Thursday, August 1, 2013

A Rant About Getting Older


I don't give a damn what anyone says...getting older sucks! It sucks like hell.

There are days I wake up and wish I could turn back the clock. I wish I could return to the 4 years I spent at Spelman College. Those were the best years of my life. The only responsibility I had was going to school everyday, keeping my grades up and fucking my girlfriend! That was it. That was my life as a young adult in Atlanta at Spelman College. God, I miss those days!

These days I have to worry about bills, my job, more bills, going to work everyday, keeping my temper in check, keeping my racism against white people in check, women, more bills, my grandmother, my personal demons and a list of other issues. 

This shit is stressful. 

Being an adult sucks! Some days I feel like I might go crazy. 

I need to work on getting myself wealthy because punching a clock five days a week and listening to wealthy annoying ass white people complain about bandits robbing their bank account is not the business. 

At twenty-eight years old, I have discovered why people twice my age find themselves dissatisfied with life and why that often reflects in their physical appearance. Just living day-to-day and managing everyday responsibilities is stressful. I'm saying this shit now and I don't even have any kids yet! I cannot even imagine what it is going to be like when I have children. 

I'm convinced I'm beginning to physically show signs of stress. I've been staring at my reflection in the mirror. My hair has flicks of gray. I have tiny wrinkles developing around my eyes (along with moles...which I'm actively treating). My weight has always fluctuated. It has never been anything serious, but I have noticed it's getting more difficult to maintain my ideal weight. The only thing that brings me comfort is my pap smear from hell turned out to be normal (thank God!). 

I can't do this shit anymore...this shit we call life. 

I'm not going to kill myself (I'm not talking suicide). 

I have to figure out a long term solution to personal happiness. I'm afraid I will end up like so many older black people who never quite found what makes them happy. They became complacent and settled. I need something more and I need it right now.
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