Saturday, October 10, 2009

Why Can't Black People Sustain Healthy Relationships?


First, I want to apologize to all the people who visit my blog. I haven’t been neglecting it on purpose. Right now I’m in the process of job hunting. Given this recession that’s a full-time job in itself. I promise to blog at least twice a week for now on. I hope you will continue to follow my blog. On to the topic...

Recently, a heterosexual white male expressed his opinion on relationships to me. He believes homosexuals are better able to sustain healthy relationships than heterosexuals.  The reason he believes this is due to the idea that individuals of the same sex have more in common than those of a different sex. I remember thinking, “He obviously doesn't know very many homosexuals.” Maybe white homosexuals are better able to sustain healthy relationships compared to their white heterosexual counterparts, but that defiantly isn’t the case with black homosexuals. From what I can tell black gays and lesbians can no more sustain good healthy relationships than their black heterosexual counterparts.

You would think two people of the same sex and perhaps the same race would be better able to cohabitate than their heterosexual friends. Nothing could be further from the truth. The black gays and lesbians I’ve come across and associate with are always putting each other through the ringer. True love and commitment are the last things on their minds. Those who aren’t confused about their sexuality—and there are many who are confused—are basically whores.

In Atlanta the black LGBT community is large compared to most other cities, but at times it seems very small. This is because everyone knows someone who dated so-and-so way back when. Chances are your girlfriend has had her fair share of lovers. It’s very hard to take  black gays and lesbians seriously here seriously so I don’t personally take them seriously. I’ve been forced into becoming a whore. It is not by choice. I would like nothing more than to settle down and commit myself to one woman, but because everyone around me is out for his or her own gratification I have to settle for short-term flings.

I have enough heterosexual friends to know the same persist with their relationships. No one seems interested in long-term commitment. No one seems concerned about the numerous forms of venereal diseases throughout the black community. No one seems concerned about the numerous out of wedlock children being born. “Black” love has been tossed out the window. There is no such thing as respect anymore.

How did we get to this point?

From a black homosexuals point of view I can honestly say black gays and lesbians have more pressure on our relationships than heterosexuals. We have to worry about racism, sexism, internal (black community) and external prejudice/homophobia, and procreation. Some of the gayest people I know suffer from self-hate due to their family disowning them and because of the way they’re treated by society. Those who do have it together mentally probably have trust issues after running into more than a few bisexuals. Those who aren’t screwed up mentally, and who haven’t been crossed over by bisexuals, find themselves put off by the large number of gays and lesbians with children from heterosexual relationships (a whole different blog).  Many black gays and lesbians give in to the pressure and live their lives as heterosexuals rather than deal with the bull (a whole different blog).

What are the reasons why black heterosexuals have a hard time maintaining relationships?

As someone standing on the outside looking in I don’t think black heterosexuals like each other very much. The continued degradation of each other through song, books, and television tells a story of hatred and possibly ignorance. I never hear my heterosexual friends talk about love or marriage. The only thing I ever hear them talk about is sex. They no longer expect marriage so I suppose they no longer dream about it or strive to reach that point.

Eventually each individual is going to have to ask him or herself whether or not they like where their love life is headed. I for one don’t plan to stay single forever. I want a woman by my side and I want us to have kids one day. My biggest issue is that I refuse to settle. I don’t want anyone who already has children. I don’t want anyone who lacks ambition and goals. I don’t want anyone I find physically unattractive. The list could go on and on. I’m sure I’ll come across my better half one day, but until  then I guess I have no choice but to go with the flow.
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