Sunday, November 23, 2014

I Believe The Black Woman Is God

I honestly believe the black woman is God...

In my short time from blogging I have been working on Sweat and I have been learning everything I can about ancient African history. When I tell you I have been eating and breathing African history I really do mean it. What I have read has had such a profound impact on me that I dumped Sapphire.

I have come to see that I cannot possibly love a white woman (or anyone white) given the history of my people. The short time we were dating was obviously a ploy from the devil to corrupt me and make me love white supremacy. It failed. The serpent almost had me and I'm convinced this is why I was sitting around dreaming about snakes. 

I know some of you were hoping I would give up my "hatred" (read: normal reaction of any rational minded person of color) of whites with Sapphire entering my life. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm capable of regarding whites with common courtesy and respect. However, that's where the buck stops.

I STILL see them collectively as the enemy of black people and people of color. History has shown me that any time we have "turned the other cheek" and loved our enemy we have been backstabbed and hemmed the fuck up.

Sapphire didn't do anything wrong. I truly wish her the best. I hurt her bad. So I don't even think we can ever be friends. I didn't tell her I didn't want to be with her because of my rediscovered love for all things BLACK. Instead, I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship. 

There is only one woman good enough for me: A black woman.

I don't know how I could ever lose sight of the greatness of black women. The black woman was the original woman. She is the mother of all humanity. She is the most persecuted and degraded being on the face of the planet. She is the most oppressed being on the face of the planet. Despite all of this she is also the most beautiful and resilient person on the face of the planet. 

No other woman on the face of the planet has the ability to make me stop what I am doing and just stare. 

No other woman warms my heart, soul, and spirit the way black women do. 

There is nothing more beautiful to me than a gorgeous and smart black woman with her shit together. 

When I think about the glorious history of black women and how they have tried to rob us of that history by rewriting it and disregarding it I feel like crying. From Nefertiti to Cleopatra to Queen of Sheba to the chick from the Afro Sheen commercials...

black women throughout history have been a powerhouse onto ourselves.

I truly believe if there is a God she is a black woman.

I'm sorry I haven't always seen it. I haven't found MY black woman yet...but I will wait for her.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

I'm Taking A Break To Work On Sweat

I'm taking a break from blogging to work on chapter four of Sweat.

I will be back shortly.

Friday, November 7, 2014

My Ancestry DNA Results!

My Ethnic Makeup

Today I got the results of the DNA test I took three weeks ago. The test results came back this morning and I was so surprised....not just with the results but the quick return of the results. I was told it would take 6-8 weeks to get my results. However, that was just an estimated timeframe.

The above diagram shows my ethnic makeup. According to my test results, I am 87% African descent (39% Nigeria, 18% Ivory Coast/Ghana, 13% Mali, 7% Cameroon/Congo, 5% Africa Southern Bantu, 2% Senegal, 2% Africa South-Central Hunters Gatherers, 1% Benin/Togo) which is surprising because I was always told African American are 20-25% European. This is not true in my case. I am only 11% European (3% Europe West...which is several countries, 3% Great Britain, 2% Finland/Northwest Russia, 1% Scandinavia, 1% Iberian Peninsula, 1% Ireland). I am also 1% Native American and 1% Asia Central (the area we know as the middle east...remember Arabs participated in the slave trade). 

I received a 88 page report with my DNA results which outlines the history and migration patterns of my people. It also explained that quite a few ethnic groups listed in my chart have some admixture. Therefore, it is very possible that my people are NOT from some of these places but have some admixtures from mixing and mingling with people in these regions. This is probably especially true for ethnic groups like Africa South-Central Hunters Gatherers, who are primarily found in central and South Africa. Most African Americans descend from WEST Africa and came to the USA via the transatlantic slave trade. What are the odds that my ancestors were actually of South, Central, and West African descent??

According to everything below Cameroon/Congo (referring to the chart above) are "trace regions" meaning the following:

These are regions where you seem to have just a trace amount of genetic ethnicity-there is only a small amount of evidence supporting the regions as part of your genetic ethnicity. Because both the estimated amount and the range of the estimate are small, it is possible that these regions appear by chance and are not actually part of your genetic ethnicity.

I'm not sure what to make of this statement. Ancestry does give access to my raw DNA which I can take to another company to analyze. I plan to do so because I want to see if they come up with the same or similar results.
So, judging from history and my results I think I can conclude that my ancestors might have migrated from all over south, central, and west Africa and mixed/mingled along the way before ending up on the slave ship. One thing is for sure....they were all over west Africa!

I must say I'm pleasantly surprised by these results. For some reason I had it in my head that I would be 20-25% European and 80% Ghanian. It never dawned on me that my ancestors could be a combination of several west African ethnic groups. 

Below is a breakdown of how my DNA compares to natives of these regions. I blanked out my name in the results and I only clipped the results above 1%....

Next, I plan to take a mtDNA test which is supposed to tell me my ancient DNA through my maternal side of the tree (i.e., I think it is supposed to tell me which tribes the women on my mother's originated).

Monday, November 3, 2014



Yesterday I received a text message from my aunt who lives in Alabama. It read, "Why weren't you at Ma's memorial?"

I stared at the text message while thinking, "The fuck? What memorial?"

Upset, I immediately called my dad to ask why he didn't tell me about grandma's memorial. He told me the memorial was held by the folks' at hospice to honor those that died this year. Then he told me he didn't go and he didn't think I would come home to go. 

Disgusted, I told him I had to go and I hung up the phone. I glanced over at grandma's picture on my TV stand and I started to cry. 

There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my grandma. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Her death has left a void in my life that I don't think it will ever be filled. I just feel a deep sense of loss and pain.

I think her death has also left a void in my family. I remember sitting in the church at grandma's funeral thinking, "Damn the one thing that tied me to this family is about to be lowered into the ground." 

And it's true. 

When grandma (the matriarch of our family) died....the heart and soul of the family died with her. You would think one of my aunts would step up to fill this role, but I just don't see it happening. 

My oldest aunt isn't personable. Spent years getting spanked around by her ex-husband.

My second aunt isn't likeable. She is the one that lives in Alabama.

My third aunt is an opportunist....heifer don't want anything to do with you unless you can do something for her. 

My dad (the only boy) is a man. 

My fourth aunt is batshit crazy. To say she is bipolar is being generous.

It's enough to make me cry all over again....especially considering Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. This will be the first Thanksgiving and Christmas of my life without my grandma. Sadly, it will also be the first time in my life I don't go home for either holiday.

Friday, October 31, 2014

I Love Her

I love Sapphire. I don't think there are words that can express how much I love her. She stays on my mind all day everyday...

Right now she is asleep in my bed. We didn't sleep together. She came over and we talked for a while. She was feeling tired. I offered her my bed. For a while I laid beside her and watched her sleep while thinking how beautiful she is both inside and out. 

The other day I ran across a picture of Priscilla Presley (from back in the day) that looks almost like Sapphire. In fact, she and Sapphire could be sisters. To give you some idea of what Sapphire looks like take a look at this picture and imagine Priscilla with sapphire blue eyes (her eyes are blue...but not quite like Sapphire's eyes)...

Damn shame she doesn't still look like this...

Anyway, as I write this post Marvin Gaye's I Want You is blasting in my ears via my headphones. I keep looking up from my computer at Sapphire laying across my bed and thinking to myself there couldn't be a more fitting song to describe how I'm currently feeling...

Like I said...I love this woman. 

While I'm on the subject of Sapphire, I would like to know why my relationship with her has caused such a commotion on this blog. The reaction to her, me, and us has been completely different from any other woman I have talked about on this blog and I want to know why? 

I have put together an anonymous two question survey about Sapphire and me. I want to know your thoughts. You can complete the survey and remain completely anonymous. You can also speak your mind freely.  If you are interested in taking the survey click HERE.

Monday, October 27, 2014

My Way Of Apologizing...

The above bouquet of roses will be delivered to Sapphire tomorrow. It's my indirect way of apologizing for letting Caramel eat the box...though Sapphire doesn't know about it. I'm still not planning to tell her about it, but I have decided not to let it happen again. 

I won't be having sexual relations with Caramel or any other woman...unless I'm not exclusively dating anyone or I'm single altogether. 

I'm human. 

That's really all I have to say.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

I Feel Guilty As Hell But It Felt So Good

I had sex this morning...and it wasn't with Sapphire. 

On one hand, I feel guilty about it because I am exclusively dating Sapphire. On the other hand, I agreed to exclusively date Sapphire...I didn't agree to be celibate in the process of dating/getting to know her. I promise once we enter a relationship I will be faithful, but in the meantime...well let's just say my vagina won't suffer from neglect. 

I know some of you think I'm a damn dog for this shit, but just remember Sapphire and I are still in that "getting to know you stage." We are not officially in a relationship. Yes, I would hate it if she was fucking someone else while we are dating. And no, I wouldn't appreciate her doing this to me. I definitely can see how wrong it is on my part to do onto her what I wouldn't want her doing onto me. With that said, I'm not planning to tell Sapphire about my rendezvous with another chick! What she doesn't know can't hurt her.

I am horny as hell. I just want to fuck! If you've never been intimate with a woman you can't possibly understand the need that arises when you haven't been intimate with one in a while. Sex with a woman is like a drug. It is addictive and you start feigning for it after a while. For me watching a chick go to work in between my legs and feeling the burst of an orgasm is too powerful a feeling to go without for so long.

Who did I let eat the box? 


For those of you who don't know, Caramel is an old fuck buddy. She is probably notorious on this blog for fucking me while her girlfriend was overseas serving in the military. I hate to police another chick's sexuality (especially given my own sexual appetite) but Caramel is...what's a good word...a smut. She was fucking, sucking, drinking my cum for months while her girlfriend was overseas in Afghanistan. The ONLY reason we stopped screwing is because I broke it off because I felt guilty about the whole thing (Caramel didn't feel shit about sucking me off in the house she shared with her girlfriend...SMH). 

Anyway, the two of them are not together anymore. I don't know why. I didn't ask why. Maybe her girlfriend finally got a clue. Who knows? Hopefully, the chick won't come looking for me. I always feared she would find out I was screwing her girlfriend while she was away. I feared she would do some combat moves on my ass!

The only thing I wanted from Caramel when I called her up this morning was sex. And let me tell you...she didn't need much convincing at all.

Caramel is a very pretty woman. She has some nice full lips and a nice set of titties. It felt good watching those titties and lips between my legs. 

I'm thoroughly convinced Caramel will lick the crack of my ass if I ask her to do it. She has no filter or reservations. Upon arriving at my apartment she slipped her hand down my pajama pants and began fingering my already moist pussy. I sat back, relaxed, closed my eyes and let her do her thing. I let her feast on me for an hour and twenty minutes. I swear to God when I came I felt like crying it felt so damn good!

I guess this is the way it will be for now on until something changes with me and Sapphire....

I'm dating one woman and getting licked down by another.
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