Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Emotional Connection: The Woman That Rocked My World

I don't know who these two are, but for the first time in my life I dig a black woman with blond hair! This chick is hot!
Last night as I lay in bed listening to Tamar Braxton's Love & War I started thinking about my second girlfriend. She hasn't crossed my mind in a while. There was a time when I couldn't stop thinking about her. For over two years I thought about her almost everyday, 24/7 a day. When I first started this blog my pain was still evident. You can read about this particular woman HERE

With my eyes closed, I listened to the lyrics of Tamar Braxton's song...
Somebody said everyday was gon' be sunny skies
Only Marvin Gaye and lingerie, I guess somebody lied
Started discussing it to fighting then don't touch me please
Then it's let's stop the madness, just come lay with me
Truth be told, I'm waving my flag before it goes bad

Cause we made it this far on for better or worse

I want to feel it even if it hurts
If I gotta cry to get to the other side
Let's go cause we gon' survive

We stay on the frontlines, yeah but we're still here after the bomb drops

We go so hard, we lose control
The fire starts, then we explode
When the smoke clears, we dry our tears
Only in love and war
Before I can stop it SHE begins dancing in my mind, and the next thing I know I'm fighting back tears.

I'm supposed to be over this woman. She's supposed to be completely out of my system. It's been 6 years! Dammit she's supposed to be out of my head and out of my heart. Why the fuck is she still there? That's the question I ask myself as I toss and turn throughout the night (I didn't sleep at all).

Out of all the women, who have passed through my life, she is the one that fucked me up the most. She taught me how to love. She taught me how to make love. She taught me how sweet talk a woman. She taught me what it means to love deep and unconditionally. I loved this woman so much, so hard, and so deep I would have given my life for her. Unfortunately, she also taught me how to betray, manipulate and ultimately she taught me how to hate.

I shared an emotional connection with her that has yet to be duplicated with another woman. She really rocked my world...and turned it upside down. After her, I became guarded with my feelings and emotions. I think that's one of the main issues concerning Yellow Bone and me. I won't allow myself to fall this hard for a woman again.

I can't go through this shit again. I want to be in a position where I can walk away from a woman and not feel heartbroken for two plus years. I know it's not fair to Yellow Bone, but I can't help it. This woman burned, crushed my entire world and I learned from my mistake. I now avoid fire. I avoid getting hit with fire. But at one point the fire was so good...

I still remember making love to her. Our lovemaking was intense and passionate. It always ended with her naked body cuddled up next to my body. In the afterglow of our lovemaking we would talk about our love for each other, our future and our dreams. I remember holding her and thinking, "God, I love this woman."

I thought my days of shedding tears over her were over. The pain still feels fresh.
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