Sunday, July 22, 2012

Poll For Black Lesbians: Does The Race of Your Partner Matter To You?

Tonight Yellow Bone and I had an honest conservation about race and gay folks. She knows I've dated across the rainbow. She asked me if I'm still open to the idea of dating a non-black woman (assuming I'm ever single again). My reply was YES and NO. She gave me a look before asking, "Does the race of your partner really matter to you?" 

My Answer: Yes, it matters. Black women are who I desire the most. Black women are my first, last and everything. HOWEVER,  realistically, I have to be open to all races of women because of my preferences and criteria for a partner. 

Yellow Bone:  How do you generally feel about black women and black lesbians? What attracts you to black women?

Me: Honestly, I don't find myself attracted to average looking black women. I don't know what it is but physically something about the average looking black woman in Atlanta turns me off. The women around here do a very poor job of keeping themselves up. I'm not attracted to the average looking white woman either. I don't know...I like white women that look like black women and I like black women that look like white women (with the exception of natural black hair). I'm very much conditioned by society's standards of beauty.

Yellow Bone: So you basically like biracial women?

Me: No, I basically like black women with white features (i.e., facial features) and white women with black features (dark hair, ass, curves and full lips). Attraction depends on a number of things with me. I look at the way women carry themselves. I look at their personal lives (i.e, children from previous relationships). I look at their character and values. The physical is only about 50% of the attraction for me.

Yellow Bone: And you don't find black women generally suitable?

Me: No, not those I run across here in Atlanta.  Between the weight issues, out of wedlock kids and the general lack of values I find myself put off. The older I get the more conservative I grow. Black women in Atlanta, whether straight or gay, generally don't fit my idea of wifey material. It makes me sad to say that. It's the culture so many black women subscribe to that I find off putting and unattractive. I can't even name one black female celebrity in our age group that I find attractive.

Yellow Bone: I see. What drew you to me?

Me: Your ass, face, body and the reality that you don't fit into the stereotypes that turn me away from so many black women. You take care of yourself. You are educated. You have a fun, loving and caring personality. You have great character. You don't have any kids and I am proud to have you on my arm. 

Yellow Bone: You don't feel some kind of way about your preferences? You don't feel bad about it?

Me: I used to feel bad. I still feel bad. Part of me believes my conditioning might be borderline self-hate since I'm basically admitting that I don't find west African features all that attractive on most black women. But what the hell can I do? I can't force myself to like something I've been conditioned to dislike. From the time black people arrive in this world we're force feed a Eurocentric standard of beauty...many of us carry those same features due to decades of race mixing on the part of our ancestors...we can't help the conditioning. Only the strongest of us are able to break free of it.

Yellow Bone: If you weren't with me would you be with a non-black woman?

Me: Yeah, probably! Either that or I would still be single. Like I said, my preference IS black women. But I'm only attracted to a certain caliber of black women. I like educated, classy, feminine, conservative black women who are comfortable in their own skin as black lesbians. Those women are VERY hard to come by.

My questions to you, the readers...

How important is the race of your partner to you? 

If you're only interested in black women do you fear you might not find your dream partner? 

Hit the poll for the first question and hit the comment section with your answer to the second question.
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