Saturday, November 21, 2015

My Final Blog Post


This is going to be my last blog post....ever. 

At this point, I'm ready to walk away. I've had this blog since 2009. You've watched me struggle through life, love, jobs, financial issues, and now crime. 

On October 8, 2015 my beloved truck was stolen in the middle of the night as I slept in my bed. It hasn't been recovered. I'm not sure it will be recovered. I cried for 3 days straight, but at this point I want to put it behind me and move on with my life. 

On October 18, 2015, I bought a 2014 Honda Accord Sport (exactly like the one pictured above). I bought it for $17,000 with 7,950 miles on it. 

I wish I could say this event didn't change me, but it did. I'm not bitter, but I am cautious as hell of other black people. The truth is I don't trust nobody outside of myself (that includes family). 

That was part of the reason I made my blog private. 

At this point in my life I really want to move forward and forget the past. I don't want to think about ex-girlfriends, disappointments, depressing events, etc. That's why I think now is a good time to quit this blog because it is a vivid reminder of all of the above. 

I might allow this blog to stay public, but then again, I might set it to private again. It depends on how I'm feeling in a week or two. 

If you want to keep in touch with me like my Diary of A Black Lesbian Facebook page. I will periodically post on the page. You can also email me at lezintellect@gmail.com. 

It's been nice...I appreciate your support. 

Take care. 

-Lezintellect

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

I Love This Woman!


I wish I could find a woman like Vanessa Williams. I've always had a thing for her... 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

I'm Single Again...Sigh


Saturday, September 12, 2015

The Curious Case Of White Americans & Their Selective Patriotism


Unless you've been living under a rock, you should have heard that Serena Williams fell short of her goal of winning a grand slam (a term used to describe a swept of all majors within a year). Had she won the U.S. Open she would have been the first woman to achieve a grand slam since 1988. To my knowledge, she would have been the first BLACK women to achieve the feat period. She would have been 1 major away from tying the woman who currently holds the most majors. 

Watching Serena lose was heartbreaking. It was like watching someone you've grown up with fall short of a dream. I felt sorry for Serena. I think most BLACK Americans felt her pain. But what wasn't surprising was the orgasmic glee seen and felt by A LOT of WHITE Americans after Serena lost...

I have come to see that for all their talk of patriotism WHITE Americans would throw that shit straight into the bushes when faced with the possibility of a black woman (or black man) physically overpowering hundreds of whites in a sport. They don't care if that black woman or black man shares their nationality and is the frontrunner at a tournament bearing their country's name. When push comes to shove they would rather cheer for a foreign white woman or white man than a BLACK AMERICAN! 

While watching Serena fall short of her goal was troubling to black Americans, it was like a dream come true for WHITE Americans, who have always regarded Serena and her sister, Venus, as "beast," "men," and "animals." And then when Serena and Venus aren't acting "happy" and "friendly" toward "them" they want to call them "angry" "aggressive" and "bitter." 

I'm sick and tired of this shit. 

No matter how good, law-abiding, productive, rich, or successful a black person is in this country at the end of the fucking day these miserable, jealous, demonic White Americans still see a NIGGER. 

And then they wonder why we hate them.

Let's face it...when it comes to physical ability, White Americans suck! 

In a sport where they are the vast majority, two lone black girls, who grew up poor in Compton came through and kicked ass! These two black girls who didn't come from wealth, didn't have the means to travel and compete at a young age, and had the odds stacked against them came through and dominated the world of women's tennis. For well over a decade now they have been the ONLY Americans actually doing shit in women's tennis. Think about that for a minute.

I truly believe that regardless of the sport, black people will ALWAYS dominate whites. I don't care if it is tennis, golf, hockey, soccer, or bowling....when given the opportunity we will always dominate them. I believe whites (particuarly White Americans) are aware of this reality, and it makes them feel some kind of way. 

The few who actually admit it almost always want to piggyback with, "Well yeah, you blacks might dominate sports and music, but you are dead last intellectually"....as if they haven't spent hundreds of years keeping blacks from equal access to education, wealth, etc.

When given the same opportunity, same access to education, healthcare, wealth etc, black people almost always rise above whites. They know it, and it scares the shit out them. The day is coming when they will find themselves the minority amongst a sea of brown and black faces in this country. I'm curious to see how they will fare once that systematic oppression comes back to bite them in the ass. I have a feeling it's going to make this look like child's play...


This rant can go on forever, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on the sickening nonsense I've seen and read since Serena lost.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Gawdamn!


You better tell it!

Sunday, August 16, 2015

My Response...


A week ago I received this email...

Hi,
I am not a writer so I wanted to reach out to someone who is. I was hoping you would consider a story about how black lesbian women do not support their own.

Did you know that out of all the black lesbian web series that are very popular right now, NONE of them have ever raised more than 3K for a crowdfunding to keep making their shows. The even crazier part these shows like Studville, Between Women, If I Was Your Girl, each have over 30K followers of their youtube stations. They run crowdfunding campaings and the same women who complain about there being nothing for black lesbians in the media, are the same people who won't donate 5.00 to a campaign.

right now an author by the name of Skyy is running a campaign to turn her first book into a feature film. Her book series is very popular in the black lesbian community, just check out the reviews on amazon. ON top of that she has two very popular black lesbian entertainers set to star in it. BUT the campaign has been running for almost a month and she's just now hitting 10 percent on the campaign. It's sad. So So Sad. Even a lot of the reviews of her books have people saying "oh you should make this a movie"

I don't have a voice. I don't have a platform to address this so that's why I am pitching this to you and others. Something needs to be said and people need to hear this. It's a terrible thing that we can't support our own but white lesbian's get sponsorships and can surpass their funding goals just by word of mouth and support.

I hope you will consider writing about this.
My response...

I feel your pain. However, I have been on both sides of this situation. I've been the creator/artist and I've been in the audience watching some of these works. So, I think I can speak on this issue from both sides...

As an audience member...

The shows you listed all suck! 

I have tried to watch all of them and I just couldn't get into them. Not only do I find them stereotypical and mediocre, but I'm turned off by the overwhelming portrayal of the Stud/Fem gender roles displayed in these shows. I often feel like I'm watching a straight couple while watching this dynamic play out because so often I find that the writers and actors are taking their cues from black male popular culture. I hope that makes sense. It's kinda hard to explain, and to be honest I don't feel like getting into it. 

When watching black lesbians I expect to see TWO black feminine women together. I'm not expecting to see a chick who looks, talks, and acts like she just stepped out of an episode of The Wire. I'm not expecting to see the same stereotypical behavior black women have been complaining about for years in black men portrayed by black women. 

To put it plainly, I want to see this: Fem/Fem....not this....Stud/Fem.  

Unfortunately, I appear to be in the minority. 

I won't even go into a rant about the dialogue, production quality, and overall aesthetics of these shows. They kinda speak for themselves. 

As an artist/creator...

Black women are a hard group to please. I too have found myself frustrated when trying to provide entertainment for black lesbians. One of the main reasons I fell back on Sweat is because of all the comments I got that ranged from "Why can't this character be more like so and so?" to  "This simply isn't believable." It reached a point where I said fuck it

I'm no longer willing to cater to black women/lesbians. Honestly, it's not worth the time, money, or effort. I realize you can't please everyone. So, why break your back trying to please such a small toxic demographic (yeah I said it)?

In the 30 years I've been on this earth I have come to see that black women as a collective are not a happy group of people and maybe we are entitled to feel that way given all the shit we go through in this world. However, I have to be honest, I'm no longer interested in putting my money into this demographic. The rewards are small and the payoff is minimum at best. 

Perhaps this is something that the network executives know that we like to ignore. Catering to this small extra critical demographic is a money pit. It's like throwing money into the bottom of a well. 

On the flip side of all this, black women aren't obligated to support other black women simply because they are black. If a product doesn't appeal to me I'm not going to buy it. No amount of shame, pro-blackness, or "We are in this shit together" is going to make me buy what doesn't interest me. I'm sure some black lesbians feel this way about my work....which is their right....just like it's my right to cut my losses and expand to a bigger demographic. 

So, my suggestion to all those black women who find themselves angry due to the lack of support from black women, is cut your losses and move on to "others." Your ideas may not find the support in your community, but there may be others who appreciate your work.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

My New Baby...Louie!


Louie



This is my new dog Louie! He was born July 1, 2015. He is golden retriever. I bought him from a breeder. He is currently still with the breeder, but he will be coming home to me on August 22, 2015. I'm so excited. 

Here is a break down of what's been happening in my life...
  1. I turned 30 years old....*Sad Face*
  2. I befriended a self-made black millionaire after purchasing a used book on Amazon and discovering his phone number in that book. That self-made black millionaire is Joe Dudley...of Dudley Products...one of the great titans of black hair care.
  3. I returned from my world trip. 
  4. I've been house shopping. I'm finally ready to buy my first home. 
  5. I purchased Louie. 
  6. I did something I swore off...I got a job. I'm an insurance underwriter now. 
  7. I'm still thinking about asking Sapphire to marry me. She's a wonderful woman. 
And that's about it!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

A Heated Debate

A very nice looking couple


I'm currently in England. I'm on my tour of Africa with a few European countries sprinkled in the mix. Tomorrow I will be in the Netherlands and then Paris before heading to Ethiopia. 

I've been in England for two days. Yesterday I hooked up with a friend who is currently studying abroad in England (She's getting a PH.D in English literature). Anyway, me and this friend met at a deli. We sat and talked for about an hour. In that time I disclosed that I'm thinking of asking my girlfriend (Sapphire) to marry me. This friend was excited for me....until she found out she is white. This little fact was revealed to her when I showed her a picture of Sapphire on my phone. 

I tell you no lie. You could feel the tension grow between us. Bashfully, I stuck my phone in my pocket and waited for her to say something. She didn't disappoint. 

Friend: I never thought I would see the day you would be thinking about marrying a WHITE woman!

Me: Neither did I...but it's happening. 

Friend: Why? There are plenty of black women available. 

Me: Actually, no. In my 30 years on this earth I haven't run across this platoon of childless, single, educated, fun, loving, beautiful, in-shape black women...not in Atlanta. I haven't run across this platoon of black lesbians who are comfortable in their own skin, who don't come to the table with a hand full of kids. I'm not willing to keep looking for a needle in a haystack when I have a nice woman who is down for me. I don't care if she is white. She treats me right and I'm happy with her. 

Friend: So, you're settling?

Me: I don't see it that way. I would be settling if I lowered my standards and took up with women who have the characteristics I just described to you. "Sapphire" is warm, friendly, cultured, childless, fun, loving, and beautiful. I asked for a good woman....I ended up with a great woman. I would be a fool to let her go based on her race. For a long time I searched for my ideal "black" woman and I came up empty The same qualities I like in Sapphire I looked for in black women. Over and over again I found myself disappointed. I'm not saying there aren't any black women who fit the bill. I'm saying I haven't met those women and I'm not willing to continue searching for them when I have a good woman. I'm not justifying my relationship with Sapphire. The only justification for it is love....and I'll leave it at that. When I stopped looking at race I finally found what I was looking for and I couldn't be happier. 

Our conversation carried on like that and ultimately ended with me say, "I hope you will find it in your heart to be happy for me. I would hate to lose your friendship...."

Friday, June 26, 2015

Gay Marriage Is Now Legal!!!


Now all I need to do is find a wife!

Sunday, June 7, 2015

The Continuation of Sweat


I have started working on Sweat again. I took a break to regather my thoughts about the series. Now I'm back on my grind. I apologize for the delay. This break was much needed. Look out for the next chapter going soon and the website.

Friday, June 5, 2015

My Life At The Moment...


Here is a summary of what has been happening in my life...

-On May 13, 2015 I was involved in a car accident. Someone hit me hard from behind on highway 285. I have a bad case of whiplash, back pain, neck pain, and my left arm randomly goes numb. I'm currently in physical therapy. 
-I hired a lawyer to go after the bastard that hit me. He gone pay what he owe.
-I'm thinking of asking Sapphire to marry me. 
-Today I bought tickets for me and Sapphire to attend Motown the Musical. No words can express how excited I am. 

That's about it.

I'm Willing To Bet...


In case you haven't been keeping track, WNBA star Brittney Griner married fellow WNBA star Glory Johnson. This happened shortly after it was reported that the two of them came to blows and were arrested for domestic violence. Then yesterday (or the day before) it was reported that Glory Johnson is pregnant. Today it was reported that Brittney Griner is seeking an annulment. So, the chain of events looks like this....

Ass whoppings all around---> Make up/get hitched----> Baby on the way--->Fuck this shit I want out!

How much do you want to bet that Brittney had NOTHING to do with the conception of the baby? How much do you want to bet that she didn't even know her wife was pregnant? How much do you want to bet that her wife was out fucking a man? How much do you want to bet this is why Brittney now wants out?

I can almost imagine Brittney's face upon learning that her new wife is pregnant...

Glory: Baby, I got something to tell you. 

Brittney: What is it boo?

Glory: Baby, I'm pregnant.

Brittney: Say what?!?

Glory: We're going to have a baby!

Brittney: Bitch...we know it ain't mine! Oh hell naw! It's time for you to sign those gawdamn papers!

Next stop for Brittney...

The path of least resistance, least bullshit, and least baggage (i.e.,confusion, bisexuality, out of wedlock children)....

A white woman.

Monday, May 11, 2015

This Was Very Good...


Yesterday I watched this really good lesbian movie called I Can't Think Straight. Sapphire introduced me to the movie and I must say I enjoyed it....not simply because it is a lesbian movie, but because it shows two lesbians of color (they look middle eastern to me) in love. It is nice to see two women who share the same racial background (I think) paired together rather than the usual twist of white supremacy that involves pairing a woman of color with a white woman. This is what I want to see from black lesbian entertainment. I want to see two feminine black women engaged in a functional loving relationship with each other. 

I enjoyed this movie so much that I purchased the book that shares the same title off Amazon. If you wish to watch the movie you can do so for free by heading over to Hulu. I tried to embed the video on my blog but it wouldn't stick. However, here is the link to the video.

Oh and P.S....I changed the comment feature on my blog (Disqus). In order to comment now you must verify your email address, which means you have to register for an account with Disqus. It helps keep the trolls off my site.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Proof That I'm Not Crazy...


Take a look at the chart above. This chart comes from a survey that was done in 2012 by American Community Survey. As you can see black lesbians were the most likely group to be raising children at 48% which is damn near double that of white lesbians (25%).

Does anyone want to guess how those children came to be (i.e., one of the lesbians at some point was involved with a man as opposed to the two lesbians planning a family together)?

I'm willing to bet 99% of that 48% comes from one of the lesbians being involved with a man at some point.

Next chart...


Notice how Georgia (the state where I live) is deep in the blue. A closer glance at the chart reveals that in  Atlanta (and surrounding  areas) 79%-100% of African American same sex couples are raising their own children (note "own" children are never-married children under 18 who are sons or daughters of one partner or spouse by birth, marriage (stepchild), or adoption).

This means that women like me who are looking for childless black women are pretty much assed out!

The next time I want to come on MY blog and rant about the fucked up situation in the black community, and in Atlanta, I don't want to hear a damn thing from my haters that says otherwise.

Monday, May 4, 2015

A Rant...

I am officially DONE trying to find my ideal black woman. I'm think I'm officially done with black women period...

In two months I will be thirty years old. In my head, I always imagined I would be married at this point and expecting my first child. Nevertheless, things haven't exactly gone as planned. I spent an entire decade (my twenties) searching for a black woman who isn't fat as hell, doesn't have kids, has her own damn hair, and has some education/business about herself. And over and over again, I have come up empty handed. 

Most of my twenties have been documented on this blog. One look through my archives and you will see I have been bitching and complaining about the same lack of quality since 2009 when I started this blog!

This shit is depressing. 

At first I thought it was just Atlanta. This city has an abundance of hoodrats, obese manly looking studs, and single mothers with fatherless children. However, now I just believe this is the state of the black community period! Every place I look, everything I see, points to the overall degradation of African Americans period. As a collective, we have fallen the fuck off!

Gone are the classy on-point black women. They've been replaced by a generation of habitual bastard makers, ratchets, and "don't-give-a-fuck-how-I-look-when-I-go-out-in-public" hoodrats. 

When I'm out in the streets I see nothing but hoodrats and fat ass studs! Seriously, there are so many studs here that these chicks might as well date each other. 

And what really kills me is these chicks who have had children with deadbeat men expect you (as in single childless folks) to just be cool with having a ready-made family. They expect you to be cool with the reality that the special little place you were supposed to share with your significant other (i.e., parenthood) is also shared by a faceless nigga, who dropped his cum and got the hell out of dodge.

I don't know why in the hell some of these retarded ass black women (both gay and straight) can't see how having out of wedlock children has FUCKED UP the black community, and black relationships. I don't understand why they don't see how someone like me might feel repulsed at the thought of being with them and by extension their children. 

It's gotten to the point now where I'm starting to believe I'm seriously going to end up marrying outside of my race. God knows I've been fighting it, but that appears to be where I'm headed. 

Am I sad about it? Yes, because I honestly want a black family. However, I can't waste another decade waiting for the right black woman to come along. I'm not going to wait. 

I want love. I want happiness. I want a spouse. I want kids. 

Friday, April 3, 2015

Blog Is Open Again...

I received so many emails about NOT making my blog private that I decided to leave it open to the public.

Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Diary of A Black Lesbian Is Being Made Private


This is just a heads up. Tomorrow at 7:24 PM EST Diary of A Black Lesbian will be made PRIVATE. When I'm ready to come back to this blog I will. In the meantime it will be made private, which means no one will be able to see it but me. 

If you enjoy my commentary, or you just want to keep up with me, I suggest you head over to Black & Bougie. Otherwise, you will just be in the dark until I come back to this blog, which could be quite some type. 

-Lez

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Jump Ship To Black & Bougie!


Black & Bougie is now ready for those of you who are interested in subscribing to my new blog...

I plan to post my first post very soon and I promise it will be thought-provoking. It is something that has been on my mind for YEARS!

If you're interested in subscribing to Black & Bougie go here

If you already have an EMAIL subscription to Diary of A Black Lesbian and you would like me to import your email address over to Black & Bougie I can do that. However, the overwhelming majority of people with email subscriptions would have to agree to it because ALL email address will be exported as a spreadsheet.  

This won't interfere with your email subscription to Diary of A Black Lesbian. It will still be active. 

If this is something you want let me know in the comment section of this post. It is a quick and easy process that requires no work on your part. You will simply start receiving email notifications when I start posting on Black & Bougie.

Monday, March 23, 2015

I'm Not Interested In This Blog Anymore


I never thought I would feel this way, but I'm not interested in this blog anymore. I guess there is only so much I can write about concerning my life. I've had this blog since 2009, which is longer than I ever planned to have it. Now I think it's time to move on with my life.

This blog is only a snapshot of who I am as a person. Many of you don't know this, but I am an intellectual (or at least I consider myself one). The only thing I love more than women is books. I love to read and write. I want to focus my attention and passion on both. For this reason, I have created a new blog (well, it's still a work in progress) called Black & Bougie.

Though the blog is still a work in progress you can bookmark the site by clicking HERE.

I hope to turn Black & Bougie into a book club. I plan to review books as I'm reading them (and I read a lot). I hope like-minded people will join me in having live book discussions on my site. I really hope this grows to include a forum as well.

Diary of A Black Lesbian won't be abandoned. If/when I have some type of life changing event in my life I will return here to write about it. So, don't unsubscribe. It just so happens that nothing dramatic has happened in my life in weeks. 

Anyway, I hope you all will join me on Black & Bougie and I hope you will participate in our discussions. 

See you on the other side!

Sunday, March 15, 2015

A Community For Black Women


I want to create a massive forum for black women (and not just lesbians). I want it to be a place where I can blog plus the forum. So, it will basically be wordpress combined with Xenforo (forum software). I'm hoping my forum will attract MILLIONS of black women, which will result in MILLIONS from advertising dollars.

To my knowledge, there is only ONE forum that I will have to compete with and that is Lipstick Alley. I looked at that forum. I hate the color scheme of the site. I also think that forum is WHITE owned. From my understanding, the black woman who owned it sold it to a white company (again, that's what I heard...I don't know if it's actually true).

Anyway, I think this idea has great possibility. I'm hoping to even use it to start a book club and book exchange. 

I am trying to come up with a catchy name that represents black women. Do you have any suggestions? If so, drop them in the comment section.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Thank You Sweet Baby Jesus!!!


Word on the street is Phylicia Rashad will play a lesbian cop on a new TV series. I can't tell you how happy this makes me! We finally get to see a good-looking FEMININE BLACK LESBIAN on television! Thank you sweet baby Jesus. 

I don't give a fuck that she is 66 years old. Phylicia Rashad STILL looks better than some of the twenty-something year olds I see walking the streets of Atlanta. I love this woman. She was the baddest chick in the game in the 1980s. As far as I'm concerned they couldn't have picked a BETTER class act. 

Let us pray that her love interest is also black (I doubt it....but it's good to dream). 

Oh and in case you missed it, Marla Gibbs played a lesbian on Thursday's episode of Scandal....CLICK HERE.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Sigh...



I have yet to hear any of the so-called black "leaders" speak on this shit! This program aired in 1986 (a year after I was born). It is 29 years old. And guess what? Things are worse now than they were back then! 

Why?

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Sapphire


Sapphire is my girlfriend now. 

After she told me she's my secret admirer we had a long talk about race, racism, and us. Our conversation lasted hours. I admitted to her that the reason I broke things off with her is because she's a white woman. She told me she already suspected as much, but she'd grown to love me anyway. She told me she couldn't just let me go and she thought about me all the time despite herself. I admitted she often crossed my mind as well.

When all was said and done we made love....for the first time. 

It was beautiful. 

I know I'm going against the grain. I'm know I'm going against everything I've believed up until this point. However, I want this woman. I've wanted her from the moment I set eyes on her. I'm happy she's mine...

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Cosmetics For Black Women


Today I bought $150.00 in cosmetics. Why? Because I recently became interested in makeup. I've been studying Youtube videos to learn how to apply foundation, eye shadow, blush, etc. I've discovered a lot of skilled and wonderful black women who are GREAT makeup artists....


I know what you're thinking....it only took damn near 30 years for this to happen, but yes, the feminine tomboy has discovered the wonders of makeup. Honestly, I discovered the wonders of makeup 12 years ago on prom night. I love the way it made me look then and I love the way it makes me look now. I've just been fighting the impulse to become a "girly girl" up until this point.

This might have something to do with the fact that I've been rocking this old fashioned Dorothy Dandridge look with my dreads and I've been getting compliments left and right...


By the way, next month makes 1 year I've been in this lock journey. Congratulate me!

Needless to say I'm feeling real good about myself right now. 

Anyway, I ventured out to a few stores to purchase some makeup. I discovered something that both disappointed me and intrigued me. Generally speaking, black women, no matter our skin tone, don't have a huge variety of products available to us. I seriously struggled to find a foundation that matched my caramel skin tone. I ended up settling for a caramel colored foundation that was advertised under Queen Latifah's Cover Girl line. I was extremely disappointed with the blush and eye shadow that was available. None of it seemed to be quite what I was looking for as a black woman. 

I remember reading something in Black Enterprise Magazine not too long ago about black cosmetics. There was an article that mentioned Fashion Fair is the largest (and perhaps most successful) black cosmetics line on the market. I find that funny because when I think of Fashion Fair I consider it my grandmother's line of cosmetics. I honestly don't know anyone under 50 who uses it. Everybody I know gets their cosmetics from the Mac counter. 

This whole process of finding the right cosmetics got me thinking: Why hasn't anyone come up with better products for black women? Surely this is a goldmine...just waiting for the right person. I began doing my research and I ran across a few very interesting facts that aren't very surprising (i.e., black women spend more money on cosmetics than anyone else). The budding entrepreneur in me snapped to attention. This could be the thing I've been looking for....a product I can actually create!

I want your opinion on the cosmetics industry. I have created a survey. It is completely anonymous. Please take time out of your day to complete it. Click HERE.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Revealed: My Secret Admirer Is....


Drum roll please....

Sapphire!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

I Have A Secret Admirer


Yesterday, I received a bouquet of roses and a large teddy bear from a secret admirer. This gift was delivered to my door by a man who works for the company that puts together such arrangements. There was a card included and it reads:
Happy Valentine's Day!
         -A Secret Admirer

I spent the entire day yesterday trying to figure out who might have sent it. There are a few possibilities and I tried to do a process of elimination to determine who it might be...
  1. Chocolate: It could be her but we haven't spoken to each other in months. 
  2. Yellow Bone: I doubt it's her. We agreed to just be friends. 
  3. Caramel: It could be her but I made it clear we are fuck buddies only. 
  4. Sapphire: It could be her....that's all I got to say about her for right now. 
  5. My twenty year old fuck buddy: I have yet to write about her on this blog, but to sum it up, she asked me to be her first....and well I gave her what she wanted. I've been running through that pussy ever since. If I had to guess she is most likely my secret admirer....good sex will turn anybody out. 
So, I'll wait for this person to reveal herself.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Grandma...


Today is my grandma's birthday. Had she lived she would have been 87 years old today. I'm ashamed of myself because I didn't remember her birthday until 20 minutes ago. I went a whole day without remembering it. I guess you naturally begin to forget important dates like birthdays when the individual in question is dead. Even still, I feel like crying...

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Everything Wrong With Us...


White people: We don't want blacks in our neighborhoods, at our jobs, or anywhere around us.

Black people: We want to integrate with whites. We are okay with whites representing us in city hall. We are okay with whites owning the businesses in our community, and controlling our community. We don't want a separate nation for black people.

What's wrong with this picture?

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Whitney Houston


Right about now the world is talking about Bobbi Kristina and her near drowning in the bathtub like her mother, Whitney Houston. The news is quite tragic. By all accounts, Bobbi Kristina is brain dead and being kept alive by a machine. There is nothing surprising about this news. After all, that poor child never quite looked right when her picture was taken BEFORE and AFTER Whitney's death. 

I can't begin to imagine what life was like for Bobbi Kristina growing up. Her parents were dysfunctional. There is no doubt about that. Both Bobby and Whitney abused drugs (Whitney apparently more so than Bobby). On top of that they were rich. 

If we are to believe the media reports, Bobbi Kristina inherited 25 million dollars after Whitney Houston died (she was named her ONLY heir). I don't know if Whitney had the foresight to set up any type of trust for her daughter, or if she willed Bobbi Kristina all the money all at once, but clearly it was not enough to ease the pain. I can only imagine that shitty Lifetime movie about Whitney pushed Bobbi Kristina over the edge and the poor girl decided to end it all. 

This whole situation got me thinking about Whitney Houston. If you've been following this blog you should know I LOVE Whitney Houston. She was my first crush. She's the only celebrity I can honestly say I grieved after she died. I even based one of my characters on Whitney. Mollica from Sweat is based on her. In my mind, Whitney Houston circa 1992 was everything a black woman should be: talented, beautiful, charming, and classy (yes, I know this was a crafted imagine, but I'm just saying). Her death and decline will ALWAYS be one of the most painful things for me to think about

Last night as I sat browsing the internet I did a Google search for Whitney Houston. I kept running across a shit load of articles about Whitney's sexual orientation and rumors about her being a lesbian. Most of the articles speculated that Whitney turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain she felt about having to hide her "true" sexuality. According to the folks writing these articles, Whitney spent her entire career living a lie. She supposedly loved women, but due to her fame, success, and homophobia she denied her "true" self and turned to drugs. She married Bobby Brown to keep the lie alive.

I'm not sure I believe these theories. On one hand, if Whitney really was gay it would explain my strong love and attraction for her. On the other hand, Whitney herself has denied being gay (though this too could be another lie from her). 

Still, I've always wondered WHY Whitney chose to do drugs. People don't just wake up and decide to become drug addicts. Usually there is something internal going on fueling the drug usage. From the outside looking in Whitney appeared to have it all. Why would she do drugs? In this regard, I'm willing to accept the theory that she was living a lie with her sexuality. 

Imagine being a young beautiful, talented, black woman. She was considered the best and a credit to her race. Her image was one of grace and style. She was molded to personify the "girl next door." She was one of the few black women to achieve crossover success that appealed to people outside of the black community. She has all the money she can spend, all the power she can flex, and all the fame she could ever want. However, there is a side of herself that she keeps buried because she knows her family, her mother, her church, her community and the rest of the world will never accept that side of her. She's lonely, but true love, the love she actually wants, alludes her because of who/what she is to the rest of the world. 

That's a lot to cope with....and assuming it really was Whitney's life...I can't blame her for wanting to numb the pain. 

Anyway, I've been thinking about this for two days now. I think I've finally found the inspiration I needed to sit down and write my first full length "lesbian" novel. I'm going to write a story about a R&B superstar who is living a lie due to homophobia in the black community etc. 

Any thoughts?

Rest in peace Whitney Houston (and Bobbi Kristina?)...

Monday, January 26, 2015

A Social Experiment....For The Right Sperm Donor

My opinion of the ideal black man

I have decided to stop focusing so much attention on my love life (or lack thereof). Instead, I want to shift my focus to another matter...

I want children. That's no secret. I am going on 30 years old this year and that clock is ticking. I swear I will NEVER bring any children into this world as a single parent. I do hope to one day meet the right woman and have children with her. That is the plan. In the meantime, I think I will busy myself looking for OUR sperm donor. 

I can't imagine this task will be hard. The world is full of men. The world is full of black men. The world is full of thirsty ass niggas, who don't give a solid shit about their sperm. A lot of dudes out here just want to get a nut...damn the product that comes from it. 

I'm just keeping it 100. I don't think there is another race of man as emotionally nonchalant about their seed as African American men. So, I can honestly say I'm not sweating this task. I will say I want to be friends with this individual...if only for the sake of the kids who might want to get to know him one day.

So, what is my ideal sperm donor?

Ideally, he will be at least 6'0,'' dark-skinned, athletic, smart/educated, and handsome. For whatever reason whenever I think about this image the faces/bodies of Reggie Bush, Lance Gross, and Morris Chestnut pop up in my head...



So how will I find this person? Good question...

I want to put out an ad that reads, Attractive Successful Black Lesbian Seeks Tall, Dark, and Handsome Black Men As Sperm Donor (and Friendship)

I want to see how many hits I will receive from the ad. I'm really going to do it. I will chronicle the results on this blog.

Feel free to drop your two cents in the comment section.
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