Thursday, June 9, 2011

My Desire For True Love

I've been researching my roots. I'm really into genealogy right now. For weeks it has consumed my life. Every time I find one new fact I have a desire to learn more. So I keep searching. In learning about my family tree I have come to see how important family is and why I need to get serious about starting one.

In each branch of my family tree, from the mid-19th century to the 1960s, my ancestors were all married, all had their children within wedlock, and they all had between 7-15 kids. Can you just imagine that? My mama told me they had alot of kids because they needed them to work the land. I think it had more to do with the fact that there wasn't any form of birth control, and they had a better outlook on family than black folks do today.

I started thinking what life must have been like for my ancestors. Family was all they had. It was the only thing that was guaranteed in their lives. I envy them. I want so badly to find true love again. I had it once and I want it again. I want a family. I want kids. I am going on twenty-six years old this year and I can almost hear the clock ticking in my ears. I guess this is what happens when you find yourself growing older. In the back of my mind I keep telling myself, "First you have to find a staple woman to have children with...get that part done first." Ironically this seems to be the hardest part to achieve. My career is finally on track. I have a huge interview coming up this Monday. My finances are finally on track..I can't complain about money. It's just that personal part of me that seems empty and I don't know how to fill it.
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