated so-and-so way back when. Chances are your girlfriend has had her fair share of lovers. It’s very hard to take  black gays and lesbians seriously here seriously so I don’t personally take them seriously. I’ve been forced into becoming a whore. It is not by choice. I would like nothing more than to settle down and commit myself to one woman, but because everyone around me is out for his or her own gratification I have to settle for short-term flings.

I have enough heterosexual friends to know the same persist with their relationships. No one seems interested in long-term commitment. No one seems concerned about the numerous forms of venereal diseases throughout the black community. No one seems concerned about the numerous out of wedlock children being born. “Black” love has been tossed out the window. There is no such thing as respect anymore.

How did we get to this point?

From a black homosexuals point of view I can honestly say black gays and lesbians have more pressure on our relationships than heterosexuals. We have to worry about racism, sexism, internal (black community) and external prejudice/homophobia, and procreation. Some of the gayest people I know suffer from self-hate due to their family disowning them and because of the way they’re treated by society. Those who do have it together mentally probably have trust issues after running into more than a few bisexuals. Those who aren’t screwed up mentally, and who haven’t been crossed over by bisexuals, find themselves put off by the large number of gays and lesbians with children from heterosexual relationships (a whole different blog).  Many black gays and lesbians give in to the pressure and live their lives as heterosexuals rather than deal with the bull (a whole different blog).

What are the reasons why black heterosexuals have a hard time maintaining relationships?

As someone standing on the outside looking in I don’t think black heterosexuals like each other very much. The continued degradation of each other through song, books, and television tells a story of hatred and possibly ignorance. I never hear my heterosexual friends talk about love or marriage. The only thing I ever hear them talk about is sex. They no longer expect marriage so I suppose they no longer dream about it or strive to reach that point.

Eventually each individual is going to have to ask him or herself whether or not they like where their love life is headed. I for one don’t plan to stay single forever. I want a woman by my side and I want us to have kids one day. My biggest issue is that I refuse to settle. I don’t want anyone who already has children. I don’t want anyone who lacks ambition and goals. I don’t want anyone I find physically unattractive. The list could go on and on. I’m sure I’ll come across my better half one day, but until  then I guess I have no choice but to go with the flow.

Monday, October 5, 2009

My Perception Of Dark-Skinned Black Women

I’ve been dating a woman on and off for about three months now. So far we’re as close as two people can be without sex entering the equation. She’s funny, smart, patient, and understanding. She knows I’m broke as hell at the moment, and she’s fine with it. Almost every night we have the most delightful conversations over the phone. She’s winning my heart though she probably doesn’t know it. I can’t say whether or not this will grow into a relationship, but we’re on the fast track to a beautiful friendship.

One day in the middle of one of our late night conversations she said, “I didn’t think you dated dark-skinned black women.” I was stunned by the comment for two reasons: 1) I’ve never mentioned a preference for skin tone or race and 2) She’s a dark-skinned sister herself. I can’t imagine how she came to the conclusion that I’m not into dark-skinned black women nor did I bother to ask. Instead I became somewhat defensive. I told her she was completely wrong with her assumption. I explained my crush on two dark-skinned strippers at Atlanta’s famous strip club, Magic City. Before we ended our conversation she asked, “How many dark-skinned black women have you dated?” I paused for a minute as if to think about the question, “Three including you.” Then there was complete silence on the other end of the phone. We said our good-byes and vowed to talk again the next day.

The next day I woke up early in the morning with the conversation still fresh in my head. I couldn’t deny the truth. Just about every girl I’ve been interested in dating has been either light-skinned or of a different race. Does this mean I have a preference for women whose features lean more towards European? I don’t think so.

For the sake of being honest I admit I’ve only been in a relationship with one dark-skinned black woman and I think she’s the reason I don’t typically pursue dark-skinned black women. This particular ex-girlfriend managed to scare me away from the idea of ever pursuing another dark-skinned black woman. Throughout the course of our relationship she was super conscious of her dark skin. I don’t know if this was due to me being light-skinned and her being dark-skinned, but it got on my freaking nerves. I never brought up the subject because she always harped on it. Her dark skin was never an issue for me, but for her it was a burden and a handicap to her whole being. She would say things like, “I hate light-skinned bitches.” Other dark-skinned black women I tried to court expressed this same sentiment. I think this mentality turned me off and subconsciously I vowed to stir clear of dark-skinned black women unless they approach me.

Maybe one day I'll get over this "fear."

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Lesbian Sues Bisexual Ex-Girlfriend For Falsely Representing Herself Throughout The Course Of Their Relationship

San Diego, CA—In a court battle that's sure to send shockwaves through the Lesbian Bisexual Gay and Transgender community (LBGT), Kimberly Evans, an emergency room physician is suing her long time ex-girlfriend, Deidra Grady, a flight attendant for falsely representing herself throughout the course of their relationship.

Evans, who is acting as her own attorney, charges that Grady lied to her for six years about her sexual orientation. "In the six years we were together Deidra led me to believe she was gay. I moved her into my home, paid for her to learn training as a dental hygienist, which she wasted my money pursuing, and I bought her a brand new car. I took care of Deidra when she was sick. I made sure she never had to worry about money, and I even paid for her mother's stay at an upscale nursing home. As far as I'm concern Deidra owes me."

The defendant, Deidra Grady, maintains Evans knew about her bisexuality from the time the two started dating. "I was always upfront with Kimberly about my past with men. She knew of my attraction to both men and women. She chose to ignore it. Kimberly wanted to be with me despite my sexuality. She told me as long as that part of my life was in the past we were cool."

The couple's love affair came to a screeching halt when Grady's bisexuality went on display in an unimaginable way. She along with a man who has been identified as the late Kyle Parker, a real estate developer and married father of two, were wheeled into Evans' emergency room attached at their libidos. The two were in the process of making love when Parker suffered a massive heart attack right on top of Grady.

"His body stiffen while he was still inside of her," said a nurse who was pulling double duty the night of the incident. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. I can't imagine how the doctors managed the two of them. I wasn't allowed in the room during the procedure."

Evans, who was on duty the night her ex-girlfriend Grady, and her lover were wheeled into the emergency room, recounted her feelings upon first setting eyes on the scene. "It was heartbreaking and embarrassing all at the same time. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach."

Judge Carol Bailey called the case “highly unusual and extremely interesting.”

Never the less Judge Bailey dismissed the case. “There isn’t a law that says people can’t lie about their background. We cannot go around suing people simply because they break our hearts.”

At the time of press Evans wasn't available for addition comment. Grady had this to say after the  judge's verdict, "I'm sorry things had to end this way. I'm happy that it's over. One thing I know for sure is that I will never crave another dick as long as I live!"

*Note this post is satire. Welcome to the brilliant mind of LezIntellect!
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