Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Trapped In The Closet


I get a lot of emails from black women, who are stuck in the closet for whatever reason. Most of these women are young (15-24 years old). Most of these women fear the reaction of their parents, family and friends. And surprisingly, most of these women are looking to me for advice about their situations.

Whenever I receive an email from one of these women I always say the same thing: Don't come out until you're ready to deal with the consequences of that decision. 

By consequences, I mean being disowned by your family (and friends), kicked out of your parents' house and thrown under the bus financially. 

I can understand why a teenage girl or a young adult, who is still dependent on mom and dad for all their basic needs (shelter, money, clothes, food etc), might be hesitant to come out of the closet. Some parents will disown their child, and they won't think twice about doing it. I wouldn't advise anyone to leave the closet until he/she is ready to take care of his/herself in every way (especially financially...it's hard to make it out here if you're broke and poor). 

A few weeks ago a 15 year old girl emailed me. She said she desired to come out to her parents. I told her NOT to come out to her parents unless she was ready to deal with the consequences of that action. I never heard from her again...though maybe she still reads this blog.

For all you 15-24 year old teenagers and young adults, I understand your struggle. For all others (i.e., those 25+ and financially independent)...not so much. 

The world has changed. While homophobia is still a REAL issue, who the hell do you have to answer to if you're paying your own bills??? I can understand hiding your sexual orientation while on the job (workforce discrimination is real). However, why hide outside of work? At this point you shouldn't be dependent on mom and dad's wallet. You should have your own wallet!

I personally cannot date someone who is trapped in the closet. I'm almost 28 years old. I don't have the time or sympathy for someone afraid to live their life at my age. Maybe if I was still in my early twenties I would be more understanding. However, at this point in my life, I'm looking for a wife. This shit doesn't fly with me. I can't and won't be trapped in the closet with someone, who is a afraid to be herself.
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