Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Sweat Chapter Four

This weekend I will be working on Sweat chapter four. I took a break from working on Sweat because I needed one. Sometimes I have to put whatever I'm writing aside and come back to it later. 

This  interest in Sweat comes in part because of the upsurge of "likes" I have received on my Sweat Facebook page. I don't know what has happened but the page has gained fifty plus new followers...many of which are middle aged white women. So, I'm pleasantly surprised. 

Given the demographics of my unexpected audience, and MY current love interest, I have decide to create a Caucasian character loosely based on Sapphire. I'm not sure what role she will play in the story. I probably won't introduce her until later in the series. I suspect she will be a popular character in the series.

I figure I better give the people what they want. I'm going to turn out chapter four and immediately begin work on chapter five. When I'm done with that I'm going to turn my attention to Climaxxx and then The Booty Chronicles.

Stay tuned...

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Diary of A Black Lesbian Radio

So I think I'm ready to get Diary of A Black Lesbian Radio off the ground. I originally put the idea on hold because the shrink I was seeing didn't think it was the right time for me to jump into something like this...(keep in mind this was shortly after my grandma's death). Now that I'm in a better state of mind I would like to revisit the idea. 

I have a very southern squeaky girlish/childish voice. I am not sure how this will go over on radio. It is very distinct and unique in my opinion, but again I'm not sure how this will go over on radio. It will likely make me more comical because people tell me my voice is funny.

Anyway, if I decide to run with this idea the shows will air on Sundays at 7:00 PM EST. 

Let me know what you think. Any suggestions?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

A Question I Am Constantly Asking Myself: What The Fuck Is Wrong With Black Women?

Disclaimer: This blog is not about all black women and it certainly isn't about those like me (i.e., lesbians). This post is a general observation I have made for several years. Because I am not heterosexual I generally don't see it as MY problem. Even still I do find it troubling and problematic. I hate even having these thoughts but they are there and I'm sure I'm not the only person who has them. Here we go...

I often ask myself what the fuck is wrong with black women? Why? Because too damn many just seem to be suckers for abuse, drama, bullshit, mistreatment, oppression, and nonsense. What am I talking about?

You would have to be deaf, blind, and dumb NOT to see the civil war black men have declared on black women in this country. Domestic violence is high. Murder suicides are high. Rape statistics are high. Black men are all over social media promoting violence and abuse against black women. They are going out of their way to defame and degrade black women's hair, skin color, beauty, culture, etc. It's gotten so bad that you would think these niggas were white supremacist and members of gawdamn Klu Klux Klan. The shit is both disgusting and mind blowing.

And before someone (there is always some dumbass broad who does this) says, "Well they aren't all like that. There are some good black men out there...." Tell me where the fuck these "good" black men are when niggas are going on social media and throwing black women under the bus. 

Where the fuck are they when niggas are putting down black women in rap/hip hop lyrics? 

Where the fuck are they when niggas are talking shit about black women on twitter with various degrading hashtags? 

Where are they? No where to be found!

I can't understand for the life of me why today's black women (let's just say 15-40) even fuck with black men at all! If I were straight I wouldn't give them the time of day. You couldn't pay me. Between the misogyny and the lack of substance, I would find myself put off by them collectively.  

The truth of the matter is black women got cheated with the group of men they ended up stuck with due to race. In the lottery of men black women got the short end of the stick.

Even though this civil war is plain and obvious you still have black women out here who actually stand by black men, fight for black men, and even some who will spit on other black women to please black men. Every time there is a Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown, or an Oscar Grant it's black women out here marching for these folks. Yet it is a RARE thing that I actually see the same support being returned. Black men are more prone to throwing black women (and children) under the bus than actually providing any type of support or protection. 

At some point these motherfuckers bought into their own worthlessness and accepted it as their permanent unchanging position in this world. And as result black women are burden with a self-hating group of assholes.

I wish to God that black women, collectively, would come together and rally against the sexism and misogyny spewed by black men. Sisters need to throw that damn, "We're all in this together bullshit" out the window and start aiming aggressively at black men's heads. Drop all this bullshit about racial unity (everybody black is not your friend, brother, or sister) and start putting yourselves first.

My Gift To Sapphire

When I asked Sapphire about something she always wanted to do but never had a chance to do she said she wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. Next week I am making it happen. I ordered a private hot air balloon ride for the two of us. 

Can I be honest and admit I'm scared as hell? I hate heights. I hate flying. It will take everything in me to make it through this ride.

Pray for me.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Something Else I Should Have Done A Long Time Ago

Today I took a DNA test to determine my ancestry (i.e., a break down of the races that make up me etc). For those of you who don't know I'm really into genealogy. I have traced my maternal side of the family tree back to 1823. If you're interested in learning more about that research go HERE.

I purchased the DNA test through because I've been using the site for years. I have even been contacted by a cousin who lives in Philly. She was looking for information on our great great great great grandfather who was listed on my family tree. This DNA test is supposed to tell me my ethnicity (or genetic makeup) and link me to other cousins from around the world (and hopefully Africa) who share the same DNA. 

I admit that I'm completely ignorant when it comes to science. It is a subject similar to math for me. I tend to get confused as hell. According to "AncestryDNA uses an autosomal DNA test that surveys a person’s entire genome at over 700,000 locations. It covers both the maternal and paternal sides of the family tree, so it covers all lineages..."

I assume this means they will be able to pinpoint exactly where my cousins from all over the world live.  According to their website, this is a broad DNA test that is better than the Y-DNA test which only reflects the direct father-to-son path in my family tree (I asked my dad to take this test...he agreed to do so), and the mtDNA test only reflects the direct mother-to-child path in my family tree (I'll probably order this test as well).

I am skeptical because the AncestryDNA test I ordered only goes back a few generations while the Y-DNA test and the mtDNA test go back ten of thousands of years (meaning they can trace my ancient DNA back to Africa and so forth). I suppose AncestryDNA can give me some insight into the genetic makeup of my ancestors who were enslaved. However, I'm also curious about my ancient DNA. So I will likely take the mtDNA test and my dad will take the Y-DNA test. 

Anyway, I'm very excited. I will share my DNA results on this blog when they arrive in 6-8 weeks.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

I Feel Like Crying

I really feel like crying right now...

Today I attended a housing seminar as required by HUD for their first time home buyer study. Throughout the day we met just about everyone involved in the purchase of a home (i.e., banker, inspector, lawyer, etc). In the midst of this I was called on to read a paragraph from an information sheet that was passed out. 

As is usually the case when I'm called on to read anything out loud, I had a brain fart. I stuttered, mispronounced, and paused several times while reading the paragraph. I paused at words like evaluator (a word I have no problem reading silently). When I was finally done with the paragraph I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I could almost feel my cheeks burning with anxiety, embarrassment, and pain. Honestly, you would have thought I was illiterate listening to me read.

I don't know what's wrong with me or why I have this problem. I am an avid reader. I read everyday. I've always been an avid reader. Shit, I have a master's degree in Library & Information Science. So, reading is very much apart of my life. 

Yet when it comes to reading out loud my brain shuts down and I embarrass the hell out of myself. This has been a life long problem. I think I am insecure about it because of my childhood experiences. I think it is some type of phobia. 

For those of you who don't know, I repeated the 2nd grade because I struggled to learn how to read. I was one of those kids who would pray that the teacher didn't call on me to read out loud. Why? Because at this point in my life I couldn't read and I was insecure about it. 

Now as a full grown adult with a high IQ, A+ reading skills, and no type of known physical or learning disabilities I feel so ashamed and embarrassed by this issue. Tears have started to roll down my face as I write this sentence because this is something that really bothers me. I just don't know what to do about it...

For now I'll just cry about it. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I Want To Have Sex

I'm horny as hell. I seriously want to have sex. I've been masturbating the last few days, but there is only so much my hand can do! I actually think I'm developing arthritis or something from masturbating so often. Damn fingers don't move the way they used to when I was younger.

I want someone to feast on the box gawdammit!

Sapphire and I haven't had sex. We are probably a long way from having sex. We agreed to exclusively date each other. I'm fine with this arrangement. HOWEVER, I wonder if it would be considered "cheating" if I called up Chocolate or Caramel and convinced one of them to eat the box? 

Seriously, if I'm exclusively DATING (not in a relationship) Sapphire would I be wrong to allow some other chick to suck me off??

I just want to cum...three or four times!

Edit: When I said I want to have sex I did not mean with any of you....just to clarify and stop the thirst taking over my email inbox....smh.

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