Thursday, August 30, 2012

SoulmateLESS


I've come to the conclusion that love might not be in the cards for me. Maybe I'm not supposed to get married, have kids and devote my life to being a good, upstanding wife and mother. Maybe I'm supposed to be a bachelorette and just screw around. 

My soulmate....the one I gushed about on this blog...the one that managed to seduce my mind away from Yellow Bone...broke my heart today. We had a fight and we....she decided it wasn't going to work. 

The long distance between us (she lives on the West coast), the different time zones, both of us being in school and working...oh and her girlfriend still being in the picture (according to her, she is planning how/when to break up with her, which I guess has to be thought out seeing as how they've been together for 3 years...yes, I fell for this bullshit and got played in the process...call me a sucker for love)...contributed to the demise of our short-lived romance. 

Ultimately a breakdown in communication put the nail in the coffin.

I'm sad!

I got too close to this broad and ended up getting my feelings hurt in the process. I swear it won't happen again.

I thought this woman was the one. I had such big plans for us. There were so many things I wanted to do with this woman (travel, see the world, build a family, take in a broadway play or two). We had so much in common. My silly ass was even sitting around daydreaming when/how/where I would propose. 

I feel like a complete and total fool for thinking she and I could actually build a life together. I actually love this woman and I told her so. Again, I admit, I'm a sucker.


I don't regret breaking up with Yellow Bone...it was coming regardless of this other woman. Yellow Bone deserves better, and I knew in my heart she and I weren't quite right for each other. Letting her go was the right thing to do.

I have made a conscious effort to be the type of woman I would like to date. I'm smart. I'm cultured. I'm well-read. I'm good-looking. I think I'm funny and charismatic. I'm romantic ass hell. I like pleasing my woman and making her happy. But I also have my flaws: I'm selfish, stubborn and needy at times. I can be a pain in the ass. I hate being ignored/neglected. I'm easily frustrated.

I've broken hearts and I've had my heart broken. 

From this day forward the days of me getting my heart broken are OVER! I am no longer looking for love, commitment/relationship or marriage. Women are taking a backseat in my life. My focus for now on is building my career. Expanding my education. Becoming a business owner. And getting money. My relationships with women for this day forward will be purely sexual. I'm done looking/hoping/searching for love. That shit is a lost cause as far as I'm concerned. It's not worth going through so much bullshit.

The rent is due Friday and I'm going to do something I should have done weeks ago: I'm finally going to screw the hell out of my property manager.
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