Monday, February 11, 2013

My Deepest Fear


A few weeks ago I said I am going to write the black lesbian love story I want to read. I made it all the way to page 25 when I stopped. Why? Because I lost interest. When I lose interest in my own material that's a bad sign! It means YOU, the general public, will also lose interest in my story.

I don't know what happened. I was on a roll. However, slowly but surely I stopped working on the story until I finally lost interest and gave up. This isn't the first time this has happened. I rarely finish a story. I start them, make it half-way through, and I simply stop writing. 

My love story is probably more interesting than I think. I'm extra critical when it comes to my own material. I can't help it. I want to be the BEST that ever did it! 

So, what's stopping me?

Me!

I'm stopping myself from being the best. I'm afraid I will fail. That's my deepest fear. I'm afraid I will put my heart and soul into a story, publish it and it flops. If that happens I will cease believing in my dreams. If I publish it, and the book is successful, I will have all the confidence I need to keep writing. How do I get to this point? That's the question I keep asking myself.

***Unrelated side note: R.I.P. Whitney Houston. One year ago today you died, and it still hurts my heart. You were my dream woman as a little girl, and you remain one of my favorite women. I love you...


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