Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Urge To Swirl

I know love is supposed to be colorblind, but despite myself I do see color. I don’t see color in a racist or prejudice way. My way of seeing color is more or less unconscious rather than intentional. Basically, I see color despite myself. Maybe this is due in large part to society, me being conscious of my sexuality and blackness, or maybe it’s due to my upbringing in the South. In the end it doesn’t matter why I see color. The only thing that matters is that I don’t see color negatively.

At times I find myself comparing different races of women to each other. I compare their body types. I compare their physical characteristics. I compare just about everything except the negative stereotypes that are associated with each group. This only adds to my urge to swirl. For those of you lost the word “swirl” is an urban term for someone who dates outside his or her race.

There are many famous non-black women who I find attractive. Jessica Alba is sexy. Jennifer Lopez is bootylicious! Kim Kardashian (despite her reputation) is gorgeous. Julia Roberts has a charming personality. Kristian Alfonso is hot! Video model Zena Foster has a phat ass and is nothing short of a banger! When I see any of these beautiful women the Lil Wayne hook, “I wish I could fuck with every girl in the world” rings through my head.

I’ve never dated outside of my race, but I’m open to it. I’ve always loved black women. However, now I’m beginning to think maybe I should explore my options. There is nothing wrong with black women, and no I don’t desire other races of women because of the flaws of black women (hello I’m a black woman). The truth is I’ve always found myself attracted to other races of women, but because of society and my sexuality I’ve always dated within my own race.

I’m sure you’re wondering what my sexuality has to do with my dating preference (i.e., not considering interracial dating before now). Well, it’s already hard being black, female, and gay I can only imagine what being black, female, gay, and in an interracial relationship must feel like. Seems like it would be another challenge to add onto the challenges I already face. A relationship can only take so many challenges before it starts to crumble. If our love isn’t strong enough both she and I could break under the pressure. Someone who shares my race is perhaps better suited to handle the problems that we’re bound to face as a same sex couple. I guess I will never know until I try.

Life is too short to live in a box. I see that now more so than ever before. Society and sexual orientation shouldn't stop anyone from finding love where they can find it. I don’t plan to let race, sexual orientation, and society stand in my way anymore. If “Miss Right” comes into my life and she just so happens to be of a different race I will love her no matter what.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Welcome II My World!

Sometimes life sucks! There is no easy way to say it and there doesn't seem to be an easy way to accept it. If you're black, female, and gay it probably sucks a little more at times for you than the next person. Being a triple minority in Vanilla America also makes you a third class citizen. It's a real kick in the teeth. Luckily, for some black lesbians like myself we can laugh, cry, and face most situation with the help of our humor. Believe me right about now my humor is the only thing I have keeping me from crying.

At the moment I'm a struggling artist (filmmaker and screenwriter) mooching off the nipples of my mother and father. In 2008 I became a college graduate, but unfortunately for me this country was just beginning to see the first signs of a recession. Companies went down, employment went up, and I haven't had a job since graduating from college. Deciding against any type of graduate school I decided to try and make it with my bachelor's degree and my talent. I learned a hard lesson: It's not what you have but often it's who you know. Since then I've been unwillingly freeloading my way through life.

Right now my number one dream is to create a quality web series about a group of minority lesbian friends living life in Atlanta. For the most part Asians, African Americans, and other non-white races of women are underrepresented in the LGBT community. The few web series that are trying to represent for minority women are full of sex, are cheaply produced, and lack quality dialogue driven storylines. Most often play right into stereotypes about lesbians (and African Americans). I want to change that, but like all good things this takes money (which I don't have at the moment).

So, to occupy my time and take my mind off more depressing manners I decided to start this blog. Hopefully it will serve as a way for me to freely express myself without the glare of disapproving eyes (though I doubt it). I hope to meet like-minded people all across the world. With all that said let me say welcome to my world!

P.S. This is my first blog so please bare with me as I learn the ropes.

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